Good advice and I've already done it. The problem is, I hired an idiot for an attorney, as I'm finding most of them are. I hope you're not an attorney. Anyways, he doesn't understand, after I spent two hours in a coffee shop explaining to him and giving him a whole file of paperwork that I already had EVERY weekend for visitation. So he works out a great deal for me and gives her every second weekend of the month. Smart attorney, right?
What he did do for me was, just what you said, establish EXACT and precise school breaks and holidays. And as punishment for her making up a false police report and calling Child Protective Services and not letting me see my son for over three weeks, I got awarded an extra week of parenting time in the summer. Whoopee!!!!
When she gets vindictive, I usually don't get to see my son for about three to six weeks. If you have a problem, you have to file a motion, $100. Then, they don't do anything.
I mean I guess it was better than a sharp stick in the eye but basically she got a slap on the hand. The attorney told me that it's more than that as next time she pulls something like that again she could go to jail. Again Whoopee!!! The woman deserves a night in jail but I still wouldn't want to do that to my son's mother. I might add, she had no problem with me sitting in a jail cell for 18 hours because of that lie about the domestic violence. I had my parents bail me out of jail and she told them a week later how rude it was for them not to call her and make sure she was alright. For what?
My son is a great kid but I've really exhausted all avenues. You don't know how hard it is to try and undo what she does every day and every week. My son has heard so many lies about me but the truth is, I don't know what he believes, what he doesn't.
If you were to meet me, you wouldn't understand about 90% of the allegations she makes. I wouldn't hurt a fly. I guess there is good in everyone, I try to just remember that she is crazy because she is. I watched her do the same stuff to her daughter's father for over 12 years that she is doing to me right now. The only real difference between me and him is that I put up more of a fight. She just wears you down after a while.
I can tell you as God is my witness, that I haven't done hardly ANY of the things she says I did. Just to give you a little sample:
1. Two domestic violence charges-the one she admitted she was lying, the second one; the prosecutor got reamed by the judge for letting the whole thing drag out over two years for what was clearly a fabricated lie. They had three police reports that had the incident occurring in three separate rooms. LOL. But that's what you get when you ask kids to lie.
2. A police report and CPS report stating that I hit my son. I'm not even one of these disciplinary fathers. I have NEVER even spanked my son. Again, I swear to God, the lady from CPS called me up, told me that she was looney, told me that she had no intentions of even bothering to waste my time. I heard she had three witness reports. The police officer told me that none of those even remotely matched. He didn't even ask me to 'hang' out that day until the situation was resolved because he knew she was crazy. You try calling the police for assistance when someone says that someone was hit. How often does a police officer tell you to just leave and let him deal with it.
3.Shetold my son that I killed his dog. The dog supposedly got into some anti-freeze. There were two holes on each side of our fence. The guy next door used to fix cars out of his garage. Now who knows if that was what happened but I can assure you I didn't do it. I used to get mad a few times because she would let the dog make messes on the carpet and stuff but I wouldn't kill a dog.
4. She loves to say that I was a bum and I don't work. I worked between one and two jobs for the entire time we were married. I had a part-time off and on job. And, not that anyone is counting but I made almost double the money she made. I'd be happy to show our tax returns. And now, I work three jobs. And, honestly, the only thing I hate about working three jobs is that I don't get to see my son. She whines about me not wanting her to have him for a weekend but I never get to see him during the week. I work Fridays when I get him until midnight so that's wasted time. I work Saturday night so that's wasted time.
5. She loves to talk about me being this 'criminal'. That was the first thing I got hit with from the moment I walked into my first divorce hearing. I'm in my 40's, I haven't been in trouble with law or even had a traffic ticket in almost twenty years. I did some stupid stuff in my early 20's, I don't deny it. My current wife says it best, "when you get divorced you have a choice from the minute you file for a divorce. It's either going to be a nice divorce and you decide you are going to do the best to raise the child that you both brought into this world. OR you can pull out every cheap and dirty trick in the book." She took the later route with this attorney John Temrowski. I took the high road. And I was criticized for that. We couldn't live together but there was no reason to walk in there and say that she was a bad mother.
6. She filed a motion after my soon-to-be wife moved into my house saying it was an unsafe environment after she SAID it was okay that she moved in. LOL.
7. And then, along with that motion was where she tried to tell the courts that I molested her daughter, just to put icing on the cake. Now I remind you, I had know the daughter for about 12 years at the time AND hadn't seen her in over a year. If she really believed that I would say, 'okay' but she knows I'm not like that. But hey, it works. It's enough to get her into a courtroom and up on her soapbox.(She likes that word, it's about the only word I think she can spell correctly).
So basically I have about 5 days a month to try and convince my son that his dad is this 'not-so-bad guy'. It's an uphill battle. There's a court order that says he has to call both parents at 7 pm every day. If my son wants to call me to tell me about his day, whether it is about school or sports, then that's great. But who wants to get a COURT ORDERED phone call every night. She initiated that as well.
I hear how I won't leave her alone. I'M MARRIED. I could care less about her. Meanwhile, she's breaking into my email account, having people do background searches on my wife, calling my office and pretending either she's a representative from the Friend of the Court or someone with an anonymous tip that I'm a drug dealer. LOL.
And I assure you, Robert, this is all true. I just can't do this to my son any more. The kid don't know what to believe. She is crazy but at least she will make sure that my son has food, shelter, love and affection. Perhaps a little twisted love but nonetheless love.
I don't get too much positive input out there with this being a circus and all. I wanted to give you a few minutes.