I was meeting my cousin for a late lunch at 2:00 pm on a Thursday afternoon at "Avigdors Mozart Cafe" right across from the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Hollywood, FL.
After looking for this place for a solid 30 minutes, I was shocked to find it hidden between a trailer park and a "law office" that was maybe 500 square feet. I parked in one of four total spaces they offered to customers. As I approached the doors to the restaurant, I noticed to my right there were 2 people sitting at the only outside table they offered, both smoking cigarettes. I couldn't help but notice that these people looked like creatures out of "The Hills Have Eyes."
I opened the front door to this place to find a completely empty restaurant, with the exception of my cousin at a table by himself. [continued below]....
..... The awkward silence of this place sent a sudden chill down my spine. I mean this place was SILENT. So silent, you could hear an ant walking in the next room.
The first thing I could hear was my cousin come up to greet me. He directed me to our table and we sat down to get our lunch. As I looked around, there was no one in sight. No waitress, hostess, cook... nothing.
"Are they OPEN?", I asked my cousin. "Yeah... the girl sat me here", he responded. I looked to my left to see the scary Hills Have Eyes people staring at us from the outside patio. We patiently sat there a good twenty minutes looking over the menu which we closed and put at the edge of the table to let the server know we were serious about ordering. Wait staff walked by several times during this time and even at one point a large wasted waitress bumped the menus off the table to the floor. She turned and glared at us as if we had done this. With kind manners I apologized as to avoid confrontation and picked up the menus.
Getting impatient, I decided to rise to my feet just to motion for anyone's attention at this point. I stood up, blatantly stretched out, yawned as loud as anyone could possible yawn, and gazed around. I saw no one but a man with his back toward me behind the counter, attending to either cooking or cutting something.
"Excuse me, sir?", I stated, expecting the guy to turn around. The guy continued to cook and/or cut whatever it was in front of him. "SIR?!" I said louder. Finally, the man stopped, and slowly and eerily turned just his face around. At this point, I began to get somewhat nervous because the look on this guy's face was absolutely horrific. It reminded me of the time you encounter the first "zombie" from the original Resident Evil video game. The face on this guy had a light blue/green tint to his complexion, his jaw was just hanging open as if it had been broken, teeth were all rotted, brown, and missing, and his eyes were completely blood shot-red. I noticed after about 15 seconds that I was just staring directly at this guy, probably looking scared out of my mind, as his face now turned to a somewhat annoyed look.
When he turned around, it was only his head with the corner of the top of his face peering over the edge of his shoulder with a most-menacing look. I tried politely to get his full attention which prompted him to slowly creep around exposing in his hands, an old rusted machete which was covered in what looked like fish guts, and in apron that was covered in splattered blood. He walked towards me slowly, muttering something under his breath which I could not make out. Behind the counter now he exposed rows upon rows of lit candles that had previous been obscured. He uttered that he would get the waitress to come by the table after she finished her cigarette.
I went back to the table where my cousin was seated and I told him what I had just encountered. "Well, you know, this place is a Jewish deli. Everything is fresh," he explained, seeming like he was giving this place an excuse or a benefit of the doubt.
In the middle of talking to him, I saw someone dressed in an all-black hooded robe quickly walk by about 30 feet behind him and disappear behind a wall. I quickly nudged my cousin to turn around to look, but as he did, the mysterious person conveniently disappeared simultaneously. "Quit freaking out man", he told me. "This place is just a restaurant."
Finally, a waitress came to the table, dressed in an all-black spooky-looking dress. She wore white make-up, with dark circles under her eyes as if she hadn't slept in 10 days. She came to us and stood over us, holding a pen and paper, without saying a word. "Hello!", both me and my cousin said. Upon getting no response, we just stated what we'd like to order. We ordered the hummus, two iced teas, and two special snapper lunches. The waitress wrote down what we assumed was our orders and headed back towards the kitchen.
"Kinda quiet in here", I stated, as he agreed it was rather unusally quiet. The next thing I did was decide to go use the wash room before I ate, so I got up and headed there. The wash room, however, was a little difficult to find. After walking around what seemed like the entire perimeter of the restaurant, I couldn't help but notice what looked like more creepy wait staff members, all circled around a Ouija board, chanting a very eerie chant over and over again. Totally creeped out, I quietly ducked into the restroom, hoping I didn't disturb their seance.
I made my way into the restroom and quickly shut the door, realizing the entire bathroom was pitch black. So pitch black, I couldn't make out any object in the room. I felt around for a light switch, however unsuccessful. I searched for a full minute before I got frustrated and decided just to use my pocket lighter. I pulled my pocket lighter out, and started to light it when all of a sudden I heard an evil, Linda Blair-like voice scream "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" right in front of me!
With me already nervous, the sound of the voice scared me more than I've ever been scared in my entire life, as I let out a shriek of terror. "WHO'S THERE?!", I screamed. Suddenly, the person turned on a switch nearby, revealing yet another hideous face.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" the lady yelled again, sounding identical to Linda Blair from the exorcist. This lady was even scarier than the creepy zombie-like guy at the front counter. She had wrinkles all over her face, very thin hair that stood straight up with several bald patches everywhere, and some sort of weird symbol tattooed on the front of her forehead, which I couldn't quite make out what it was. The scariest thing about her, however, was that she had NO PUPILS in her eyes! Her eyes just had the entire whites of the eyes throughout the entire eyeball! "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" she screamed, now coming even closer as now she's nose-to-nose with me. "I have to pee!", I screamed back. She now just stood in front of me and pointed to a lone toilet about 12 feet away. I politely thanked her and walked over to the toilet, expecting her to leave. "May I have a minute?", I asked, expecting her to realize to get out of the room while I peed. "WHAT FOR?!" she screamed. I politely said I was about to use the toilet, but not before she cut me off and said "I'M BLIND YOU IDIOT!" Still feeling uncomfortable, I decided not to use the toilet and just return to the table to get my cousin and get out of there. Just when I opened the door to leave the bathroom, the scary lady then screamed "HEY! I DIDN'T HEAR YOU TINKLE!" with that eerie demonic voice, as if she's mad that I then decided not to go. I quickly scurried out of the bathroom and darted for my cousin.
I sat back down with my cousin who at this point remains completely unaware of all my observations. Covered in sweat, I started to tell him what happened when a three and a half foot-tall troll with black makeup threw our orders on the table without breaking stride. I asked the next waitress what was going on with the dark make-up troll running around and she explained that was Larry who actually was a African American midget and the only person not wearing make-up on staff.
About half-way into eating our meal they brought an ice cream sundae to my cousin that we did not order. At this point I guessed it was complimentary for everything I have been dealing with but Larry just looked at my cousin and said "You can do better" and winked at him as he blew a kiss. I objected, asking what what going on and Larry said he didn't think we were "right" for eachother as he now looked down at my right hand. I explained that we were not together and actually cousins. Larry walked off before I could explain the deformity on my right hand. You see, I was caught in a gas explosion during training in Iraq and after 5 surgeries and multiple skin grafts I was blessed to have my two remaining fingers on that hand (index finger and pinkie) set opposed to themselves like pinchers so I could still function with the hand. I am just glad to have served my country.
Out of nowhere, we all of a sudden heard a loud, shrieking scream from the back kitchen area. Startling the both of us, we both turned our heads towards the area where we heard the scream. Now this wasn't just any scream, not the scream of when you see a mouse run across the room, or the scream of when you see a bug in your drink. This was a scream of absolute horror. And now it continued. It continued over again until we heard a loud "thud". Then continuous thuds were heard over and over again, and the screaming no more.
"Let's get outta here!" I said to my cousin, who was now getting scared himself. We quickly waved down the Marilyn Manson-looking waitress and told her to bring us our bill. She said "Keep eating!" very angrily for some reason, and walked away.
Completely creeped out, I walked up to the counter and said to the zombie "Can I pay the bill please? We have an emergency, we have to go." He pulled off his blood-soaked rubber gloves, and started ringing up a ticket. Shockingly, the bill was over $85! My cousin came up right behind me and said "why is it so much?!" Looking over the bill, I then realized how bad my stomach hurt, as the worst cramps I've ever felt got suddenly stronger. I quickly darted for the front door as my cousin paid the bill.
By the time I got home, my stomach felt like a creature was going to rip right out of my abdomen, like Ridley Scott's "Alien". I had the worst diarrhea of my life for a solid twenty minutes straight. It felt like I was shooting fire right out of my rear end.
My cousin called me shortly after my episode of pure diarrhea, telling me that they not only charged the $85 on his card, however they took it upon themselves to add a 20% tip!
This restaurant is a complete scam! Waitresses, cooks, staff, all the way up to the manager are WEIRDOS! Opt out of this place when deciding on food, this place SUCKS!