• Report: #17845

Complaint Review: Kate Russo, The Elliots

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  • Submitted: Fri, March 29, 2002
  • Updated: Sat, June 23, 2012

  • Reported By:mesa az
Kate Russo, The Elliots
Tempe, Arizona U.S.A.

Kate Russo, The Elliots Great Musician, Addict, Ruined my life to save hers Tempe Arizona *UPDATE

*Consumer Comment: Disturbing and deeply sad...

*General Comment: Ric seems like a miserable little person.

*Author of original report: Well get outta Dodge....!

*REBUTTAL Individual responds: For The Record

*General Comment: Good News

*Author of original report: To WeepingWillow - and general update

*General Comment: Recent Update

*Author of original report: A response from Ric - 2004

*Consumer Comment: Forge Ahead

*Consumer Suggestion: Ric... been there Unfortunately "givers" attract "takers".

*Consumer Comment: Ric... I understand

*Consumer Comment: What a ride!!!!

*Consumer Suggestion: Inquiring minds want to know.......

*Consumer Comment: What is with people?

*Consumer Comment: Read up on Codependence

*Consumer Comment: Private Pyle, What is your major malfunction.???

*0:

*UPDATE Employee: rick is a troll

*Consumer Comment: Hi, hi and HEIA, the sun is shining on Deia!

*0:

*Consumer Comment: You got what you asked for .....

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Let me just say at the outset that there's no pleasure in posting this - I'd have given anything to not have it come to this. But I think it's important to have the truth of Kate's hypocrisy out here somewhere. Self-promotion and image are everything to her - she sells herself as such a caring, sensitive artist, writing her songs of love and feelings. But her feelings are only for herself, her only goal in life is her own self-aggrandizement - and she cares nothing for what she's left behind her, for the people she's used along the way. So be warned if you deal with her - she's only interested in what you can do for her.

Also - this is a fairly long story, covers some three years. So I'm posting up as brief a synopsis as I can manage, but it's still lengthy. And bear in mind that this all took place with plenty of people watching, lots of folks saw exactly what happened - including her own family. So there are witnesses to it all...I'm not saying that I'm not posting this as a "disgruntled boyfriend", but the details are what happened.

Last disclaimer - I'm not saying Kate's evil as such. But she's a terribly screwed up person, somethings broken inside her. Doesn't matter why she's done what she has, though - the results are the same.

Kate Russo (as of this writing, late March 2002, her legal name is still Mrs. Jonathan Mishne - see below) is a musician in the Phoenix area, works with a local band called The Elliots. (Oh by the way - also as of this writing she's 31 years old)

I've known Kate (thought she was a friend, then later more than that) since the late 80's when she was in her late teens. A musically gifted, over-sensitive, insecure, rather neurotic prodigy of sorts. This was back in the Boston area. Met her when she walked into a music store I was running. She was, at that time, training for a classical career - I recognized her talent immediately and invited her into a rock band I was with. That lasted a short while, then I moved out west to where I now reside (and regrettably, so does she, now). We stayed kinda in touch after I moved.

Probably worth mentioning - she says (well, used to) that she "loved me from the moment she saw me". It figures into the story.

In the earlier/mid 90's, she met and married an ex-con, psychotic heroin addict named Jonathon Mishne. Not surprisingly, she became an addict herself. Why would a middle-class, small-town, white bread girl get involved with someone so obviously unstable, let alone allow herself to become an addict? Because Jon was a "great musician" (this is a regular theme with Kate - doesn't matter how screwed you are as a person if you're a "great musician") and - probably more to the point - he had industry connections. (Another regular theme - Kate's favorite words are "connections" and "contacts" - it's all about what you can do for her). Through Jon's efforts she had some minor sucesses in that time - played Woodstock 94 (who cares, now?), recorded a never-released album at Prince's studio, toured with a few "dinosaur" rockers. Through this time she'd send me pictures and press clippings and such, showing me how great she was doing - but all the while she was an addict. Did the usual addict thing - use, rehab, relapse.......etc, etc, on and on. She would later tell me how she'd despair and consider suicide doing this time. But she was "hanging with the big dogs" in the industry (many of whom also were addicts, just fed her fantasy more) and she was gonna make it.

Apparently to her thats a fair trade - a life of addiction and despair for the chance of being famous. I should have heeded this.....

It's worth noting that Jon's some 14 or so years her senior. He married a naive, inexperienced girl in her early 20's and led her into addiction - doesn't sound like love to me. But that's another Kate theme - tragic love.

In late 98 she contacted me from NYC (she likes to tell people that's where shes from - she's not, just lived there a few years. She's from a small town in Mass. But "being from NYC" looks better on the bio - and the bio is all-important to her). She said she was being "looked at by the Major Labels" but she was out of recorded material to feed them. She knew that I maintained a recording studio here at the house - could I possibly help her out? And by the way, she was pretty much broke (in hindsight, of course she was - she was an addict. Her and Jon were living on his family's money for most of that time) At that time (not now as you'll see) I was doing OK - had some small investments, open credit - not "set for life" by any means, but reasonably secure. I hadn't seen her in years, sounded like fun, and after all she was a "friend", right?? So I told her sure - made arrangements to fly her in, put her up in the guest room, and have some local musician friends chip in to help her get some product recorded.

Two things happened in the first few weeks she was here. First (and I know how stupid I was, write and tell me so...) I found myself falling in love with her. Don't ask me why, do we ever get to choose?? But it happened - I resolved to keep my mouth shut, finish the project and send her on her way. After all, she was a "happily married" woman, right? And I don't play that...

But second - one night she came to me and it all spilled out of her. Addiction, despair, darkness, thoughts of suicide, the hopeless marriage. She was at an end, she said. And, stupidly, I admitted my feelings to her. To my intial surprise, she returned them - but then, remember that she'd "loved me from the moment she saw me". She told me that years before, long before her marriage. And I believed her words. So I resolved to "save" her - pull her back from the black hole she'd made of her life through her foolish choices.

She was here for a couple months, got a bit cleaned up - decided she had to go back and try to "save her marriage". Unhappily, I told her that if she had to, then so be it - sent her off with my blessing. Told her to call me if she needed to. She went back and promptly relapsed - and called. And called, and called. House phone, cell phone - I saw phone bills topping a thousand dollars in one month. (This was a warning sign, sure - but I loved her, and had committed myself to saving her.....). Finally, I brought her back. (More money on short notice plane tickets) She was here for a couple months - left again. Relapsed again. More calls. Brought her back. A couple months - left again, to "save Jon". Failed at that (he's a hard-core loser), more calls - brought her back.

In 1999 she was with me about half the year - the other half she was back in NY trying to "save her marriage" or "save Jon". During this time I was supporting two people (when she was here) on an income best suited for one, buying plane tickets, paying outrageous phone bills. During one of her times here I bought her a used car so she could get around. I took her on little overnight trips to keep her spirits up, would buy her little presents for the same reason. The bills were piling up - cash flow was starting to bottom out and credit lines were maxing. On one of her times here I took out a sizable loan to try and consolidate things - she sat beside me as I signed the papers, I told her I couldn't do it on my own, that I was doing it for us and I'd need her help to make things right. She told me that she loved me and I wouldn't face it alone......

Why would she keep going back to the man that led her into addiction? In hindsight, because he still had "connections", could still help her advance her "career". Also, she had a "Big Time Industry Lawyer" back in NYC and didn't want to lose that "contact". She spent most of her first two years here (when she was) slamming Phoenix for not having "a music scene" - she'd never be able to "make it" here. Again, it's all about her getting famous, because it's her destiny.

She was back East for the Christmas season 99 (made for a wonderful holiday for me, as you might imagine) - ended up at her parents place in Mass cause things in NY were so bad. During this time I emailed her at her folks place and took her to task for what she was doing - told her in no uncertain terms that her selfishness and self-centeredness, her insistance on doing things "her way" were ruining everything - dragging out a scenario that should and could have been resolved long ago. She told me that I was "being mean" to her - another Kate theme, as long as you agree with her everythings fine - call her to account for her behavior and you're "being mean" to her. Her own father won't even try to tell her the truth anymore because she just "gets angry and walls me off" (his words...)

Believe me, I knew by then that things weren't going to end well, her selfishness and obsession with her own fame were becoming quite obvious to all watching. Many friends had come to me and told me that she was just going to screw me over - use me and my resources while she needed them and then abandon me when something better (ie, make her famous) came along. But I loved her, wanted to believe in her love, and I had committed to her. I wanted nothing more than for her to prove them all wrong - see her rise to the example of love I had set for her, grow into the responsilbe adult I felt was within her. I was being patient, acknowledging that she was coming out of a period of blackness in her life - I'd see her through it and all would be well. Love would prevail, right??

During her time at home, I suggested that she should stay there, get her life in order, get divorced (a year into all this and she still hadn't filed papers - still hasn't as of now, 3/02), and decide what she wanted to do. No - she "loved me" and "wanted to be with me". (Hindsight translation - she didn't want to stay at home, cramped her style. Worth noting that while in NYC she refused to get rehab/therapy that wasn't "artists'" therapy (ie, expensive, exclusive, trendy) - god forbid she should hang with the common addicts, she's gonna be famous...) So, still loving her, still believing in her - I let her come back.

Early in 2000 she left again - this time Jon went totally psycho and slapped her around - back to her parents place. Same suggestion from me, same answer from her. But this time, she really means it, really wants to be with me forever, wants to move out here completely. This time I flew out to get her - rented a truck, packed up all her stuff and brought her back across the country. (Are you keeping track of the money being spent here? This trip alone cost me thousands. But she "loved me", and I was still holding out hope for her maturing, growing into a responsible adult who would be my partner and help me face the rapidly mounting debts together.)

She stayed put for much of 2000 - but like all the the time up till now, she mostly sat on the couch, smoking pot and being unhappy. I had, for a long time, been asking her to get a job, part-time or whatever, to help deal with the financial situation, as well as just give her something to do with her time. But she's a "musician" and couldn't lower herself to actually doing something like work. She'd get the occasional gig and chip in a little here and there - but by then, much too little, much too late. I had by now tapped into my investments to keep things together - had pretty much lost everything I had before her arrival in my life. But it was gonna be alright - she'd get it together and everything would work out...

Let me make it very clear here that by now, she was clean, hard-drug-wise. Had been for some time. Just want to be fair, here - as of this writing, 3/02, she's been clean for a couple of years. And I doubt strongly she'll ever touch the hard stuff again...

Late in 2000, she came to me on a Thursday and told me that she was going back to Jon - on Saturday!! Turned out he'd been working on her behind my back - while I was out working my ass off to support us she'd been getting calls from him that she never told me about and he'd convinced her to give it another try. I offered to help her pack (of course I was getting sick of this crap by now) - she immediately broke down, begged me to forgive her and let her come back - she'd go back and arrange for the divorce, end it forever. Still holding (slight) hope - and still loving her, wanting to see her grow up - I agreed. So she left and returned - at least this one didn't cost me anything, he made the arrangements - but no divorce yet, just the words. She was with me for Christmas 2000 - bought an engraved ornament for the tree - "Ric & Kate, Christmas 2000" - told me we'd buy a new one together each year from then on.....

Starting in late 2000/early 2001, she got involved with a project out of Atlanta - bunch of investors who were going to put a group together and make them famous. They had resources, money, connections (Kate's favorite word..). Kate became obsessed with it - was flown out for auditions, made the first cut, was certain she was gonna get it. All of which, of course, had nothing to do with staying with me - she'd had left me in a blink if they had chosen her, which they didn't. (And a year later - nothing to be heard from these guys, so much for their great plans......) But finally, I'd had enough of her selfish, self-absorbed crap. In May of 2001, I formally broke it off with her - but couldn't just throw her out in the street, I still loved her, still hoped she'd come around and see the disaster she had created and choose to take responsibility for the results of her actions. So I put her on "roomate" status and insisted that she pay rent - I asked for "X" amount (mighty cheap - it's a nice house with a pool, I'd provide a car (already had), etc.) - she said she couldn't afford that but could pay me "x" - much less. It was better than nothing so I agreed. I had hoped that the jolt of having me break it off would get her to finally do something about it all. It wouldn't have taken much for me to take her back, I did love her - get a job (nope), get a divorce (ditto - still...), even just say the right words and make me believe them. Nothing. Never one word, never one action - nothing. And yet she'll tell you to your face how hard she "tried to be with me".

Somewhere in late 2001 she said she was going to go back east to her folks - fine by me by then. Then she met the guy who's the leader of The Elliots, he was impressed with her (she IS a really good musician - I've never said less) and offered to prop her up (help her get a place, help with the bills if she couldn't make them on her own...) if she'd stay and be in the band. (Apparently offered her a six-month road to sucess. It's been six months - they're hardly a sucess, just another decent local band.) She told a mutual "friend" (who now won't give her a polite word) that she didn't think much of the band, actually - but it would make her good "connections and contacts" in the area. (Seeing a trend here?) So, late in 2001 she finally moved out, without a word of remorse or regret, leaving me financially trashed and on the edge of bankruptcy. (Tens of thousands in debt, cash all gone..) I stayed in touch with her through early 2002 - still hoping that she'd come to her senses - realize and admit how she'd ruined the life of the man who saved hers, committed everything to her well-being - only to have her abandon me to the ruins she created.

Speaking of friends - it's worth noting that (obviously) she got to know many or most of my friends around here - she was gonna be my partner, after all, with me forever. She now sees practically none of them (of course many of them don't want to see her - as I said, people saw what happened to me, and tried to warn me) - has made new ones in the little crowd she now hangs with. Any bets on how many of them she's told the absolute truth to? I can't believe that anyone would want to have anything to do with her if they knew what she was capable of doing to others. I still drop her family a line, infrequently - they like me, know that I saved their daughter from addiction, what it cost me - what she did to me. They're good people - one of the reasons I loved her was that I assumed she was as decent and honorable as they are. I was wrong.

To sum it up - as I said above, nothing could make me less happy than feeling the need to post this. I wanted, hoped - prayed for - the outcome to be different. Wanted her to prove my friends wrong and rise to the absolute love - and total sacrifice - I had shown her.

Kate ruined almost a decade of her life - unless you count addiction as a plus - through a few basic, stupid choices - all of which had to do with her making it in the music biz. She returned into my life after that time, addicted and despairing - and I found that I loved her (though now I don't know why...). And with no other reason than that love - I vowed to do whatever it took to save her, and kept that vow. ("You more than held up your end of the bargain, Ric - she didn't", her Dad says...) I knew fairly early on that I was gonna lose on this - I'm not stupid, and she, early on, showed signs of the thoughtlessness and self-absorbedness with her "career" that others warned me about, early on. I'm not saying that I'm not as much, or more, to blame for my current downfall as she - I could have put an end to it anytime, easily so on one of her trips back to Jon. (And that's kind of obvious, anyway - she's telling me that she loves me and is "trying to be with me" - but goes back to the source of her addiction 5-6 times in 2 years?) But I loved her, truly and deeply, more than anyone in my life, and I had made that vow - I would not allow her to fall back into addiction. And I wanted, more than anything, for her to finally grow up, prove all the naysayers wrong - stand by her words.

Kate writes songs about love - but the man she married led her into addiction, and the man who saved her from that she abandoned to a disaster she helped create.

Kate writes songs about feelings - but the only feelings she'll do anything about are her own. Consider - she is still (as of this writing, 3/29/02)married to the man she "left" over three years ago (to be with me...). Much as I despise the schmuck for what he led her into, I sympathize for him - he's gone slowly out of his mind (not that he was that balanced to start with...) wondering if he still can get her back, they're still married, right? How can you say you care about someone and put them through three years of that hell? And my feelings aren't exactly unbruised, either. Yet Kate says she "loved" us both. I'll let you go figure......

As I said - I'm not saying Kate's some kind of evil person - just a damaged one She wasn't very experienced to start with, very much a dreamer, and then married a man who led her into addiction and fed her dreams. And it was absolutely my decision to let it go on as long as it did, I had plenty of warning. But I just think that somewhere out here on the Web should be a little slice of truth about her. Professionally, I'd say hire her - she is a damn good musician and will work her butt off at it (but only that - no effort at all that's not directly aimed at her "career" - not even for love). As an audience member, I just want you to remember this story as you listen to her words of love and caring - what are they really worth, if she'll use words of love like she did and then abandon someone? Go ahead, walk up to her at a gig and ask her what she did to Ric. Personally - I'd avoid all but the most casual relationship with her - she's pleasant enough to talk to.....

In the last times I tried to speak with her about what happened, she said, at various times:

-"I never asked you to helped me" - complete and utter crap - she asked, often and fervently.
-"I didn't know you were getting into (financial) trouble" - see the comment above about the loan. And about my asking her to help me out.
-And the real winner, when I told her I might have to file bankruptcy - "Can't you work any harder?" Gimme a break.

If you want to mail me and tell me what a gullible idiot I was - go ahead, but I do already know. If you want to email her and tell her what a manipulative user she is - well, I'm not going to post any info about her here, but just do a search, she'll pop up on a couple of different sites - after all, making sure you know who she is is her reason for being. By the way, just to keep the record straight - many of the claims on the web sites she shows up on are fairly true, she did do Woodstock, did get an NEA grant - although it was Jon, and not her, that actually made those things happen. But one of them - having to do with her "Just a Matter Of Time" CD - is mostly crap. That CD is a compilation of older tunes recorded back in NY, and the tracks she recorded here in my studio (If you have a copy, I'm the "Studio C" she credits on it) She most certainly has not received rave reviews from all the states she lists - there's maybe a couple hundred total copies in circulation, and the majority of them were burned on my system here at the house. Pure Hype and BS.......... which of course is what she does. And note the dates (where provided) on most of her "accomplishments" - they're pushing 10 years old. Now she's just the aging but still cute chick keyboard player in another pop band.

Kate, hon - if you're reading this - I gave you endless chances to live up to your words, make your love mean something. And you threw every one of them away - made all your words of love a lie. God help you, kiddo - you've created some truly bad karma for yourself.

Ric
Mesa, Arizona

This report was posted on Ripoff Report on 03/29/2002 12:00 AM and is a permanent record located here: http://www.ripoffreport.com/r/Kate-Russo-The-Elliots/Tempe-Arizona/Kate-Russo-The-Elliots-Great-Musician-Addict-Ruined-my-life-to-save-hers-Tempe-Arizona-17845. The posting time indicated is Arizona local time. Arizona does not observe daylight savings so the post time may be Mountain or Pacific depending on the time of year.

Ripoff Report has an exclusive license to this report. It may not be copied without the written permission of Ripoff Report.

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Updates & Rebuttals

#1 Consumer Comment

Disturbing and deeply sad...

AUTHOR: Rene-David de la Falaise - (United States of America)

I recently heard Kate Russo play at a local venue in Massachusetts, and looking for more info about this clearly talented and passionate musician came across this painful piece of 'self-expression.'

I have to give the original poster some credit: his initial 'report' seemed to be at least slightly measured and at least seemed to make a stab at the impossible task of presenting an objective account of events of profound emotional impact.

The follow-on posts, however, display a deep cruel streak that speaks volumes about the motivations of that narrative.

The 'updates' are full of snide and bitter comments about Kate's age and success in life: comments labelling her as "just-another-local-musician-playing-the-local-bars" an "unknown bar musician grinding away her weekend gigs" and noting that "she's gotta be looking pretty closely at 40 by now" pick cruelly and disingenuously at a sore spot that we all possess.

Everyone secretly hopes to be a sports hero, or to write the Great American Novel, or to become an epidemiologist and save humanity, or to become the next Bill Gates. To dream of great things is a fundamental part of the human condition; for a thousand reasons (very few of them related to talent or deservedness) few of us ever get there. And none of us is getting any younger: we are all on a one-way trip toward a common end, and yes, the older we get, the faster the years fly.

All of us have those dark moments when we realize that our best days are behind us, that we're not getting any younger, and that we're a pretty small and ephemeral blip on the screen of history. Most of us find a way to face those facts and keep on living, looking for ways to be happy and productive during the time we've got; some are overcome and give up.

All I can say to the original poster is that whatever your original grievances may have been (and who can judge?) the comments you make almost a decade after the fact display a deeply self-centered cruelty that (for me) invalidates anything you could say, and leaves me with a sad sense of pity for you at being so stuck.

Best wishes,

R.-D.

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#2 General Comment

Ric seems like a miserable little person.

AUTHOR: AnonymousKid - (United States of America)

god I've been following this whole dumb thing since 2009.  Ric, this is making you look like a whiny pathetic loser.  Grow up.  Get on with your life.  All this grudge-holding and negative energy isn't healthy.  
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#3 Author of original report

Well get outta Dodge....!

AUTHOR: Ric - (us)

Someone advised me that the famous Mrs Mishne - Russo - Thompson had posted up here, I thought they were kidding.  But apparently Hell has frozen over -

Won't waste a ton o'time on ya here, kiddo - you're still trying the "relationships end" thing so it's obvious you haven't grown, or changed, or learned anything in 10 years.  Still being enabled by others rather than facing your actions on your own.  Still haven't learned to hold your head up with anything other than arrogance,

This wasn't about "relationships" kid, and you know it - it was about promises, lies, and the tens of thousands of dollars you drained me of, all to prop up your "I'm a rocker" image - and to avoid having to face the disaster of a life you created for yourself with Jon.

There's not a lie up there, little girl - and we haven't been dropping dead out here, I can still fill a room full of people who all watched what happened - most of whom advised me to let you fall back into your addiction with the man who led you into it, and ended up putting you on the floor and slapping you silly.  But I stuck by my promises - hoping all the while you'd keep just one of yours.  Came to that, I'd start with Eddie and Sarah - do you really want to go there??  Sure, you've blackmailed your parents emotionally for so long that they consider it normal, and they'd want to stand up for you - but put them under oath and they'd tell the truth, they're solid, decent people.  Or should I just copy our letters to you?

You "don't do drama".......?  Wow.  You came into (I freely admit) a dull, boring, calm little household and dragged your personal 3 ring circus in here for three years - actually more since Jon kept calling for sometime after you left.  I recorded some of his best work - there IS a functional studio here - in case I ever felt it would be needed - shall I post up some of his greatest hits for ya, a little blast from your past?

You got away with it, child - used the one friend you had in your time of greatest need, drained every resource he'd spent 10 years pulling together to benefit yourself and then walked away from every promise you made to make it right.  You did it - you succeeded.  And the sum total of my "getting you" (no drama, eh?) was to choose to let people know the truth of it - not let your self serving deluded lies be the only side of the story.  Don't like it?  You shouldn't have done it.

Fascinating - taking the time to actually put something up here, you didn't choose to say "I'm sorry" or "I could have done things better" or any such.  Just more of the same denials.  Y'know, while you were here I begged you to get some professional help - no one can go thru addiction, and a psychotic dysfunctional abusive relationship like you did with Jon and not be pretty screwed up.  Well, I'm not begging anymore - it's no skin off my nose any longer - but I'll still give you that advice.  It's obvious that you're still mired in denial - and you'll never free yourself from your baggage until you choose to turn and face it.  Good luck with that.

Now get back to your "career" - there's more little hole in the wall bars in Maryland that need a 40 year old "rock star" to help sell their beer. 

Oh - and to the poster just above: thanks for the words on the kids.  As I said, it's really no concern of mine, but good to know anyway.  Hey, they're kids - none of this is their fault...
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#4 REBUTTAL Individual responds

For The Record

AUTHOR: Kate Russo - (United States of America)

Hi everyone--
People have relationships, and sometimes they end.  When this one ended, this person felt slighted and refused my friendship, warning me that he would "get me" and "ruin {my} reputation" and "ruin any potential musical success" I might have by using the internet. 

I had to suffer through him calling, emailing and coming to my shows to try and intimidate me. Finally I had to get  a restraining order. The judge told me as a musician and performer, I am considered a "public figure" and there really wasn't much I could do about it. In fact, basically anyone can say almost anything they want about a public figure.

Since this defamation started, I never responded; I avoid unnecessary drama. 
It is obvious to all who know me that it is an absolute distortion of truth, filled with malicious lies.I finally had to speak up because I have heard from a few fans about a  website that says horrible things about me.

God bless you all.
Peace and love.
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#5 General Comment

Good News

AUTHOR: Anon. - (United States of America)

To ease your mind...Kate and Blake's children are beautiful, loved and living a peaceful, small town life filled with family, friends and love.  Peace.
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#6 Author of original report

To WeepingWillow - and general update

AUTHOR: Ric - (us)

First - thanks Willow, for the support and understanding.  Your posting sounds like you've been through pretty much the same sort of thing, so allow me to offer my condolences and support right back atcha.  Rest assured you DO move on, things DO get better - just hang in there.  And you pretty much nailed it - YOU don't want to be the bad guy and abandon someone when they need you the most, but when you call them to account for their actions suddenly you ARE the bad guy.  Believe me, I get it.

Briefly (since I'm writing this at all) a general update:  About me - well, years down the road - and through the simple means of steadily working at it - I'd say I've pretty well recovered financially.  Got my feet back on the ground, house free and clear again, more ready cash than debts - not rich (never have been) but it's been awhile since I've worried about making the bills.  There's no telling how much better off I'd be if I hadn't been wiped out the way I was - a lot of investments went down the drain on her behalf - but then in light of the recent financial meltdown who knows what would have happened?  So, take the good - and I've done alright at getting back on track, maybe slightly ahead of my projections.

Keep in mind, I shouldn't have had to "recover" at all - but it is what it is.

About her - well, remember Blake of the Dick Jokes, above?  She married him (finally got a divorce?!?!) and they moved back east.  Set up shop in Md, and has been just-another-local-musician-playing-the-local-bars since then.  Fine by me - after all, she's gotta be looking pretty closely at 40 by now, and if that's her idea of a life at that age, more power to her.  (50 will hit you sooner than you know, Kate - it starts moving faster and faster....)  So, from my perspective, she's obtained all the success she deserves - grinding out cover sets (mixed with her/their originals, I'm sure) on the local bar scene, with the clock ticking relentlessly all the time.  You go, girl.

One concern - she has apparently had......uh.....two children with B of the DJ's.  And I can't help but wonder what sorta view of the world those kids will have.  One the one hand, for their sake, I hope she's grown up considerably - who knows, maybe having kids will snap her into some sort of reality, finally force her to become a functional adult human being.  On the other - well, I have known her since she was a kid, and obviously can't speak too well of her personal growth, so......?  I just hope the kids turn out ok - not my problem of course, but I'd hate to see them grow up with the same "I'm entitled to whatever I can get because I'm so special" mentality that she displayed - we really don't need more of that in the world.

Like I said - not my problem.  Here's wishing the kids well.

So - I'm doing alright, got my feet back under me and have been steadily moving forward.  Guess I'd point out that my recovery at no point involved using anyone, lying to anyone, letting someone else carry my load only to bail on them and leave them holding the bills.  Naw - did it the old-fashioned way, worked at it every day for years without dragging someone else into it.  And she's gotten what she deserves, from my viewpoint.  Shame, though - as I mentioned above, she had the potential to be something quite unique, not end up as just another unknown bar musician grinding away her weekend gigs.  A great deal of talent gone to waste - heavy sigh, here. But again - it is what it is.

it's only a fluke that I happened to check in here and note Willow's posting - who knows, at the current rate maybe I'll drop back in around 2020 with another update. ;-)

Take care of each other, will ya?????

Ric
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#7 General Comment

Recent Update

AUTHOR: WeepingWillow - (United States of America)

I too have been in the situation of being kind to someone and had almost the same exact thing happen to me. 

I gave way too much of myself to someone I thought deserved it.  They seemed to worship me via words, very articulate professions of love.  How could I disregard someone who had been a goodfriend of mine for so long?

Ugh.   I felt I would have been the bad guy if I'd have turned my back on them and I ended up being the bad guy once I called them on the carpet for their misdeeds. 

Now our "world" thinks me the jerk, as though I should just have kept my mouth shut while putting up with the spiral of abuse behind all their backs and kept footing the bill financially and otherwise (giving endless amounts of love, encouragement, presents, you name it)  for his lifestyle while he charismatically kept all of our friends entertained.

What a jerk I am for blowing his cover and "dropping the ball" on his "delicate" recovery from (fill in the blanks)  _______________mental illness___________drug abuse__________etc...   guess if he messes up in the future, it's all THIS jerks fault....

Funny how we are held to such a higher standard than those who abuse US!

 

The part that the mean rebutters don't quite get is how crafty/manipulative someone can be.  When we hear the word manipulative, we often think of a snake or someone sleazy, but in fact that wouldn't exactly work, now would it?  No, they're VULNERABLE, appreciative, heck, EXTREMELY appreciative and loving and encouraging at first.  Very.  THAT is what sucks you in.  They occasionally waver, wanting to go back or for a small time, going back, to their "old life" or destructive ways, or bad relationship, but that too, in hindshight, is a manipulative tactic, it's how they make you miss them and then when they return, lovingly, back to you, it makes you feel that they need you and without you they'd only have this "bad" alternative, then, it's a "honeymoon" period of lavish praise of you, by them for a while and the cycle continues.  Until YOU stop it.

 

I hope you are well Ric.  Do not blame yourself.  You are not the first person to be taken in by someone and you won't be the last. 

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#8 Author of original report

A response from Ric - 2004

AUTHOR: Ric - (U.S.A.)

Well - much to my surprise I find myself, some two years later, posting a reply of sorts to the various comments made over that period of time. I say "surprise" simply because I never intended this posting to become any sort of dialogue - I saw, and see, no point or purpose in beating the horse in question any worse than it's already been. The original posting was made for exactly the reason stated - simply to advise the world at large of the incredibly selfish and self serving behaviour of a former friend of mine. (And let me be quite clear - that betrayal of a friendship IS the point, any quasi "relationship" is at the bottom of the gripe list.) If this site had a category entitled "People who were my friend for over a decade, got themselves in terrible trouble, asked/begged me to stand by them and help them out of that trouble (all the while promising that I would NOT face the costs of said helping on my own) and then screwed off leaving the modest life I had spent over ten years building basically wiped out so they could pursue their own self obsessed goals" - I would have happily posted this there.

But no such category exists, so "Ex-Girlfriends" it is. Gotta start somewhere.

I have, over the last few years, received the occasional email advising me that someone had responded to my posting. I had never bothered to check in and read those responses, both for the reason stated above, and because I assumed it would just be someone else from Kate's new camp who, like Blake, occasionally learns a new dick joke. It was a convergence of events that got me curious recently, curious enough to drop by and see what had been said.

And I find myself ashamed to have had so little faith in people, to find out that there ARE people out there who get the point, who see and understand the (to me, granted) terrible wrong that was done here - the betrayal of a trust, a friendship, a friend - and a home that was opened to someone in their time of greatest need.

To Jill, Jen, Brian, Yvonne, Kati (ouch!), and John - if at anytime you happen to check back here..... My apologies for not taking note of your support earlier, and my thanks for that support. Even now, a couple years down the road, it matters. Thanks. I'll respond to a couple of points in a moment...

But first, from a couple years down the road - I've read through everything here, from my original posting on down, and I stand by every word. No changes whatever. In both content and tone, it says what I wanted it to say in the way I wanted to say it. My friends know that I tend to be quite specific and precise in my words - and I made a distinct effort to be so above, tried quite hard to be as factual as I could be and (as I said WAY up there...) not simply "nyaa-nyaa" and stick my tongue out. This category is more than full with the "She's a f***in' whore" and "The bitch slept with my husband" posts - I saw no reason to take that tone, anyway it's just not my style.

I take note here, reference my offer above to her camp to point out any inaccuracies in my account of events so that I might correct them - no such request was ever filed. Hmmm...

If I could offer an analogy - Both she and I came from the same small New England town. That's where I met her, when she was just a teenage kid, in the later 80's. In that town was a great little deli, The Pot Beli Deli. (Best roast beef in NE!!) One of the first times I went there, I noticed that in the window, by the door, was a small poster reading "These Checks Are NO GOOD!" - and below those words were several checks taped in place, covered with various red stamps but otherwise quite legible. Hmmm again. Some time later I commented on that sign to the owner, asked him what the deal was - and he replied that a check only made it there after numerous attempts, over several months, to have the check made good - he simply didn't throw it up there after the first bounce, he gave folks plenty of chance to make good on their word. But then Up She Goes!.. for the world to see.

Seemed fair to me - a check is a written promise. An honorable person gives someone every chance to make good on their word. If someone's not going to keep their promises, that should be known to others that they might encounter. Their check should go into the window of the Pot Beli. It is just a quirk of today's technology that that window can now be global - I chose to put her check in it for all to see. Writing the check was her choice, she was never coerced into being here, and I did in fact ask her on several occasions to stay with her family while she worked things out, put their resources, not mine, to the test. She was given ample chance to make good on her word, and chose to not do so - so Up She Goes!!

Briefly, to some of the points above (and reference your request for an update, Brian) -

I don't know, Jill - what IS wrong with people these days? Answer that question, put salt on it's tail, and you'll have the first building blocks of a better world. It always startles me when I hear myself sounding like my father, but he maintains that it all boils down to "greed and an absolute lack of shame..". Well, if you'll let me substitute "ambition" for "greed" I think I'd agree. Certainly we all want to progress in our lives, to have something more, something better - but some folks never seem to get the point that HOW you get what you want matters. The end does NOT justify the means.

A "31 year old POP star..."? Of course, as of this writing that's 33. Kinda beats me, Jen. In the late 80's I met a teenaged girl with musical chops far beyond her years who claimed as influences some of the most progressive and avant artists of all times. I've heard some of the Elliots work - how she devolved into a pop wannabe cranking out contrived little tunes baffles me. I do regard it as a terrible waste of talent - in the early years of our friendship I would have bet any money the she could/would do something truly evolutionary with her abilities - but it seems that, like friendships, she abandons her claimed influences without so much as a thought when a gig shows up that might get her some name recognition. It's a shame - with some personal integrity I bet she could have truly blazed some new trails in music, instead she's just rehashing all the little pop cliches done to death by others over the last 40 years. (DISCLAIMER - the above represents my personal, artistic opinion. Your milage may vary, suit yourself.)

BUT - an update as regards the band - as of summer 04, they're pretty much over. What a surprise - another band breaks up. One of the members left them - publicly it was "to pursue a solo career" - but I have several pipelines into her camp (after all, I lived in this town some 10 years before bringing her down here, been into the local music scene all that time - and I make friends that last a lifetime. I've never had to actively look into what she's been up to - word simply reaches me...) and those pipelines disagree with the PR releases. "To pursue a solo career" - the music scene equivalent of the corporate "has chosen to pursue other career pathways" memo.

Obviously, I am not at all disappointed to hear of this - indeed, as you might expect I take a certain vicarious satisfaction from the news. As I do from hearing of her overall situation - it would seem her living conditions have declined, her income ditto (not that either were too great to start with) - and an inquiry as regards her came into this home a short while ago from the Government. Seems she's in major default on certain Federal loans, and they're about to kick it up several notches. Yeah - situationally at least, I feel a certain vindication. (For the record - I was aware of the loan situation, and had told her many times when she was here that - when she starting carrying her weight, keeping her promises and contributing to the home that was supporting her - that issue would be one of the first we'd attend to. It could have been all taken care of by now.) For all of her posturing as a "hippie chick" (which IS posturing - I've known her since she was a kid, and there's no "hippie" in her background. It's an image she puts on with her clothing... And I AM an old hippie, qualified to comment.) she seems to have no grasp of karma, of "what goes around comes around". Although it would seem that she is about to learn.

So - it would seem that there is at least SOME justice in life. And that's all I really want in all this - to know that she hasnt' profited in any real way from her betrayal of the old friend that stood by her when she needed it the most - and that she abandoned without a word of remorse when she had gotten what she wanted from them, without a word or an effort to make all that had been done MEAN something.

As to my situation, my update - well... I'd LIKE to tell you how everything's fine, that some miracle came along and replenished all the resources that I drained to her benefit, that "good things happen to good people" and all that - but the truth is I was pretty much dead-on in my assesment above. It's gonna take years to undo the damage she left behind in her old friend's life - best estimate is 10 or so. I'm still pretty much screwed, day-to-day finances-wise. Still just kinda hanging on while I slowly try to rebuild a foundation even close to what I had before.

Just to be very clear - I'm not pissing and moaning about life's little travails, we are all handed a s**t sandwich from time to time, and had best learn to season it to taste 'cuz eat it we must. I do NOT expect life to be "fair", somehow - but I did expect to be treated fairly by someone that I was kind, and patient, and loving, and gentle with. Someone whose well being was placed first in my agenda when it mattered the most. Someone who was a friend of mine for some 13-14 years, whose family had been a guest in my home, as I had been in theirs.

I moved down here to the southwest in '90 with pretty much nothing - fresh out of a bankruptcy (my stupidity, no excuses) and starting from zero. For the next ten years I worked my butt off, often two jobs at once - lived modestly, tried to pay cash or do without, denied myself each month to put a little something aside for the future. And yes, Blake - at one point a miracle happened, and I ended up in possesion of a modest home, unencumbered by any liens. (And your problem with that is... what? It was my very presence in this home that made all that I did for her POSSIBLE. I've always been first to share my good fortune with others - just ask her to tell you the truth. She is not the first friend to be welcomed into this home during a time of need - just the only one to leave it crippled upon their departure.) As the turn of the century approached I looked up and realized that I had, to some degree, succeeded - for the first time in my life I had no bills, cash on hand, open and unused lines of credit, some modest investments going, and that above mentioned home. I was in great shape, able to withstand at least some level of disaster in my life and continue on. Then I got that phone call from an old friend, asking if they could "come out and do some recording" cuz they were "gonna get signed, had great connections".

Little did I know that the above-mentioned disaster would turn out to be an old friend named Kate. Three years after that phone call it was all gone - well, I do still have the home, but there's a lien on it now, I had to do something to try and keep it together while I try to rebuild.

Basically, I'll spend the next ten years living the last ten all over again. Thanks, Kate - what're friends for? Of course, one big difference - I'm now that 14 years or so older than I was when I started over the last time - it's not so easy to get to that second job now. And in truth, in the darker moments I'm not so sure that I'm interested in doing it all over again.

One things for certain - win or lose, I will do what I can to repair my life WITHOUT bringing any destruction into someone else's. As I said above - HOW you get what you want matters. Win or lose, I'll be able to hold my head up with honest honor - no one will be posting a similar story about ME.

Oh, and Kati (ouch again...) - thanks for the links, and the checklist. (And by the way, going down that list it was "...yep...yep...well, sorta...yep..." and so on.) Understand that I am NOT unmindful of the fact that Kate's....well.... ill, somehow - she's never been able to bring her life into some sort of meaningful balance, has been willing to use others, dishonor herself and her family, justify years of addiction, and all that - just to obsessively pursue one tiny, fractionalized, narrow sighted alley in the vast city of potentials she had.

I'd feel a whole lot more sympathy, though, if it weren't the top of the month - bills are coming due. Heavy Sigh.....

I'll leave the reader with one last thought - When you throw the tiniest pebble into the largest calm lake, ripples spread out. And though those ripples may seem to fade away from sight fairly quickly, in truth some small part of them will reach the farthest shore, have an impact all that distance away. We, people, are the only pebbles on the planet with volition, and free will. We ARE responsible for our ripples.

Splash carefully, ok?

PS - Oh, and Brian - Troll, schmoll..... whatever. Not worth a response, but thanks...
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#9 Consumer Comment

Forge Ahead

AUTHOR: John - (U.S.A.)

Just my two cents worth, but, Ric, I want you to know that I will always be in favor of love at first sight, the fiery passion that leads a man to commit everything even if it doesn't make sense, and enduring committment in the face of all odds because it might work out and "just feels right."

Of course, I work in divorce law and making my living depends on it.
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#10 Consumer Suggestion

Ric... been there Unfortunately "givers" attract "takers".

AUTHOR: Kati - (U.S.A.)

Ric,

Wow, can't I beleive I read the whole thing. But I understand completely. I'm female and it happened to me. Of course it'll never happen again because I understand it now, but I do know your motivations were strong convictions regarding commitment, unconditional love, honoring your word, friendship, and selflessness.

I know you've figured some things out since you posted this, but in case it helps anyone I'll put in my 2 cents worth. It's obvious that (like me) you are a "giver" and a "rescuer". That's who you are and you shouldn't suppress it, or feel guilty or stupid about it. Don't change that part of you... it's rare and honorable, and you helped someone when no one else did.

Unfortunately "givers" attract "takers". What you do have to change is chosing the recipient of that quality more carefully. The rebuttals chastising you for allowing her to do this to you aren't criticizing your "honorable behavior, and sacrifices, but rather for not seeing Kate for who she is - someone concerned only with the benefit to herself, not someone who can never give back or even understand. Throughout your discourse a part of you assumed that Kate thought like you, would react like you, jump in to help with the bills, appreciate what you gave, and "was gonna be alright - she'd get it together and everything would work out...".

Ric, this is what YOUR personality type would do, not HERS. I know how you feel, I've a similar story, and my finances were sucked dry. And I now recognize and avoid that type of person (beleive me that red flag goes up quick). I've also learned that some people don't want to be helped. They say they do because they aren't happy, but they'll deliberately ensure that they stay right where they are. She made no effort to change (eg: no divorce, running back to JON 423 times, not willing to help financially, or even care,etc). You can't help someone if they're not willing to help themselves (it's futile). You can't change someone no matter what (it's impossible).

Understanding that, blaming Kate for being born the personality type she is does nothing. Because she is that type, she probably doesn't even understand why she's being blamed. And most importantly, realize that the mental image of who you thought she was, along with the fantasy of a life with a "giving Kate who has come around and changed her ways", is the person you were (are?) in love with. You thought she was someone she's not. There is no such person in her. That's not who she is, or even close to it. Nor ever can she be.

So you didn't love "Kate", you loved your "imagined Kate". Good news however, your "imagined Kate" is out there somewhere. Hopefully realizing this will enable you to let go of "Kate" and the hurt, get rid of the anger, and be able to recognize someone that IS the kind of lady you can give 100% of yourself to, and she'll give it back. You deserve it. Don't waste another minute of your time not looking for her.

Wishing you success in your search...
Unconditional love is rare... I'm still looking
Kati

P.S. You received 2 main types of rebuttals. Those expressing the mixture of respect for your honorable nature as well as frustration that you didn't clearly see who Kate was. And those that spoke with a tone of anger and non-constructively threw inane barbs at you in defense of Kate. The source of this second reaction is screamingly obvious - Kate. But for others to get involved and "angry" they have to be subjugatable - manipulated into it. If Kate can do that, it could also suggest an Anti Social Disorder, usually sociopathy.

I'm including a URL showing the "traits" - see if you recognize any. If so, the website may help explain a lot of things.

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Anti-Social Personality Disorders - Sociopath (types) http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm#Sociopath
Targets they chose http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/bully.htm#Why
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The DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder are:

A. A pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, lack of empathy, as indicated by at least five of:

1. a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement, ie unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. is interpersonally exploitative, ie takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy and is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes

NPD http://www.toad.net/~arcturus/dd/narc.htm (also Dual Diagnosis: Drugs/Alcohol & NPD)
Many NPD Links http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/npd.htm
-----------------------------------------
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#11 Consumer Comment

Ric... I understand

AUTHOR: Yvonne - (U.S.A.)

Ric,

I have empathy for your past situation and hope that your life now is much better and that Kate "grows up" emotionally and mentally. If she were truly mature, she would apologize for taking advantage of your kindness. Yes, you were a bit gullible, but you were "blinded by love." It happens to the best of us. You're not alone in that respect. I wouldn't pay any attention to folks who put the entire blame on you, call you names, defend Kate, etc. Only mature, well-educated adults can truly see how much you've suffered for trying to be "the good person" in helping someone out.

Unfortunately, that someone was selfish, immature, and manipulative. Most "nice and good" people get taken advantage of by manipulative con-artists.

Remember that. The saying "avarice is the root of all evil" is true. Greed, which is manifested by humans, causes people to do horrible things to others. You had every right to post this message to warn others of how cruel Kate was to you.

Now, I'm sure you have learned from your past experiences and can move on with your life. The right partner for you will be a woman who is not manipulative...a kind woman who will appreciate you as a "nice" man. That is why I married a wonderful man I met several years ago.

I knew he was a "nice" man and had been taken advantage of by cruel and selfish women. I am not one of those types of women and I recognized right off that this man was the one for me. Also, remember there is never a need or requirement to apologize for being "burned" while helping others...and remember...never expect to "change" anyone for the better...that is an expectation far too great and far too risky.
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#12 Consumer Comment

What a ride!!!!

AUTHOR: Brian - (U.S.A.)

Wow, I just got done reading this whole damn page top to bottom. Ric, I feel for you man. By the way, as a side note I was really impressed with the writing style you displayed. That was written with an vividness that went above and beyond the call of duty.

Now on the the problem at hand... I'm hoping that sometime within the last year you have managed to put this whole ordeal somewhat behind you, seeing from some of the other posts that you probably don't have much of a constructive relationship with Kate(if any relationship at all). Personally, I feel what she did was, in a nutshell, pretty bitchy and incredibly self-serving beyond what should be acceptable. However, even though I realize you stated over and over your realization about the situations that you worked yourself into, I feel I have a responsiblity, no be it a right, to all the others that have read ever single word on this entire page, that I may say "WHAT IN THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!!!"

Whew that felt good to get of my chest. Sorry for coming across so harsh right there, it was just a little winding down after reading your little emotional rollercoaster. I do hope that you get your life and finances back in working order as fast as possible. However, most importantly, I hope that you get a girl that can appreciate what people do, rather than one that just takes-takes-takes.

Also one more point! Seeing as how a few posts have been made recently, how about a one year update. I mean you can't just let some backwoods hick who probably has no high school education, whose family tree goes straight down, and who actually uses the word goober when trying to insult people get the last jab in. I mean CHRIST!!!! the woman he's so madly in love with is sooooo obviously his sister and furthermore DUDE.... he called you a troll.
Hope you see this and to everyone else I hope you enjoyed reading this saga as much as I did!!!!!
By the way in further defense of Ric....she is kinda hot!
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#13 Consumer Suggestion

Inquiring minds want to know.......

AUTHOR: Jen - (U.S.A.)

Am I the only one asking myself why is a 31 yr. old woman in a pop band?

There is something seriously wrong with that! When you hear "pop band" you think N'SYNC, Backstreet Boys, Dream, ect.
All of those people are under the age of 25!!!!
No wonder this chick had not made it big. There is just absolutely no room for a 31 year old pop singer. Bottom line.
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#14 Consumer Comment

What is with people?

AUTHOR: Jill - (U.S.A.)

I know no one has commented on this for awhile, but I just read it and felt as though I had to comment on it... or at least comment on all of the replies... What is wrong with you people? Just because she's talented and pretty does not mean that she is justified in taking advantage of someone else. I think that Ric was a bit naive, but I am a hopeless romantic and I believe in love above all else, so I understand why he helped her out as much as he did. I think that it was a very honorable thing to do, and honestly I would probably have done the same if I was in his place. Everyone needs to just back off and leave him alone!

And to Ric, I'm sorry that you were taken advantage of in such a horrible way. Like I stated above, I completely understand. I also admire you for not sending her packing back to NYC to get mixed up with drugs again. That was a very honorable thing to do.

That's all I have to say for now. I don't know if anyone will read this or not, but I felt as though I had to share my fellings on this, and let Ric know that not everyone thinks that he's an idiot!
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#15 Consumer Comment

Read up on Codependence

AUTHOR: Alicia - ()

You need to grow up and move on. If you love Kate as much as you say, love her enough to wish her happiness. No one forced you to do anything for her and she was someone elses wife. Shes a musician, and to a true one that is always going to be #1 in their life.
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#16 Consumer Comment

Private Pyle, What is your major malfunction.???

AUTHOR: Ted - ()

Private Pyle, What is your major malfunction.???

This is what I see.

You fell in love with a talented, pretty girl and spent all kinds of money on her
and bought her stuff and did things for her because you supposedly loved her.

Well, she didn't love you the same way you loved her. THAT'S LIFE. GOOBER!!!!!

How can you be such a mental midget to think that spending money on her
is gonna make her love you.? Your parents must have kept you locked in that
closet with Uncle Ernie for too long.

If you really loved her as you say you do then the money and time that you
put into the relationship would have came from your heart instead of from
the bottom of your shriveled up blue balls.

Rich, right now I am in a situation where I am totally in love with a very special girl. She's the world to me and I would do anything for her. I love her so much it hurts. But she's with someone else (long story unnessasary to be told here).

I've done things for her (no where near the level of your stupidity, though) and will continue to. The difference between you and I, Rich is that I do not expect anything from her nor do I feel like she owes me anything.

I do for her because I love her. It comes from the heart. If she were to tell me tomorrow that she never wanted to see me again I would tell her that I will always love her and it's been cool.

Hey, Rich, You know what.........? Kate Russo's not a whore. You can't buy her.

She's not for sale. I think from the story that you tell she has shown you that.

If you want a whore call up Blowjob Barbie and pay for it.

The bottom line, Rich is that you are low-life trash. You are a spoiled brat who has bought his way through life and couldn't buy Kate and now you can't deal with it because you are a basket case.

You are a bitch boy......

Anyone with any sense that reads this saga can see the truth. The truth is that you need to take your head out of your ass and go see a shrink and he/she will tell you that you need to get a life and move on.

Hey Rich....Money Can't Buy You Love..... Love Stinks....... Love Hurts.........
Love Is Everywhere......Kate doesn't love you and now she definitely won't.

..................and you are a troll.
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#17 0

AUTHOR: - ()

Well, well - the founding father of The Elliots speaks up - ladies and gentleman, meet Blake. As I said originally, they're a decent little pop band, and I've got no gripe with them as such - they don't know what Kate's left behind her (As I pointed out, Blakes "known" her for about 6 months, as compared to the 13-14 years I have) - the mess she made of her life through her obsession with her own fame. That was her privilege - it was NOT her privilege to use someone else to save her from that and then leave his life in ruin. Not someone she called friend, let alone love.



I've posted a factual account of what happened, Blake (certain personal opinions notwithstanding) - and I've told Kate that all she has to do is point out what's not true and I'll post the corrections with pleasure. Notably - there is silence from her end. Because, somewhere in her ruined, desperate soul, she knows that she can't argue the facts - as I've told her all too often, she did what she did.



And you respond with dick jokes - I've just learned a lot about you.



Yes, my family put a house around me - the biggest miracle of my life (I'd hoped Kate would turn out to be that). You've been here, you know it's not a mansion, just a decent little home. And this home was opened to Kate at the time of her worst need - this home took her in, protected her, fought for her. And in her gratitude to her old friend - she left it on the edge of disaster. Tax problems? Well, that's kinda the point - if she'd ever looked beyond her own selfish, ego-driven ambition and been willing to dirty her precious fingers and contribute meaningfully to the home that she loved so much (when she was using it) I wouldn't have those problems. Thanks for confirming that part of the story......



Someone apparently mailed her from this posting, made her aware of it. She mailed me in protest, I won't bother to quote here. But nowhere in that response did she simply acknowledge that, at the most dire time of her life, I was there for her when no one else was, drained all my resources to help give her another shot at her life - and that, "relationship" notwithstanding, she might just actually feel an obligation to make things right. Not leave behind her, devastated, the life that she used to save her own. And that's the point - you don't sacrifice another to save yourself. Something real happened here - tangible, measurable, verifiable. I am, in a nutshell, financially screwed for years to come - as a direct result of standing by her without fail, even as just a friend, through the worst time of her life. As I've noted - I MORE than acknowledge that I could have stopped it anytime. And let her stay the junkie she had become.



I'm not painting with a clean brush, here. So happens I had, at one point in my life, made such a mess of MY life that I was pretty much at an end - drug issues, anger issues, stupidity issues - I was on the street, at the end of my rope, pretty much ready to end it (actually, had tried...). Only through the incredible kindness and generosity of a young couple who had no reason to get involved (Art and Jeanine, wherever you are out there - endless thank you's, still. I owe you my life, and have tried to live up to the second chance you gave me......) did I make it through that time. Gave me a home, a foundation, cared about me, for a time supported me - brought me back from MY bottomless pit. But I most certainly did not leave their lives in ruin - and time after time went to them and asked how I could make things right, what I could do to repay them for giving me the priceless gift of another chance at it. To this day, they could have my butt as a doormat just by asking, and I'd smile as I got down on the ground. Because I wouldn't be here, without them. They gave me a chance to be a better person, make better choices about how I treat people.



But Kate is so obsessed with her own rise to fame, so enamored of her own PR, that she has no time for worrying about how she got there. Understand that's she's never so much as said "You saved my life, and I owe you - I'll find some way to pay you back". Never once. Instead I've gotten the denials and selfish, arrogant comments such as I've outlined. I'm left with ten years of bills to pay, fighting to make ends meet, just keep my home - she's off to the next photo shoot, everythings all better. That's just plain wrong.



She didn't come to me with the flu - she was deep in addiction, looking at the end of her life. And no one was doing anything about it, or was going to........except me. And she watched as I did all that I did for her, promised she'd help me out of the mess - then bailed. Good people don't do that.



She wants to live in the public eye, Blake - I'm just gonna help her out with that. As I've told her - as long as I'm paying the bills, alone, that she left behind her - I'll be thinking about her, and about ways to keep the truth out here.



BTW - I've worked and payed my own way for my whole life - in her response to me she spoke (somehow accusingly?) of my "low-paying part-time gig". Folks, I fixed pools and spas for a living (notice that past tense - as part of the aftermath of all this I've just shut down my business - can't fund it now. Back to a day job. My dream is trashed - while Kate pursues hers at my expense) - and she fails to note that it was that "low-paying gig" that enabled me to do all that I could to save her sorry butt - didn't seem to bother her when she had food on the table, a roof over her head, a car, someone to come across the country and get her, buy her instruments.



Also BTW - shortly after she became aware of this post, I received a 4am phone message threatening various and sundry legal actions..........from JON. That's right, her "one-of-these-days ex-husband" (but not yet, to my knowledge - see the original post). How typical of Kate - using anyone who can get her what she wants, without shame or propriety or a sense of honor. He leads her into addiction and I'm the hero who "saves" her - but when I become the "bad guy" (by telling the truth out loud) she turns right back to him. (He's something of a technophobe - can't tell a computer mouse from Mickey Mouse - so there's only one way he found out about it.)



She's a user - and I intend to give the world fair warning. If it gets in the way of her "fame" - well, she should have thought better of her actions.
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#18 UPDATE Employee

rick is a troll

AUTHOR: blake - ()

Dear whoever, I know kate and barely know richard.



Thats dick for short. And he is short. about 5 foot nothin. He obviously has all kinds of issues. I imagine he has problems with his napolean size penis. Real humans would just go out and find someone else who suited them and be done with it. Did Rick mention that his parents gave him a house and he is such a loser that he cant pay the taxes. Where is jim carrey when you need him LLLLOOOOOSSSSEEEEERRR.., Talkin about jim carrey Rick should find"The Mask" and wear it.



He is greeeeen with envy isnt he...Must be nice to have all that time on his hands. Get a job at mcdonalds and be done with it you lollypop guild member. I dont think Kate is the wicked witch of the west but I definitely believe that you could be one of the flying monkeys.



If if gets really bad just borrow some money from your parents. They wont mind they have obviously spoiled you way too much already.

That's my take on it.



By the way she does rock on stage so anyone reading this should definitely see her show...thank you........ next show at 7:30

Stay tuned ,disgruntled poolboy blames mom for his lame guitar tone fetish.............
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#19 Consumer Comment

Hi, hi and HEIA, the sun is shining on Deia!

AUTHOR: Mo - ()

*** As an audience member, I just want you to remember this story as you listen to her words of love and caring - what are they really worth, if she'll use words of love like she did and then abandon someone? Go ahead, walk up to her at a gig and ask her what she did to Ric.



*** If one out of 10 people who read this decide NOT to buy an album (if any, ever) of hers because they understand the point of this post - well, I've done all I can do. ***





I've seen Kate play by herself, she wasn't with any band. After a long choked-up apology about a relationship she acknowledged that SHE trashed, she played some terrible (sorry Ms. Kate-that song lacks) brutal song about good guys not coming in last. Well based on her preceeeding apology (one I might add with enough torture in it that the room felt a few degrees hotter), and based on your self-proclaimed martyrdom, let's guess that she was on about you...if so, I'm guessing Sept 26th isn't your favorite day either. Point is she explained up front she was no innocent. Like you, she seemed disappointed about the choices she'd made. Unlike you, she was much more reflective on the 'good times'.



Let's see: You find a prodigy, you admit she's a helluvan artist (I agree), you have a recording studio - maybe in part you thought all of it would work out if/when she did 'make' it. Did it for love? OK. Well sign me up for that too, who wouldn't? I've seen her, listened to her, and I'd mortgage my very soul for a week with a woman like that. Three years? That sounds like a too-good-to-be-true-deal. For even one year I'd spend the rest of my life living in an old Amana box, eating rocks, mad as a hatter, and drooling like a baby.



Sounds to me like you were luckier than you know, and instead of ranting like this should build shrines to her and aim the spotlight at that Xmas ornament (funny if I had to guess I'da said she was Jewish - oh well). Stop telling folks NOT to buy her discs, pray like hell she DOES make it, then you can EBay whatever you decide you can live without and get right back to worshipping the one-who-got-away, grateful for the time you did have with her.



I have a simple life; everything I need would fit in the back of a taxi. If I had to make room for someone like Kate to pile in next to me, no matter how short the journey, I'd need that much less. Money, credit - ha, those would be the out the cab window first.



Whatever you think life owes you, it doesn't. That which you did get, you clearly lack the imagination to appreciate.



When it comes to choices Ric, never complain, never explain...
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#20 0

AUTHOR: - ()

Nolo contendre - as I say a few times, I could have put a stop to it anytime, and didn't. My fault - but the alternative was to send her back to NY (or leave her there on one of her trips)and what.....? Send her back to addiction?? She was an old friend, and I loved her - I was going to honor my words, and did. I put too much faith in love, Michele - thought, hoped that she would see what it means to me and learn - rise to the example I had set. I goofed.



Blinded by more than love? Well, I haven't had a lot of it in my life (which, incidentally she knew very well) - I know I didn't want to let it go easily. It was nice, for a while, to have someone to wake up to, get coffee for - to care about. I guess, unchecked, that's MY addiction, what I'd want more than anything in my life. And, just like drugs - that addiction ruined MY life. But Michele - it WAS an honest, pure, true love - you'll just have to take my word on that. I was willing to - DID for a while - revere her, treasure her presence in my life.



If she goes out and does it again...... well, that's one reason for my filing the report. At least somewhere out here there's a look at what she's willing to do to further her agenda - a little truth of the ruin she's left behind her - and still carries within her.



Not rude AT ALL, dear. Not at all!! On the contrary - a thoughtful, honest, reasoned response - and thank you for letting me know that someone WILL wade through the bulk of the story. I know it's huge, warn folks up front - but it's as short as I could make it and still give an honest look at what happened. Believe me - you only got the high points. I did NOT want to just post another "nyah-nyah" report, sticking my tounge out. This isn't so much about the love lost (as I said, I'm kinda used to that, tho it took me awhile to regain my center) - it's about honor, and honorable behavior - about not being willing to sacrifice another to benefit yourself. And about artistic integrity - she spins her songs of love and caring, but has knowingly left ruined lives behind her in her pursuit of her fame. I just wanted to find a forum, obscure tho it may be, to put that truth out here. If one out of 10 people who read this decide NOT to buy an album (if any, ever) of hers because they understand the point of this post - well, I've done all I can do.



Thanks for taking the time, Michele, and thanks for the honest response. You're right - every bit as much my fault as hers, but my "mistake" was being honorable, making my words mean something real. High price to pay - but then, honor often demands that. Many friends, even her own family, have called me a "hero"......tell ya what, it should pay better. Don't think she knows this, but her own father at one point offered me "whatever you need, Ric, money or whatever". He's a good man, but I declined. First, they're just working class folk and I know that they're far from loaded, they have their own problems. Second......well, honor again - he's not responsible for the lack of it in Kate, and I DID make my choices in the matter. So I'll deal with it - I am.



"twit"......ha ha, I like that.........
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#21 Consumer Comment

You got what you asked for .....

AUTHOR: Michele - ()

I am surprised that you were able to keep me reading your lengthy story, but I was compelled to finish. I was thoroughly annoyed with the ending, though. Why in Gods name did you drain yourself? I mean, love or not, help or not, once the money well starts going dry you should of booted her ass out. When she wouldn't get a job you thought she loved you? When she kept leaving and coming back that was for love? Come on Ric, you really have no one to blame but yourself for LETTING her take advantage of you. If she goes out and does it again, then that sap deserves it too. I mean, I understand the first couple times she came back, you tried to help, but that's it. There isn't anyone out there worth destroying your entire life for. That's not what love is. You state that she doesn't know what real true love is about? Well, neither do you - true love doesn't make you destroy yourself. I think you were blinded by more than "love".



I hope I am not sounding rude, nor am I defending her actions. I think she is a complete and total twit - but - I also can't have sympathy for a person that stands there in the line of fire with a fluorescent target on either.
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