Carnival Triumph Rip-Off. Just got back from the worst cruise I have ever been on.
I paid for my wife and two college daughters for a trip to Cozumel. My daughters have always wanted to swim with the dolphins, senior year in college, why not.
Got to the terminal in Galveston to find the ship had not arrived. Seems like the captain and his crew had failed to perform proper maintenance and they had a hard time getting back to port. Carnival told us the ship was to eave at 4:30 pm, Lie, the ship did not even start boarding till 4:30. Get in line, for over 4 hours stood in line, Yes FOUR HOURS, did not even get
on the ship till 8:40 pm. Carnival had folks, old and young stand in line for hours just to get in one line to go stand in another line. Very poor planning or a complete disregard and respect for their guest. After the boat finally heads out we find the
next Carnival lie, the trip we booked and paid for to Cozumel is not going to Cozumel but to a place I had never heard of, "Progreso". Not kidding you, they just up and decided that this was going to be best for you, doesn't matter what you planned or paid for, we are going to take you where we want to go. Well when you have a captain and crew of a bunch or morons I guess this is what you get.
The ship has a cruise director, "Jen" I believe was from England, who believes that folks from Texas are a bunch of stupid
morons like herself. She keeps getting on the ship's speaker advising of how you are going to have the time of your
life in Progeso, Mexico. So we go check with Shore Excursions to see the exciting things we can do in Fabulous Progeso. Para Sailing, No. Snorkeling, No, Jet Skies, everyone has jet skies, No. Swim with the Dolphins? , not even close. They give us a list and my wife sees something she likes, to sit in a hammock out on a secluded beach. They also state free food and drink for your $70 per person get-away. So stupid me, I pay it, get on a bus loaded with folks and head to the Tropical Paradise.
The bus trip is through the worst part of the city, make East LA look like River Oaks then out of town down a highway littered with trash, like you were driving through a dump. On the way to the "Resort" the tour guide starts briefing us on the amenities of our destinations. First be prepared that the free food is not going to be quite like what you had expected and the free drinks are going to be that like the locales drink, so if you thought you might have been drinking a Corona or a Tecante , you thought wrong. At least he gave us a warning, (why did he think he needed to give us a warning?) and make sure you are on the bus at 1:30 cause we are leaving and you will have to take a cab back which will cost you $90. Well we get there, my wife is looking for that hammock. Well with two hundred folks here and eight hammocks, that was not going to work. Find a beach chair and order a margarita. The thing tasted like lime aide, they were using some watered down tequila I had never heard of, the beer they served was called SOL, never heard of that ever . I am beginning to realize we have been had, Go to the food bar, no fajitas, but they will make you a taco.
He makes this taco that is about 2 inches long, 1 inch high, filled with cooked onions and about 4 or 5 slithers of chicken meat, at least I thought it was chicken meat, terrible. (I will never say anything bad about a Jack In The Box taco again) We had not eaten breakfast due to the fact we thought we had paid for an endless buffet.
Ok, where are the hamburgers and hotdogs you mentioned, "Well we are out right now, should have some more in about 30 minutes." I did get to see the last hamburger they had and it was a piece of meat served on a biscuit. So after this 3 hour joyous $70 per person adventure is over it is time to head to the bus which we were told was leaving at 1:30, at 1:20 we are on the bus, 1:30, the bus is not rolling, 1:45, the bus is not rolling, 2 pm still sitting there, 2:10 finally moving. Got back
to the boat, scheduled to leave at 5pm, not Carnival, they don't do anything they say they are going to do. They hold the ship up because a group of drunks could not get back to the ship on time.
OK we are starving, let's go to the restaurant and eat. I first order a ship cocktail , when it finally comes , the guy hands
me the plate and all five ship are hidden under a piece of lettuce, a very little piece of lettuce. I ask him where are the shrimp and he picks up lettuce and shows me the tiniest shrimp I have ever seen. You are in the Gulf of Mexico, home of the largest shrimp on earth, the things did not even taste like shrimp, not even sure if they were really shrimp. They we so small you could not have used them for bait. The rest of the meals were about the same, a lot of flowery stuff all over the plate, but very little real food. I did order meat loaf and mash potato's one night, how can you screw that up right? He brings me something, it was not meat loaf and when I asked where the mashed potatoes were he pointed to a little ceramic bowl 2 inches across and one half inch deep and said "Here they are". I thought they had brought me a butter dish. The
cruise director, Jen, is nothing but Wal-Mart trash. The only thing that comes out of her mouth is "Lets Party" and "Shake Your Booty". It is cute the first 100 times you hear it , but a thousand times later, give me a break.
She has a DJ that has only about 30 CD's of which about 15, he plays over and over and over.."Put your hands up", "Back it Up", "Get down Low" and "You are brick house, she's a brick house, somebody is a brick house. For entertainment she
impresses herself and fellow Wal-Mart passengers with a "Hairy Chest" contest. This was in her opinion, the highlight of the cruise. She was so impressed with the fact that men do in fact have chest hair, something I guess they don't have in England, that she had a video of it made which she had played on the ships outdoor screen on a loop so every 60 seconds you saw it over and over and over again. This is the best this moron cruise director could come up with? "Let's Party - Shake Your Booty".
Ok so now we come to Sunday, God's day right, folks sitting out with their families, beautiful day. Sitting on the top deck, the moron Jen starts playing her Hairy chest video again, over and over, the DJ starts playing his same CD's again over and
over. I notice that most of the passengers are wearing Texans Football shirts, caps, have their Texan coffee mugs, getting ready for the 12 noon kick off.
Not a surprise since this ship left G A L V E S T O N !! Most of the passengers were from the H O U S T O N area !! Only a real moron would not realize that. But the idiot Jen and Carnival Cruise Lines believes that the folks in their Texan gear would much rather watch a member of the crew bang away on a block of ice to make a unique ice cube than watch the game. No
sh*! Jen has them continue to show her hairy chest video over and over and over again instead of showing the Texan
game. I personally watched as a guest complained to her little male assistant to please turn that insulting video off, there were families on board and to put the game on which "Americans" like to watch, and this guys just bold face lied to the
passenger saying that the ship was working on it. He never left, never called anyone. In a real emergency could you trust this guy with yours or your family's life?, He is nothing but a cheap liar. Finally at 3pm amazingly they got the video
turned off in time for the Cowboy game. The same CBS network that broadcast the Texans. Shows a lot of respect for their
Houston area passengers. The captain of the ship somehow has realized that most of the passengers were not real happy
about being swindled out of their money and time, thinking they were going to Cozumel, the old bait and switch tactic, so he makes an announcement that he feels bad so for 45 minutes he is going to open up a couple of bars for free drinks and he is going to give you back $50 dollars to make up for his inability to perform maintenance on his ship.
Really? I spoke with one newlywed couple that the father-in law had flown the wedding party down to surprise them at dock, another guy whose college buddies meet every five years at a different location that he was now going to miss, my daughters who wanted this trip just to swim with the dolphins and the idiot thanks that $50 and free watered down drinks makes up for that, OH I forgot "Let's Party - Shake Your Booty" ..... run the hairy chest video again, that's pretty classy !
As you can imagine with the Wal-Mart passengers really thinking they were going to get free drinks when you have the slowest bar tenders in the world working this ship, give me a break, yes you are right, most folks never got one drink . . .great job Carnival !
Brilliant thinking ! The other great point is that you pay your gratuity up front, you now know why with Carnival. The cabin stewards did work hard, the waiters did try, but if you plan on using Carnival, plan on standing in lines, they love lines, and plan on being lied to over and over again and remember that when the captain and the crew lie to you about your destination,
completely screw up you vacation plans which you took off work for and had planned for and had paid for, yet thinks $50 should make up for it, then Carnival is the ship for you. Me, I am going back to Princes and Norwegian