I am not here to complain, play the blame game or argue who is right. I grew up in the middle of this mess; never getting any answers from anyone and at the same time, not really asking questions. How can I accurately respond to something that has been going on my whole life, and I know little about the reasons that started this whole charade. I remember meeting my father once. He cried and seemed sincere, but I think my first meeting with him was a lie. He told me he wishes he could fix everything and he wants this situation to end between my mother and him. If that was true, why has it not ended? Why do all of us still suffer? I can certainly say that my mother has done things she is not proud of, but there was always food on the table, a roof over my head, and my education was always put first. That says a lot more than someone who sent me a Bible when I was seven years old and writes on the first page find your answers here.
How is someone at that age supposed to understand that? I will be 23 in November and still do not fully comprehend what he was trying to tell me. If he ever wanted to see me all he had to do was send me a plane ticket. If my father has a different story or a reason why, all he had to do was call me. My mother never talked bad about the person he used to be and to this day she still doesnt. She tells me I am a lot like him. In a way that scares me, knowing the person I have the ability to become. I can see when I look into my mothers eye's she still feels for him, and I believe he feels the same. It's amazing what all that negativity has created. Think of all the good it could have done. I never asked for much and I still don't. I live my life as in he never existed. If you wonder why I feel that way, it is because he tried so hard to disappear. I don't hate him, but I certainly don't know who he is. His response to everything is it's all your mothers fault. Ok? Who has always been there for me? Who was there to pick me up when I fell, or cried? Who was there to push me to become the person I am today? It certainly wasn't my father. How wrong could my mother be? She didn't fly the coupe when things got tough. My father did teach me one thing. He taught me who not to model after. I know who I don't want to become. This is truly the end of the innocence.