Judge Nesi made a judgement awarding my husbands ex wife $700.00 per week alimony. This woman has earning capacity. She has a Paralegal Certificate and a Real Estate Broker's License. Let's call her AG.
The history of the case is pathetic at best.
The marriage ended after many years of cohabitating with outbursts that MG (my husband) felt were unhealthy for his then younger 3 children and he decided they could no longer continue to live that way and expose the children to it. Ultimately AG threatened MG with a retraining order and he reluctantly left the home and his children, not wanting to also uproot them from the only home they ever knew in spite of the fact that he knew he was a more qualified and stable parent.
At the time of my marriage to MG, the eldest of the children, a daughter, attended college in a local city and the two youngest, two sons were in high school. Upon the purchase of the home we currently live in, one of the boys immediately moved in with us in June 2005. MG continued to pay child support for the 3 children. The only child living with AG was one of the boys and he spent most of his time and ate most of his meals at our home also. MG continued to pay child support when his daughter married. He continued to pay child support when she had a child. MG continued to pay child support after his second son was living with us full time also for well over a year when finally he filed for removal of child support as all but one child was emancipated and he had no intention of ever returning to the home with his mother.
The order for modification was filed January 2007. The ex wife counter filed and denied the only dependent child lived with us and claimed he lived with her. She lied on the motion and stated he returned to her home during school breaks and weekends. After changing attorneys, causing further delay, she admitted he did not live with her for over a year and petitioned the court with a counter motion to grant her alimony in the same amount as the child support. Because it took years of filing, counterfiling, etc for the legal separation, divorce and then modification due to delays and tactics, etc. the judge determined that the long term marriage gave AG the right to have the alimony changed from $150.00 per week to $700.00 per week. He apparently believes long term marriage - even if it is long term because a caring father is doing everything in his power to support and care for his children and provide a stable emotional home as well -- means he should continue forever to support a woman who should be able to support herself.
Please know that I feel the system makes woman who should not be victims become victims.
I divorced in 1993 after 22 years of marriage and refused alimony because I felt I could care for myself. If my children at age 18 are considered emancipated if not in college -- why would I be deemed dependent? I had left school in the 10th grade due to medical problems. I later obtained a GED. As I was in the process of divorce I had to fight my way into nursing school and my children were just graduated from high school. All funds were cut off to me as my ex husband froze everything. My daughter paid a semester's tuition for me with her wedding fund as I would have had to drop out otherwise because I had to give up my second job to go to school. I worked full time and went to an accellerated Registered Nursing Program full time for 2 years. I graduated, passed my boards and obtained my RN while working as a dialysis technician. I was immediately promoted as a dialysis nurse and currently manage a dialysis clinic in MA. I worked hard and was not a victim in spite of the fact that my attorney fought with me to fight for me as he knew I was also a renal patient with a hereditary kidney disease (Polycystic Kidney Disease) and that I could be out of commission from that illness at any time. I am fully aware that I will need either dialysis or a kidney transplant as that is inevitable at some point. My mother and sister have already had kidney failure and have been through transplant as well. There is is no way of knowing when that will become necessary for me.
In the Meantime I keep working full time to support our home, provide my husband and his children with insurance and help with all college expenses for them as their mother refuses to reimburse us even her court ordered 25% for necessary school supplies such as computers, books, etc.
This has caused immense financial stress on us and my husband's business, which also employs one of the boys full time and he is very aware and upset to know that he and his father work very hard to keep this business going and he fears he will not have a business left because it cannot support all of them.
We just placed our home on the market because we can no longer afford to keep it. When we purchased it we fully expected to have alimony only after child support was finished with the graduation of the last college student son, which will be in 2010. Now that there is no end in sight of this $700.00 per week we cannot continue to pay this mortgage, support ourselves and help the kids. I have already had to withdraw all of my 401K savings and pay the taxes and penalties as I am 53 years old. Fifty three years old - working a very stressfull full time job with no end in sight becase of this woman that the court has allowed to become a victim, removing all responsibility for herself and placing that on a man that works 12 - 14 hours a day to keep his business running and is still $50,000 in debt because we can no longer keep up.
This is an injustice -- not justice. Where is AG's responsibility? The court has managed to strip her of her self respect without her even knowing it. Judge Nesi, who apparently believes that any marriage over a certain period of duration means the woman should forever be supported or subsidized by the man. By the way -- my ex husband owns a multi-million dollar retail business. Owns the property on Route 20 in Sudbury - very prime property. I did not allow a judge or my ex husband to take away my dignity and I had no skills -- no certificates -- no broker's license.
The saddest part of this all is that these children have no respect for their own mother and I blame that on Judge Nesi for ruling that she is a victim when he ruled that MG should support a woman that he married in his 20's and spent years in an intimacy starved marriage because he felt it was right for his children. Not justice in my book. I was under the impression that marriage was a contract. Noplace does it state that a husband will support forever a woman that does not even put her children's best interest before her own. No fault is a farce. There is fault. There needs to be accountability someplace. Even when child support was child support and the children were in the home - they did not benefit from the support as they should have. There needs to be accountability for that.
I recommended an attorney to my husband and he hired her to handle this modification order. She would have presented the information that Anne was purposefully underemployed since the divorce and was prepared to prove that to the court. She and my husband were told by Judge Nesi that they could certainly continue to spend a fortune with filing motions and going to trial but that he would still rule to award AG $700.00 per week in the end.
Do you think this is fair?
I haven't even touched on all of the issues and problems or told you that I haven't slept a full night's sleep for worry about my renal function impairing me to the point that I can no longer work as my husband cannot support me and AG if I am disabled by my kidney disease. How is this justice?
My question is this: My husband has been told that he is stuck with this judge because in MA if you file for divorce, one judge follows the case forever. This is unfair as it is really discretionary what a judge rules with regards to alimony, unlike child support, which is awarded according to guidelines.
I know there are many women out there that deserve child support and alimony. I also know there are many men out there being raped by this system and these judges and I feel it is the ultimate RIPOFF!!!
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