Now that Patrice McConnell, David Esparaza and Scott Butler have been fired, you would think that things would calm down around this circus, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
"Kinky" Ken Simmons, our crooked cross dressing Chief Operating Officer decided to throw himself a birthday party. Kenny is universally hated by everyone on the staff but hey its FREE FOOD, why not?
Kenny scheduled his little party to take place after the Board of Commissioners meeting in the board room. I don't know if he charged the food and drinks on his HACLA credit card like last time and I don't really care. My complaint is with his choice of "refreshments".
He had a giant punch bowl filled with punch. I don't know if the punch was any good because Doug Guthrie took it upon himself to spike it with a fifth of cheap gin. Things went from bad to worse when Peter Lynn goose-stepped into the room wearing a full World War II German SS Uniform. When confronted, he sheepishly said that he thought it was a costume party. Just about this time Sanford Riggs wandered in, picked up a giant tray of cookies and walked out with them saying, "Yummy!"
Of course Luceila Hooper was there.
That fat cow can smell free food 100 miles away. The worst part is she now has one of those scooters you see advertised on TV. She knocked over a table and 3 chairs as she swooped in and gobbled down a whole giant bag of Cheetos in one swallow. You KNOW Medicare paid for that d**n scooter. She has been on every form of welfare available since she was hatched in 1929. And another thing; you would think shed control her flatulence in front of people, but I guess she thinks everyone enjoys smelling her gas as much as she does.
As I looked around the room, I saw Mitch Kamin and Joe Preibe in the corner looking thoroughly disgusted. I overheard Kamin say, "At least he's wearing a suit" and Prebe replied, "Yeah, but the eye shadow is a little much. He sure is an ugly DQ!" As usual Nancy Weshoff started off with her Hebrew s**t, demanding to know why the food wasn't Kosher certified. When she spotted Peter Lynn, she shut up real quick and made a hasty departure.
Now comes the reason for my complaint. When Simmons unveiled his birthday cake, it was in the shape of a GIANT p***s! We were all in shock! It was disgusting! Simmons announced to the stunned crowd that the cake was an exact replica of his own c**k. This is when Eric Brown smiled and said, "It sure is! I hope its half as tasty as the real thing!" -
That's when the mad dash to the exit doors started! The poor security guards didn't know what the hell to do as over 200 people were trying to escape the board room at the same time. Luckily there were only minor injuries.
I can only hope the board puts out a memo banning birthday parties on HACLA property in the future.