This is about hammer1972, who my friend met on datehookup.com and told me all about. Using most of her own words, I am posting this on her behalf, because women should know about this so they can watch out for guys like him. (But he was on probation for less than a year, and he's already looking for some other woman on dating sites).
He was telling her all these things that made her think they were in a committed relationship, which she wanted with him. He told her things like: he always thought he was the one to help her out of her difficult situation, that he had to do the one job he was on at the time for them because he was thinking of their home, pets, and vehicles, and just giving her the life she deserved and that anything worth having takes work and if he had to work his fingers to the bone to get there he would, that he was her man, he loved her, talked about spending the rest of their lives together and getting married.
In October, he was arrested for a DUI, which was when she found out he was on probation for domestic violence. But my friend told him she'd stand by him, wouldn't judge him for it, and accepted him for it.
In November, he hadn't emailed her for awhile after a nice email she said she sent him, and because of that and some things he had said in his last email to her, she thought he was trying to push her away. She also found out, that after telling her the above things, that he was still using his profile to meet other women, and had been all along while telling her the things he did.
That upset her, and when she questioned him, he just turned it all around on her by saying she was having an immature tantrum while he was dealing with his legal stuff, because he was writing to other people, when all she did was tell him over and over how she wanted to stand by him, wait for him, support him, worried about him, and never got a thank you or it means a lot or I really appreciate it. He just wanted to meet someone else while he was dealing with his legal stuff, around the same time he was telling her he always thought he was the one to help her out of her situation, and that she had to move on without him if he went to prison for 3 years, and while he was supposed to be on the job he said he had to do for them because he was thinking of their home, pets and vehicles, and just giving her the life she deserved and anything worth having takes work and if he had to work his fingers to the bone to get there he would.
He also said he didn't play games and that he was glad she showed him this crazy jealous side to her and she ruined this and was never going to speak to her again because of it. That wasn't true about her being jealous or having a tantrum. She thought she was loosing him like everything else in her life and that he was trying to push her away because he wanted to meet another girl he met on datehookup, which she knows for a fact he did, (thanks to me contacting the girl and finding that out,) but he lied about knowing who she was and said she was fat and blind.
He also told my friend he never said he wasn't going to write to other people. But that wasn't true according to my friend. She said he never once said he was going to keep writing to other people.
All he did was tell her things that made her think he wanted a committed relationship with her and they were in a committed relationship, which she wanted with him, and thought she was the only girl he was interested in, like he was the only guy my friend was interested in, and she didn't write to other guys because of that and how she felt about him and what he meant to her, which he knew, and how she felt about him was true. My friend said she was counting on the things that he told her, and felt he shouldn't keep wanting to meet other women after the things he was telling her because it was like he didn't mean them, care about how she felt, and it wasn't fair to her.
He did not get the point. He shouldn't have had any use for that site anymore after the things he was telling her or shouldn't have been telling her that stuff if he was going to keep using it. (If that's not paying games I don't know what is).
That's like he didn't care about her feelings, how she felt, or it didn't mean anything to him, or he didn't mean the things he said. That was OK I guess, to tell her those things and still want to meet other people, and doesn't care why that upset her, but she can't say anything about it.
Otherwise she is jealous, having a tantrum, and ruined it and he is never going to speak to her again. That makes no sense.
It seems he does not do anything wrong or take blame for anything. He should have cared about how my friend felt and what she thought if he meant any of the things he told her or really liked her. He didn't care it distressed her that she thought he was trying to push her away even if she was wrong.
She was just jealous and having a tantrum, and wasn't going to speak to her again, and she ruined it, which made it sound like he was trying to push my friend away. (And if that girl would have agreed to meet him, I wonder how he would have worked out meeting her and coming to see her at the same time when he was laid off from his job? She knew nothing about my friend, and what he was telling her, and my friend knew nothing about her.
Or if some other woman would have seen/liked his profile and wanted to meet him or if he met someone else he liked better after telling my friend that stuff, what would he have done then?) I think he just told her those things to make himself sound good. Too bad my friend made the mistake of believing them.
That is how he showed his appreciation to my friend and for her wanting to stand by him and accepting him and all his legal problems, by wanting to meet someone else instead? My friend being upset had absolutely nothing to do with being jealous, playing games, or having a tantrum while he was dealing with his legal stuff because he was writing to other people, my friend said, when she said she told him over and over that she wanted to wait for him, stand by him and support him through them. It wasn't my friend's fault he had legal problems either.
How could she trust him or what he was saying to her then? He said honesty was the corner stone of their relationship.
But he wasn't honest with her about wanting to keep meeting or writing to other people.
He said he hurt her by getting upset.
How? With what I know he meant to her?
She thought she was giving him what he wanted from a woman? So why would he need anyone else, when he had her? What more did he want?
He said her own insecurities made her think he was pushing her away, but he shouldn't have had any interest in meeting or writing anyone else after the things he told my friend. That wasn't fair to her.
But she did feel bad for getting upset and tried to explain and apologize.
But he just ignored her and wouldn't read her emails, or try to make up with her and just kept using his profile like he was doing it on purpose, when she was the one he was telling all that stuff to. Like my friend said, instead of saying he was never going to speak to me again, he should have quit using that site, and explained why he still was after telling her that stuff.
I told her that she could sue him because of the things he told her and she said she told him that as well, and all he did was say he thought she was using his legal problems to get his attention and that she was sick and needed help and to say goodnight because she was done. That sounded like a threat to her. She did have the right to try to sue him for breaching his promises.
Any guy who strangles a woman is the one who is sick and needs help. She wrote to his probation officer about him and what he said to her, but he did nothing about it. Didn't question him about the things he told her, and didn't tell him to at least apologize.
My friend said first he says he won't speak to her again because he thought she was jealous, (when that wasn't even true and he didn't get the point, then when woman shouldn't want anything to do with him because he has a violent side, so talk about being a hypocrite, and my friend should have told him she didn't want anymore contact with him instead of wanting to stand by him, when she found out what he was on probation for and said that she was glad he showed her he had a violent side, and was having a tantrum while he was dealing with his legal stuff, which weren't her fault, and what about his immature behavior that got him those legal problems in the first place, when all she did was tell him over and over how she wanted to stand by/support him, and all she got for it was she was sick and needed help, because he was writing to other people, people he claimed when confronted that he didn't know and was fat, when he never said he was and just said things that made her believe they were in a committed relationship and were exclusive, and so didn't even get the point.
And then he blames her for that other girl not wanting anymore contact with him because he thought she told the girl he wanted to meet about him being on probation and for what for, when it was because the other girl wanted nothing to do with him when she found out that he got a DUI or was scared of him when he got interested in her Halloween costume, before she knew anything about him being on probation and for what. But he turned that around/blamed that on my friend too.
He is never at fault for anything, but after everything he did and the Halloween costume, he is telling me friend she is sick and needs help? Why is it those criminals are always so sex crazed? He made the ex he was violent against sound like it was her fault too and made her sound like a bad person in his emails.
And that she was a con artist and then my friend is sick and needs help and then the other girl is fat when he was confronted about writing to her. My friend could have kept quiet and appeased him and let him keep doing what he wanted, but was rotten when she tried to apologize for getting upset and he ignored her and kept using that site like he was doing it on purpose when my friend was the one he was telling that stuff to.
But at least that gave her a chance to see what he was really like and the other side to him, and someone you don't want to be with. Talking about his ex doing something stupid. What about him doing the stupid things he did?
Isn't he ashamed of himself? Does he ever say I can't believe I did that? Or acted that way?
Then less than a year of being violent against her, he is online looking for some other woman. What kind of person does that make him? He didn't even seem to take blame for getting the DUI or being stupid for doing that.
He didn't say oh how could I be so dumb or what did I do to myself. Nothing bad about himself ever, always about someone else. But when you say something to him about it or anything he does or did, he refuses to hear it.
He never seems to take the blame fault or responsibility for anything. What kind of guy is he anyway? Telling someone the things he was, but still writing to and wanting to meet other women while he is telling someone else things they believed and were counting on?
Someone who is on probation, a convicted criminal, then gets in trouble with a DUI and for violating it all of which is his own fault, is telling someone else who has never did anything like he did are sick and need help? He made it sound like she was doing mean things to him or treated her like she was the criminal, when all she did is give him what she thought he wanted from a woman and be there for him, stand by him support him, care about him, faithful to him, (and he probably didn't deserve someone as good as that who would do that), and that was what she got for it?
Telling her to say good night because she was done, (I wonder if that was what he said to the person before he strangled them?), that she was sick and needed help, and wanting to meet other woman after making her think they had a committed relationship and she was the only woman he wanted to be with or a relationship with, and telling her he loved her, working for their home and everything else, things that she believed and counted on. and how could she believe them when he was still meting other woman, and how did he expect her to feel about that then? that was all OK for that jerk to do though I suppose, huh?
naturally him refusing to write to her again because she was upset and saying that SHE ruined this because of that was her fault for getting upset at him, when he couldn't see the point that she was trying to make or why she felt he didn't mean a word her was telling her if he had to keep meting other woman, but never once said he was going to, just things that made her believe she was the only girl he wanted to be with, and that was his fault for doing that to her and making her believe that stuff if he wanted to keep meeting other people all along, then he never should have told her the things he did, but he can't see that though he did nothing wrong. She was at blame and at fault for nothing.
And she had nothing to apologize to him for, or be sorry about, except for believing him and being nice to him, she had every write to be upset. He should have been apologizing. He turned that around on her good and instead of him doing something wrong for telling her that stiff, but still wanting to meet other people, not taking anything he told her seriously like she did, he just made it out to be her fault.
Probably like he made it out to be the fault of the girl he strangled. He never does anything wrong. You cross him once and that's it.
But he gets chance after second chance with the law, which he doesn't deserve. He expects people to hear his side but he won't hear anyone else's or take theirs into consideration. Talk about a double standard and hypocritical.
He is such an absolute jerk. Seems she knows more about what a jerk he is than his probation officer, nice he let him get away with it and say nothing to him about it or even had him apologize to her for it. I know my friend is sorry she tried to apologize and why should she have.
He doesn't even get why she wrote to his probation officer. but all she did was question him and look what she got for it? He didn't care about how she felt or what he did.
She is not sorry anything she said just for trying to apologize make up, when he should have been doing that with her. He didn't like her writing to his probation officer/or the court system and didn't want to converse anymore then, (and why shouldn't she have and she is glad she did,) but she didn't like that he was telling her all that stuff and still wanting to meet other women. And if it was true about his ex selling his hobby farm, she probably did so she could get away from him.
But MC could not see or try to understand her side. It seems he is going to do what he wants and no one can say anything to him about it, or say anything to him at all. He can't see anyone else's side but his own.
He does not care about anyone else's feelings but his own.
He expects people to hear his side but he won't hear anyone else's or take theirs into consideration. He sure has an ego!
A woman always has to be on his side and can't be against him. He wants her to fit a certain code he has and if she doesn't or acts in a certain way or crosses him, forget it, he is done with her and he moves on to the next one, hoping/expecting she'll accept him and his criminal history, like my friend did.
Like his thinking she was jealous or having a tantrum, and that was it. He never wanted to speak to her again and she ruined this, and how she felt, her feelings, the things he told her, how she felt about him and the things she told him and what she was going through, (a situation that had her possibly being homeless and now she is in an even worse one), didn't seem to matter. Saying he was glad she showed him this side to her and wanted nothing more to do with her then, proves the above point it seems.
She said that she never once said to him when he told her about the domestic violence that she was glad he showed her he had a violent side or this violent side to him, and was never going to speak to him again because of it and that he ruined this. She gave him the benefit of the doubt and accepted him for it and didn't judge him by it and still wanted him in her life and to stand by and support him. I didn't know that being jealous was so unforgivable and worse than being a criminal or what he did and he treated my friend like she was the criminal.
He could have given her the benefit of the doubt too, and tried to be a little understanding/forgiving/compassionate of her like she was of him. I think it was pretty terrible she had to beg him to forgive her and he just ignored her. He expects people to give him a second chance, why couldn't her give my friend one?
It seems to me he isn't perfect either. I think he should have been trying to convince my friend that he wasn't violent instead of her trying to convince him that she wasn't jealous. My friend said he said another woman he was with he tried to say was a con-artist.
It seems like it's always the woman's fault. He never does anything wrong. I doubt he's sorry for any of this because it seems he doesn't care what he does to a woman physically or emotionally, and probably isn't sorry for any of this.
He never once told her he was sorry for any of what happened between them and he could have, the way she tried to when she got upset. And she had nothing to be sorry about.
He's a great one to be telling my friend that she was immature or having a tantrum and sick and need help with what he did, and him being so sexed crazed, and should take a look in the mirror. He is the one here who needs the help.
And if he sees this, none of this is being said to get your attention now. It's being said because it's the truth. no wonder she hates him.
simpsonville, South Carolina