Are you sitting comfortably?
Then I shall begin
Once upon a time - Sunday April 22nd 2001 to be precise - I won the 'Freelotto-Pay-Off-Your-Mortgage' Grand Prize of US$100,000. Being the nice, kind, gentlefolk that they are they mailed me about it the very next day. (TSN's didn't exist then, nor did you have to 'confirm' your win by email!). Imagine my surprise and happiness, when I opened the letter the following Friday.
'Gosh!', I said, 'gee willikers, bu**er me gently' and similar phrases of astonishment fell from my widely grinning features.
All I had to do was have the enclosed affidavit notarized, include a copy of my passport and fill in a short form that they could use by them as proof to other people as to how pleased, happy, ecstatic, etc, etc I was with their free lotto site and they would send it in five annual instalments of US$20,000; the first to be sixty days after confirmation of my eligibility. Obviously, this took almost half a day! Whereupon I skipped merrily to the post office and sent them winging on their way that very same day.
Sixty Days, Sixty Days, SixtyDays, Sixty days soon flashed by - not. No cheque. Hey-h*o; of course, it takes time for letters to cross the Atlantic. And, bureaucracy being what it is, it can take even longer from one side of the office to the other. Another month. And another.
'This is getting a little ridiculous' I said to my significant other. 'Email them, you daft sod' she responded. So I did. And again. And yet again.
Finally they replied: 'We're snowed under with cheques to be written' - was the line. 'It's now 120 days from confirmation to despatch'. (So I checked the Rules page on their website, and what do you know? It still said sixty days. It still does today, November 23rd 2003). 'You will get it late August'. I didn't. Their excuse?
Still, all power to them, they managed to deliver - on New Year's Eve. Once the cheque cleared we spread our largesse around the family. After all, that's what good fortune is all about.
The following year a thought came to me so I emailed them to put my fears at rest. 'Does the second (and subsequent instalments) come on the anniversary of the first cheque's actual arrival, or the date it was due?' Quick as a flash, they replied; a month later. 'on the date it was due, regardless of any unavoidable(?) delays in processing any previous installments'. Phew! And it did come on time. Well, nearly. But I had the cheque cleared by early October 2002 and my family were well chuffed. Nearly-new cars all round!
But now it's late 2003. Things are getting tight. They aren't getting the advertising revenue they once did (so they say) so members from some countries can only play the free lotteries if they pay.
And my cheque is nowhere in sight. Should I email them?
Yes. So I did. And again. And again. And haven't we been here before?
Not really. This time they don't reply. Not ever. Not never. Not nohow. Which brings me up to date. So, anyone know of a good lawyer? (now that's an oxymoron if I ever heard one). Alternatively, what about a couple of Very Large Gentlemen; you know - the kind with noses like this and ears like that. The kind who must be permanently tired because they have to lean on someone from time to time!
On second thoughts, I'll give the FBI a nudge first. Let's see what the board of PlasmaNet think to a few year's snuggling up to some big smelly bloke covered in gang tattoos. Let's face it; they are currently 'obtaining money by deception' and that's a jailable offence here. Doubtless the same in the US.
While all this is happening - or rather, not happening - they are still bragging, on their website and in the regular emails they send, that another lucky person has won the Really Grand Prize of US$10,000,000. Yup, that's ten MILLION dollars! I have to wonder if they have had a sniff of any of it.
One way or another, I will get my money and I don't care who has to be made bankrupt to get it.
Before I go:
To Debra in Trinidad:
Tell them that you are 'cancelling your subscription after the next delivery'. Once you have done this, smash your credit card several times with a very large hammer; then cut it into a dozen pieces; then burn the pieces. Now you can tell the credit card company that your card has been accidentally(!) destroyed. They will send you a new one with a new number.
If they send you more jewelery, just send them a letter stating that it wasn't ordered and if they want it, or any subsequent deliveries, to be returned that they will have to send you the return postage. In most countries, if someone sends you goods that you haven't ordered then they have a short time to get them back - at their own expense! - or ownership reverts to you.
And to another individual (no names, no pack-drill)
So, diddums can only play under 11 identities compared to the 16 and more(!) he used to. Ever thought to RTBI? (That's Read the B****y Instructions, moron). they state, quite plainly, that only 3 players are permitted per *household* and only one per *person*. Unfair to you and others?
Others, yes. You, definitely and resoundingly, NO! e.g. There are 2 people in my household, both of us used to play (until they wanted to debit my credit card. Tough! I haven't got one. Don't want one. Won't have one. All the junk mail from credit card companies goes straight for recycling unopened). But we only played under *one* identity each. Just because they want to illegally bend the rules to their benefit, it is not sufficient reason for me to do so. Or you!
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