Report: Donald Reed Powers
Category: Dead Beat Dads
Donald Reed Powers Dead Beat Dad *Consumer Suggestion *UPDATE he just moved from Idaho to Troutdale, Oregon *REBUTTALS
*UPDATE *UPDATE ..Update: Trickles of payments since court
Donald Reed Powers
Fax:
Silverton, Idaho, WA, Oregon, 83867
U.S.A.
Submitted: 6/7/2000 12:00:00 AM
Modified: 6/29/2009 4:16:07 PM
Connie
Boston, Massachusetts
This man has been evading Child Support/Medical Support
STATE OF RESIDENCE: Silverton,Idaho / Spokane, WA
AMOUNT OWING: $50,000+
DATE OF BIRTH: 10-13-65
HEIGHT: 5' 11"
WEIGHT: 190-225
HAIR: Brown
EYES: Green
IDENTIFIABLE FEATURES: Cleft chin
POSSIBLE OCCUPATION:
Barber / Jewelry store Owner-Operator(?)
Possibly working in the Spokane, Washington area
He uses his middle name REED and has avoided tax paying jobs, working for cash only OR his employers are conspiring with him to evade paying support by not reporting him under the New Hire Laws. How can he avoid working for 9 years?...maybe he is using someone elses social security number (possibly his stepson's/brothers SS#)? When CSE has caught up with him he quits his jobs, claims he is homeless, or says he doesn't make much on a barbers wages. 
He has married his accomplice, a woman 20+ years older than he is, (approx 1995) who has aided him evading supporting his child for the past almost 9 years. They moved from Hawaii to Idaho with her (now approx. 17 year old son). Her friends in Hawaii helped him by giving him cash only jobs while she let him live with her so he wouldn't have bills. I am sure that his assets are in her name, her stepsons name, or his brothers name.
He bragged to his child they own a 4 br -2 story house, own horses,and that he owns 2 Jewelry stores & a Barber Shop.
He drives a 1998 Ford PickUp Truck.
According to the law he qualifies for a FELONY Warrant. If you have any information please contact Sardisis@hotmail.com
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Updates & Rebuttals:
- he has moved from Idaho to Oregon [5/16/2001 12:00:00 AM]
- *Consumer Suggestion: Connie needs to report her ex as married to his current wife. [6/25/2001 12:00:00 AM]
- ..he just moved from Idaho to Troutdale, Oregon [7/18/2001 12:00:00 AM]
- ..the child will grow up knowing that you would not let her see her father that will come back to haunt you. [8/8/2001 12:00:00 AM]
- It has nothing to do with being 'MONEY HUNGRY' as you say. [8/21/2001 12:00:00 AM]
- I too have been thru such a situation [8/30/2001 12:00:00 AM]
- everyone makes mistakes and we should all be responsible for our actions [12/5/2001 12:00:00 AM]
- If the man owes money and he isn't paying then make the man pay. [12/7/2001 12:00:00 AM]
- it 'takes two' to tango, ... [12/8/2001 12:00:00 AM]
- If you didn't get my point - I am AGAINST a divorce in the first place - if people can't commit to raising kids together, they shouldn't have them at all. [12/11/2001 12:00:00 AM]
- Why should the children suffer? [12/12/2001 12:00:00 AM]
- You say that people shouldn't get divorces?? [12/17/2001 12:00:00 AM]
- We all know that goverment in every state makes money on garnishing wages. [12/21/2001 12:00:00 AM]
- I'm sorry, but the whole 'stay together for the kids' deal is crap. [12/28/2001 12:00:00 AM]
- Give him the kid! Have you thought about that one? [12/30/2001 12:00:00 AM]
- can't take the kid or blah, blah, blah. i say good ridence! [1/5/2002 12:00:00 AM]
- First of all where is the Dead Beat Mom's section.. *EDitor's Comment .. there is a section for Dead Beat Moms! [1/7/2002 12:00:00 AM]
- I really feel sorry for this poor little girl. [1/18/2002 12:00:00 AM]
- Obviously you have a lot of guilt about something... [1/22/2002 12:00:00 AM]
- I'm in Oregon Alicia [2/15/2002 12:00:00 AM]
- LET'S BE FAIR Joseph [2/17/2002 12:00:00 AM]
- Guilty??? Yeah, right!!!! Monika [2/23/2002 12:00:00 AM]
- money is a big deal amy [2/25/2002 12:00:00 AM]
- original Victim Resonds ... Mrs. Powers [3/5/2002 12:00:00 AM]
- A fish Story Dead Beat [3/10/2002 12:00:00 AM]
- Posting of flyers Hollie [3/17/2002 12:00:00 AM]
- Que sera sera Dan [3/23/2002 12:00:00 AM]
- BALANCE & PERSPECTIVE Pastel [3/25/2002 12:00:00 AM]
- What divorce does to kids Monika [3/27/2002 12:00:00 AM]
- divorced father tony [3/27/2002 12:00:00 AM]
- The facts are simple A [4/7/2002 6:50:32 AM]
- Donald Reed Powers Dead Beat Dad Richard [4/17/2002 3:25:19 AM]
- Single mom who doesn't get child support Cori [4/28/2002 10:14:09 PM]
- Better than a book! michel [5/9/2002 11:26:25 AM]
- Wow ! John [5/10/2002 3:18:38 AM]
- information katy [5/20/2002 11:19:53 AM]
- Just Sharing a Little Info. Ann [5/29/2002 2:37:11 PM]
- Life is What you Make for your Children Scott [6/13/2002 5:35:59 PM]
- Single parents - dead beat dads - child support Nichole [6/20/2002 10:56:10 AM]
- ..A child's View, ..It is never the 'dead beat' that lies awake at night crying, it is the CHILD! Elizabeth [6/25/2002 2:30:00 PM]
- Single mom who doesn't get child support Cori [7/2/2002 6:37:13 AM]
- Support your children! Tia [7/2/2002 5:15:21 PM]
- Dead Beat Dads ..I know the pain Ray [7/8/2002 2:29:15 AM]
- All men are bad Monika [7/12/2002 8:20:16 AM]
- Single mom who doesn't get child support Cori [7/22/2002 12:54:24 AM]
- Some People Need To Think Before They Act!!!!!! Tanya [7/22/2002 3:33:24 PM]
- Every heard of PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME?? Monika [7/23/2002 9:33:11 PM]
- You Missed The Point!!! Tanya [7/28/2002 2:38:51 PM]
- Life is hard for children Monika [8/3/2002 12:30:30 PM]
- I have to Agree Tanya [8/12/2002 3:25:33 PM]
- Response to negative post T [8/13/2002 2:34:02 PM]
- Hidden Agenda Lee [8/27/2002 2:46:55 PM]
- Monika, Get A Brain Denise [9/8/2002 11:43:27 PM]
- Some of these 'consumer suggestions' are hostile and insulting Carrie [9/24/2002 12:34:16 PM]
- Not allowing visitation is Contempt of a Court Order Also John [9/29/2002 9:21:55 AM]
- Single mom who doesn't get child support Cori [10/6/2002 11:24:03 AM]
- Child Support is for the Children, Dead Beat Dads MUST BE PUNISHED! Linda [10/26/2002 6:52:24 PM]
- any dick can be a father, but it takes a MAN to be a Dad... Core of the matter Steven [10/31/2002 2:30:43 PM]
- thanks for this report... maria [11/5/2002 9:09:37 AM]
- Think before you speak. Michelle [11/7/2002 2:22:10 PM]
- The truth melissa [11/10/2002 1:05:43 AM]
- to Monika Jessica [11/19/2002 5:47:28 PM]
- It makes me sad that every one is so angry Cheryl [11/21/2002 7:10:44 PM]
- OK, Back To The Point Of This Tanya [11/21/2002 8:36:07 PM]
- An Interesting Proposition Taz [11/22/2002 10:45:43 AM]
- GREAT IDEA Monika [11/26/2002 2:35:41 PM]
- 2 Sides To The Story Jude [12/12/2002 4:00:04 PM]
- What a bunch of whiners. Bed, made, lie. E.D. [12/19/2002 1:59:48 PM]
- Single mom who doesn't get child support Cori [12/20/2002 12:04:43 AM]
- Single mom who doesn't get child support Cori [12/20/2002 12:52:45 AM]
- Cori, you're amazing E.D. [12/20/2002 9:36:08 AM]
- If he won't pay, Donald Powers should be Incarcerated, and have to chop rocks for the next ten years and his prison wages should go to connie. melissa [12/20/2002 12:56:21 PM]
- RE; E.D. FROM IDAHO Cori [12/22/2002 9:09:59 AM]
- Hi stain [1/6/2003 11:17:54 AM]
- Sometimes having the father pay does not help Roxi [1/8/2003 4:36:55 PM]
- Monika Will You Marry Me? Chaz [1/15/2003 1:31:07 PM]
- RE: Roxie Cori [1/18/2003 1:37:24 AM]
- RE: Chaz Cori [1/18/2003 2:10:31 AM]
- Reality Check..wake up call... Tanya [1/23/2003 3:10:33 AM]
- i too was a single mom michelle [1/25/2003 11:28:08 AM]
- Stop making excuses for Deadbeat's melissa [1/27/2003 9:19:31 AM]
- two sides to every story Jeff [1/31/2003 9:18:05 AM]
- WASTE OF TIME!!!!! Kerry [2/2/2003 1:02:58 AM]
- Re:Cori Roxi [2/18/2003 9:17:24 AM]
- A Manuscript: 'Poems and Letters From Deadbeat Daddy' Plus... **EDitor's E-mail, info on Dead Beat Robert [2/25/2003 2:15:38 PM]
- Unbelievable.... April [5/22/2003 7:17:07 AM]
- Thank you, Mr. find um all....Wooo, hoooo!! Loni [5/28/2003 1:45:35 PM]
- Monika, Grow up!! Melonie [6/3/2003 6:20:40 AM]
- The Good and The Bad Lynn [7/2/2003 1:32:25 PM]
- This is too much CRAP. Michael [7/8/2003 12:28:13 PM]
- 'Child Support' is a scam. Something else needs to be instituted instead. Rich [8/8/2003 9:18:13 PM]
- Do what is best for your daughter Frank [8/22/2003 7:32:21 PM]
- It's all about responsibility Char [9/16/2003 4:58:20 PM]
- It Takes A Real Man To Be A Father! Dryna [10/9/2003 1:11:39 PM]
- A marriage is broken by an adult for reasons. RM [11/19/2003 4:28:57 PM]
- Opinions & Experiences, Everyone has one. C - Houston Texas [11/28/2003 12:43:48 PM]
- I hate to quote Hillary Clinton, but it does take a village sometimes. Andy [11/29/2003 8:41:51 AM]
- YOUR KIND SHOULDNT HAVE KIDS Hugh G [12/8/2003 1:27:10 AM]
- Parential Alienation Syndrome Scott [12/8/2003 6:02:17 AM]
- At a loss of words Or Not Tammy [12/9/2003 1:44:36 PM]
- BEYOND THE HYPERBOLE Tim [1/9/2004 2:11:51 PM]
- Way to Help Tim April [1/13/2004 7:43:39 AM]
- Tim, congrats on raising 2 terrific kids! Anonymous [1/13/2004 3:08:35 PM]
- Children are a privilage D [1/14/2004 3:40:34 AM]
- AHHH GOTTA MAKE MORE COMMENTS Jude [1/14/2004 5:50:07 PM]
- cannot beleve that people are saying the things Alicia [1/14/2004 11:33:18 PM]
- WHY are you people still hounding this lady??? Kerry [1/15/2004 9:48:59 AM]
- I too have a dead beat dad situation going on with my son. Jessica [1/19/2004 5:40:37 PM]
- Single mom with 2 daughters Cori [3/2/2004 7:42:50 PM]
- Re: Lee's ? of Hidden Agenda ..you obviously only saw what you wanted to in my posting of this subject. Connie [9/9/2004 12:26:26 PM]
- Bitter, Bitter Monika V [9/10/2004 8:06:38 AM]
- I want to thank RipOff Report for providing others the opportunity to vent and express their opinions. Connie [9/10/2004 3:19:25 PM]
- pOWERS IN oREGON SINCE 2001 WITH A BUSINESS LICENSE FOR A BARBERSHOP PA [9/16/2004 5:20:46 PM]
- You have no idea from the day you get married that your relationship won't last Nicky [9/30/2004 7:51:13 PM]
- Paralegal and I have paid and recieved support Terrie [10/2/2004 5:14:31 AM]
- straight forward assessment of our wonderful predicament of child raising Scott [10/2/2004 5:56:23 PM]
- It is hippocritical to condemn then make an appeal to make a profit for yourself Connie [10/5/2004 5:46:33 PM]
- Not for profit, You have no right to decide for your child if the father should be in the child's life Terrie [10/6/2004 9:33:49 PM]
- Terrie, you have no right to judge or criticize Connie [10/8/2004 10:28:54 AM]
- Opening my eyes Jeff [10/8/2004 8:48:12 PM]
- Parents have Rights Terrie [10/9/2004 7:10:59 AM]
- From a kid's point of view R [10/9/2004 5:06:11 PM]
- a father that doesnt evn care about her he should be beaten Bob [10/10/2004 10:19:32 AM]
- LOVE IS A RIGHT OF ITS OWN Terrie [10/10/2004 11:33:00 AM]
- Child support, I am glad I fought Roxi [10/10/2004 2:19:31 PM]
- A lot of laws don't work Terrie... Char [10/11/2004 3:47:58 AM]
- Dressing up like batman isn't enough Terrie [10/11/2004 12:46:23 PM]
- From the child's view R [10/11/2004 9:19:13 PM]
- victims and deserving of all our compassion. Char [10/12/2004 3:19:47 AM]
- From the child's view R [10/12/2004 11:21:13 AM]
- Re: From a child's view Roxi [10/12/2004 11:00:14 PM]
- RE: Jeff....Opening your eyes Cori [11/8/2004 6:01:12 AM]
- I see two totaly separate issues here Mark [11/11/2004 2:15:48 AM]
- Deadbeat or not???? Jeff [11/11/2004 2:14:36 PM]
- RESPONSE TO JEFF.... Cori [11/12/2004 12:40:41 AM]
- To Those Of You Who Are Not In Our Shoes... L [12/6/2004 11:10:34 AM]
- I am so happy that my family isn't like these CATHERINE [12/13/2004 11:53:05 PM]
- Children need to be taken care of Sherry [12/18/2004 7:18:42 PM]
- No longer Proud to be an American Terrie [12/19/2004 6:44:38 AM]
- single mom 2 Dee [1/12/2005 2:32:02 PM]
- Donald 'Reed' Powers stopped paying support AGAIN! ..Help! Attorneys won't take my case without a $3,000 retainer! Connie [2/17/2005 7:36:51 AM]
- and another thing Connie [2/17/2005 8:04:27 AM]
- There is Help Kevin [2/17/2005 10:52:39 AM]
- Yet Another Suggestion Kevin [2/17/2005 11:19:09 AM]
- One Last Comment Kevin [2/17/2005 11:29:49 AM]
- Thanx, I will take your advise and see if I can get a pro bono attorney. Connie [2/18/2005 8:58:28 AM]
- Hang In There Kid Kevin [2/18/2005 1:46:53 PM]
- Deadline came and went & STILL NO PAYMENT Connie [2/22/2005 10:38:08 AM]
- He no longer has his barbershop Connie [2/22/2005 11:53:08 AM]
- Can I help? Leslie [4/1/2005 12:22:06 PM]
- Yes you can help Leslie! Connie [4/4/2005 12:10:14 PM]
- Sick Of Those Giving Crap To This Woman Nina [4/11/2005 6:43:18 AM]
- I found out last week that the barber license that I was told was suspended was ACTIVE. Connie [4/12/2005 10:45:03 AM]
- Getting help with Deadbeat parents Clint [4/13/2005 5:27:31 AM]
- THIS IS ALL SO SAD ! Jamie [6/5/2005 8:09:48 PM]
- UPDATE: he is in contempt but his license was reactivated after 1 payment Connie [6/9/2005 7:13:08 AM]
- The government would rather let me sit and shrivel up on TA and keep my money. Connie [6/14/2005 4:51:28 PM]
- I've been to Reed Powers Barber Shop Arthur [6/20/2005 1:24:10 AM]
- Update: Contempt of court July 12th: He gets attorney Connie [6/21/2005 12:55:21 PM]
- If I were a lawyer Justin [6/22/2005 4:44:09 PM]
- Enough Men slamming, Monika get help please Ray [7/4/2005 11:32:11 PM]
- john and 'monika'and whoever else - This is not about your moral lessons its about a father not supporting his child. Melissa [7/11/2005 6:18:54 PM]
- What a disturbed human being Amy [7/16/2005 7:04:33 AM]
- no reason that he should not help Brandy [7/17/2005 6:00:27 PM]
- Both parents should pay for there CHILDREN! Lori [8/3/2005 7:26:01 PM]
- I agree with Lori. Jessica [10/3/2005 1:13:24 PM]
- Outrageous Update on Donald Reed Powers Connie [10/3/2005 6:10:08 PM]
- Former Child Support Case Manager Tabitha [10/3/2005 7:12:14 PM]
- My daughter decided for herself she wants nothing to do with him Connie [10/7/2005 4:08:52 PM]
- Deadbeat Parents Corinne [10/16/2005 9:30:04 AM]
- Observer comments - It takes two to make a child and it takes two to raise a child. Daniel [10/22/2005 2:47:56 AM]
- You guys shouldnt put this woman down because she wants to get ahold of this man for the money he owes for HIS child. Jessica [10/27/2005 11:50:11 PM]
- Move on with your life. - If people do not want to be found, they simply will not be found unless they are sloppy about it. Lynda [10/29/2005 8:06:31 AM]
- Some advice perhaps Laura [1/18/2006 3:20:20 AM]
- This is to all of the lazy, self-centered, money hungry, looking for a paycheck loser women who feel that their ex is the reason that they are unable to properly support their children. M [1/19/2006 4:29:12 PM]
- RE: To M in Salt Lake City Cori [2/18/2006 7:02:01 AM]
- He's living in Corbett Oregon now Arthur [2/21/2006 12:26:17 PM]
- Update: deadbeat 'disappears' again Connie [5/8/2006 6:23:57 AM]
- You sound a little jealous Laura [5/9/2006 7:11:06 PM]
- Please DO NOT ASSUME Connie [5/10/2006 8:24:42 AM]
- Maybe a little help for you Laura [5/15/2006 5:26:41 PM]
- Why are women so damned easy to con? Marc [5/16/2006 7:41:46 PM]
- Ignore Marc from Hawaii Aafes [5/16/2006 9:12:00 PM]
- I have enjoyed the many articles and rebuttals within this article Thomas W [5/16/2006 10:27:19 PM]
- Re Divorce and child support obligations Nancy [5/17/2006 10:57:01 AM]
- Take notice Laura [5/17/2006 12:33:40 PM]
- No offense Laura Aafes [5/17/2006 10:29:38 PM]
- I did not know that Laura [5/18/2006 9:34:20 AM]
- Laura, You've Got Some Nerve Therese [5/18/2006 12:39:11 PM]
- Therese Laura [5/19/2006 10:32:57 AM]
- RE: To Marc your lousy, chauvenistic attitude about women & how you obviously 'use' them, makes you a deadbeat Cori [6/12/2006 1:49:41 PM]
- Dead Beat Mom Darrel [8/7/2006 1:49:44 PM]
- Update Connie [1/12/2007 8:26:41 AM]
- stay strong.... Nadine [2/6/2007 4:13:06 PM]
- Supporting you... Susan [3/15/2007 3:21:13 PM]
- Glad to see parents fight back Jackie [6/17/2007 9:41:48 PM]
- Update Connie [8/14/2007 5:57:49 PM]
- KATU aired the story Arthur [9/6/2007 12:02:31 AM]
- Mr. Powers' Barbership was a busy place, now it is closed Arthur [9/6/2007 12:52:35 AM]
- The little bit I know Chevybones [10/9/2007 12:00:03 PM]
- Court Date Approaching BadDog [10/16/2007 2:22:22 PM]
- He claims his barber license was reinstated- he lied Arthur [10/21/2007 5:39:56 PM]
- Update Connie [10/23/2007 4:11:57 PM]
- P.S. to last Update Connie [10/28/2007 9:52:25 AM]
- Consumer Mother Angelica [10/28/2007 1:22:41 PM]
- tell his old classmates what he's been up all these years Travis [11/13/2007 3:48:45 AM]
- Barbershop open again Arthur [11/22/2007 12:09:04 PM]
- Update: In contempt as usual Connie [1/15/2008 8:56:12 AM]
- Update- P.S. Connie [1/15/2008 3:44:30 PM]
- Update - No January Payment Connie [1/31/2008 11:36:51 PM]
- What a looser Chevybones [4/28/2008 4:03:24 PM]
- Update - He Chooses Jail time Connie [4/30/2008 2:38:40 PM]
- The Barbership Is Closed Arthur [6/5/2008 2:50:51 PM]
- Update: Out of jail early Connie [6/16/2008 6:01:30 AM]
- Question for Connie Xdezyn [8/15/2008 10:06:31 AM]
- my views Chevybones [8/20/2008 12:44:22 PM]
- My Math Is Fine And Reed Powers Is Still A Deadbeat And Sociopath Arthur [9/13/2008 1:58:58 AM]
- what about the adoption papers that were signed by all the parties involved? Satisfied Customer [10/7/2008 1:55:47 PM]
- adoption papers Satisfied Customer [10/7/2008 2:30:22 PM]
- Update: Back to Coury for Probation Violation today Connie [10/21/2008 12:19:30 PM]
- By the Way - Connie [10/21/2008 1:36:40 PM]
- Update: Next court hearing - Jan 27, 08 @2:30 Connie [10/30/2008 7:33:16 AM]
- Keep Going, Connie. Arthur [12/14/2008 3:10:53 PM]
- Restraining order? Tekboy [12/15/2008 7:14:48 AM]
- Thats really sad but... Andrea [12/23/2008 3:35:51 PM]
- UPDATE: He is going to court for a reason in Jan Connie [12/28/2008 8:12:23 AM]
- IT'S ONLY RIGHT Joyce, MN State Representative , NCGCR [1/20/2009 5:46:30 PM]
- Update: Trickles of payments since court Connie [6/29/2009 11:01:46 AM]
he has moved from Idaho to Oregon
I have an update to the page my ex is on... he has moved from
Idaho/Washington to Oregon and has hired a lawyer. His arrears are now from $50,000+ to $52,734.
My daughters childhood is slipping away and he is being protected by CSE... they won't give me his current address so I can file a CONTEMPT of COURT order or re-new my restraining order.
I have been waiting for 5 months to hear from DOR in MA... they won't return my calls... this will go to the media SOON! I am sick of waiting for Justice... my daughters childhood is slipping away and someone has to pay!!!
Thanks for all your help with this ad.
I got a message from a girl who is helping me locate him.
Connie
*Consumer Suggestion: Connie needs to report her ex as married to his current wife.
Donald Reed Powers Dead Beat Dad now in Oregon *UPDATE (#2404)
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: hanakuso99@hotmail.com
Their name: Margaret
Their relationship to the company: *Consumer Suggestion
Rebuttal:
Connie needs to report her ex as married to his current wife. Then the IRS can audit them to insure that if the wife is filing a return that she is filing as Married filing separately since 1995 because they are married. If they were filing as they are, they are them legally obligated to any refund they receive from their taxes and should be sent to Connie for the back child support.
The IRS can locate him, but they can not give her any data, other then the information she had if she filed a joint return with him. Then she can get that information for those years. If he is using his step-son's or his brother's social security number, that is fraud and he could end up in jail. His current wife could be considered an accessory to fraud as couldall of those who knowingly are allowing him to perpetuate his receipt of the illegal income.
There is a tollfree number available to everyone.
1 (800) 479-1040.
..he just moved from Idaho to Troutdale, Oregon
I am making progress...DOR is on the case... with some research I found out that he moved from Idaho to Troutdale, Oregon. Mr. Powers will be $54,000+ in arrears as of August 1st.
He has a barbers license but has not reported where he works. His wife purchased a $171,800 house in her name only.
I keep praying that someone who knows him will e-mail me with information.
Our daughter will be 12 this summer...remember how tough this time can be going through puberty. I want to save what little of her childhood that she has left.
Thank you Rip-off Report!
..the child will grow up knowing that you would not let her see her father that will come back to haunt you.
This email is a rebuttal to RipOff #2404.
It was sent by John at servicesinc@email.com.
Donald Reed Powers Dead Beat Dad *Consumer Suggestion *UPDATE 7-18-01 he just moved from Idaho to Troutdale, Oregon (#2404)
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: servicesinc@email.com
Their name: John
Their relationship: Consumer Suggestion
Rebuttal:
The best thing to do is let your daughter see her daddy without you causing any problem between them.I think a father and daughter relationship is better them being MONEY HUNGRY because the child will grow up knowing that you would not let her see her father that will come back to haunt you.
John
Click here to read other Rip Off Reports on Dead Beat Dads and Moms
It has nothing to do with being 'MONEY HUNGRY' as you say.
This email is a rebuttal to RipOff #2404.
It was sent by Debbie at layla@yahoo.com.
Donald Reed Powers Dead Beat Dad *Consumer Suggestion *UPDATE 7-18-01 he just moved from Idaho to Troutdale, Oregon (#2404)
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: layla@yahoo.com
Their name: Debbie
Their relationship to the company: Consumer Suggestion
Rebuttal:
Oh please John whoever you are! It has nothing to do with being 'MONEY HUNGRY' as you say. It has to do with this piece of trash dead beat living up to his responsibilities. Perhaps you have been in his shoes & that is why you make such a strong argument against the ex wife. Or maybe there's another reason?
I too have been thru such a situation
This email is a rebuttal to RipOff #2404.
It was sent by Jane at jharting@mitre.org.
Donald Reed Powers Dead Beat Dad *Consumer Suggestion *UPDATE 7-18-01 he just moved from Idaho to Troutdale, Oregon (#2404)
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: jharting@mitre.org
Their name: Jane
Their phone number: 703/583-6554
Their relationship to the company: Supporter
Rebuttal:
First I'd like to say that I too have been thru such a situation in the past with my ex husband but I will also say that he never carried it this far. As mentioned before it really is not the matter of the money hungry person not letting her child see her father it really is the matter of the father not wanting to see his child. Don't you fathers realize that the person or persons you are hurting the most are the children. They go thru
each and every day of their lives even when they are grown wondering why Daddy did not love them enough to come see them, take them to purchase school clothes, or get a new haircut or even -- God forbid -- take them to the doctor while they are sick.
Yes us single mothers do need help financially to take care of the child we made together and yes I believe if you helped make that child you should help be responsible for that child. A woman does not make it alone! Yes maybe neither of you were thinking correctly at the time nor taking precautions, but the damage is done. The child is here and needs both parents to put aside their personal feelings towards each other and consider the well being of the child. How would you feel if you were a small child and heard that your father was living in a big home and had new car and a horse or horse and felt like he was living like a millionaire. You can not tell me that it would not hurt your feelings if you were wearing clothes too small and
possibility torn because Mommy did not have enough money this month to buy you a new pair of used pants cause if she did we might not have any food on the table for about 4 days? Stop and Think! But aside the petty arguments and think of that small child you helped create. That innocent little being that loves you and everyone else cause they do not know any better. They need us as parents to guide them and nuture them and love!
them. Are you so selfish that you do not care if your child lives or dies? that they may grow up and become a juvenile delinguent? Is that really what you want? Do you really have no feelings at all for this little precious gift from God? and on another note, the woman that you have married and that is helping you become more and more of this selfish, disgusting, immoral human being needs to be put on a deserted island all
by herself and lets see how happy she would be. Maybe after about 9 years she would understand how precious it is to get a decent meal, have a nice blouse or pair of pants that did not come from a burlap sack or what ever. Maybe then she would understand how precious life really is and how wonderful the people in her life are. You mentioned she had a 17 year old
son. Does she not think how she would feel if the shoe was on the other foot? What about her son? What is this teaching him? I will pray for the child and mother and pray that God will open Donald's eyes before it is too late and help him see the error of his ways. Don't get me wrong, I do believe he needs to serve some time in jail for his past erros, but if
he truly wants to repent and spend some time to care for and get to know his daughter, then we need to find a suitable situation that would benefit her, the mother and Donald as well. Remember we do not want to lower our standards and morals down to his.
Let us all pray that this lovely young girl will know that she is loved.
everyone makes mistakes and we should all be responsible for our actions
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: user9856@hotmail.com
Their name: Monika
Their relationship to the company: Consumer Suggestion
Rebuttal:
Dear Connie,
I came across the info about your ex-husband and telling you the truth I don't feel a bit of sympathy for you. Why?? Because you got married, decided to have kids and get divorced. The kids should have both parents in one home or people shouldn't have kids at all if they can't commit to those innocent young ones. On top of that majority of women are using kids in divorce to get a free meal ticket till kids are 18, get alimony
and make sure that all the marital assets are given to them and their ex-husbands are left with nothing but bills and marital debt. Of course they should give a whole paycheck to their ex-wives, shouldn't be allowed to see the kids or dare to complain about it.
When a woman owes child support (and yes, women feel they shouldn't pay) to her ex-husband, everyone feels that it is expected and nobody should raise hell about it, but when a man owes child support, we should catch him, castrate him and strip him off everything including his constitutional rights for the rest of his life and throw him in jail.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I am a saint of something. I was married and divorced too - my marriage lasted 4.5 years, no kids and my divorce lasted 15 minutes in court. Over, done and put in the past. I didn't get anything that didn't belong to me and since I can support myself I didn't need alimony.
I got remarried and watching my husband struggling with his evil ex-bitch to have normal visitation rights instead of being a dead-bolted father - other words being a paycheck to her. She spends more time in court than with the kids as well as spends child support money on attorney while the kids get clothes from charity and friends (she gets more money than she can earn herself). Did I mention that she doesn't bother to work??
On the other hand I work with 2 girls that are single mothers - both of them do not get child support - they both do not want it - one by choice, the other one was threatened by kid's father that he will hurt her if she goes to court for child support. Over a year I have not heard them complaining even once about not getting child support. They both work hard, do anything they can to give the best care possible to their children.
The bottom line is, everyone makes mistakes and we should all be
responsible for our actions. Instead of wasting our time in pursue of justice, which will never be around since judges are human too, we should concentrate on bettering our kids' lives, cause they are our future.
Also, if you had encouraged your ex to visit your child, allowed your daughter to have healthy relationship with her father, he would be living and working in the same state and garnishing his wages wouldn't be a problem. But if you show everyone that MONEY is what you are interested in, then I am not surprise that he 'disappeared'.
Sincerely,
Monika
If the man owes money and he isn't paying then make the man pay.
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: ck@hotmail.com
Their relationship to the company: Supporter
Rebuttal:
If the man owes money and he isn't paying then make the man pay. No one knows the situation until they are in it. So why be nasty to the mother or father, if he was such a good guy and there was no problem he would be paying child support right? Well, then if he owes the money and has the money to spend on his 'toys', then he should be sending money TO THE DAUGHTER!!
No offense to the mother but the money is for the daughter and the child deserves it! If he wasn't interested in seeing the child or being apart of her life then he should sign over rights, but until then the money is due!
it 'takes two' to tango, ...
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: Mj@hotmail.com
Their name: MJ
Their relationship to the company: Advocate
Rebuttal:
To John, Monika and other non sypathizers,
Any person who avoids the responsibility and moral obligation to be a fully participatory parent (both financially and emotionally) once they have children is WRONG!!!
And while it 'takes two' to tango, it seems that it is usually the woman (not always, but usually) who ends up dancing alone and the CHILDREN are left as emotional wallflowers, waiting for just once to be 'asked to the dance' by the absentee parent.
Child support is the difference between existing and living.
Shame on you who advocate this gross act of irresponsibility, no matter what gender or circumstance.
And while there are a great number of men and women who rise to the challenge every day and even if dirt poor, provide their children with rich lives - there are a great number who don't and quite frankly, these children are better off not having the experience of the kind of pain that constant exposure to an irresponsible parent can bring.
BRAVO to all those who rise to the challenge, appreciate the blessing of their children and prove that one good, solid and loving parent is ALWAYS better than one good one plus a deadbeat.
If you didn't get my point - I am AGAINST a divorce in the first place - if people can't commit to raising kids together, they shouldn't have them at all.
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: user9856@hotmail.com
Their name: Monika
Their relationship to the company: Consumer Suggestion
Rebuttal:
Dear MJ,
If you didn't get my point - I am AGAINST a divorce in the first place - if people can't commit to raising kids together, they shouldn't have them at all. Sometimes I think that kids of divorce would be better off living with the foster families than watch their own parents get in each other's throats every time they see each other.
The idea of CHILD SUPPORT was based on the fact that women were not working (50s, 60s, 70s) or they were paid less than the men. Nowadays, there are ton of jobs that allow women to make same or even more money than men. Child support should be paid - I don't disagree. I think it should be based on real needs of a child and then divided in half, so both parents have THE SAME FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY. Both mother and father should commit the SAME amount of money to raising the kid. Do you know
anyone that does that??
If the divorce wasn't that easy to get and people were required to go through marriage counseling before stepping a foot in a courtroom, everything was divided 50/50 (except pre-marital assets or prenuptial agreements), alimony was eliminated and the person that petitions for the divorce was immediately disqualified as a custodial parent - I can guarantee you that the divorce rate would drop and people would start thinking about the kids instead of their own pockets. This of course
doesn't include the cases where there is a HARD evidence of physical abuse, alcohol abuse - I mean HARD evidence - like police reports, pictures, medical reports - NOT just testimony of a spouse.
There are thousands of men out there that would like the custody of their kids and they DO NOT CARE about child support money from their ex-wives. Why?? Because those men care about the kids more than anything in the world. Those men know what true parental love is all about - has nothing to do with money. Those men were usually forced out of the marriage, then
kept away from their kids by orders of protection that women obtained based on lies.
On the other hand there are thousands of women that tell their kids that fathers used to abuse them, were mean to them, make up lies about them, state that fathers do not pay child support (even if those fathers never missed one payment). Doing so they do not even realize what kind of mental abuse they are putting those kids through until it's too late. Those kids have authority problems, anxiety problems, become violent and
most of all they are robbed of their childhood.
Here are some interesting facts in Illinois - about 90% of custody disputes end with a woman getting the kids - not because she is the best parent, but because she uses the system to alienate the father, keep him away from the kids using order of protection, moving from a state that gives woman less chance of obtaining a custody of the kids. And most of all she WANTS the money that she used to have during the marriage. Why is
it possible for a man to support the kids without ex-wife's money, but a woman can't do it?
Here are few links for all those people who do not see how horrible the
divorce can be for the kids:
http://www.legalkids.com/
http://www.acfc.org
http://www.ancpr.org
http://www.rgardner.com/refs
http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/gard01a.htm
Last, there are thousands of divorced parents that raise the kids without
child support and live happily.
Monika
Why should the children suffer?
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: bt311@aol.com
Their name: Been There
Their relationship to the company: Consumer Suggestion
Rebuttal:
Dear MJ,
First off, it is not always in a person's control how their marriage turns out. I too believe that two people have to make a commitment to stay married and raise their children together. But Life doesn't always turn out as it should.
The bottom line is, it is ashame that there has to be laws in place to make parents support and care for their children. But, if a court mandates that a parent should pay child support & granted visitation (or not), they should do it! If they cannot they need to follow the proper channels to correct any problems.
Why should the children suffer?
You say that people shouldn't get divorces??
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: HeatherMarie1280@aol.com
Their name: Heather
Their relationship to the company: Supporter
Rebuttal:
Dear Monika,
You say that people shouldn't get divorces?? I wish it were that simple, but we don't live in a perfect world. After all, your own husband is divorced from his first wife. That doesn't make him a bad person does it? Anyhow, regarding the topic at hand, no one can tell the future, things happen, people don't get along, and people split up. Just because the man/woman is divorced from his wife does not mean he/she does not have a
responsibility to his/her child. I'm not saying that some women don't go overboard and aren't just looking for a hand out, but alot of women work hard to take care of their children single handed and would just appreciate a box of diapers in the mail every now and then. I think the woman in this post is more concerned about her daughters emotional part of her daughter not being wanted by him and how she's going to educate her daughter after high school.
We all know that goverment in every state makes money on garnishing wages.
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: user9856@hotmail.com
Their name: Monika
Their relationship to the company: Consumer Suggestion
Rebuttal:
Dear Heather,
First, my husband was divorced by default, when his attorney dropped him, his ex-wife's attorney didn't bother to send divorce papers to him until it was too late, claiming that he couldn't find him. But as soon as the judgement was entered, he found him and tried to collect the rest of the property that ex-wife 'won' in the judgement.
Second, I think that both parents have MORAL OBLIGATION to raise kids and should put their own personal crap aside. At least let the kids grow up in a full family till they are old enough to understand that it's not their fault that parents do not get along. I think everyone read and seen enough that this is the first thing that kids think about.
Third, if a woman in this post was looking for her ex-husband to make sure that he has an ongoing relationship with their daughter, she wouldn't be calling him a 'Dead Beat Dad' and screaming that he owes her over $50K.
She would put a posting to encourage that man to stay in touch and show love to his daughter without any strings attached and let the system take care of the rest. We all know that goverment in every state makes money on garnishing wages.
Monika
I'm sorry, but the whole 'stay together for the kids' deal is crap.
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: kgs120@msn.com
Their name: Kate
Their relationship to the company: Consumer Suggestion
Rebuttal:
I'm sorry, but the whole 'stay together for the kids' deal is crap. (for lack of a better word) I'm now 29yrs. old and my parents did that. They wanted the kids to grow with an intact family.Guess what? We all thought they should get divorcced. One of my earliest memories is of my father hitting my mother in the face. The nights of being awakened by them screaming at each other. (they thought we were sleeping and didn't hear
them) It wasn't fun. 25 yrs later they are still married and get along fairly well, however 25 yrs. ago it was hell on earth for us all. Some families are better off divided.
Click here to read other Rip Off Reports on Dead Beat Dads and Moms
Give him the kid! Have you thought about that one?
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: noemail@hotmail.com
Their name: Z
Their relationship to the company: Consumer Suggestion
Rebuttal:
Give him the kid! Have you thought about that one? If the kid is such a financial burden for you, just give him the kid to your ex. Like you said it takes two to tango, but life is not all a dance. Sometimes, YOU as a responsible mother should step up and take responsibility for your action(s). Your ex decided to have nothing to do with you, take charge and raise the kid without this bullshit nonsense bitching. Life is too short, live your life, find you anther sucker to marry to help you raise the
child (financially)
can't take the kid or blah, blah, blah. i say good ridence!
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: kgraham8045@aol.com
Their relationship to the company: Consumer Suggestion
Rebuttal:
you say you have a restraining order against him...yet you want him in your life to burden you with when he will take the kid or can't take the kid or blah, blah, blah. i say good ridence! it seems to me you're driving yourself crazy obsessing about this piece of trash. he has obviously chosen not to be a part of your kids life, and by making such a big deal out of this you are probably screwing up your kid worse than she would be
if he was just not there instead of not there and moms going crazy about it. as far as the money goes kiss it goodbye, he wouldnt make the monthly payments why would he pay the (probably 60k by now) amount due? if it is not about the money, forget it. if it is about the money get on state assistance. once you become a burden to the state they start to pay attention to your problems. let it go and stop letting it ruin you and your kids life....
First of all where is the Dead Beat Mom's section.. *EDitor's Comment .. there is a section for Dead Beat Moms!
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: AJSantiago@msn.com
Their name: Julia
Their relationship to the company: Consumer Suggestion
Rebuttal:
First of all where is the Dead Beat Mom's section, why is it always the men. My Father raised three kids on his own, moving from state to state, or country to country, while he was in the Military, the pay is good if your single, and we all turned out just fine, because we were a close family and stuck together, there was no choice. But I realize, this is the years
2000, a completely different generation. There is no such thing as family values. Or even more to the point no morals.
I am married and my husband has a child with someone else, they were never married, go figure alot of relationships are like that, as they say play with matches and your bound to get burnt. He pays his child support every month and on time, and it is stated in the judgement for child support that he has physical placement with his son, does he get it. No, because
he is with me, she doesn't even know me, and if it wasn't me it would be someone else. So lets take it out on the children
I feel that some women have nothing better to do with their time, when it should be spent on raising their children, (and it doesn't just take money), than to sit down and man bash.
What about the women who deny the rights to the father, who do take care of the financial respondsibility's, or don't, money is a piece of paper, a child is life, breathing, loving, doesn't the child have the right to know who the natural parent isn't that abuse toward a child.
Then when the child gets older, it is their decision. Why can't it be that way when thier young, don't they have a mind.
Money doesn't make a child, I am sure no one puts a 100.00 bill between them and says okay make a child, the only thing that should separate the two is a condom, if they are not prepared to make a commitment, and for those who don't understand what a commitment is with a child, it is life long, until it is born til death, which includes a mother and a father.
Money should not separate the two. Like it was said before it takes two to Tango Money doesn't make a respectable adult, parents do. Money doesn't love, parents do. But money will make people lifes miserable, if that is all they depend on.
And just remember when you are bashing the other parent, that child is related.
I really feel sorry for this poor little girl.
They filed the following to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: schildknecht@home.com
Their name: Heather Taylor
Their relationship to the company: Consumer Suggestion
Rebuttal:
Quality over quantity is always better!!!!
You know, I really feel sorry for this poor little girl. Her Father has nothing to do with her and it seems that her Mother has a very great interest in collecting the unpaid child support and not trying to focus on what really matters -- her daughter. I am making no excuses for the Father or any othe parent that doesn't help in supporting a child financially, physically, and emotionally. It is very trying to raise a child in a single parent household (I've done it). We all want to give
our children the BEST, unfortunately we can't always do that. What you can't give them material wise, you make up by spending quality time with them and showing them how wonderful they are, how life would never be the same without them, and most importantly, how much you love them. Time with your children should not be spent 'bashing' the absent parent NO MATTER
how rotten they really are. This is a private matter between you and the absent parent and children should be left out of it. As the child gets older, they are going to ask questions about the absent parent and they should be told, but, once again, without 'bashing' the absent parent. Children are human and they do form their own opinions all on their own, they will figure out what type of person this is. You as a parent should
let the child know that even though their absent Daddy or Mommy isn't in their everyday life, they still love the child very much. Easier said than done but remember you are trying to build a self confident, loving, obiedient, and honest child. The last thing a child needs to hear is that their Dad or Mom is a 'deadbeat' who never pays child support and doesn't
want to see you because he/she has a new better life somewhere far away. Not receiving child support does not entitle you the right to not let the child see her absent parent. That is like holding the child for ransom. You would be shot down in court if you told the judge that you were not allowing your daughter to see her Father because he owed back child support. The judge is only looking after the child's best interest and money is not her best interest. Building a relationship with her Father
is in her best interest (in most cases). The best thing for you to do is to allow your daughter to see her Father and uphold your part of the Child Custody Agreement so that you don't get into trouble. He'll be the one in trouble for not paying child support. In addition you will have a guilt-free conscience knowing that you attempted and encouraged (the relationship) and the rest is out of your hands. If he doesn't want to see the child then, hey, you have done all that you can do and he will be
the one to have to live with that for the rest of his life. Your daughter will grow up knowing that even though her Dad wasn't there; you were, and she will know that you gave her more love and quality time than most 2 parent households could ever.
Instead of spending your time trying to find this loser why not redirect your attention to your daughter and her schoolwork and the rest of her needs. If you need financial assistance, there are funds available so go get it. You know, I love giving my daughter the things that she wants and most of the time I do, because I work hard. Even though sometimes I don't want to get out of bed and go to work I do, because I think of my daughter
and her needs. I hope that my daughter sees that I am a hard worker and I hope that it rubs off on her. I don't expect anything from anyone except myself. Hopefully my daughter will work hard and make something of herself and one day be able to say 'I did it myself with the love and support of my Mom.' Anyway, my point is, you don't really need that assholes money. You can do it!!!! We all have faith in you.
Obviously you have a lot of guilt about something...
They filed the following rebuttal to the above Rip-Off Report:
Their email: misty_ellington@merckmedco.com
Their name: Misty
Their relationship to the company: Consumer Suggestion
Rebuttal:
After reading some of the PATHETIC crap that some people wrote here...I was compelled to educate.
So MONIKA, pay attention!
Obviously you have a lot of guilt about something...you and your current husband are both Divorcees....and you say his ex-wife 'won' the divorce? NOBODY 'WINS' in a divorce, if you were ever in love, then you both LOST.
Lesson number 2---No-one Pre-meditates a Divorce, on their wedding day. So you implying that people who don't plan on staying together shouldn't have kids is an ignorent statement. I don't know if I can even waste more time addressing that....
Lesson number 3--Parents (Dads AND Moms) who don't pay child
support....don't WANT relationships with their children. If they did, they would make an effort to do so! Talking about the custodial parent being a hassle to the other one is ridiculous, If the relationship is truly over, and you are behaving like an adult (responsible) then you would realize it is time to maintain a relationship with the child, and make sure their NEEDS are being met regardless of how you feel about your
EX. Financial Responsibility for your offspring in a situation like this, doesn't constitute being a parent, it is the MINIMUM requirement, and paying child support doesn't automatically entitle anyone to anything. Paying child support is REQUIRED by all states for the Non-custodial parent, whether they visit their child or not, and the amount is calculated based on what EACH parent makes....not what the ex-spouse thinks they are entitled to.
I am sure you have not had children of your own...because you are way too childish to even grasp the magnitude of such a situation. Keep on blaming women for the world, and you are letting 50% of the perpetrators go free! Anyway, just because you are biased to your current husbands situation doesn't make you a freakin Expert!
I'm in Oregon
I am in Oregon, I will do what I can from here to help this child. Just for your information, this mother has been helping us track our deadbeat MOM. I read a lot of attacks, and I don't understand where they have come from. It seems that a lot was assumed about her personal life, that has no validity other than your assumptions.
Please keep in mind that when a deadbeat leaves, and doesn't pay support, that is the first clue that he/she has no interest in the health and well being of that child. This isn't about revenge, it's about doing what's right for children, hello??? Our future!! If the custodial parent (cp) leaves, do you think it may have been because of a problem in the marrage? Oh, good heavens, couldn't have been that!
Must have been his/her selfishness, right? I don't beleve that this deadbeat has been denied his right to communicate with his child, we see no proof of that, rather we see proof that she has accepted his meager phone calls, and he has refused to even tell his daughter when he's moving.
Quit beating a person doing all they can for a child and focus on the fact that this guy should have been a real man. As I said, I'm in Oregon, and if I get the chance to find this guy, I will!
LET'S BE FAIR
It's tough to see all the pain on both sides of divorce, but especially tough to see how the children are hurt. The sad truth is that there's no pat answer that will apply to all cases. Some men are good and some are bad, and the same is true for women. I don't like divorce, but I don't like to see people trapped in a hellish existence, either. And that's not to say the person's spouse is just plain bad. Sometimes two otherwise good people can be trapped in a relationship that serves no good purpose whatsoever. I'm married to a wonderful woman who stayed in a hellish marriage to a bully for 25 years. She believed she was 'doing the right thing'. She finally found the courage to leave him, with their youngest three children. He hadn't worked for over 5 years and was becoming more abusive all the time, both to her and the children. We have been doing everything in our power to promote the father-child relationships. The children don't even want to go see him most of the time, but we urge them not to let the relationship drift, because someday they will appreciate it and it would be so sad if they had lost it. She even gave him one year without child support so he could find work and get on his feet. Yet he is adamant about paying even a very small amount of support to ensure the welfare of his children. He says he'll never show any visible income that can be traced to him. I've seen some here call it 'money hungry' and greedy to seek child support. I don't think that either parent's responsibility to their children is dependent on the relationship to the spouse. To even suggest that a woman who has to escape from an abusive spouse automatically relieves the father of all responsibility to his children is despicable to me. Refusing to take care of your children because you're angry at your spouse is simply childish, selfish, and grossly inconsiderate. The custodial parent wakes up with the children every day and sees them off to school. They drive them wherever they need to go, prepare all their meals, help with the homework, meet with the teachers, go to the school functions, stay with them when they're sick, and the list goes on and on. The least the non-custodial parent can do is contribute a small percentage of their expenses, just to honor their responsibility for the welfare of their children. If you're angry with the spouse, even for good reason, why punish the children? I've met parents on both sides of the fence who are very unreasonable about the arrangement, either with the support or the visitation. It's no great shock that people don't always act right. Just don't use the examples of corruption to condemn an entire system designed to ensure the welfare of the children. I believe that the vast majority of people actually honor their responsibilities, even if they're not altogether thrilled about it. I'm just saying, don't be so hasty to condemn anyone until you know all the facts.
Guilty??? Yeah, right!!!!
Dear Misty,
I don't feel guilty at all - I didn't have any kids in the first marriage - my life decision is to never put them through hell.
Yes, we both lost - we were victims of our ex-spouses' greed and in love for money (they loved money more than us). My husband was ripped of everything except marrital debt, I walked away from everything except my personal belongings.
Lesson #1 response:
Divorce is a hell for kids, their home is being distroyed, kids think it's their fault that parents are getting divorced, they can't be with both parents together, they can't go on vacation together, their self-esteem is being destroyed and they are exposed to many more phsychological demages (check e.g. Dr. Richard Gardner's books). But since the morale of all people is going down, obviously this is why divorce rate is 60% now and growing. The way parents behave - kids behave the same way.
Lesson #2 response - there are women called 'gold diggers', which are only interested in money and having kids, so they are guaraneed child support and alimony after divorce.
Lesson#3 response - there are parents that behave normaly and allow non-custodial parent as many visits as kids and parent want. There are also parents that want to completely eliminate non-custodial parent from their life (like my husbands ex-wife) and if they didn't have a court ordered visitation schedule, the kids would never see the other parent.
Buttom line:
There are parents that care more about kids then themselves and will do anything to make kids happy and raise them in a healthy way.
There are parents that care about money and themselves more than about kids, hurt them mentaly, tell them bad stuff about non-custodial parent, prevent kids from seeing non-custodial parent and based on that they should be stripped of custody.
If you didn't read that on Internet - most of states are bias towards men. More and more men are starting to stand up against it - they do not want to be disqualified as custodial parents just because they are men.
Maybe my opinions are different, because I grew up in a country, where men and women are treated equaly for over 300 years, federal 50-50 marrital assets/debts division during divorce, federal child support audition to determine how much it should be (analizing actual cost of living). Every year the child support spendings are audited and verified that they are actually spent on kids and can be adjusted up or down for next year. Of course a custodial parent will be punished for not spending child support money on kids.
Child support based on income is not fair for kids, when their parents do not make enough to feed them. When parents are making way more than kids really need (comparing to cost of living), then a college fund or savings fund should be established to maintain anything extra. These
money is a big deal
sometimes money is a big deal. i am a single mother of 3. me and my ex are still great friends. we just got married early and grew up to be 2 different people as most of us do. neither of us would ever stop the kids from seeing the other. both of us knew we could not afford child support so we made arrangements to work out our job hours so we would never have to pay for day care and the kids would see us all the time. we still do things together. the kids know we arent together. but we split the bills. i pay for school stuff and clothes and health insurance. he pays for their living expenses. it is pretty much even.so money isnt always the basis of seeing a kid.i am sure if he wanted to see his child she would let him. but without someone to split responsibilities like i have there is a need for monetary restitution. for all we know she may be putting it all away for college or in a trust fund. my stepmother saved it all for my sisters cars and car insurancePLUS college. it earned a tidy bit of interest. not only that but if this man would pay his support which is court ordered or go in to court and have it redone as to why he cant pay then he wont be threatened with jail time. make your bed and lie in it. he has a child. would you want this to happen to you? what if this man had abandoned them? just walked away? she could have tried to get him to come home and work it out.maybe he didnt want to. in that case she didnt want a divorce. does that make it different? no. there is still a child with 2 parents. it is time for him to be a father instead of a sperm donor.
original Victim Resonds ... Mrs. Powers
Hi Ed!
Wow! I haven't been to this site in a while and an overwhelmed by the responses. I would like to update my Deadbeat Dad Donald Reed Powers.
As for those of you who are so high and mighty to assume that 'I' don't let my daughter see her father let me inform you... Listen up Monika and Z... Donald REED Powers has been given the opportunity to see her and has refused every time. He chose to spend his money hiring a lawyer to fight paying
support and he lives in a $171,800 home in Troutsdale, OR because when DOR in MA called him in Idaho they sold the house in Idaho and moved hoping that they could run.
My daughter is happy and healthy and I am doing a great job despite what some of you think. She wants to go skiing with her class and wants clothes for the dance...she is 12.5. Are you people telling me that he should live the 'PHAT' life sipping martinis on the golf course while she has to grow up watching other kids do fun things that she can't do?I pay a high tuition to put her in a private school (I have good reason to
make sure she gets an education - which she wasn't getting in public schools) and I do the best I can but that doesn't mean it is ok that he doesn't pay. I can't do it ALL!
I contacted him and gave him an opportunity to talk to her and see her...he did not use the opportunities and LIED to her. There is no way you can tell me that her life would have been beter if I stayed with a father who beat her and her mother. He chose to end the marriage by becoming violent. Get the facts before you judge!!!
To the rest of those who support me..I am greatful and your responses brought a smile to my face. If anyone in Oregon wants to help... put peer pressure on the Powers duo to do what is right! I know where his wife works. I have a PowerPoint poster I can send you and you can post them around the business's in the area. Even e-mailing this site to people you know in the area would be a great help.
DOR in MA has no clue how to file an interstate claim ( I filed in Dec 2000 and OR is still waiting for documents) ...I have had to contact the FED office of CSE and a criminal case is finally pending. It has not been easy to get attention but I am not giving up. My daughter deserves a college education and I am not letting this slip away because that is the same as letting her dreams and goals slip away.
Connie
If you find your delight in the Lord.
GOD will grant your hearts desire.
Psalm 37:4
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A fish Story
Only a vindictive self-righteous and self-centered women would spend this much time tracking, stalking and harassing a man she once claimed to love, purely for money.
If my ex-wife was to post a message here, it would and should be exactly like this.
But what it wouldn't say is that she dictacted visitation for 12 years, badmouthed me to my daughter with additional smart remarks from her inbred relatives, hired a lawyer that lied under oath claiming I made 4 times what I real did, convinced my daughter that I was scum so she would aviod talking to me, Got a judgement over and above my income and is now stalking me much like the nutcase that posted this rubbish.
So simpathy is completely out of the question. I real solution is the give the child to the more cabable parent (the one that isn't leeching off the other)in this case, the father and get this women on Prozac before she turns into another Andrea Yates.
Posting of flyers
Hi sorry for all the crazyness that has been posted on your link for help. You mentioned that you had flyers to post around the new-wife's place of business and I wanted to make sure that they are only of the huband and not inclusive of the new-wife.
Because she is not a responsible party to the crime of not paying child support she could sue you for slander so make sure that you only put dead-beat dad on your flyers.
Also was brought up prior about the taxes and that is a very important line to follow as if the new-wife is filing inapropriately then could help you get some gov types to get off the hyniee.
Another thing is to go through the Department of Motor Vehicals many states now will take dead-beat dad/mom's licences. This is a good way to go as well as then you can get addresses from the DMV.
If you have Caller ID you can do a reverse look up in Anywho.com and get his address if he calls to threaten you again. Document document document every burocrate you talk to name number time and date summary of conversation. God Luck to you and hugs to your daughter.
Que sera sera
I feel so sad for Monika...
I am a product of a divorce, I was the child of the divorce just three years ago. My parents had four children, been married 42 years... (I'm a surprise package that came along after mom was 40 and my youngest sibling was 18).
Monika is so blind to lash out at people that got divorced, and had children. This was not planned 42 years ago, not planned 21 years ago, not even 5 years ago. I could go into details... but I love my mother and my father both. The emotional anguish between the two of them is extreme. The emotions I have for them are also extreme. But, I have learned to accept all that has happened.
If Mom had needed child support for me, and Dad did not pay it, I would have been torn apart. It's not the divorce that puts a child through hell, as you say it, its the attitude.
Monika, if you were my mom, you'd be putting me through hell by your self-righteousness. I don't like divorce either, and I believe all in all, its possibly wrong, but when it comes to the end... it's the choice of the lesser of the evils.
I had to chose between Monika being my mother and staying married to her husband or my parents being divorced with much more emotional anguish than they have experienced, I believe I'd still chose my parents. At least I never seen them attack anybody they did not take the time to know.
BALANCE & PERSPECTIVE
Unfortunately, too often the facts become askew in an attempt to classify child support as a 'One-Size-Fits-All' context.
As a divorced mother a 4-year-old little girl, I now all to well the limitations and prejudice of our current child support laws.
It's seems reasonable to consider that it takes both parents to financially care for their child(ren). However, the system is too often 'unfair' in it umbrella child support guidelines.
In Minnesota Child Support equates to a flat-rate of 25% of the non-custodial parent's income... with absolutely no consideration of the custodial parent's income. I do not accept child support from my ex-husband because, I simply do not need it! I fought for custody and won... My ability to better provide for my daughter financially is the basis of why her 'best interests' are served with me, her mother having custody.
What sickens me is the notion that too often custody is given to a non-working or part-time working mother with little or no money solely based on what social theorists refer to as the 'Tender-Years-Presumption.' That is, the notion that supposedly only mother's can nurture young children... While father become the bread-winners in the equally biased 'Good-Provider' role.
What is in the child's 'best interest' should be the basis for custody. That is who can provide an all-around better home for their child(ren)... foremost financially. Historically, the bread-winner was rightfully awarded custody, as they were better able to provide for their children's 'best interests.'
I have no sympathy for lazy custodial parents who contributed little or nothing to the children previously, ultimately ending up with custody of their children. An example of this would be my brother's ex-wife, a person who contributed nothing to household financially. yet was awarded custody of their daughter. Subsequently, my brother pays his ex-wife more than $2,000 a month in child support. Consequently, she still does not work, and does little but stay at home... very little of any of this support ever benefits my neice. In fact, it all goes to the mother who spends it as fast as it comes in... This is even further compounded by the fact that her new husband earns more than $80,000 a year!
Let's be reasonable... If I forced my ex-husband to adhere to the court order for child support, I would receive more than $3,000 a month that financially, I do not need. I have friends who make far more than I who are receiving $4,000 a month from their ex-husbands... money my friends refer to as 'tolerance pay.' This is money that does not go to support their children, but goes to buy new cars, clothes, and vacations! But, I digress...
The point is there are too many custodial parents who if the sho were on the other foot would not be paying child support themselves. I mean what incentive do many of these lazy custodial parents have to attempt to approve their situation? None! Too often, the child support they recive is far more than they would ever be able to make even at a full-time job... and realistically how many married couples with children expend upwards of $2000 to $4000 per month to maintain their children?
The 'best interests' of children should come first... and this is not with a parent who is a charity case! Admittedly, there are those who are entitled to financial assistance in the support of the children (with the keyword being: 'ASSISTANCE' not dependence.'
What divorce does to kids
Dan,
It is amazing that you feel sad for me. Let me describe why I call divorce a “hell":
The children love both parents and always have someone to play with, their personality is being modeled by parents, they are watching them treating each other bad or good. When this is broken they are getting confused who to follow – a parent they live with or the other and why.
First set of step kids:
I had step kids before and I saw their pain when they had to go from one house to another to see mom or dad – at least their parents were communicating in a civilized manner, didn't treat each other as enemies and lived 2 miles away from each other. I saw their pain and sadness when their mother decided to move to another state and since they were young their father agreed. I saw their sadness when year later they started living with their dad, because their mother didn't want to take care of them. I saw their sadness when they kept calling their mother and she either wasn't home or never returned their calls.
Second set of step kids:
Their mother hates their father, doesn't talk to him, if she does she treats him like a slave and thinks she is a queen. The kids are no accepted by the mother when they have fun with dad, they are not supposed to love him. They supposed to lie to everyone around that he was and still is abusing them, beating them, screaming at them, and swearing at them. If they are not eager to lie, they are told: I will kill you if you don't lie. Their mother is a lazy, non-working queen that wants money more than anything else. The goal of her life is do exactly what her mother did – eliminate kids' father from their life, forbid him to see the kids and make sure that kids hate him.
Do you think that this is not hell?? Not only getting divorce is a major stress for a kid, but also watching their parents fighting, telling kids bad stuff about the other parent, and doing anything legal or illegal to eliminate his/her presence from kids' life. And this is why I call it hell and would never do that to my kids. I want my kids to grow up in a full family just like I did. My parents are married for almost 36 years and they gave up a lot of their dreams for my brother and me (we both were accidents).
Read this heartbreaking story at http://www.legalkids.com. This is what a lot of women do to their own kids.
Pastel,
Your response is what my husband and I thought about for a long time. Who isn't better for the kids than the parent like YOU? If my husband's kids lived with him, their mother would be able to see them anytime she wants and he wouldn't even care if she was working or just laying around. Child support would be non-existent. It is amazing how many parents (mostly men) can support 2 families at the same time – ex-wife and kids and current wife and kids. Talking about SLAVERY!!!!!!!!!
divorced father
i am a divorced father of a 10 year old daughter , the children didnt ask to be be born , this guy gives all dads a bad name , i am so tired of these guys giving all other dads a black eye because they dont want to take care of their responsibility . after all is said take care of the kids end of story
The facts are simple
C'mon guys, quit judging this woman when you aer in no position to judge! The facts are simple, the man owes over 50 grand. When you have kids, you are financially responsible for them. The mom is not money hungry, she is seeking what is fair and just - the father of her daughter to contribute equally to the upbringing and raising of THEIR child.
This man may be a decent guy - hey, let's just give him the benefit of the doubt for argument's sake... - but HE OWES 50 GRAND - that is a fact that cannot be disputed. So people - keep your criticim to yourselves because all that is wanted right now is to track him down and have him pay his DEBTS.
End of story.
Donald Reed Powers Dead Beat Dad
Are you all MAD? If not mad then are you blind? I have read the statements repeatedly made by those that prefer to cast stones rather than offer a helping hand to someone in trouble. Please leave your psychic observations out of this and stick to the facts.
Fact 1) Donald Reed Powers Dead Beat Dad was ordered by the court to pay child support.
Fact 2) Donald Reed Powers Dead Beat Dad moved repeatedly to avoid making payments.
Fact 3) A company that specializes in tracking and collecting delinquent child support can not find or collect from Donald Reed Powers Dead Beat Dad.
Fact 4) Those close to him are allowing Donald Reed Powers Dead Beat Dad to stay hidden and forgo the payments he owes.
Fact 5) Donald Reed Powers Dead Beat Dad is allowed to communicate with his daughter and could see her if he wanted to do so.
Fact 6) Donald Reed Powers Dead Beat Dad- you are a low-life bum who doesn't deserve to have the title 'Dad' associated to your name.
Anyone that want to 'read' an excuse for behavior such as this should apply for a job with Miss Cleo- you have the imagination it takes to fabricate a great story.
R. R.
Single mom who doesn't get child support
This is to all non-supporters of child support & for those who think that us single moms are just money hungry. I am supporting my daughter on a very limited income. My ex-husband quit his job of 18 years almost two years ago now. He no longer pays child support or carries health insurance on our daughter.
In fact, had it not been ordered that the support be deducted from his paycheck each month, I'm certain that he would have quit paying long ago. I can't even afford health insurance for myself much less her too.It has been his choice to distance himself from our daughter & his choice to become a 'deadbeat dad.'
Ever since our divorce I have tried to make things as easy as possible for my ex...giving him every right to see our daughter at anytime, even dropping her off at his house or picking her up, changing visitation schedules if he needed to, etc. He, on the other hand, has done absolutely nothing but complain about having to pay child support over the last several years & has continually made excuses why he can't spend time with our daughter.
I've never taken from or wanted anything from my ex out of our divorce & even waived any alimony or rights to his pension. Not all of us single moms are money hungry, so unless you've walked in our shoes, please don't judge or stereotype us. Where would my daughter be if I just decided to quit my job & stop supporting her?
I almost lost everything I had because of this deadbeat dad who could care less if his daughter even has a roof over her head, much less food on the table. My ex is $10,500 behind in child support arrearages & since last year I've been trying to collect support through the prosecuting attorneys office. I have yet to be heard by anyone because my ex's attorney has had the case postponed 7 different times now.
He has all the rights & will probably never be ordered to pay back or current support because he claims he isn't working. I have proof that he works for a friend of his at the local bar & is paid cash under the table so that he can avoid paying child support & taxes. And yes...there certainly are accomplises out there who help these 'deadbeat dads' get by with it. It's not fair to us mom's who struggle every day to make ends meet living paycheck to paycheck.
My ex lives in his mothers house with his brother & doesn't pay rent..I do. He has no car payment..I do. He has no utility bills..I do. Before my daughter started receiving medicaid, I paid for all of her medical & dental expenses including medication every month that she is required to take for the rest of her life. She also needs braces which I'm sure I too will have to pay for. I also have expenses for after school care. Does this sound like money hungry to you? Try just 'hungry.'
I'm the one who makes sure that she has a decent place to live, food on the table, clothes for school, & a nice environment to grow up in. I'm the one who's there to care for her when she's not feeling well or when she has a problem. I'm the one who takes care of all of her needs. Any 'deadbeat dad' that takes off or doesn't own up to his responsibilities of being a father financially & emotionally, doesn't need to be around his child anyway. He apparently doesn't have anything good to bring into that child's life but a negative outlook.
Anyway, men who don't help support their children always have an excuse why & also are very quick to blame anyone but themselves. I have male friends who are good dads & always pay their child support on time. There's certainly no love loss between them & their ex-wives & I have to admit that some of them have gotten the raw end of the deal in their divorces, but they try the best they can to make things work out amicably
& don't skip town to try to get out of paying.
That, all you non-supporters, is the difference between a good dad & a deadbeat dad!
What do you say to your child when she wants new clothes or shoes & you can't afford to buy them & how do you explain that you could better provide for her if only her father would help out. How do you tell your child that her father doesn't want to spend time with her & that he'd rather be down at the local bar with his drunk friends. Anyway, the only other thing that I have to say is good luck collecting your support because I'm sure not getting anywhere with mine. Don't let him off the hook!
Better than a book!
Wow! This is all very dramatic.....'specially the ignorant folks who think child support is so the ex wife can live high on the hog. Hello??? Kids take money to raise, fact of life, no matter if you feed 'em macaroni and cheese every nite and clothe them in thrift store cast offs, it takes money! There has got to be a special place in hell reserved for people who go to these great lenghts to avoid seeing to their childrens needs. I hope the spineless gutless cretin, cause surely he isn't a man, gets his chops busted soon! Hang in there, and good for you for putting your daughters education at the forefront.
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Wow !
Sure is a lot of bashing going on around in response to this issue. So -- I'll stir up the pot a little and throw this in. My wife and I are raising her daughter's children (ages 2 and 6). My wife's not in the best of health, we have unpaid bills out the wazoo and we both work and care for them, even though we are both are older and really didn't plan on doing this all over again. We don't get a dime from any of the individuals responsible for bringing these children into the world. They don't care if you take their driver's licenses (they'd just drive without them -- at least one of them HAS been for the last 6 years). They don't call. They don't write. You know why? Because they're lazy, immature, irresponsible cretins. If I had a gun (and could find them)I'd cheerfully shoot them and go to jail (where they belong). So all of you out there who are legally and morally responsible to pay child support, DO IT ! You're not cheating your ex-spouse, lover, etc: you are cheating your kids. Money most definitely is not everything, but I'll tell you what. It sure helps to put food in their mouths, clothes on their backs and a roof over their heads. To you who don't support your kids -- I hope you end up living in a cardboard box in an alley and eating out of a dumpster. MMM-MMM good! Save some for my stepdaughter !
information
745 COLUMBIA RIVE HIGHWAY
TROUTDALE, OR 97060
Address Updated: 9/1/2000
Previous Addresses:
POB 108
SILVERTON, ID 83867
Address Updated: 8/1/1997
Just Sharing a Little Info.
I was told by my attorney, as well as my son's dad's attorney that support is to ensure the child has the same quality of life as if he were living with both parents. Essentially, your daughter deserves to have a comparable life-style to what her father has.
Also, it was always understood from the very beginning, in my case, that if you aren't interested in showing up for visits at least as often as the court orders then you will be back in court. Just like, if you aren't interested in paying the support you will be back in court.
I would like to encourage you to not make this fight your daily focus. Not that I presume you already do. But to make your choices and decisions based on your convictions about how your daughter should turn out when she is grown.
Life is What you Make for your Children
I was quite intriqued by reading this report on a Rip Off 'dad' I am a single father who has been raising my two children alone with no help from their mother. It's amazing that someone would put so much time and effort into trying to locate their 'EX' I have a realtionship with my ex wife that unfortunately does not include finacial support.. I do have a court order but have chosen not to pursue back support or support for that matter for the sake of myself and my children.
This does not mean that I have money....far from it...I have had to struggle for everything that my children have. One thing that i have realized is that at the end of the day my children are healthy and happy....as they are now getting older I have found that they realize how much and how hard I have struggled to help them become productive memebers of society....it was not any money that was sent to me by their mother..but the constant encouragment and love that was provided...THATS FREE!!!
My children can pick up the phone anyday they like...make a call..go and visit.....send a gift! I sometimes hate my ex for taking vacations in Mexico....not sending money to make things a little easier...but I will always sleep better when my children's foot steps around the house are nothing but a memory...I am their father..I did it alone...
I struggled I overcame...maybe my situation may make you realize its not the money or support...Its Love and if your Ex did not give that then he will always be sorry for his actions...his money will not now or ever replace what he could have given with his heart... Your daughter will figure that out...MINE DID
Single parents - dead beat dads - child support
I can't believe some of you. How dare you attack the mother on this one.
First of all i am a single mom of a 16 month old little girl i am 21 yrs old and know how it feels to be put in the gutter by a DBD My daughter has gotten to see her father a total of 5 times since she has been born and mind you i do not tell him he can't see her.
I wonder if half of you people with insults and accusations have kids yourself. Do you relize how much money it takes to raise a child? ALOT!!!!!!
any more it seems almost impossable to raise a child without the help of the other parent. For all you against child support i have a question. Do you feel that it is right that my parents have to help me pay for my daughter so she can stay alive be able to eat and have diapers? because you feel that we mothers are money hungry because we are fighting the fathers for child support.
the fathers notice i say fathers because it takes a special person to be a daddy.
My ex ended up being nothing but a good sperm donor. And don't start that crap where you say that i shouldn't have slept with him in the first place because he had the same option to not drop his pants.
Paying the support is the easy part hell all they got to do is go to work and then get money taken out of their check every month they don't even have to send it.
I would like to commend all the fathers out there that are there for there children whether you still live with them or you have partial custody and pay support or just pay support. DBD's don't relize how much paying support helps their children. It can give them ten times the life they have now.
And when a mom decides to file for support it is not always an easy decision we don't just wake up one day and say hmmm lets see how much money we can drain him for today.
It hurts to have to go to the CSE office and file a report and then go to a hearing to get support ordered.
it would be so much easier on everyone if the fathers would just stand up and be a man and take care of responsibility.
and that goes the same for dead beat moms i'm sorry for you responsable guys i just keep refurring to DBD's but it is also an issue of DBM's too.
and i would also like to make a reference to the artical monika wrote about divorced parents. Cuz that just made me mad.
You want to blame everyone you are just the most perfect person in the world right???? WRONG!! you are so dead wrong because you are one of those people that will stay in a relationship until either you or your child is dead.
Think of it she was saying that he started beating both of them thats why she left.
Would you rather that he killed one of them or would you rather see them get away with their health.
I have seen first hand what happens when you stay with a guy like that.
My best friend was 21 she got married last year to a guy she loved more than anything.
well he started drinking then he would hit her when he said she made him mad.
well, one day he flew off the top and killed her.
And i had kept telling her to leave him, but like you she didn't believe in divorce and she kept swearing he was gonna change because he would say sorry after he had relized what he had done and he would swear it would never happen again.
well, guess what it did and on my birthday i got a call from her mom see they were getting ready to come to take me out for my b-day and got in a fight well he punched her and knocked her down the stairs and broke her neck and her spine in 2 places. so don't tell me that divorce is always bad because it would have saved my best friends life.
..A child's View, ..It is never the 'dead beat' that lies awake at night crying, it is the CHILD!
I am now 27 years old and finally at the place where I can open this wound and not fall apart. My father left my mom when I was 3 years old. Mom worked like a SLAVE, 3-4 jobs what ever it took to give us what we needed. She never ONCE spoke ill of him, telling me that when I was old enough she would help me find him and I could make my own judgement.
My father never, NOT EVEN ONCE tried to see me. Mom married a wonderful man who is my DAD, a well deserved title. In 1994 I contacted my real father, just to get to know him. He refused to even write me so much as a letter. It was my DADDY that walked me down the aisle to marry my husband, my DADDY who bounces my kids on his knee. I contacted him again in 1997 when I had my son, and again in 1999 when I had my daughter. He wanted nothing to do with me or my babies.
Selfish people who have posted here about child support being a free ride will never understand (or care about) the pain that I (and all unsupported children) live with because I don't know my father.
The questions of 'Do I look like hiim' 'Is my curly hair from him' 'Did he ever love me, even a little' will never be answered.
In 2000 my Real Father passed away. I felt a sadness I had hoped I wouldn't feel. When he died a part of me died. He owed $150,000+ in child support, lived in a $500,000 home and had plenty of money in the bank. I was not even mentioned in his will. And yes, I could fight for what is 'mine', but it won't answer the questions or take away the pain.
And besides, I know who my daddy is and how much he loves me.
It is never the 'dead beat' that lies awake at night crying, it is the CHILD!
Single mom who doesn't get child support
Elizabeth, I was heartbroken after reading your rebuttal. I want to thank you though for sharing your story. You know firsthand what it's like for a single mom to raise a child alone without any support. Fortunately your mom met & married a
wonderful man who is & has always been a very important part of your life. It's sad that your
'REAL' father didn't make you a part of his.
I too, am a single mom struggling to raise my 13
year old daughter. My rebuttal to this topic was
originally posted on 4/28/02. I can see the pain in my daughter's eyes already whenever she thinks about her dad & why he doesn't call her or come to see her. Unfortunately that is the choice that he has made for himself. He will be the one to lose in the end. He just doesn't realize what he's missing. She's a great kid!
Maybe your story will get the point across to those who think that we single moms are just money hungry. I wouldn't be pursuing child support from my ex at all if I were able to support my daughter on my own. I have a job that I love but unfortunately it doesn't pay me enough
money to be able to provide for my daughter alone.
I have thought about also getting a second job, but worry about the little time that I would have to spend with my daughter if I did that. It's not fair that her father does nothing at all to help with her support while I may have to take on 2 jobs. The system is not fair either because it's taken me 2 years just to get any kind of response
from my child support case. Believe it or not, the deadbeat dads seem to have more rights than the custodial parent that struggles top support their child/children.
Anyway, good luck & best wishes to you. It sounds like you've dealt with a lot of pain over the years because your father was not a part of your life. I only hope that my daughter will not have to endure that same pain.
Support your children!
I am the product of a 'one-night-stand' I never met my father until I was 14 years old. My father is far from a broke man, and has always had money, which he flaunted at my mother whenever they butted shoulders (at the night clubs etc.)
My mother NEVER asked for a penny. I was born with a medical condition which required yearly hospital visits until I was age 11.
Now, my mother has always been a hard worker, always.
Even though she worked hard, she still needed government support (welfare) to help with the bills and hospital visits.
I feel like my father should have been there for me when I needed new clothes, school supplies etc. Not because I was money hungry but because I NEEDED these things and my mother could not always afford to. Because he didn't PAY UP, TAX PAYERS were forced to help our family - this being when I had a FATHER who made enough money to help out - he married and supported a step child (who he STILL SUPPORTS and LOVES!) as well as 2 of his own children.
I of course wish he had of been a part of my life too, my mother ended up in a 5 year abusive relationship and I was stuck with a 'dad' who beat the hell out of her on a regular basis. I later ended up in group homes and foster homes, feeling lost and always wishing I had a 'Daddy' especially when he has always lived in my town and I knew where he lived and had seen his big beautiful home with horses and goats...
He doesn't care about me, my mother did her best (yes, maybe it wasn't so good, but don't go bashing my mother now!) But I am an adult now and I'm dealing with it.
So, there I am against 'dead-beat-dads'.
However.
I now have a family, I have 4 of my own children.
My 2 oldest sons lost their father in a car accident. I then re married (common law) for 5 years and had another child. I broke up with him, he was my 2 oldest sons step father for 5 years and we had one child together. I always tried to stay in contact with him, but his mentality didn't allow for it.
No way I'd ask for child support from him, I don't want it!
I remarried, I am married now (4 years) to a man from Texas (I am from B.C. Canada - we are both here now) And am since and now dealing with his ex-wife.
She makes me ill! My husband moved to Canada with me when we first met, he had always paid child support but since he couldn't work in Canada, he was unable to while he was here. His parents actually gave her money because of that - but still she bitched.
We then moved to Texas together, me pregnant and my 3 children.
My husband got an excellent job in Dallas and had his wages garnisheed the moment he got a pay check (he didn't even have a CHANCE to pay on his own!) Because me and my children were not Americans, child support refused to include us as dependants! So, my husband was forced to pay $500 A MONTH to one child.
His Ex-wife constantly abused us, hardly ever allowed him to see his son, and constantly talked bad about us to their son. She is a fat, lazy bitch! She DOESN'T and HAS NEVER worked, she has ALWAYS been on welfare and refuses to try.
We are now back in Canada after my husband was laid off, he received Unemployment benefits for the past year and child support is taken out of that.
Get this - His EX-WIFE and his son are now LIVING at his parents house!! THEY support her and his son AND my husband pays child support every month, in addition phone calls and presents etc.
My husband loves his son, he also loves his new family and we all wish his son could live with us, it is a much better place for him.
But now, neither me or my husband are working, his Unemployment benefits are now cut off (since last week). We bought a trailer home a few months ago, and we own that. We have 4 children who live with us and for now, we make a total of $500 CANADIAN monthly.
We do not get welfare, nor will we.
Of course, we will get working again soon (HOPEFULLY!) but with the fact that we make, no lies, $500 a month (Canadian, that is about $300 American) we have 4 children, 2 cats, ourselves and bills like anyone do you think my husband should be paying his ex wife child support when she is mooching off of HIS parents and has been receiving WAY more than she should be as well she doesn't and never has worked?
His son is 11 years old now - he has paid for him since birth.
What do you think? I think my husband is severely raped by 'the system' here, I think Dads should be given a break sometimes too!
If you are a FAMILY, married, together, with your children and money is tough, what do you do?
You survive and do the best you can and cut slack to eachother! That's what you do!
I'm not sure your name, 'Sardisis'? But I really think you ought to just let it go. You may have a leg to stand on, I don't know. But I think you should let your pride overpower, take care of your daughter the best you can, let her know YOU love her and teach her that she needs to have pride and work hard to make it in life.
For those of you who think divorce is bad with children involved - I agree with you to a point. When a marriage ends up abusive, someone needs to get out! My husbands marriage was abusive, he got out AND supported them both for a long time - fixing her car/s, plumbing, child support, driving to grocery stores/laundromats...
I don't think that just because he was married and had a child then divorced that he should have to commit his life to being single while supporting his ex-wife and son.
I do think he should support his son, he has been for 11 years and for the past four years he has supported me, his ex-wife, and 5 children!
If I could give any single parent advice, I'd say to try and stay away from relationships that involve more children, unless you are sure you can support everyone! My step-son probably feels so left out, when he (his mother) doesn't receive a child support payment next month while his father is 2000 miles away with a new wife and a new son and 3 other boys who aren't even his - doesn't he pay for them? Why would he leave with them and not stay with me?
I feel for him, I really do. We will call him and email him and send him snail-mail and do whatever we can, that's all we CAN do.
Hope this helps.
Dead Beat Dads ..I know the pain
I know the pain of having a single mother. The long hours of work, the bills, and the expences the single parent faces. I guess I am luckier than some. My father always paid child support, but it was just enough to keep the lights and water on, and enough food to eat.
The question that keeps going through my head is how can a person help bring a child into this world without helping to take care of it? Is it a lack of heart, a hardened soul, or just no love for the child.
My views are diffrent than some, because I had a single mother, and I was raised with a high level of moral values and respect.
The good thing for mothers whom can't get their ex-husbands to pay child support, is the many Child-Support Agencies that will track the Dead Beats down and make him pay.
Also, if you contact the Attorney General of your state, explain the situation to him/her, will get the ball rolling even faster.
Since you can not get the address information needed to proscute him, contact you Senator, or Congressman. Their help can greatly influence the level of feedback you get from Government agencies.
All men are bad
Dear Mothers,
I am touched by all mothers screaming at their ex-husbands as those men were 100% guilty for their hard life and they are the only ones that are obligated to give up 100% of their salary and more to help raise those children. At the same time, those mothers can't even make enough money to support themselves, because they didn't bother to study, when they were young or married.
On the other hand there are thousands of mothers that didn't bother to get a decent education, and only got married to have a free ride. They made sure to have children, so they would be financially supported. Also, they made sure that after filing for divorce, they would have an army of friends and neighbors ready to testify that their husbands were abusing them, their children, and anyone else that came around and breathed in their house. The first thing they do is obtain order of protection to get the husband out of marital residence in order to make sure that they have the upper hand on MONEY and CUSTODY of the children.
Additionally, they start an intensive brainwashing campaign to teach the kids to always say that “daddy used to abuse me", “daddy used to beat my mom", “daddy used to yell at us" and other made up stories to create a dilusional world around the children. Of course those mothers need professional help to maintain their alienating campaign, so social workers and “expert" shrinks (without any qualifications) are the best “loaded guns" available. The only thing those women do not realize is that there is a huge group of forensic psychologists (MDs, PhDs) who have studied those types of women for over 40 years, and published enough books and research studies to teach others how to pick up those FALSE abuse accusations and supply the non-custodial parents and courts with clear evidence that custody modification is the only thing in the best interest of the children.
Those women are not afraid to abuse their own children, mentally destroy children's self-esteem, put them down and punish them for any signal of love for the father. They interrogate the children after every visitation, demand the full report about everything. Of course they are only interested in anything BAD that kids can tell about their fathers. Anything fun or good they say is disapproved and children are punished or deprived of motherly love for few hours or days.
Sooner or later, those women realize that continued visitations will eventually open the children's eyes and help them realize that father is not a monster and that everything they heard about him were lies. When they start seeing that, then new campaign starts – lets just terminate all the contact with the father, make up stories like he doesn't want to see them, he doesn't give us any money. Lets accuse him of mental abuse, physical abuse, and if those do not work, lets try sexual abuse. For those women, court order means nothing – they are the only ones that are in charge of the children. The childrens' rights, best interest and having a healthy relationship with the father means NOTHING, all that is less important than MOTHER RIGHTS.
That is just a brief description of my husbands ex-wife that spent last 4 years trying to completely destroy children-father relationship. Of course the only thing that she is trying to terminate is his visitation rights, not the financial responsibility for raising the children.
Don't you think it's time to modify the law and define the punishment for all those parents that are doing everything they can to eliminate parental rights of non-custodial parents?
Don't you think it's time to modify the law to put a little custodial priority to those parents that can financially support the children without child support from the other parent?
Why do the children have to suffer when (mostly) their mothers lack sufficient education to even support themselves and are the ones that WANT divorce and custody no matter what?
Why are parents so full of hate after they get divorced and use kids to express it to each other?
Why are the divorced parents creating mentally damaged generations?
Don't you realize that when you hate your ex-spouse so much, you are mentally abusing your own child? Don't you realize that this child feels guilty for being born and being ex-spouse's child? Don't you realize that those kids want to die as soon as possible to end this horrible life? Can you ever put your child's dreams and rights above yours?
I just want to thank my parents for staying together and teaching me that a loving mom and dad is the greatest thing in the world.
Single mom who doesn't get child support
Dear Monika...
I'm one of the single moms that you spoke of that
doesn't make enough money to support her child on her own. However,this is not the case due to the fact that I didn't 'bother to study' when I was young. That comment was made in rather poor taste I might add. I have a job that I enjoy going to
every day (working with the elderly) & a great boss. Even though the pay isn't that much the job is very rewarding.
No woman should ever HAVE to support her children
by herself no matter what the situation is. Also,
I know several women (myself included) that do everything in their power to see that there is no conflict with their ex's for the sake of their children. I grew up a child of divorced parents & in MY situation it was my father who did the bad mouthing against my mother so I know firsthand what kind of repercussions this sort of behavior can cause a child. I vowed long ago not to ever do that to my own child.
My concern with your letter however, is that you appear to be very angry at your husbands exwife which leads me to wonder what kind of effect your OWN angry behavior may be having on your children/stepchildren. It's very unfortunate that anyone would stoop so low as to use their own children against the other parent. But it happens all the time.
Some People Need To Think Before They Act!!!!!!
Since you have no children out of your divorce....i will enlighten you. I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. First thing first, I am a single mother of one and yes, I was married to his father. We are pretty good friends now, and yes, he does pay his child support.
You need to ask yourself this question...what happened in your marriage that it did not last if are totally against divorce? All divorces are different and until you wear someone elses shoes for one day then I think you need to keep your opinions to yourself. There are hundreds of reasons why people divorce (rather the truth comes out in court or not) so you should not judge anyone. It goes back to the old saying...Clean off your own back porch before you try to clean off anyone elses.
You say that people should stay together or the kids would be better off in foster care? Have you been in a home where the parents are not getting along and the kids are miserable? Knowing that with love they will adjust and probably be happier in the long run, if someone just left. Also, not trying to offend anyone (I know there are some very good ones out there), but have you been in a foster home? Muchless, been that child taken in by strangers believing that your parents don't love you anymore? Did you think before you wrote that?
Also, I agree that both parents should pay 50-50. But let me ask you this...If I took my whole child support check and blew it at the local bar, who do you think is going to pay the rest of the bills? The ex? Is he just going to hand out another check? No, I don't believe so. I will have to come up with the rent, electric, water, etc....And I promise you that the woman and child that we are talking about are not living in some box on a street corner. So, yes it is about the money!!! They maybe be doing ok but if he got off his tuff and gave what she does then maybe that little girl would have a better life than what she already has.
It sounds to me that not only does she want the money (which, quit kidding yourself, is a big part of life), but she also wants this child to know her father! So, unfortunetly, this is not a matter of her saying no she can't see the father. Sounds like he could see her whenever he wanted to, but he is such a loser that he is not interested in seeing her....what a shame, for the only one that he is truley hurting is an innocent little girl and HIMSELF!!
Every heard of PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME??
Dear Tanya,
The reason why I am NOT a divorced mother is because as I said before I would never put my children through hell - and divorce is considered hell not only by people, but by PSYCHOLOGISTS that are involved in divorce cases, seeing upset kids, kids that love both parents, but are forced to live with only one.
If you didn't hear about PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME - you should read about - maybe that will open your eyes a bit.
According to this MD and PhD psychologist studying children of divorce for about 39 years all children are mentally abused when going through divorce, intentionally or not all parents do that. It all depends on how drastic and demaging they want to be.
And as far as my husband is concerned - the court doesn't even know where is ex-wife lives - her attorney demands to keep it as a secret. She decided to violate every order that court issed so far and have zeasly working attorney advising her how to break the law. She decided that if she screams loud 'sex abuse' the court should just kill my husband.
What kind of mentally sick mother would force her own daughter to tell everyone around that DAD sexually abused her??? What kind of mentally sick mother would threaten her own daughter that she would kill her if she doesn't say the lie that mother ordered her to say??? And the alleged abuse took place on the train with people sitting around us.
Now, Tanya, you tell me if this woman wants her daughter to have any relationship with the father???
Why is that if the man doesn't pay child support he is sent to jail, but when woman denies visitations, court does nothing.
But thanks to Dr. G, in one county of Illinois, court heard his argument and Parental Alienation Syndrome is considered a mental abuse of the child. Thanks to that, more and more fathers get custody of the child, after showing to court how ofter the mother denied visitations.
You can't imagine how many women go to appellate court and are told in their face - it is custodial parent's DUTY to encourage a loving relationship with non-custodial parent. If you can't do it, it means you are no longer a good parent. From now on the children will live with the father.
One more thing Tanya, the reason I got divorced was that my ex-husband decided to have fights in front of his children, swearing and calling names. If they were our kids I would do anything I could to see good psychologist to help us work out our problems. Besides, this kind of behavior started about 1.5 years after wedding, so I already had a warning signs to not have children with him.
You Missed The Point!!!
Dear Monica,
I have to say that I feel for your husband...and I hope that you do get his children, if this women is as bad as you say. I do believe that no child should be put in the middle of something like that. So, my prayers are with you and your family.
But my whole point is this, I don't always agree with the PROFESSIONALS...for most of them aren't in situations that some of us have been in. Nor do most of them actually have children of their own.
Let me ask you this? What if you were in a relationship where you got beat and so did the children? Would you be better off going to a couseler trying to work it out or would you try to get the heck out of dodge before you or your children are killed?
Divorce is a hard thing on a child,I agree. But, if it is done with love and understanding then the child will adjust easier. Bad-mouthing one another will not do nothing in the childs' eyes except make the one bad-mouthing - the enemy. But if you give the child love, make him/her feel special and that it was not their fault, then it will be eaiser on them to adjust.
How do I know this? Because I have a son that is very well adjusted. He has a good relationship with his father, even though we do not live in the same state now.
So, what I am trying to say is this - why would anyone want to drag a child though a miserable relationship,(by the way - which he had no choice in)that you cannot not see the light at the end of the tunnel? What type of example does that set for them?
I hope that everything works out for you and your family, but please be vary before you tell everyone that no matter what they should not get a divorce. Walk a day in their shoes then hand out the advice.
Life is hard for children
Dear Tanya,
Thank you for your prayers and sympathy. My husband is doing everything he can to help his children to have a better childhood, the childhood that they deserve. And I stand by him and support him. Neither one of us ever said anything bad about the children's mother and if a direct question was asked by kids and the truth didn't say anything good about their mom, my husband found the way to give a neutral answer or unfortunately sometimes we had to find a way to change the subject.
Just to let you know, even if my husband is not seeing the kids, the sexual abuse reports are still being filed and children are claiming that they are seeing the father. The question that I have is when the state family and children services will get the clue that dealing with lying children should be looked at closely. Is this a good parenting to teach kids to lie?? Why they are lying?? Are they taught to lie or maybe they are forced to lie??
To answer your question about real abuse, I STATED EARLIER that physical abuse, alcohol abuse, sexual abuse that occurred and the proof is visible without 50 witnesses, police reports and medical records are present and there is no hope for better future – yes, that requires divorce. I am against the divorce when one fight, one misunderstanding is an excuse to break up. I know that each situation is different, but I guess everyone has a right to his or her opinion.
Thanks to my parents advise – do not have kids during first, second year of marriage. The reason – see how the marriage works, how both spouses react to happy days and especially to bad days, how you handle the fights and misunderstandings. Since bad signs started showing up around 1.5 years after wedding day (first marriage), I already realized that if my ex-husband can't control his anger this would not be a stable home for a child. This is why having a child was not a priority in that marriage, especially since my ex-husband wasn't really excited about having more kids. Then before 3rd anniversary, during one of the fights, he decided to take a big picture off the wall, shred it into pieces and started throwing things towards me. That was the final warning to me that physical abuse might happen. Finally, year after that incident I told him that divorce is the only solution to stop all those fights. And since we agreed how to resolve our break up, after 30 minutes in court, all was over.
We can see 2 extremes – one is the deadbeat father that doesn't pay child support and mother is encouraging him to see the child and the second one is the father pays everything he has to, but the mother forbids him to see the child. Both situations are UNFAIR FOR THE CHILDREN. And of course we have million variations in the middle, which are also unfair for the children.
I have to Agree
Dear Monica,
First, let me say that I am sorry that it took me so long to respond. In your situation, I think that once again, the fine justice system has failed to do its part.
The children are lying, not because they are forced to but because the mother has, per say, blackmailed them to. She has fed them such BS that that is all they truley know. They do not realize what they are saying has that much affect on what the system thinks. For that I feel for them. For they do not know their father truley, they only know what their lovely mother has told them.
But I do agree with you, people should not get a divorce because that is a thing to do. I wonder how many marriages and divorces their would be if the tables were turned. Example, in any state it cost about 30 to 50 dollars to get a marriage license and anywhere from $300 to God knows how much, depending on if it is contested or not, to get a divorce. But what if they were to change that around and make it more expense to get the marriage license then to get an divorce or even if they made it about the same price for each. Would that stop the fly by night weddings that usually end up in divorce within a few months? I think it would. Depending on how much money you make, I think that it would make people realize that they have to save and work to get married, and the end result would be that they would appreciate the marriage more. THERE ARE DOWN SIDES TO THIS....and we all know what those are.
Example, for poorer people who are really in love wouldn't be able to afford it, but that means that they would just have to work harder to get what they want. Also, it would probably mean more single mothers out there then there are today. But it would make them think twice about getting married in the first place. It would also cut down on our children eloping at a young age. So what I am saying is this is not a foul-proof plan, but this is just what I believe.
We continue to live in an age where we take things for granite, but hopefully with age we get smarter. I know that I have.
I have no suggestions for you in your situation except for maybe hire a private dective to monitor what she is doing. Then you would have proof that she is neglecting the children. And maybe that would help. Once again, I hope that you can get the children and love and nurious them they way children were meant to be.
Until next time......
Response to negative post
First off, I can not believe that Monika would say the things she is saying. No one plans a divorce. I know this because I had planned on being married until I died. And if I had stayed married I would have. My ex is a wife beater. He pays child support only when it suits him. My kids have not suffered one bit from my divorce, as a matter of fact, they are far better off. They are straight A students and have great social and behavior skills.
I have never tried to keep them from their father. He has however chosen not to be included in their lives. He neither calls,writes, or visits. He has had the opportunity to but doesn't.
Not all women are mean spirited. Not all women just want money from their ex's.
Monika aound like a woman who resents her ex husbands ex wife and the fact that he has to pay her child support. There are women like that. There is NO reason for her to pick on or berate this woman for trying to collect what is right for her daughter. HE HAD SEX WITH HER AND THE CHILD IS HIS. THERE IS NO REASON WHY HE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO HELP SUPPORT HIS KID. Child support is only a drop in the bucket compared to the amount a custodial parent pays out in rent, clothes, food, utilities, christmas birthdays. The list goes on and grows as the child does. Lighten up and see reality....
Hidden Agenda
If u could find him u would be able to renew your restraining order?What was the reason given to the Judge for the initial restraining order?Fear,Intimidation or physical abuse.Are these not the reasons such an order is issued.The father has been absent for a great length of time.U state he has made no attempt to contact.Yet if u could u would renew the restraining order.This would keep him from contacting u.How is it he would be able to see his daughter under these conditions?More importantly how does this benefit your daughter.Seeing he hasnt made contact how would u renew this?Once again I see this as misuse and abuse of the system,and at the Childs expence.This fact alone speaks volumes for your credibility.I find it odd u make no mention of abuse concerning the father,yet u were granted a restraining order.
Monika, Get A Brain
Monika,
This one's for you. You have the most idiotic ideas and thoughts in that head of yours.
I live right down the way from you and would really like to talk some sense into your head.
You are positively insane and I have never EVER heard such nonsense in my entire life. You say these mothers just got married and pregnant so they would be taken care of??? Are you just plain stupid or what??? You don't know any of these moms, so just shut your mouth because you sound like a complete fool.
My Mother raised four kids, worked up to 3 jobs at a time, and still needed child support. Do you realize how much it costs to house, feed, clothe, entertain, a child. How about school and medical and dental??? Ok, now we still need enough money for daycare. Daycare where I live (and you too) is $180 per week for a child. $180.00 a week!!
Oh, now there are field trips to pay for and medicine to buy, and holiday and birthday gifts....I could go on and on at how expensive a child is. My husband and I both work, both make good money and still struggle to give everything to our child.
I could never, ever afford it on my own. There is no posible way. I would fight tooth and nail for child support too. I would do everything in my power to get it.
You cant jsut walk out of a childs life. GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF THESE FATHERS!!! HE will put them where they belong. We are put on this Earth to prove ourselves. These 'dads' arent doing their part. Say hi to them in hell, wont ya???!!
Click here to read other Rip Off Reports on Dead Beat Dads and Moms
Some of these 'consumer suggestions' are hostile and insulting
Monika and others of your ilk,
Don't you have anything better to do? Why are you trashing people you don't even know? How pathetic.
The purpose of this report is to help this woman and make people aware of this situation. If you don't want to help, then go about your business. This forum isn't your personal soapbox.
Not allowing visitation is Contempt of a Court Order Also
Being a divorced Father who paid his child support and is finally 'emancipated' from the court ordered support order I feel sympathy for the child in this situation.
It is not a top secret statement saying the 'system' sucks. Friend of the Court offices and police agencies are very poor in the arena of doing what is needed in your situation.
It is obvious that this mother spends a great amount of time worrying about her ex and his 'new' wife / life. This 24/7 bitterness is surely caused her much pain.
Can this child go to her mother and ask normal divorced childhood questions she has regarding her father? I doubt it, and I beleive that this child is afraid to communicate to her mother about a lot of things going on in her life.
This child's life is not slipping by. It is the court ordered support that is slipping by. This man's debt is high, but when divided by the number of years or weeks he is arrers it is not a very high support order - maybe $90 or so dollars a week?
When the child is eighteen and has graduated high school this order will expire. What will you focus on then? Is this a hobby - tracking this man down and having the dream of shattering his life and hope to make him as miserable as you are? In a few very short years you will no longer be a priority in the Child Support office, just a sad closed case file.
There are many other new cases being filed daily. And honestly the amount of arrearages you are seeking is not that high.
Money is not to associated with visitation either. If this man were to appear and demand that his visitation rights were to be followed would this 'mother' abide by the order? I doubt it. She is a mean spirited person who quite obviously hasn't moved on with her own life.
Maybe she should put forth the effort exerted to slander this man and woman to establish a relationship with a new man of her own. If this is such a loving person she should prove to be a good catch. Combined with a young well adjusted loving daughter (she claims to have nurtured) a lot of men would be very happy to choose this ready made family. He would be glad to support the mother and new step daughter if she provided a well adjusted loving enviornment. I doubt if this is the case though.
Does this Sweetheart of a woman have the courage to move on and provide a template of what a woman should be for her daughter to follow in the future? Or, has she shown her daughter how to hate men?
Regardless of the money I am sure that this little girl has questions and concerns regarding her real Dad. It breaks my heart to think of two people wasting a child hood of a human being when this time passes so quickly.
How can a man wake up each day and not wonder about the child he helped create?
How can a woman be so focussed on 'revenge' towards the person she chose to have a child with that the child is neglected in the process of this revenge? Child support is not a punishmetn or a sentence handed out by the court for a broken marriage. It is exactly what it is called -CHILD SUPPORT.
Please write this off as a bad debt and start living. God will issue the penalty that you are seeking for this man.
Please spend the time wasted compiling the debt, chasing and stalking this dead beat and direct it towards your daughter. She knows that you are both her father and mother and she will love you more for it if you just accept and make the most of this poor situation. Raise her the best of your abilities and teach her to make better choices in life than you did. Hope for her to have a better sense of life when she choses to have children.
Please get on with your life. You most likely suceeded in having your daughter hating her Dad - but do not make the revenge seeking cause her to hate you also.
Best of luck in the future. I sincerely hope you find happiness in your future. I have been the 'Deadbeat Dad' only because I was divorced from my daughters mother. I was always current in support and provided an enourmous amount of other things like computers, bicycles, clothes and now a college education - all in excess of the support order. I did / still do this, but not to help the ex (who moved on to remarry and is what appears to be happy in her new life) but I do it because I LOVE my daughter and want her to be a greater sucess in life than I have become.
I also want to tell you life is better the second time around. I re-married 12 years after leaving the first marriage and I now know what love and happiness really is. I still say this after six years of marriage. I was miserable after one year in my first marriage!
Best of luck and may God bless the two of you. If all you have is each other be grateful for that!
Best regards
Single mom who doesn't get child support
John...
First I would like to say that you are an exception to the rule when it comes to paying your child support above & beyond the court ordered amount that you were required to pay.
However, I do detect a bit of animosity in your statement where you say that you are 'finally emancipated' from the courts.
Was it really that bad having to pay support all those years for your child? That's the way you made it sound anyway. Also, regarding the statement where you said that child support stops at age 18 or when the child gets out of high school...it continues if & when that child goes on to college. Will this mom have to also foot the bill for all of those expenses too? I know what it costs for a child to go to college these days. It's an overwhelming responsibility.
As a single mom who has already raised one daughter without the help of her dad, I am now raising another daughter several years later & experiencing the same thing. I am fortunate enough to be able to say that my oldest daughter who is now married grew up to be a wonderful well adjusted young woman even though her father wasn't a part of her life.
That was a choice that he made unfortunately which is the same choice that my ex husband now has also chosen to make with my 13 year old daughter. It sounds like Mr. Power's daughter is growing up to be just as well adjusted...thanks to her mom. So please don't judge her, because she's obviously doing all the right things in raising her daughter.
I've spent the last 2 years trying to collect child support through our court system. First, using The Division Of Support Enforcement, who then turned my case over to the Prosecuting Attorneys Office for a criminal non-support case against my ex husband due to the amount of back child support arrearages that were & still are due.
This consumed a lot of MY time & energy simply because as you stated the 'friends & officers' of these courts don't do their jobs....which is exactly what happened in my case. If it had not been for me calling these people continually & doing the majority of the leg work myself (which is what they're paid to do) my case would never have been heard! After it was all said & done, my efforts turned out to be nothing but a big waste of my time.
The assistant prosecuting attorney was absolutely worthless & all I ever got was from them was a runaround & false information. I even went as far as to write to the Prosecuting Attorney himself in my state because he was supposed to be such an advocate on getting these dead beat dads to pay their child support. I never heard back from him.
After 2 years I've decided to give up my fight because I was recently informed that my ex is now on welfare & collecting food stamps! I was told that there is nothing more that I can do now to collect anything from him as long as he's living off of our government. How ironic that he's supposed to be the one helping me to support our daughter, when in reality, I'm supporting him through our welfare system! Is that justice or what?
I don't think that you realize how it feels to a single mom that has to struggle every day just to make ends meet. I can't count the hours that I've spent crying alone somewhere worrying about how I'm going to continue to provide for my daughter on my income alone. I live from paycheck to paycheck & there's just no money left after the bills are paid. How is it that a man who helps to bring a child into this world can't be the least bit concerned about the welfare of that child? I will never understand that.
Donald Reed Powers is a coward who has chosen to run from his responsibility as the father of his child. I hope that he has to spend the rest of his life hiding because he's a dead beat dad in every sense of the word & he deserves to be made to live up to his responsibility for the life of that child that he helped bring into this world! If this mom has the strength to continue this fight, then more 'POWER' to her! (No pun intended)
Child Support is for the Children, Dead Beat Dads MUST BE PUNISHED!
Hi there, I've read all these posts over the past hour and I'm personally disgusted with most of these posts, especially the ones posted by Monika, and any other person against Connie's position.
I am 20 years old and my parents are divorced. i'm so happy they are because they were driving me nuts when they were together. Anyone who is anti-divorce is also a freaking maniac. Granted, marriage is a sacred act between two people who pledge to love each other forever, but you can't predict what might happen. Why spend your life being miserable with someone you fall out of love with? Not to mention, when your kids grow up (if you have any), and you are miserable in the relationship, they will be miserable as well. 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce nowadays, and I think kids today are much more intelligent and intuitive and can figure out for themselves that we all should be a little more self-satisfying.
Anyway, 50 freaking grand in back child support? Oh my gosh - anyone who disagrees with Connie must be out of their mind!!! Imagine the life that their child could have if only Mr. Powers paid what the court told him he owed. This is not for Connie to live well and go to the spa every day - this is for her child - the same child that Mr. Powers created with her - the same child that he should be supporting in some way, shape, or form.
For those that don't understand, think of it this way. Connie has had to work I'm sure, full time for the past 12 or so years just to pay for her daughter. It's not just her child though - it's Mr. Powers. AND WHERE IS HIS SUPPORT? It's not about giving the child to him or letting him visit her - he clearly doesn't want to. He thinks he can start over and ignore his debt and his child.
Connie - if you read this, I will help in any way that I can, although I'm not sure what I can do. I understand the importance of child support, as my mother needs it to provide for my younger brother (who happens to be 16). My father tried to skip out on child support but they found him and now it is debited from his paycheck every week. Don't get me wrong, I love my father and he is still a part of our lives, but he tried to be a deadbeat dad, and I simply have no tolerance for men out there who will make a baby and then run away.
That's my fifty cents
any dick can be a father, but it takes a MAN to be a Dad... Core of the matter
Regardless if they got divorced or not, either this guy wants to be a part of the kids life (Unlikely) or he doesn't.
I am thinking that he doesn't. I can't see any father wanting to have visitation rights with his daughter if he moves all over the country as much as this guy seems to be doing.
'It not about the money' - Yes it is, this mother, like most women in this male dominated society, make about .73 on th dollar to men. In todays times we all know that you need a two (2) income family just to make ends. Someone care to explain how they expect a now single mother to do this on her own?
We have a Justice System in place, I am not saying that it is right / correct or fair. If you don't like it change it, there are methods in place for doing so.
So for all of the dead beat dads out there, that don't want to change the system, deal with it. Be a man - if you OWE it - Pay it.
Remember any dick can be a father, but it takes a MAN to be a Dad.
thanks for this report...
I just wanted to say thanks for this report...it has really helped me to understand things alittle clearer...u see my pops walked out on me my brother and my mom when I was 4 yrs old and never helped us in any way instead he remarried and had more children and provided for them...but never acknowledged us...at first my mother financially could not raise us....so unforgentally one day we drove to where my dad was living and all I remember is my dads new wife and my mom fighting and then we left my brother there...well a week passes and my granny and I go to see my brother and he has bandages covering cigarette burns on his hands and feet...so my granny took my brother with her and I and we left....after that the lady who was married to my dad was sent to jail for burning my brother with cigarettes and was realesed on probation...after that my brother had so much hatered towards my dad..he never wanted to see him..(not like he tried to visit anyway)but here I come along getting older that by the age of 13yrs I wanted a chance to get to know him...so of course I tried by calling and I will never till the day I die forget What he told me...'I don't have time and I never will'and hung up...so I went on with my life with my mom and brother...I must admit It was really hard back in the days I can sit here all day and tell you how bad things got in my life but that would only bring up bad memories...now I'm 23yrs old and have a husband who thank GOD is a good man who supports me and my daughter...the main thing I really want to say is for us it was really hard..that yes women can do it by themselves BUT as parents we want to be able to give the most out of life to our child and thats where the extra finances have to take place such as collecting child support...and this comment is to MONICA... quit being so bitter,selfish and greedy your just mad because the ex-wife got more then you out of him...besides since your that upset about her geting what belongs to her...then go find another man (who has money )to support your golddigging stupid ass!!!! thanks to everyone ...xoxoxoxo
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Think before you speak.
Give me a break. Some people just do not have any idea what they are talking about.
Let's start with Monika, please she is married to a man who has to pay child support, need I say more. Ok so in his case he's being taken, but not every ex-wife is a bitch.
Lets start with one who is in your situation. A friend of mine is married to a man who has two children by his ex-wife, he has always paid child support even when he was out of work for a few months, he paid the back child support by having more held out of his check after he got back to work. This is a man who is remarried and they now have a 2 year old daughter of their own to support. Yes, he had those two first but he has always supported them, he pays $800.00 dollars a month in child support, buys school clothes, and spends over $200.00 on each child for birthdays and even more for christmas. His ex-wife just keeps sticking it to him, she is remarried and lives in a very nice house with an inground pool and two new cars. And guess where she works, Child Advocate.
Well he is now making a little more money because he has been working double shifts because he and his new family are living in a tiny trailer and they are trying to build a new house. His parents also give his ex money and buy the two boys winter coats school clothes, and do no such thing for their new grandaughter. Well his own mother told his ex he was making more money, so guess what she is taking him back to court.
Now lets look at a totally different situation, I was married at 17 (stupid yes) my husband worked some (when he felt like it) and we had two children. I love my children and never regret having them, but there is no way in hell that staying married to that man could have been better for them. I supported them (and him) for 90% of the marriage, and he beat me, and emotionaly abused me for the entire time we were together, in front of the children. Well I finally left him and took my children with me. And this is what he told me , If I can't have you I don't want them. Nice guy huh.
Well he continued to stalk me, wasn't the least bit worried about seeing them. I tried to get a divorce but he would'nt sign the papers. And I didn't have the money to get a lawyer so I waited. Well he moved out of state, and didn't call write or anything for 2.5 years. And then I filed for divorce on the grounds that I didn't know where he had went. I didn't get a dime, and didn't want it. They said that since they didn't know where he was he would only be ordered to pay $50.00 a month. But since they didnt' know where he was do you think he paid it.
Well then I met my current husband and we moved in together, and suprise suprise, my ex moved back and suddenly wants to be a dad.
And you know what, I let him have visitation even though I hadnt seen a dime. (Well what do you know about that!)
Well he finally got a job and started paying child support (it is garnished) he buys no christmas or birthday presents, no school clothes. And let me tell you this raising a child is very expensive, besides the bare esentials, my daughter is a cheerleader, in karate, and whatever else I can afford and she and my son are very happy children, no thanks to my ex. He knows nothing about parental responsibilties, he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants and, get this, he lives with his parents, has no bills and spends 90% of what he makes on whatever he wants.
So again, Monkia, think about what your saying before you say it, and definatley when you have no idea what your talking about.
And in you situation, just remember this, There are two sides to every story..
The truth
I have read what everyone had to say..and respect the opinions of them all. What really matters here, is that the child and many more like her are here. They never asked to be here, and never asked to be put in the middle of this mess!
I have been on both sides..my first son..now 12 was a product of love for me, but his father found out I was pregnant and asked for a divorce. I tried to work it out with him to no avail.
This man wanted to have a child with me until he found out the child was becoming a reality! From that point on I didnt see or speak to him. I also never asked for support, until I needed to seek medical expenses from him when our child had medical bills in the 10,ooo dollar range..and were growing.
At that point he quit his job and avoided any job that could track him. Is it my fault that I couldnt afford these bills alone? I love my child enough to try, but lets be reasonable, How can I afford to provide for my son and pay these Bills. I then decided that I would seek help from him..because My child shouldnt have to lose what very little we had!
To this day his father is running from the IRS, and has his assets in his girlfriends name. He also has 2 or more other children...one whom My son met by accident at the park. Now I am married to a wonderful man..whom with I have another wonderful son. This man is divorced, has a daughter he loves and supports..and took on the father role for both of our sons! He gets angry at the fact that my first sons father is so selfish . Not because of what he has, but that he doesnt care if his children are ok. How can he sleep at night not knowing or caring? No matter how many times I wished he would have been a part of my sons life, he just made a choice. This choice is good for him..but can anyone dispute how unfair it is to not only my son, but to his other children? I think not.
I am blessed to have what I have now..and I hope that we all realize that things can be no fault of one person or another. Blame is not the answer, but I feel that sometimes things happen for a reason.
This man and other men and women who dont do what is right for the best interest of the children should be ashamed of themselves. No matter what the case may be, if you made your bed, lie in it...and stop judging people when you havent walked the same path. I just think that the answer lies in moving on, and loving the kids you have. I have given up trying to get help with the bills..but someday I know that My sons father will get what he has given ..and it isnt much!
to Monika
SHUT UP YOU STUPID BITCH!!!!
You may be eating your words one day that is if
your women enough to have a baby.
UP YOURS,
Sincerly
It makes me sad that every one is so angry
To every one on this site I sat here reading this and found everytime monica spoke I was getting angry and keep going, hearing the reports and peoples feeling.If people could take ther anger and turn it into something positive. WE would all be way ahead of the game. I have been on all sides of thissituation, personally I have been a child of a deadbeat mom, I also am a single working mom with 3 children And recieve child support and at one point and time dad didnt always pay. But we worked through it and sometime I let things go just to keep the peace!! Bottom line is Love doesnt pay the bills but it certainly makes life easier!! Its hard to be a child with a parent that choose's not to be there! Its hard to be a child with a single parent who has to work 2 jobs or more to feed people. Its also hard to be a two parent family, money will never be enough.
Monika I hope you are able to take your anger and turn it to something positive.
And the orignal mother and child from this article Take my advice and just be glad he's not there and I have faith that you will make it with or without his money!! I did, my children Did! We are all happy, and we cant always afford everything we want! But everyday I have something very precious I have their love and you have your daughter & her love!!! Good luck to all that visit this site!!! It sounds LIke alot of us need it!!! Remember when you give love and forgivness it well come back to you in return.
OK, Back To The Point Of This
First off let me say that I know that each of us has a sad story to tell. But we need to get back to the story at hand.
The mother of this child has every right to go after her money. I don't care if it is 10 dollars or 100,000 dollars.... it is hers and she deserves it to raise the little girl, not to mention, she still has quite a few years to go before the little girl reaches the age of 18.
Does he not owe back child support once this little girl reaches the age of 18?
YES, he still owes it.... no matter what age the child becomes. He needs to stand up and be a real man.
DONALD, QUIT RUNNING AND TAKE RESPONSIBILTY FOR YOUR ACTIONS.
An Interesting Proposition
I'm not going to weigh in on the emotional finger pointing... he's to blame for not paying, she's a gold digger type argument that seems to be going on here...instead, I think it might be good for everyone involved to really think about what 'child support' is really all about and how the system can stop being gamed (by both parties).
Child support really came about as a result of the demise of alimony. In the past (i.e. 50's & 60's as well as part of the 70's) alimony was predominately given to women by courts because they had not worked during the marriage outside of the home. This alimony was generally given so that the woman could maintain 'the lifestyle to which she had become accustomed to.' Fast forward to the 80's & beyond and you started to see alimony payments go down significantly when men's lawyers (rightly or wrongly) started pointing out to the courts that women were working out of the home and therefore shouldn't be entitled to as much alimony because the gap was much smaller. Child support was brought in as the answer to keep the average monthly payments level. However, just like paying taxes, alimony and now child support go into the custodial parent's 'general fund.' As previously mentioned, child support payments are not based on what is really needed to support a child, but rather on the non-custodial parent's income -- the higher there income, the higher the child support payments, without regard to the custodial parent's income level or expected contribution.
So, here's an interesting idea. The angst we see in much of the postings here and everywhere else would indicate a couple of things to me. In many situations 'Deadbeat Dad's' or 'Deadbeat Mom's' (I'd love to see an actual case of a Mom forced to pay child support, but I will keep a neutral stance here)are forced to pay money in child support that in fact is going into a general household fund. I have a nifty idea. Instead of the court ordering the non-custodial parent to pay $1000 per month in cash to the custodial parent, instead the judgement should be something like the non-custodial parent is required to REIMBURSE the custodial parent for all expenses relating DIRECTLY to the child's welfare up to $1,000 monthly, split evenly between the two parties. Just like I file my expense report at work (reviewed by my company's accountant) the custodial parent would file an expense report with the proper jurisdiction which would verify, then have the non-custodial parent pay up to their monthly limit. This would have the effect of preventing 'gold digging' or transferring what should rightly be considered as alimony into child support payments. Also, it would eliminate the argument of the non-custodial parent that the money isn't being used for the child(ren).
Here's an example: Bobby and Suzy are divorced with a five year old child Johnny, Suzy has custody. Court orders Bobby to pay up to $500 in child support. Johnny's child care bill for the month is $500 and he visits the doctor twice with $50 in co-pays and prespcriptions. Johnny also has a birthday party thrown by Suzy at McDonald's with a cost of $50. This means total direct expenses for Johnny for the month is $600. This is divided by two and Bobby is required to reimburse Suzy $300.00 for this month. Suzy's living quarters, car, etc. are not counted towards Johnny's child support because she would need these essentials regardless of whether or not she has Johnny living with her.
I feel this arrangement is fair: both parents are on the hook 50/50 for caring for the direct expenses of their kid. No squabbling, no gold digging, no deadbeats!
Comments?
GREAT IDEA
Taz,
This is the best idea that you have - the same way as children-actors had to be protected by laws, so the parents do not piss away every dollar that kid makes. It is fare and at the same time it will have to be documented why the child needs $100 shoes, not $20 shoes and why he needs those shoes bought every 2 months.
For all other people that were yelling at me and accusing me of being a gold-digger - little information. I MAKE MORE MONEY THAN MY HUSBAND and I do not need a man to buy the things that I want. I will work hard enough to get them myself!!!!!! For last few months we had to survive on my income and unemployment and we did it just fine. The only reason it is good to have a man in my life is to have fun, laughter, have 'marital' fun, have kids and plan the life together.
I am not lying and prizing myself by admitting that I was the one paying my hubby's attorney's bill, so he can defend himself in court and maybe someday get to see his kids again.
If the man is put in jail for not paying child support - the same law should be in place for mothers - SENT TO JAIL FOR VISITATION VIOLATION for the same amount of hours as the visit that she denied. In some courts judges already do that and suddenly the mothers are 'ANGELS' and there is no problem with visitations.
If this society is saying so loud that men and women are EQUAL, then the SAME laws should apply to both. If the court is faced with the situation that mother was not working during marriage and father was the one feeding everyone - why not let HIM keep the children. He will not need a child support to feed the children, new family will be old minus one.
The only question I have - how can a widow mother support her children without much trouble? Does that mean that all men should just kill themselves during divorce and be well spoken of instead?
Submitted: 12/12/2002 4:00:04 PM
Modified: 12/20/2002 2:35:19 AM
Jude
Pittsburgh, PennsylvaniaU.S.A.
2 Sides To The Story
Against divorce? How about a father that beat the mother and one child that was only 2 1/2 yrs old at the time. Damn straight I got divorced the very first time it happened! What gets me is yes, this is about money. $52,000 in back support??? My question is, why did you try and take everything the man had? That would answer one reason why the man is hiding out. I am a single parent, my child support is $40.38 per week (approx $2,150 per year). At 12 years of age, that would be approx. $25,000. When money was becoming short, I went out and got a better job. When money became short again as the children grew, I went out and got an even better job. When the kids wanted to play in sports, in the band, and other activities, I worked overtime. My ex lives 10 minutes away and hasn't seen his son BY HIS CHOICE in 16 years.
THE OTHER SIDE
I live with my boyfriend now, who also has a son and an exwife. She took him for everything he has. His child support is almost 3x's as much as the amount I receive. She is all about money, she doesn't work. Funny thing is, since she opts to have her son on a medical card from the state (welfare), she doesn't even see 75% of this money, as it goes to the state to pay for this stupid medical card. If my bf adds him to his insurance and PAYS to have him added, he will also be responsible for that same amount of support AND be responsible for paying the deductible. Therefore, that increases his amount that he has to pay even more!!! Where is the justice in this? He works his ass off 6 days a week, and sometimes is lucky to bring home $200 every other week, as his exwife gets everything else.
Yes, this is all about money. As you say, it takes TWO to make this child, but nothing was said about it takes TWO to support this child. I do not understand how some women make the rest of us look bad by not getting off their lazy butts and get a decent job. If you are on welfare and collecting support ... you should be going to school, getting a degree, to better yourself and your children. The state pays 100% for your schooling, 100% for your child care while you are in school, and 100% while you are out hunting that 'perfect' job that will raise that child in a comfortable life. I went from making $7,000 a year working at a college in admissions to making $42,000 working my butt off delivering mail for the post office 6 days/week, sometimes 10-12 hrs a day. All because I want a better life for my children, a home for them to live, and giving them that special toy or game that they want from Santa. Do I get 'praised' for being the way I am ... I doubt it, and I don't expect it. But I damn well wish that other women would have the same respect for themselves as I have for me.
By the way ... my best friend is owed approx. $80,000 in back support for 18 years worth. I told her exactly the same thing that I have posted here. And yes, she is still my friend, as she values my friendship and respects my opinions ... just doesn't follow in my footsteps.
What a bunch of whiners. Bed, made, lie.
Jessica:
Getting knocked up is not a demonstration of what it means to be a real woman. Any stupid 14-year-old can have a baby. Not a big deal, people. The big deal comes after the calving. And if you can't afford them, don't have them. You have to assume, as a woman, that you may have to take care of the kid yourself at some point. That means you need to get some education and a decent job. Sorry if that is sexist, but unfortunately it is reality.
Everyone else:
As you can tell, I have NO sympathy whatsoever for most single mothers. Having a kid is a CHOICE, people, not a necessity. If most of you would have established yourselves in some career before getting knocked up you'd be fine now. Anyone with a functioning brain that is not a sheep should realize that. I'm not saying that the dads have no responsibility, not at all. What I AM saying is that you need to get off your butts and figure out how to fend for yourselves instead of mooing about your problems and the deadbeat dad. Keep pursuing him, by all means, but assume you're not going to get a cent. And get on with your life.
Single mom who doesn't get child support
Ed...
You state that women should 'EXPECT' at some point to take care of their kid by themselves & therefore they should get off their butts & get a decent job so they're able to afford to do so? Wow! That doesn't say too much for the men out there now, does it?
You go on to say that you don't sympathize with single mothers & that having children is a choice, not a necessity. Having children IS a choice, but not everyone's circumstances stay the same after they have a child.
I was with my ex-husband for almost 10 years. We have a daughter together. However, he chose alcohol over his family. I didn't plan to get divorced when I had my child. According to you though, I guess that first I should have made sure that I had a high paying job & started building a nest egg so that after I had my daughter, I would be prepared to take care of her on my own. Are you for real?
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Single mom who doesn't get child support
Taz...
You DO have an interesting proposition regarding child support, however I have to disagree with you about the part where you say that housing,I car, etc. should not be included in the amount of child support owed because these are necessities that the woman would have to have anyway even without the child.
As a single mom raising a 13 year old daughter, it is my responsibility to see that she has a decent roof over her head, grows up in a decent environment & gets a good education at a decent school. The car I drive takes her to school everyday. The utilities I pay, are as much for her benefit as my own. And there's so much more.
My ex quit his job of 18 years, 3 years ago. He is now living on welfare/food stamps. I can't collect any child support from him although he works for a friend too & gets paid under the table, because our government is supporting him. So, the money issue here doesn't matter in my case anyway because I don't get financial help.
The point is, I barely make ends meet trying to provide for my daughter on my income alone. And while I think that the child support laws are unfair to a certain degree, these expenses need to be included in the support for the child.
We already have enough children living in poverty. It's an absolute necessity.
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Cori, you're amazing
First off, read your reply and my first comment. Not that it means a whole lot, but you misquoted me. Nowhere did I say women should 'expect' to take care of their kids by themselves, I believe the word used was 'assume'. Like I said, not that it means a lot, but it would be nice if you would quote me correctly.
And yes, single moos - whoops, moms, should get off their butts and get jobs. You almost make it sound like they shouldn't. Many moms do, being somewhat smarter than the average bear, and those are not the ones I'm talking about. Of course no one plans to get divorced, but you have to make sure that if necessary you and your child can survive if something happens to the marriage or the husband. Jesus, that's just common sense, or should be. That's part of having the responsibility of a child. I might ask if you are for real as well.
Women should not expect to be taken care of. Jeez, haven't we come a little farther than that? I'm not dissing men. I'm saying that as a parent you need to have the ability to support yourself and your kids without having to depend on a man. There is help to get a better job or start a career if you just look for it. Anything can happen - husbands die also, sometimes without leaving insurance or money. A little thought and planning can go a long way.
And you, Cori, probably should have started making sure you were able to take care of your child by yourself when you realized that the alcohol was becoming a problem. But did you?
Submitted: 12/20/2002 12:56:21 PM
Modified: 12/21/2002 2:12:53 AMmelissa
saint louis, MissouriU.S.A.
If he won't pay, Donald Powers should be Incarcerated, and have to chop rocks for the next ten years and his prison wages should go to connie.
Connie, For fun and subtle revenge, go to www.disgruntledhousewives.com and put him on the list of scum. Next, go to the local websites in Oregon and put all his identifying information on there. Why not discourage any other woman from getting 100 feet from him?
Most of this message is to Monika, who recommends you stay together for the kids and never get divorced. Monika is perfect. She is a superstar. The whole world is in awe of Monika, who knows everything and has had a perfectly planned life. Monica needs to stay away from those majic mushrooms.
I grew up with people that stayed together for the kids, and guess what: my cousins are seriously screwed up. I got a male cousin who won’t commit to one female (cause he sees what marriage did to his family) and a female cousin who is very demanding and is never satisfied with anything her spouse does. Why? They think that’s the way they are supposed to be since they’ve learned their parents’ behavior.
I got grandparents who got married young, and stayed married. Why? It certainly wasn’t a happy union. You just didn’t do that back then.
They had 5 kids, and come to find out Grandpa not only commits incest on his own kid, but is a pervert who flashes his Grandkids. Oh, but he’s a breadwinner. He works!
I guess Monika thinks you should stay married to all sorts of men, even the dregs of society.
Anyway, so, my grandma goes to the authorities to get help and guess what they tell her. You made your bed, you lay in it. You be a good little girl and go home and take care of your husband (wink wink) and then he won’t be touching his own kids. Well, he doesn’t stop, so she waits one day til he comes staggering in late at night from a night of partying with his friends from work, and whops him in the head with a frying pan. Well, he doesn’t molest his daughter anymore, but he still occasionally flashes his grandkids. So, we couldn’t even go over to see Grandma. Getting married and then getting a divorce is sometimes an unforeseeable event.
For you, miss Monika, oh she of little brain cell activity (and with lots of misfiring synapses), you are in for a big surprise. Life doesn’t always turn out the way you want it to. I’m sure Connie didn’t plan on raising her kids alone while her ex goes galavanting around the country, stiffing her for his own kids expenses. It’s okay for the ex, but if Connie did it, she’d end up on CNN.
Never blame the victim. The kids are victim and Connie is a victim. Her kids are suffering and are due a better life. Her dad has shown he is quite capable of making a dollar, but he wants to make sure his kids don’t get a penny. Why would you blame Connie? Oh, probably because you are a heartless, blind wench. You don’t understand what kids go through when they don’t have financial support from their dad’s. There’s a lot less opportunity to have a normal life especially if you can barely afford to feed your kids. You can plan til the cows come home and things still may blow up in your face. Maybe you are mad because your “husband" can’t buy you that diamond ring, or new car. Maybe you are mad that the money he makes goes to his “first" family. But guess what, it’s not about the ex-wife, it’s for the kids. And it’s unfortunate that you think that it’s a shame he gives her more than she can make at a job, but most women put off their education to take are of the kids and support their husband. She deserves every penny she gets, because she takes care of the kids. I bet your hubby can take a pee by himself, but I bet his ex-wife can’t. I know, because I don’t have a moment to myself. And while her ex-husband is moving on with her life, it’s harder for the wife to move on. Not a lot of men are willing to take on caring for kids that aren’t’ their own. Sad fact.
What happens between your plans and your fantasies is real life. Real life sucks. I, myself had a lot of standards for my future mate, but even that didn’t prevent what happened.
I met my husband in the Navy. We were raised in Christian homes, shared a common spirituality, and were kindred spirits. Both of us are positive people and we’re both known for our kindness and faithful outlook. We dated for what seemed like forever. When he asked me to marry him, I called his Mom (a great mom, I might add) and asked her what she thought. She said,
“You don’t have to worry. I raised my son to be married. He’s a good man." So, we got married in San Diego in November of 1995.
I knew he didn’t drink and didn’t do drugs. I also knew he had a very high clearance with the government so he had to pass a background check and other security checkpoints had to be cleared. No bad credit, no arrests, no detox, no counseling, no juvie record. We talked to a Navy chaplain who pronounced us both of mature and sound minds, and cleared us with the Navy to get married. Yes, in the Navy, you have to ask permission.
This is where real life comes in. We left our training school and were sent to Florida for our duty station. I was about 25 minutes from where he was. He was stationed on board a ship, I was on shore duty. I was happy to share my life with someone that was in the same line of work and understood military life and demands. To me, I’d found my lifetime soul mate/soul-friend.
We spent as much time together as we could. Before we had gotten married we had talked about kids. Being infertile, I knew that there was no chance of natural conception due to a near fatal accident that I was in when I was a child. So, we decided the Navy was no place for a family, and decided to adopt after we finished our enlistment and be devoted parents.
Well, we had been married about eight months when I found out I was six weeks pregnant. I was shocked and he was stupefied. But, we both were very happy at the miracle we’d been given and started planning to buy a house.
In the meantime, we moved into a bigger place. About that time, my husband made friends with some other married guys on ship. I was very happy because I felt it would be good for him to be around other successful couples.
Boy, was I wrong.
Our daughter was born in March of 1997.
When she was a year old, I discovered that not only did my husband have a mistress, but also she was pregnant. I also discovered she was the third person he’d cheated with. The worst part, some of his friends knew about it. Everyone knew but me. I didn’t know.
I wanted to keep my family intact, so I told him that I’d help the mistress raise the child, since it was partly his and the child didn’t ask to come here. Well, shortly after that, she had a miscarriage or abortion, depending on which version of events that you believe. The child wasn’t convenient for either of them.
Anyway, I was stumped about what to do about the marriage. See, in our families, you just didn’t get divorced. On the other hand, he didn’t see any reason to quit dipping his wick in other places. I didn’t want him to bring me home something like AIDS so that our child would have no parents. I counseled with a Navy lawyer, a marriage counselor, and his parents. In the end, he told me he just didn’t love me anymore and wasn’t ready for a family. Then, he offered to walk away and never see our child again.
I myself am an orphan. A stalker killed my mother when I was seven, and my father broke up with my mom and left town after a very long relationship. She could never find him, and then, she died, taking the truth with her. I know what it’s like to grow up without your dad. I couldn’t believe he’d offer to abandon her.
About the time my husband moved out, he decided to put some of his personal effects into my storage unit until he could find his own place. In the meantime, he came over every few weekends to stay with us so that he could have time with my daughter.
One summer day, I decided to do a little yard work. I was standing out in the front yard with the rake and realized that even if I wanted to use my weed-whacker, it wouldn’t stretch all the way to the driveway. So, I went out to the utility shed to get it my heavy-duty extension cord. When I opened the door, I saw it right away, (it was bright orange), but when I stepped up to get it off the shelf, my foot caught in the suitcase strap and I fell. I felt pretty stupid, falling like that and being covered with dust and dead spiders. I looked around the unit and got sort of depressed that all his stuff was out there, labeled and numbered. The suitcase has been jarred and it was tipped over and pulled about a foot away from the wall where it had been resting. I started to pick it up when I noticed an envelope sticking out the side. I also noticed there was feminine style loopy writing on it. I started not to pull it out, knowing it was probably from this pregnant girl and that I would get upset. But I couldn’t resist. And what I found when I read it was that his high school sweetheart had hooked up with him on a trip home to see his family (I had been on duty) when we had been married for 6 months.
I was pretty upset, as it was very explicit. I opened the suitcase and there must’ve been 100 or so letters there, dated all the way back to before we were married and all the way up to my daughter’s first year. When this hs sweetie found out I was pregnant, she told him that he should leave me because I wasn’t fit to raise a child (funny enough, this girl had no life skills, no education beyond high school and worked at dairy queen. She was a real winner.)
Well, the day I went to divorce court, I was emotionally devastated. I felt I did what I was supposed to, graduated high school, went to college, got job training (five years in the Navy), got married, and finally, had my little girl. But none of that mattered.
My daughter hasn’t seen her dad since she was two years old. She will be six in two months. When we were getting divorced, he told me that he was staying in Florida because I had another year in the Navy and he wanted to be with our daughter. But, exactly one year after we divorced, he moved back to his home state of Oregon, and ended up back with his other high school sweetie. They are now married, (she has a 4 year old from another marriage), and are expecting their first child in the spring. I am happy for them.
Now, it took me a long time to be happy for him in any way, because I felt my daughter and me got totally shafted. He cheated, he left, and he lied.
He never once took her to the doctor, emergency room, took her to anywhere. The only time he was there for her was when the Navy made him take 6 weeks to spend with his daughter before he went on a 6 month med cruise. He’s never bought her a birthday present, never a Christmas present. Thank the good lord I nailed him to the wall with the child support, because I get that and that only every month. No letter, no nothing. We don’t even have to go through the state.
But paying child support doesn’t make a father. I have one full time job working for the government and one part time job. I also pay for not having her dad here. I am utterly exhausted every day. Unfortunately, I can’t volunteer for a lot of her school functions, and my patience wears thin. Her dad until very recently, continued to live it up skydiving, mountain climbing, snowboarding, skiing and partying. Oh, and he’s was a ho.
Yeah, I make sacrifices for my daughter. And, I’m the one who inwardly suffers when Jackie sees another kid with his/her dad. Jackie knows about her dad, has pictures of him, and knows how we met and how much we both love her. She knows that it wasn’t her fault that we aren’t together anymore. I don’t say anything bad about her dad, but I think she’s a very smart kid. Actions speak volumes to kids. Jackie’s dad has never been here for her. It’s unfortunate that the only reason her dad pays child support is because I know his social security number and because I nailed him to the wall because of it. He made a child with me, and he has a responsibility to financially care for her. Morally, he has an obligation to the Almighty for her care and moral and ethical training. But, I feel that I’ve just fine with that.
There are so many good men out there, but chances are, there are a lot of pigs too. Men that prey on single women to get to their kids. Perverts. Men who are on their best behavior when you are dating and then turn into maniacal monsters later on. Men that are good for nothings. I’m sorry, but my ex has it easy.
I, I admit, get all the good stuff. I hold her, I play with her, and I get all the little wet kisses and she always offers to share that sticky candy she’s already licked. I get all the blessings and all the pain. I’m the one she tells, “Mom, you’re my favorite."
Problem is, that was my ex’s choice too. I have been, for 4 years now, sending him pictures, letters, email updates, etc. I call him if he happens to feel like giving me the number where he’s at. I don’t make her dad into a lazy jerk, an emotionally unavailable person, and a person who doesn’t finish what he started. He is slowly doing that to himself.
So, Monika, people can be PERFECT like you and PLAN every waking moment. Sorry, I’m not a TYPE A personality. Most people aren’t either. The truth is people fall in and out of love for all sorts of reasons. Some legitimate, some not. But you can’t knock someone for not being PSYCHIC and not knowing their mate is going to turn out to be an alcoholic, skirt chasing, drug using, non-working, responsibility spurning and spiteful, abusive jerks. They come in all shapes. But before you go pointing your fingers at people for what OTHERS have done to them, you might want to turn that finger around and look at yourself. Yep, you. I think you may have some real issues with anger, jealously, abandonment, self-hatred, insecurity and hatred.
Put yourself in the kid’s shoes, and you will see the only ones suffering are the kids. They’re the ones that people like you put between parental squabbles. People like you make the kids feel guilty for loving either parent, and people like you utilize children to run your little hate speech back to the other parent. “Tell your mom to get a job and then she’ll have some money." Crap like that. I’ve been on both sides. I’ve been raised without a father’s love and financial support, and now I’m raising a child with out patriarchal love. The cycle continues. Once people see that it’s not just about money, well, maybe the kids will come first. You think it’s about money, but it’s not. Not entirely. Isn’t a little part of it that you’re jealous?
But, it’s not your money anyway, it’s his. And he’s paying it for his kids. So really, you should stay out of his problems with his ex-wife. They were there as a family before you came along and it’s really none of your business.
Until you can be civil to his ex, you should consider maybe some anger management classes, or should take up knitting, basket making or weaving. Cause really, why are you yapping about that anyway? You’re more concerned with his ex than he is.
The author of this complaint has full rights to do what she has to do. If she wanted to, she could send a PI or a bounty hunter after him. The FBI also has some pages for Dead-Beat Dad’s. No matter what silly fluff comes from people like Monika, a father or a mother has an OBLIGATION under the law and to God to raise their children. If they aren’t there emotionally than by law they HAVE TO pay child support. Or, they can go to jail. And if they go to jail, waaaah, cry me a river. That’s what you get for forsaking your own.
I hope life doesn’t smack Monika upside the head, but it probably will. She’s living in Monika-land, ruled by fairies and unicorns. But, life on earth is a lot different.
RE; E.D. FROM IDAHO
Fisrt I MUST apologize for misquoting you by using the word 'expect' instead of 'assume.' It really doesn't make much difference though, because the way you phrased that sexist statement, both words pretty much mean the same thing anyway. At least that's the way I took it.
Secondly, I'd like to say that you've been living on the farm out there in Idaho way too long! To set the record straight....women give birth. COWS do the calving & we're NOT moos, sheep, or bears either! Do YOU refer to all of the women in your life (mom, sister, girlfriend, wife, etc.) as animals?
Also, in your first response you mention (I won't directly quote you) that as a 'woman' we need to have the ability to support our kids in the event that something should happen. In this last response of yours, you use the word 'parent' (which would refer to a man OR a woman, by the way) & which you should have said in the first place because it makes much more sense & doesn't appear as though you're saying that the majority of the responsibility of raising a child should be the womans. So don't get so bent out of shape when your choice of words are misconstrewed by others.
Furthermore, in my situation, when I was married & realized that my husbands addiction to alcohol was becoming a problem in our family, I tried everything possible to make the marriage work because I didn't WANT to get a divorce. So, yes I probably wasn't as prepared to raise my daughter alone as I should have been according to you, but I was too busy trying to win a losing battle with alcoholism.
Unfortunately, divorce was inevitable for me because my ex did not WANT to change or WANT a family anymore which I found out after the fact & after it was a little too late. Even though he stated that he would go to his grave not knowing what he wanted out of life (he's on his way there, by the way) he chose to have our daughter & he is just as responsible as myself for bringing her into this world & no matter what the circumstances are, he must help to support her as well.
Also, I don't ever WANT to depend on or EXPECT any man to take care of me & I can certainly take care of myself. But when it comes to providing everything for my daughter that she needs I CAN'T do it on my income alone nor should me or any other woman out there HAVE to. In this day & age it takes 2 incomes to raise a family. Sit down & do the math!
I have rent to pay, electric, gas, phone, water, trash, car, car insurance, gas for car, food, child care, clothes for daughter, lunch money for school, school supplies, medical & dental which I can't afford so it comes out of my pocket (my daughter has regular checkups & takes meds every month for a thyroid condition) she also needs braces, & last but not least any entertainment that I can afford for her after everything else is paid for(which is why she very seldom gets to go anywhere or do anything).
My ex, used to support his daughter, only because he HAD to & the funds were taken directly from his paycheck each month. But after he quit his job of 18 years,(which was 3 years ago) any support & health benefits for our daughter went out the window.
He is now nearly destitue, lives with a friend, rent-free, pays no utilities, has no car payment, no car insurance, & works for another friend of his who pays him under the table so that he can continue to collect welfare & food stamps. In reality, I'M actually supporting HIM. He could care less about what happens to his daughter or whether or not she even has a roof over her head or food on the table. He makes no effort whatsoever to spend any time with her while always making excuses for himself.
He's content with the lifestyle that he leads just barely getting by & has no desire to better himself. He spends every day feeling sorry for himself & whining about how he doesn't have any money to give me for child support. And forget the court system. Been there...done that, only to find out that he doesn't have to pay support because he's living off of our government. So, I can't touch him. Great justice system we have!
Finally, your last statement about deadbeat dads is really a winner! To quote you: 'Keep pursuing him, by all means, but assume you're not going to get a cent. And get on with your life. Like I said before...are you for real?? Get on with your life?? That's much easier said than done. Granted, I made a very poor choice in a husband, but I wouldn't change that choice for anything because I wouldn't have the wonderful daughter that I do. Don't be so judgemental about MOST women until you've heard what their situation is. Take that to the farm!
Hi
If your a single mom and your HOT aka MILF. Ill be your baby daddy for a little while. Ill love you long time...
and im financially secure.
Sometimes having the father pay does not help
Personally I think people need to search thier hearts, yes the Mother may think her child is being robbed of a child hood. But I can tell you the only thing that robs a childhood is a parent trying to control another person. Also what are you teaching this child. You are teaching bitterness, hate..
I think going after another persons assets to get at him is wrong (his wife he has now). She didn't help you create this child. Let me give you an example here.
A person goes her own way, holds a job support her child herself. She gets ill asks for help. The courts decide the child should get support. Two months of $25.00 payment the man goes to court asks for visits and complain he would rather raise the child. He wins. He gets the child the step mother and him abuse the child. Five years of abuse.
The courts finally say ok maybe theres a mistake here. Gives the child back to the mother. The child has to have on going therepy because of hate and bitternes.
The frist thing the child blames is the parent for asking for help. Because the child is now 16 years old and says you should have left him alone. I would have rather live in squaller and love. Than had money. I think people who are a single parent should think twice. Before persuing the other absent parent.
Oh by the way The court on looked at it as a mistameanor. He got of on all the abuse. His hand slapped. The mother wishes she had never asked for help. Let sleeping dogs lie. You should get on with your life and love your daughter. There are lots of resources out there that will help you with finances. Also I think people need to quite being rude to Monika. She has alot of good points too
Monika Will You Marry Me?
Your bit 'All Men Are Bad'was fantastic!! I am married with three girls at present and I will hang in there for the kids. No, I dont beat my children or my wife, but I made a commitment to them until they leave the fold. Your article was dead on!! The backlash was very telling of the 'women scorned syndrome'. I have many male friends who have gone through a divorce, the male being responsible for both attorneys fees, taken to the bank by the 'schedule' for child support inour state and the woman tearing their hearts out by manipulating the kids to the enth degree. My wifes father did not visit her after the divorce at age 6 because of guess what, the mother!!! She is an over bearing, self-rightous beeotch!! I would leave too and try to explain to the kids when they were old enough to understand why I didnt visit. It just amazes me how much time and energy both parties go through for the 'cash'!! It takes alot to raise a kid?? That depends. If you hand your kid everything they ask for, spend half your paycheck on cigs, chips, and beer then I guess relatively you wont have alot of money for your kids needs. Nough said
RE: Roxie
I'm not really sure what happened in the situation that you're speaking of, but in most cases that I've ever been aware of, a man just doesn't go into a court & say that he wants to raise the child now after making a couple of child support payments & win custody unless something was very wrong with the child's current living situation with the mother in the first place or unless she agreed to give custody to the father.
It's very hard for a man to get custody of the child/children (although I have to agree that sometimes the child might be better off in some cases). Also you say that single parents should think twice before going after the absent parent & that there are many $ resources out there available to single parents. First, I'd like to say that if no one demanded child support from their ex spouse, the number of kids living in poverty would be several times greater than it already is.
NO ONE would bother to support their kids at all. The reason that I say this is because when I filed for child support through the Prosecuting Attorneys office in my state alone, I was told that because of the overwhelming amount of non support cases that there were, the PA's office could only spend a limited time per case. They didn't even have enough staff to handle the enormous caseload. I can't even imagine the number of non support cases throughout the United States.
Also, there wouldn't be enough money to go around as far as the resources that you say are available to single parents. What other resources are you talking about? Everyone would be living off of the welfare system. So many single parents also have to work 2 jobs, which leaves them with EVEN less time to spend with their children. Children in single parent families already spend enough time being left unattended the way it is.
My opinion of my ex is strictly that....MY opinion. I will never share that opinion with my daughter or talk bad about him to her. She can one day form her own opinion of him through his absence. That has been his choice. I have tried everything to get him to be responsible & to spend his time with her. Unfortunately, my own parents were divorced when I was very young & my entire childhood was spent listening to my father degrade & demean my mother.
She was called every name in the book, almost on a daily basis & we were told that she never loved us etc., etc. My mother passed away 22 years ago at the very young age of 48. I was robbed of many years with her because of my father & that's something that I will never forget. I vowed that I would never do that to my own children if I ever went through a divorce. Too many people DO put their kids in the middle & it certainly does have a great impact on their lives. That definitely needs to change. I can vouch for that.
RE: Chaz
While I agree with you that there are many men out there that have been taken to the cleaners per say through divorce, I have to disagree about couples staying together for the sake of the kids. I guess if you have an amicable situation, it wouldn't be as bad, but in certain cases where alcoholism, drugs, or abuse may be involved, I definitely think that it's not in the best interest of the child/children to stay together.
I don't know what your own situation is, but let's also say that two people no longer love each other. If they're just staying together til the kids 'leave the fold' as you put it, & because a commitment was made to do so, then what is that teaching them? I don't agree that they should grow up in a loveless environment either. This could have a great impact on their own relationships in the future. Just my opinion.
I also want to say that we're not ALL bad or suffering from 'scorned woman's syndrome.' I just want enough help from my ex to make my daughter's life a little easier. I took nothing from him in our divorce & made things as amicable as possible. Unfortunately, I fought a losing battle with alcoholism which is why I left my marriage. My daughter would have suffered a great deal if I had stayed in the situation for her sake.
Reality Check..wake up call...
I am a single mother of two girls ages 7 and 12.
The father to the 7 yr old just started making payments thanks to his new wife, she got him to take responsibility to pay off a 37,000 dollar child support debt to the state of california and a 10,000 dollar back support to me.
I have lived on welfare and have worked to suport the kids, the states interest charges on that 37,000 has added to over 10,000 of that 37,000 and every month whether he pays or not 250.00 is added atop of the regular monthy support. With interest like that, dont expect it to be paid of, in his life time!
('wake up call')
Do you honestly think you will ever see that money?
I sympathize with you and understand the frustrations and the anger you feel,the time and (I assume) $ you have put into finding him, has gotten you no where, if and when they do catch up to him .. putting him behind bars isnt going to make him change either. They cant keep him forever and believe me prison jobs dont pay well.
other post reguarding this said >'Time to let it go'.
I agree!
If he has not paid for this long, then most likely he never will, most of all is it worth time and energy? he could careless from what I can see from hearing your side, he is missing out, and in the end when he is an old man sitting alone looking back on his life and suddenly hears a knock at the door ... what will his answers be to his daughters grown up questions?...
Reality check....
Dont get me wrong, I strongly believe two parents is better for a child as a whole.
I also agree that the kids are the ones who are affected most they are innocent.
They did not say Lord i want a deadbeat daddy or mommy or , did they ask him to give them a mommy or daddy consumed and hell bent to make the other pay. What they need is a mommy and a daddy who love them enough to put them first!
So to dead-beat Daddy Donald dont you think its time to face the music, I am sure you are aware of your face being posted all over the internet by now, dont you want people to hear your side? hiding and running isnt going to make this all go away and you cant go back so face, make an effort!
To Mommy, your daughter is 12 now she is living with you, dont think for a minute that all your efforts has not affected her either. 12 year olds are smarter then you think, all kids are for that matter... have you ever sat down and talked to her about her feelings or views about it?
She may surprise you.
Good luck to you, and to others.
Submitted: 1/25/2003 11:28:08 AM
Modified: 1/26/2003 12:17:12 AMmichelle
columbiana, AlabamaU.S.A.
i too was a single mom
i to raised 3 kids without support nor did i want it!if their father could not pay for their care when we were together what made me think he would with us being divorced!he never worked paying taxes so no point!it is a waste of time!enjoy your child and do the best you can! the two of you will be fine.
Stop making excuses for Deadbeat's
It's amusing to me that people continue to make excuses for deadbeat parents. Why? It doesn't make sense. You make a baby, you care for it. If you want to do adult things, you take care of the consequences.
Here's my favorite excuses:
1:) They can't afford to pay child support.
2.) They got a new family now.
2:) They won't pay child support, in effort to hurt the ex-spouse, lover, etc.
3:) It is too hard, expensive, etc to collect support.
4:) You are too proud to accept the support.
Guess what? I don't care if the deadbeat has to spend 3 months in jail or lose their driver's license. I don't care if they have to work 3 jobs. I don't really care if they themselves are homeless. There's really no reason for the other parent to neglect the children. If one is obligated to take care of the child, then the other one is obligated to provide for their children their half.
The children came first and didn't ask to be born to a doomed union. They deserve to live (financially) as if they had two parents in the home.
My ex didn't pay support for the first 6 months after he left our home, but I went to NAVY legal and demanded it and back support.
Now, we're both out of the Navy but every month I get a check and only a check. No letter, no phone calls, no nothing. He has remarried and has a step-daughter. He and his wife are having their first child in June.
I think he will be responsible enough to continue paying, because he knows that he cannot escape it. If I raise my daughter, he at least has to do his job and pay his half. I don't feel sorry for him. I have a full time job with the govt that pays decent money. I also have a part time job for extras. My daughter is lucky enough that I can afford a nice apartment, a decent car and we have what we need to survive. His support pays her tuition and it pays for her clothes. I pay a whole lot more than he does, but because I now, for once make more money, that's the way it is. He is still obligated, no matter what I make to pay a portion of her expenses. We both are supposed to pay half, but he gets away with a small amount. He makes an effort, so I am happy with that.
He gets his email updates, photographs, and if he deems it necessary for me to have his number, we call him. I have made our daughter a scrapbook of her dad and his family and I never talk bad about her father if she's in the building. That shatters kids sense of well being.
I have even offered to pay half for her to fly to Oregon to see him. After all, he had a half a page of intricate visitation schedules drawn up (and never used them.) But there is always something more important than our daughter. It's always been that way so I have to accept that as long as he pays, it doesn't matter that he's never been a dad to her. And the sad thing is, I knew the day he left our house that he wanted to walk away and never see our daughter again, so I know that even if I wouldn't have made him pay support, he still would have chose not to be involved in her life.
Girls, the best tip I can give you? Before the first time you hop in bed with your guy, you'd better write his social security number down. Because, if he runs off, you can most likely trace him that way. Lots of ladies don't do that, and they end up raising a kid by themselves and has no idea where the daddy is. Oh, and your kid goes without.
Submitted: 1/31/2003 9:18:05 AM
Modified: 1/31/2003 11:50:46 AMJeff
SAINT PETERSBURG, FloridaU.S.A.
two sides to every story
Divorce is ugly! There are always 2 sides to every story. Some marriages end because of abuse from one or both of the spouses. This type of reason is acceptable. Don't get me wrong,I don't condone violence. No one should stay in an abusive relationship. But those divorces that end because there is 'someone better' waiting in the wings is wrong! Proof is in the pudding. In the courts there should be Police reports and medical reports . Proof of the abuse.
Let the judgement fall there. If a parent leaves due to abuse,let the other pay through the nose. Unless it it caused by both sides,then 50/50. If one leaves to be with another,without abuse problems,then they volunteeringly leave the spouses income behind too. They should also leave the child with the spouse as well. They are the one breaking up the family unit. I am the ,well can't say victim ,of divorce. My ex left me for a family friend who watched her grow up. He is about 15 yrs older than her. She would volunteer on his fire company activities instead of mine. I now know why. To be around him.
We where actively married at the time and was seeing him. If there was any abuse it was from her. I lived in Western Pa. No one from my family lives there. I moved there so she could be near her family. Her mother was every bit involved as the ex was. She knew about the affair and never said a word. I was alone in my plight. Ther has been a web of lies from her side spun along enough to snare the best of judges. No physical proof of any of it but, it is a woman's court. I moved to Florida after I was alienated from my children for over a year. I needed to get a real job. Washington Pa. was not condusive to employment. Then along came divorce papers. No visitation or anything. I was told I would have to file myself, for visitation.
I am a disabled vet with bad knees,diabetes and cancer. I cannot afford the court costs and legal,travel expenses. I am told I must file in Pa. Her legal fees where paid by the state,while I sat helpless to the courts findings to the lies.
The oldest daughter is not mine. She called me daddy and thats all that mattered. I would never tell her she wasnt mine. The first relations I had with my ex was after Dec 1st 1995. She was born July 16th 1996. 7 1/2 half month baby, possible right? Not 9 lbs 15 ozs. The second is mine. She looks like me ......
I have no address or phone number to reach them. Child support goes through the state of Pa. They told me I had no right to their whereabouts. Her mother covers my ex's tracks well. I believe that this qualifies as a dead beat mother situation. Wake up people,there are 2 sides to every story!!!!!!!
WASTE OF TIME!!!!!
I'm SICK of THIS! This is a woman looking out for her child and herself by trying to make a criminal responsible for his actions. If you can't help her, then SHUT UP!!!! And if it's 'all about the children' why aren't YOU pissed off that some idiot in our society is abandoning his flesh and blood? Why some people feel the need to add ridiculous comments about what a mother should've, could've, would've, blah, blah, blah, on this web-page is nothing more than a low-life, nerdy computer geek with NO social contact trying to make him/herself feel better. What's the matter? Jerry Springer find you too stupid to let you on his show, so HERE'S where you'll make a name for yourself? It's a waste of EVERYONE'S time! If you can help a mother find a loser, HELP! HE'S BREAKING THE LAW, incase some of you are completely devoid of reality in our nation. If you can't, let your web-browsing take your crappy opinions somewhere ELSE!
P.S.--Monika, your comments make you out to be the BIGGEST jack-ass I've heard in awhile. You are a judgemental, unfeeling, jealous second wife that needs to take her RIDICULOUS rage at this complete stranger, and point it toward who you need to...your idiot husband that wasn't man enough to take care of his own business before dragging another woman into it! WHAT A MAN YOU HAVE...brainwashing you to defend him to his own ex-wife and kids. YOU'RE NOT EVEN WORTHY OF JERRY SPRINGER...YOU'RE RICKI LAKE TRASH!
My best wishes to the woman not giving up in her fight for justice! Child Support Divisions will make you want to pull your hair out, and the unjust always seem to prevail! But don't give up!!! If I lived in your part of the country, I'd help you find the scum!!!
Re:Cori
Cori, Here in washington, there ae a lot of complaints on the CPS system. I have to tell you this. My daughter has testified to the Ombudsman of the state, that our home was a good and loving home. As for resources every state has them. I can see why they wouldn't help this woman with a restraining order, it is probably because he hasn't been around for 9 years. No one in the court of law needs a restraing order if the ofender is staying away. I am not the only person here in this state that was treated unjustly. According to the reports to ombudsman the state has several law suits on them, for taking away and giving to the other parent over money issuses. As anyone thought that maybe a man disappears, and doesn't become involved, is because he knows in his heart that he wouldn't be good to that child at this point and time in his life? I know of two men that pay thier child support and the ex's of thiers still complain, pester them. These men had eventually choose not to see thier children. Because all the woman could do was disrupt not let go, and not let the child enjoy the visitations. With out hounding the child when they got home. As a matter of this subject I let my daughter read her report, and all the rebuttals here. My daughter said this, no girl of twelve is worried over child support for mom, that 12year olds have other things on thier minds. That the only time it affects a girls thoughts is if the parents says comments like, i could afford it for you if your faather would pay his child support. Well I take my daughter word for it. Out of the mouth of babes. She has a point there cause her friends come here and ytalk with me about it, and also my daughter. They don't want to hear that, they consider it none of thier business. Other than that the parent that raises them is supporting them first and then think of themselves last. I held down two jobs before I came ill. As for not seeing my child enough, One of those jobs I took her with me. There are alot of jobs out there that will let you bring your child. I will say this sense the last time I wrote then showed my daughter this report and rebuttals, we have come closer and we talk better now, also she has made up her mind to wait till she out of college. Started her daycare business to have children. So all of you out there everyone of your responses has help me and my daughter. I thank you very much!!! I was worried there for a while, for my child. You all helped better than some of her counseling appointments.
A Manuscript: 'Poems and Letters From Deadbeat Daddy' Plus... **EDitor's E-mail, info on Dead Beat
What began as a vehicle to express my feelings of loss and being away from the two dearest people in my life after a divorce, became a way of communication, a way of life as time passed.
Laura and Kristina are now at the ages of fourteen years and eleven years respectively. It has been seven years since their Mother and Father's divorce. A very nasty divorce, and an ignorance perpetuated by a legal system that has ignored two innocent girls over this long period of time. The system vertainly has not worked in any effective manner for me, as a Father and has financially incapacitated me, probably for many years.
What motivates me, or I should say keeps my therapeutic sanity is the writing of poems and letters to Laura and Kristina, in the hope of healing my anger toward my former spouse, while expressing my heartfelt love for My Children, no matter what they may believe of a Father who must have abandoned them. I know they must feel this abandonment, from a Father who had such a strong bond with them beyond normal fatherhood. I am not sure the reader can empathize with the Father's understanding of true pain from the soul, or that this story can truly be understood with so many convoluted paths in his journey to see his Children.
Always mirrored in my mind while writing these poems and letters is the reflection of a picture, with a pink frame above Laura's Crib, and next to our rocking chair depicting the caption,
'Anyone Can Be A Father
But,
It Takes A Special Person To Be A Daddy.'
I would give my life to go back in time, when life was so precious, so dependable, and so delicate.
There is another reflection from the framed expression above the rocking chair, where I sang lullabies to Kristina. The picture with a poem in its blue frame captioned the famous excerpt from, 'The Velveteen Rabbit' by Beatrice Potter. I remember her favorite song, 'You Are My Sunshine' and the sound so vivid, as if it was only yesterday.
Yesterdays have gone bye so quickly, as my senses have been numbed over the past seven years with the most precious children being taken from my life, leaving only my imagination to ponder. I have made nightly journeys into my subconscious memories of Richard Scarry's Books, trying to find Gold Bug hidden in various illustrations, books of nursery rhymes, books such as Goodnight Moon, Three Little Kittens and so on.
I wish for the many teddy bears to revisit my imaginary Children's Family. Now, Big Bear and his many friends are tucked away in plastice garbage bags in some musty cellar. Ans so I find my heart within a subterranean place of it's own, in limbo, awaiting the return of My Princesses. I live for the day my imaginary dreams, amy in some way, become a true vision of peace and tranquility outside a courtroom battle, a reality where fairness of jurisprudence takes hold of this nightmare, and casts it to the lowest levels of hell. I wish for God's comfort to be bestowed upon Laura and Kristina during our long and torturous seperation. I can seek sanctuary in my poems and letters from the heart and soul of my inner being, but what of My Children? How do they absolve those who have sinned? Those who thought vengeance was more of an appropriate remedy to a Father of two innocent Children, caught in a web of personal hate, sacrificing Children's love for their Father.
A special person was removed from Laura and Kristina's Life, leaving an idemnity of poisonous words for their loss, in describing their Father as a man who abandoned them, as if memory would be erased from a wonderous childhood.
A Father was lumbered from his family tree of inheritance, burned to ashes after being cut from the tree of life's blessings by serpents at the bowels of a sinewy oak until a bending of stature amongst the forest.
I say a prayer to God that no other man of children ever endures this journey, the reader is about to witness through anger, fear, hope and despair, never to find the years that were lost to vindictiveness, piety, guilt, power and manipulation. I pray at every opportunity for The Fathers and Their Families of our social fabric to gain the necessary strength to protect our God-given Rights to Fatherhood. Go the extra mile, never relinquish your trust to the courts and expose the injustice that is taking place every day in a democracy concerning All Children's Rights. The Children have no representation within the process of divorce; they only represent the pawns in a chess game of devastation.
May my communication to Laura and Kristina, provide emotional peace and consolation for other Mothers and Fathers in need of God's strength during very difficult periods of their lives. I only hope that God's covenant of Righteousness follows your life's path for the sake of all Children's peace and tranquility.
' Life's Blessings'
Touched by a heartbeat, blossoms this unique human being
From the seedlings of Angels, a special Child is born
Touched by the miracle of creation for all humanity to see
Where elegant words cannot describe the emotions adorned
Touched by the joy of sharing, Life's trust is treasured
A Cherub's Unconditional Love is so freely given
A key to unlocking the meaning of Love, Life's purpose measured
Touched by the measure of Life, God's awakening through a Child
We share this Special Child in Our World, this consummated Blessing.
Robert
Unbelievable....
I honestly can't believe some of the people on here. This woman started her link to get help finding the man who owes her child a life. And it's not nickel and dime stuff here........we're talking about $50,000+. Anyone that thinks this guy is in the right should have their heads examined. You can't blame the woman because she married him. Sounds to me like this guy is a loser......look, he isn't even supporting his 2nd wife. But people are blaming the ex-wife?! I can not believe it.
I had a friend in a similar situation, and when the papers were finally served to him, he laughed in the court officers face. Some 'People' don't care. I don't want to group this as all men or women since there are both sexes that can be unfit parents but Good LORD! Don't blame the woman who is trying to get answers and track this loser down. Think before you speak (or type).
Thank you, Mr. find um all....Wooo, hoooo!!
I only read breifly some of this rif off report, but when i got to the last entry, i had to stand up and cheer.....It has been a hassel for me to get my ex to pay, but, like i read a little earier, 'if he wont pay, make him pay' and mine did....i called every person, employer, U.S.Govm.t, Calif. Child Support, Tax people, rent it centers, and i gave them his new address two and a half years ago....yes, it may take that long...but, he's paying now.....can i just say, that he is bling-bling$$$$$$$$$$ in the whole.....
I have receive 3 child support payments in a row, and i can buy....Those shoes she needs, rent that movie we couldn't go see, go have an ice cream and take a friend if she wants...it is very hard to do on your own...but, i am much happier without him....i'm a stronger woman without him, i am a better parent without him...we got the councelling that we (the kids and i needed)
And, to the mother, Be strong, stand tall, focus on what really matters, and nail his ass to the wall. Have a nice day!
to all the dead beat dads...only you know who you really are....some of you really can't do anything about your situation, and for that i wish you strenght too..but, for the others, you are selfish pigs,
Monika, Grow up!!
You were talking earlier about how she should have stayed with her husband because they have children. Do you know her? Do you know how she was treated? I can't be positive, but I'm sure the answer to that question would be 'NO'!
Is is right to stay in a loveless or abusive marriage for the sake of the children? Children learn about relationships from their primary example. Their Parents. These are the people that show them what is right and what a relationship is supposed to be. Would you stay in an abusive relationship and allow your son/daughter to think that it's ok for a man to hit a woman? Or allow him/her to believe that no matter how they treat their spouse, they will never lose them??? That has to be the most rediculous comment I have even heard of in my life!
Just because your new husband has an ex-wife from hell, doesn't mean that all single mothers that expect child support are the same. Some of US actually NEED the money to help pay the bills. Some of US actually think that if a man creates a child, he also creates an obligation for himself. And some of US hurt inside to watch their children suffer on a daily basis while this selfish deadbeat stomps all over their little hearts by shunning them when all the kids do is love him unconditionally.
I have 2 beautiful daughters with a deadbeat father. They have managed to survive for the past 6 years without him or his money....I am civil to him and I allow him to see them....but only when THEY want to see him. It shouldn't be what's convenient for him, because The Lord knows, paying a dime to help his children get through life hasn't ever been convenient. I don't hound him for money anymore. It has become about the girls and not about he and I. I'm sure that would be a different story however, if I didn't have the means to take care of them sufficiently myself.
My point is, that you (Monika) obviously have never been on the other side of your argument. You have NEVER been a single mother. You have never had to wonder where the next meal comes from and you have NEVER had to face a child that feels unloved from someone that is supposed to love them unconditionally. You have never had to lie about why daddy is always busy, just to help them feel a little bit better about themselves. YOU DON'T KNOW at all.
If you would take the time to walk in someone else's shoes besides your own before flapping your gums in opposition ...you might not be so quick to judge.
The Good and The Bad
Well first off, I don't put much thought into people writing here with strong opinions unless they have been in a similiar situation.
This child deserves to have financial help from her Father. This child actually deserves to have her Fathers love but obviously that isn't happening. How can anyone defend a man that has gone to such extreme lengths to not have to pay out one single dime to his own flesh and blood???
Even if the Mother was wealthy and her child had everything she ever needed and wanted, this deadbeat father is still legally and morally responsible to help his child.
My Ex and I divorced years ago and I remarried and there are no financial stuggles. BUT not because of any help from my EX but because of my hard work and the hard work, commitment and love of a wonderful Husband and StepFather to my two children. He is a man that has raised two children there were not even his own and never once did he resent it. My childrens own Birth Father didn't do any of this another Man did it for him. I pursued the child support simply because it was my EX's responsibility. It was NOT about being money hungry it was the principles and moral issues involved. I allowed my children to have a relationship with their birth father because I knew that no matter what the situation was, they still loved him. It is extremely hard for me to step out of the way and let this happen. BUT I will continue to try and make him pay child support.
In my opinion this Mother and woman should NOT be judged. I say she should go to any length to get her EX. But to her I say 'be very careful that you take care of your own mental health in trying to get your EX to pay. God Bless You!!!
As to the money hungry comments made in some of the articles, I say you people need to walk in this womans shoes. ANY responsible parent can (but very few do) provide their children with material needs. SO I do not buy into this 'well the ex just spends all the child support money'.
If people would sit down and do the calculations, child support barely covers the very basics. We aren't just talking about clothing and feeding children. We are talking about needing to keep them housed and schooled and medical and dentist attention.
ONCE again ANYONE that sides with a deadbeat parent that has gone to the extremes that Reed Powers has to avoid responsibility, I say SHAME ON YOU for siding with this irresponsible, selfish, self absorbed deadbeat dad!!!!
Sincerely
someone who has walked in this womans shoes!!
This is too much CRAP.
Monika, I have to give you props. I agree wholeheartedly that people should be certain in their love and commitment before even thinking of having children.
Unfortunately, everyone can't be perfect, and mistakes are made. I myself made one. My son Christopher lives with his mother in another state. She was awarded residential custody through our divorce, even though she had no employment history or a home. When we seperated, she was evicted from the apartment she moved to.
I have always paid the child support as ordered, even ASKING the court for a garnishment, just to be certain. The only time a payment was delayed was when I got laid off. I paid this back in whole within 6 months. In the last six years since the divorce, she has been fired from every job she's had, for reasons such as her roommate robbing the store where she clerked. I am working my second job since the divorce, currently with the state government. I have remarried, and have two additional children. I support all of my children, and provide their housing, food, clothing, etc... There is nothing at all wrong with second-hand stores or public schools. Class ski trips are not neccessary to grow up happily. My ex-wife has ambushed all but two of my attempted visits in the last six years. It's kind of like watching a skipping dvd, only sporadic still images. It IS HER FAULT that I am missing my son's childhood. I cannot say that I haven't considered going 'under the radar' too. However, responsibility is one thing that I hope my son will see from me, and if that is the only thing, then at least he'll know I tried my best. I hope my ex grows up soon and realizes that she is not helping my son by keeping him away. Any mother who can provide a private education, ski trips, and prom dresses for a 12 year old, as well as going to these great lengths to find the 'dead-beat' dad, surely has no financial woes. I do not pity her, nor do I pity the dad. Like I started to say, I agree with Monika that both parents need to be responsible no matter whether the other parent is.
'Child Support' is a scam. Something else needs to be instituted instead.
After watching my own mother collect support checks from my father and then disappear for days at a time while she drank and smoked the money away (mind you, I was 11 years old at the time), I can only say that child 'support' is an antiquated idea. I really liked the idea of an itemized statement being sent to the father which lists all child related expenses - a great idea!
If my mother would have had to do that every month, then perhaps my sisters and I wouldn't have had to fend for ourselves. I can't believe that we're the only kids this ever happened to, either.
Do what is best for your daughter
Dearest Monika
Your posting 'All men are bad' was right on. I see your point exactly due to the fact that I have witnessed everything you stated. I won't take the time to go into the gruesome details of what I've seen. Suffice it to say, I've seen the ex-wives do even worse than what you described (in 5 different divorces). Thank you for haveing the gutts to say it like it is among the politically correct. You being a woman and saying what you said is truely refreshing. Your husband is blessed.
Connie
Here is a perfect solution to your problem. Since you claim such reverent love for your daughter and her 'childhood is slipping away' and we all know you only want what's best for her;(or do you just want 'SOMEONE TO PAY'!) and if 'it's not about the money' then............simply give her over to her natural father. Think about it. You said yourself that he and his wife....excuse me....'accomplice' own a 2 story 4bed house.....(plenty of room). And horses....(your daughter would have an awsome educational blast). And 2 jewelry stores (the financial security would be exellent).....and.....a barber shop?......(well, I guess that's an honest job. I've never envisioned a dead beat barber.) Last but not least, a 1998 Ford Pickup Truck....(this guy just keeps getting better, mine's a 81 GMC). Just think about the secure life she would have.....and think hard......before her 'childhood slips away'. For her sake, think about what's best for her. After all, we all know it's not the money that's at stake here.....It's the $50 Gs in the rear......or......is it what's best for your daughter.
Your story about Donald (the Barber) is inspireing. Oh.....that an older woman would come and sweep me off of my feet, move me into her home, put all of my valuable assets into her name just to protect me from state sponsored extortionists. What a knightess in shineing armor. (Gosh, I want whatever cologne this guy is wearing) And to top it off......lots of friends (from Hawaii that is) to give me tax free work. This is truely a modern fairy tale come true. What is the secret to this guys success? How does this guy do it? Makes me think of Donald Trump. Donald Powers should change his name to Donald Triumph.
With deepest sympathy...........Frank
It's all about responsibility
Be it man or woman, custodial or non-custodial. When two people have children together, they should both be held equally responsible for those children. If the woman's playing dirty, the law should step in, if the man's playing dirty, the law should step in. Anyone who gets stuck in thinking only one side needs to give or get will never get anywhere until they get past that thinking.
CS is *not* antiquated. It is a necessity at times. All NCPs who don't pay CS are *not* deadbeats, but are at times. And just because two people couldn't make a marriage work...regardless of *whatever* reasoning or excuses...when children are involved, the children still need cared for by both.
Because my cousin's ex-wife went on welfare gave her no right to claim he hadn't paid the CS he'd been paying all along and have CSE force him to pay it all over again. Because my ex decided to walk rather than get abuse counseling, gave him no right to take all our money, sell off our belongings and disappear. My cousin's kids are hurt because dad didn't have the money to spend on them when they were in his care and my daughter was hurt because I didn't even have the money to put a roof over our heads or feeds us because of his actions. The divorce is between the adults and should remain between the adults. Some people need to learn what really *is* in the best interest of the kids.
It Takes A Real Man To Be A Father!
I got married when my daughter was 1 an 1/2 years old, to a man who is the best step father to her will actual he is her Daddy, in my daughter eyes !! My daughters's real father as I call him, Sperm Donor doesn't give a damn about her . He always complains about the money he is paying & tells me he want to give her up, but is not going to because he wants to bug us & is jealous of fact that my husband is called Daddy. I don't know why some guys think that everything should be left up to the women, when it comes to kids. My ex yes he comes to pick her up but it's when he feels like it. But even when he has her he throws her off on his mother so he can go out drinking with his friends ' he says he doesn't have time for her'. I hate what he's doing to her, ever weekend I have to hear 'mommy I am not going over there am I, no.'
Why can All Fathers take responsiblilty & stop hurting our kids, it's not the childs fault, they didn't ask to be in this world!!!!!!!!!
A marriage is broken by an adult for reasons.
Did anyone consider, Its easy to make accusations. Frankly I have run into more dishonest people then honest its all in the justification. People will do things for money and love they may not otherwise do. Has anyone considered this? A marriage is broken by an adult for reasons. If the marriage is broken for good reason what are the reasons. I think adultry, drugs, abuse are good reasons. What about the other reasons like I dont love him anymore, I am not enjoying my life with him. I want a relationship with someone else. there are more not as good reasons but still enough to seek a divorce. Should a man be called a deadbeat if the woman has destroyed his family for a not so good reason. Should he get custody since after all he was the one sticking in there and willing to work on things. I think he should be given custody and by all means not punished more. Some courts are quick to accuse fathers of abbandoning their children and being deadbeats without considering what the mother has done to the father and what his options are. I say walk softly america we are teaching our daughters to be man haters. I have children and step children. I dont like my ex but I know my children do no matter how much money he gives me. I have custody of my children because cours are unfair. Did I have to lie, no. They just give me whatever I ask for. My children didnt ask him to leave and its not my right to change their relationship with him. I see my ex use her children to get money, to get favors and help. I understand its hard but its hard for everyone and there is no justification to change the relationship between a child and its parent if the child is safe. Lets be honest and keep the children well adjusted. Welfare needs to find another way out of debt. Children need everyone they can get. The woman are robbing fathers. They are robbing children. They justify it by telling themselves they are the nuturing ones. He cant handle it. I think they are wrong. Kids can deal with a lot including not so great house and no horse back ridding but they cant deal with someone who hates or pushes away the person they love. When they grow up they will either be badly adjusted or will resent the parent who hust them.
Submitted: 11/28/2003 12:43:48 PM
Modified: 11/28/2003 3:47:00 PMC - Houston Texas
Houston, TexasU.S.A.
Opinions & Experiences, Everyone has one.
This is an extremely controversial subject that always tends to boil over. There are opinions from ....
1-The Dads & Moms who have 'been had' by the witchy ex- who took him to the cleaners and was never given the opportunity to see his children and forks out a crazy percentage of $$ out of each check and never get out of marital debt.
2-The Dads & Moms who 'DO' have the $$ and live lavishly, but evade the law and responsibilities of child support and only have tele-conversations with their own flesh and blood and leave them crying for their attention and pleading for a visit. Empty promises and broken little hearts.
3-The Dads & Moms that have struggled as single parents to provide these children with higher education and fun things in life that we LOVE to see our children enjoy. We love to see them happy.
4-The Dads & Moms that actually work together as divorced parents to imply that the separation of parents CAN actually work and not be hostile.
There are 100 different scenarios, 100 different experiences, 100 different opinions. Each OPINION is based on that family's experience. One 'experience' that YOU have not been in. So, go ahead and tell your story, but then soften your hostility because you most likely have not walked in the shoes of the person's whom opinion you oppose.
My story: My son is now 8 and his father has never sent child support and never accepted the offer of visitation. I just figured that the hassle of fighting for child support and deciding the back and forth visitation issues in court was just not worth what it could have done to my son emotionally. (especially if his father did not want to see him in the first place)....Anyway, I have since married a wonderful Christian Man and Daddy, moved out of state, had another baby, and live comfortably.
Recently, I was informed that the Dead Beat Father is now in jail for Aggravated Child Molestation and may face the death penalty
Like I said before, EVERYONE has their own experience and opinion. Although, the bottem line in THIS REPORT is that the DEAD BEAT FATHER owes $50K and he DOES need to buck up and shell out some $$$ and the mother has paid her dues and put her daughter's education first and done it SOLO. So, press on Mom. I hope you find the comfort you need. But, be ready for the consequences that it 'could bring' and make sure that the amount of $$ is worth the effort and hardship.
Oh and Monika - you have no kids - make judgements against the Parents (which you are not) whom have been through divorces? - I guess that takes the 'divorcee' title off you? Pot calling the Kettle black, huh?... And people like 'Connie' ...(who has been through 5 freegin divorces!) support your lengthly self-righteous opinions. - I laugh at you both.
I hate to quote Hillary Clinton, but it does take a village sometimes.
I'm a dad who pays child support, health insurance etc.
I used to earn a good deal of money, as like Monika I lived in Massachusetts and made a good living.
I met my ex, we had a good time, and I can attest that condoms are not 100% effective even when used properly.
However, I was an adult... I knew the consequences.
I now live in Idaho, and make significantly less (60K per year down to 16K). My child support is based on my previous income. Between health insurance and child support its about $600 per month. If you do the math that leaves me with $8800 a year to live on. I can tell you it is not comforatble and I do not suggest it, but if my ex and I were together, we would find a way just as I will now.
I have a realistic attitude.. she is not blowing this money all over town; she pays the bills, mortgage, co pays on the health insurance, buys food, clothes (and yes we are both are going to thrift stores now), but even though we argue, both of us are focused on one thing... our daughter (what is more important?) will not want or need if we can avoid it... she is the focus of all this, not me, nor my ex.
Comments about how it is so unfair that men pay child support are unbased. Who has the kids gets it. Visitation is also unrelated to child support. You do not pay it, you still get to see your kids... they are seperate issues. If your ex denies visitation because of past due child support take them to court; I suspect you will even get your lawyers fees paid.
My last suggestion is that when the child reaches the age of majority, she files a suit on her own. She will likely get a judgement for the past due amount, and it may pay for college. If I remember my MA law, kids get that.
Monika, if you have achile who is under 15, send me sizes.....Y'll send what clothes I can that will fit.
YOUR KIND SHOULDNT HAVE KIDS
It is MY opinion that is you can't afford to take care of a kid by yourself, then you shouldnt have one. Trusting a man to stay with you is suicide.
Parential Alienation Syndrome
Any attempt at alienating the children from the other parent should be seen as a direct and willful violation of one of the prime duties of parenthood.
At a loss of words Or Not
I can't believe some of the things I have read here from everyone.
I agree that it is hard to comment on this issue if you have not lived through it yourself. I have and continue to live through it everyday. I am a single mother of 4. I take responsibility for my part of having children by men that do not take responsibility for their part. Yes, I said men. I had my children at a young age. My first two by one father, we never married. Then my younger two by the man that I did marry.
I have never received a penny of child support from the father of my older two daughter. It still has not stopped me for making it possible for them to meet him. I paid for the trip myself because it was for my daughter's not him. He has the option of having contact with them any time he wants it is his choice not to. It does hurt my daughter's and being that now they are teens they some times say they hate him or they don't want to see him even if he tries. I remind them that we all have hard times in our lives and that they should at least keep in mind that he did give them life just like myself. I would never force them to see him after the choices he has made. In the same reference I will not bad mouth him either he is still thier father.
As for my younger daughters' father he never wanted to pay me any child support, but eventually started to pay. Now he has been out of work for a year and a half. He gets visitation every other weekend. I would never dream of stopping my girls from having a relationship with him. He has missed a lot of his visits in the past year. I think the fathers end up not seeing the children because of the guilt that they feel. No matter how much they want to justify not paying child support deep inside they know they are wrong.
I try to provide for my children the best I can. They have a good house to live in, food in the cupboards and I even provide new clothes and not thrift stores when I can avoid it. Sometimes they may not get some things they may want, but nothing that will kill them. My older two daughters now work so that they can have some of the things that they want. My children are good kids they have good values and do not blame any one for our misfortune.
Although, I would never express it to my children I am very angry that thier fathers are not responsible. I would do any thing I could to force them to live up to their obligations. So, Connie all power to you. No one can judge a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
We should all be intolerable of all deadbeat dads and moms. They cost every taxpayer money every year.
Also in the defense of fathers and mothers that are the absent parent, they should not be forced to pay such a high cost of child support that they can't even survive on their own. If the children were living with them they wouldn't be able to pay out more than what they could afford for school, clothes, or extra curicular activities.
It all comes down to the fact that if we were to start by teaching our children young that nothing comes for free and live up to all your obligations. Life and society would get better. We all need to learn how to be nicer to eachother and how to teach it to our children.
I think we have seen the intolerance and hatered that people can put out by just reading the responses that have come from this situation.
Peace to all.
BEYOND THE HYPERBOLE
My comments are directed to nobody in particular and everybody in general.
1. These two people conceived a child.
2. They divorced.
3. The court ordered the non-custodial parent to pay child support.
4. He hasn't paid it.
5. The custodial parent has a right to seek the delinquent child support.
6. Connie asked for readers of this board to help locate her ex. Whatever motives she has, either real or perceived, have nothing to do with the fact that Donald is ducking his responsibility to a human being he helped create.
I'm a retired Private Detective. With only a modicum of effort I was able to determine that Mr. Powers is not working as a licensed barber in Idaho, Washington or Oregon. Nor is he operating a barber shop in any of those states.
Additionally, he is not registered with the Secretary of State as any type of corporation or sole proprietor.
The phone number and address for Mr. Powers given by the custodial parent at the beginning of this thread are not listed anywhere. Most likely they are bogus.
There is no listing for a Donald Powers in Troutdale, OR. There is a listing in a nearby town for a Donald R. Powers, and I have forwarded this information to Connie.
Why expend my time and energy? I raised my two oldest daughters by myself for four years after my first wife ran off with a guy on a Harley. She was ordered to pay support, but never did. I had to quit college, struggled & sacrificed, worked two full time jobs and begged her to pay something everytime she had them for visitation (also court ordered, and which I complied with to the letter). She refused to pay a cent.
When I took her to court over it, she decided to let my 2nd wife adopt them rather than pay. Rather than be responsible, she decided to give up her own flesh and blood.
I'm happy to say my children are now grown, happy, married women who have blessed me with four granchildren.. no thanks to their deadbeat mother who they haven't heard from in 22 years.
As you can see, I know what it's like. If I am able to help someone else avoid the struggle I went through, I'm happy to.
Tim
Way to Help Tim
I just gave you a standing ovation Tim. Way to help out!
P.S. To someone earlier who said only have kids if you can afford it on your own...otherwise it's suicide....If people waited to be able to 'afford' kids, the world would end. Kids are a constant expense...from birth to college to marriage. That isn't why people have kids--because they can afford them.
And to the person who said child support is an antiquated idea, and they should issue a monthly statement on what the child needs....explain the logistics of that idea...Do you wait till the month is over to reimburse the parent?! Sorry, but not a logical idea!
Happy Tuesday to ya'll and good luck Connie...you will catch that scumbag...it's just sad that he's doing this to his daughter.
Tim, congrats on raising 2 terrific kids!
I liked your story. It is a shame that some parents can get away with what your slimy ex did. For every deadbeat father, there is a deadbeat mother. Women like that should not be blessed with fertility.
I will say this. It is both parents responsibilty to raise the child. If one parent bails, it is up to the other to step up to the plate and work even harder. To the mom's who had kids with deadbeat dads, they chose to have the kid as well. It is not the father's 100% responsibility to support the kids.
This guy though sounds like a slimeball, he should have his balls cut off, and men like him should be forced to pay child support every month, regardless of employment or income. When men do not work, the courts do not go after them and force them to pay. That is wrong.
I see both sides of the issue since I am a single mom, and dating a guy with kids whos ex tries to drain him out of every last penny, even though he pays 800/mo in support which is plenty for the kids needs. She works a low paying job and blows it all on the mortage, then complain dad is a deadbeat when he doesnt pay more. I work full time and then some to support my daughter. I cannot just sit back and say 'I'll let her father pay for her' because that is wrong, and women who cannot afford kids should not have them. Mothers have a responsibility too as well.
Children are a privilage
The child support laws are a modern debtors prison. As a divorced parent I see having custody and the privaledge to spend every day with them my own reward. They are my responcibility and I would never ask for help.
My opinion, child support should be based on poverty level income divided by two.
Leave this man alone.
AHHH GOTTA MAKE MORE COMMENTS
OK ... it's been awhile since I first posted on here. Connie, I hope you have had some success in tracking down your ex ... esp. with the information that Tim as emailed to you. If so, you are more lucky than most ... my best friend STILL is waiting after 18 years of back support with warrants in 3 different states that her ex has lived in. I was more fortunate and did collect my little sum of $4000, although it took three years to do it, and he only lived 10 minutes away & DID have a legitimate job ... just didn't keep one for very long after the courts would order the company to attach his pay for the support.
Someone mentioned they wanted to see some 'reversed' custodies ... I have TWO friends that are fathers and have custody of their children ... BOTH are having the same BS of trying to collect the court-ordered support ... BOTH work their butts off at jobs AND to raise their children to the best of their ability. One of these friends has an ex that just might wake up from her drug and alcohol induced haze long enough to see that 7 years have gone past in her son's life that she couldn't stay sober enough to enjoy. What a pity.
Another comment ... although a person is NOT employed (I'm not sure about this in other states except PA) ... they are STILL required by law to pay child support. If they are on unemployment, the support is taken directly out of the checks prior to being issued to the unemployed person (which was my boyfriend's case ... he only saw $80 a week and she received $265 a week). Unfortunately for him, the plant he worked at closed down and 800 people lost their $22/hour paying jobs. Think the courts care about that? NOPE! If they are NOT eligible to collect support (as was my ex's case) they are STILL required to pay something ... I received $10 a month HA! think that payed for much for my son? ... and they are also given only 6 months to obtain employment and resume the original court-ordered amount.
The main comment I have to agree on here is the one of MAKING SURE you have a social security number. That is the best way to track down and receive your back support. The IRS and state income taxes do get confiscated (make sure you fill out the appropriate forms BEFORE their deadlines) and they adjust for an ex-spouse that has remarried and has filed a joint return, but you will still get a portion of the return for owed support.
Again ... good luck Connie ... I'm still trudging along raising my 4 children while working my butt off at work 40 hours a week to give them the best life I can. We have our ups and downs ... but we're happy, and that is what really counts. My youngest daughter (12 yrs old) is an insulin-dependent diabetic, which throws us all for a loop sometimes when she has bad times and ends up hospitalized for a few days ... but we get through it ... this year, she spent Christmas Eve and Christmas in Children's Hospital ... we made it through it and celebrated her 12th birthday 2 days after. My other 3 kids (21, 19 & 13) decided they wanted take her presents to the hospital, so she could open them Christmas morning ... so I think I did a damned good job raising my children on my own. Yes, their dad does see them ... I have NEVER refused his visitation ... and although we are not together after 15 years of marriage, I think we have BOTH done (are are still doing) our children right.
cannot beleve that people are saying the things
WHAT?? I cannot beleve that people are saying the things you all are saying! 'divide poverty level by 2' for the basis of child support? What a crock! I tell you what, I work 40-60 hours a week, I am a volenteer fire fighter (which means if your house is on fire, or your having a heart attack, or your kid is dying, I am dropping EVERYTHING to get my butt to you to do everything in my power to help), I am going to night school to become an EMT, and I am a board member for a non-profit group. I am teaching my children to CARE about themselves and everyone around them. Don't even tell me that since my ex decided to be a worthless p.o.s. crack head that I should ignore the fact that he CHOSE to have children, and not ask for child support! I spent 8 long years trying to give my kids a decent relationship with their 'dad', even though he didn't pay support, didn't care if they had warm clothes, didn't care if it was wrong to secretly teach an 11 yo. girl to cook, package, and sell crack. Those kids are now terrified of the sob, so THEY choose not to have anything to do with him, and they RESPECT everything I do for them and for my fellow man. I'll be darned if he gets to spend whatever money he has on crack and God knows what else if it's in my power to get that money for my kids instead! I will spend the rest of his miserable, good for nothing life, making sure he is hounded for the money he owes HIS kids. If you don't like it, why don't you hop on over to Astoria Oregon and find Kelly Hunt, get him off crack and give him a job (oh, yah, he has a BA in accounting that he got while I supported our family, and he has done exactly NOTHING with it!) maybe then he will be a parent?? NO?? Then don't even try to say leave the poor guy's alone. When they put in half the effort I do to give their kids a good life, let's talk again.
WHY are you people still hounding this lady???
THIS IS NOT A FORUM TO DISCUSS THE PROS AND CONS OF COLLECTING CHILD SUPPORT!!! It was a complaint a woman posted to track down a man who is BREAKING THE LAW, which coincidentally is hurting his own child. If you can't help track him down, please SHUT UP!!
Someone already said it earlier, 'The intent of child support is to supply the child with every financial avenue he/she would otherwise have if he/she lived with BOTH parents under one roof. PERIOD!! Forget the revenge....forget the excuse of 'lazy women wanting to bum off their ex's' forget all of it. A man walked out on his kids, and hasn't looked back. Pretty big damn tragedy in my opinion. Ummmm, some of us mothers made complete plans WITH our spouses to be stay-at-home mothers to better insure our children would be raised with more emotional and mental support than those dumped at daycare 8-10 hours a day BEFORE THEY WERE BORN, and if our husbands ran out on us for their own selfish reasons, then WHAT DOES THAT DO TO THE PLANNING OF HOW THE CHILDREN WERE GOING TO BE RAISED???? What an insult to make comments as if divorce is a planned, accepted business transaction. Many people are divorced WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT. But when someone wants to smoke crack, or sleep with hookers rather than be good husbands and fathers, what are we suppose to do???
And, I might add, that the statistic of children living UNDER the poverty line in America is 19 million. GUESS HOW MANY OF THOSE CHILDREN ARE OWED BACK-CHILD SUPPORT FROM DEAD-BEAT PARENTS??? 17 MILLION!!!!!! And guess how many of those 17 million would still be under the poverty line if they began receiving that money: ZERO!!!!! Do you imbeciles understand that there are only 2 million children in our entire nation who are legitimately POOR?? The other 17 million are kids who have a--holes for parents who aren't pulling their weight INTENTIONALLY to take care of their half of a human being THEY PUT ON THIS EARTH. I'm currently owed $25,000 by my son's father. I'm also a tax payer. Do I want others to pay for my son when he has a father who makes $75,000-$100,000 a year in sales, but chooses to snort it all up his nose or spend it on his many girlfriends in Vegas?? You think other tax payers feel great knowing a capable father isn't taking care of his child?? I know as a tax payer, I DON'T WANT TO PAY FOR ANOTHER CHILD'S DRUG-ADDICTED, SELF-CENTERED DAD, especially when he's making 3 times what I am!!!
Make the jerks who are responsible for their debts PAY THEIR DEBTS! It's sick that we have to refer to children as 'Debts'!!! It's a big enough crime that these men aren't tucking their children in at night, or praising them for their good grades when they home from school, or teaching them how to ride their bikes. The majority of dead-beats aren't responsible men who are being taken advantage of by their ex-women. They are flat out SCUM OF OUR SOCIETY. It's time the MAJORITY PAID!!!
And STOP posting on this page unless you have something to help this woman locate her ex. Thank you.
I too have a dead beat dad situation going on with my son.
So you dont think I am an outsider, here it is.My son is 6. 5 out of those 6 yrs. he has been running from the childsupport people.He has my address and phone number. He never calls or sends any type of bday card,nothing.He never stays in one place, wont get a job or drive because he is afraid the cops will get him.He only had to pay 42.42 a week.I have never denied him seeing our son.Even when the childsupport stopped.He never bought him clothes.He took the kid dropped him off at moms then went out.I saw this with my own eyes. His family is protecting him.I know not all dads are like this.My son doesnt even remember him.I dont talk about him,if I did he would wonder why he isnt around and it would hurt his fellings.I dont want my baby full of hurt and anger at his age,he is a kid.He knows who Daddy is.My husband and i have been together for 4.5 yrs.If he wanted to come into his life right now I would say no. Because I dont want a person that unresponsible trying to deal with a child.His bad judgement has been shown by running away from responsabilities.He could have just shown up in court when he was supposed to. Before the warrant was put out on him.I dont fully know your situation, but the only one I feel for is the kid. We adults have already been through growing up.She will use these experiences to mold her into the person she will become.What it all adds up to is, wether or not the mom lets him see her he should do what is right by the child by paying childsupport. Does this sound right?'Im not going to give the mom any money because she wont let me see my child?'That sounds childish in itself.He could always go down to the court house and get visitations ruled by the court.Then she would have to let him see her or she would get in trouble.But he chooses to stay away. No matter how neurotic the other parent with the child is it shouldnt keep you from seeing the kid.Supervised visits should keep outburts at bay.But not always mind you.This is am opinion. Like I said it is another thing to not let your child visit because if being irresponsible,but it is wrong to keep the kid away out of spite.
Single mom with 2 daughters
I haven't visited this site in several months, but I hope since that time, Connie has had some luck in finding Mr. Powers. I just wanted to say to all deadbeat dads out there, that life is much too short for you not to know your children or to help support them. The scars that your absence in their lives will leave them with, are forever. As a single mom of 2 wonderful girls, I would just like to share a poem that my oldest daughter wrote
for dad. He too, chose not to support her or be a part of her life her for nearly 12 years & by then, at the very young age of 34, (after only spending one month getting to know his daughter), he suffered a massive heart attack which left him in a vegetated state for 14 years before his death last February. My daughter endured so much due to her fathers absence. Like I said...the scars are forever. Wake up all you deadbeat dads!
'Dedication to my Dad'
Your absence, my tears...
Saddened by the loss of years.
I wished for you in every well...
When you'd return, only time would tell.
Then the day came, we reunited...
I'll never forget, I was so excited.
From across the table, I studied your face...
So much was lost that could not be replaced.
Although I waited so long for this day...
I struggled to find the words to say.
I knew I had questions, but I was shy...
I stared at you trying hard not to cry.
One thing was certain, I looked like you...
Our hair color matched & our eyes were blue.
In 1986 a special Christmas was near...
I still use the jewelry box you gave me that year.
Siver Dollar City was quite a treat...
Camping with my dad was hard to beat!
My favorite part of the trip I must mention...
Was finally having my dad's attention.
Shortly after...your heart failed you.
As soon as I heard...my heart broke too.
The only choice was a nursing home...
A place where I hated to leave you alone.
Still you fought & clung to life...
Despite the misery & strife.
14 years later, I've lost you again.
I just hope you're at peace in Heaven.
When I look in the mirror I remember your face.
Why did God take you from this place?
The cycle of life...a confusing thing,
Leaves me to wonder what tomorrow will bring.
Will our spitits ever cross paths again?
Only God knows, if & when.
Although our times together were few...
So happy to have dear memories of you.
I hope that my daughters words touch even one deadbeat dad enough to make him realize how important his being a part of his child/childrens
life is, not just financially, but emotionally as well. My daughters last memories of her dad were those of the nursing home where she visited him the last 14 years of his life. Had he chosen to be a part of her life, she would have been left with so many more meories than she was. Thanks to all who may have taken the time to read my post.
Good luck Connie!
Re: Lee's ? of Hidden Agenda ..you obviously only saw what you wanted to in my posting of this subject.
To Lee in Boston, MA re: a hidden agenda
Lee... you obviously only saw what you wanted to in my posting of this subject. My ex was physically and emotionally abusive not just to me but to our daughter when she was a year old a neighbor saw him slap her in the face, he threatened my life. AT THE TIME I made the comment about wanting to re-new my restraining order (but I also mentioned wanting my financial and medical order enforced. How odd that you would overlook that) because a friend of mine saw a car from Hawaii with a man looking very similar to Donald. At that time he lived only 2 states away. Regarding your comment about ME abusing the SYSTEM... would you be referring to the systen who led me to believe the court order I obtained for financial and medical support was valid? He has not provided court ordered medical support since she was 1 year old. The same SYSTEM said they would not enforce the DeadBeat Parent Act created by Clinton in the 1990's. That ACT states he is a felon and they would not issue a warrant. How safe do you think I was from a man who the law protected more than my daughter and myself. The Navy or the US GOV didn't protect me when my ex abused me and my daughter. He was never procecuted or even arrested for child abuse or domestic violence.
Bitter, Bitter Monika
Monika,
This goes out to specifically address you. I am appalled by your bias and rudeness to someone that you do not even know. There is nothing wrong with being opinionated (it makes the world more interesting) but you certainly take the cake.
In reference to 'mothers don't think they should pay' child support, how wrong you are. I pay child support and maintain my children's health insurance which covers about half of my take home pay. This was by choice, not court order and it was in the best interest of them that they not have to change schools, friends etc. for them to stay with their dad. I have NEVER complained. This is my responsibility. I have NEVER been late, not once in four years. This too, is my responsibilty. I go above and beyond my court ordered child support, including school clothes, extracurricular activities, etc. I am not REQUIRED to do this, yet I do. Yes, my situation is different in that I do not have physical custody of my children, it makes me no less active though. It's not about 'dead beat' fathers or mothers, it's about who is going to step up to the plate for the children involved. Don't make the mistake of making a broad statement again to cover all parties. I hope you learn a lesson in speaking out of turn.
You state your case as if you are the 'new' wife and resent the hell out of having to give up your husband's money to his CHILDREN. Let me clarify that he (not you) does not give it to the mother but rather to their children. That must really upset you what with all of the bitterness. You knew when you married him that he had prior obligations so here's what I have to say for you.........I think I will quote you in the way that you talked to Connie........'I came across your info and to tell you the truth I don't feel a bit of sympathy towards you.' Regardless of where clothes come from, children have to have food, electricity, shelter etc. You are no one to decide where their support money be spent. I suggest that you step out of something that has nothing to do with you and allow your husband and his ex-wife sort out their differences. Your involvement will do nothing but cause the children further grief. If you were a reasonable person without your own biases then maybe, but sadly (and obvious from your post) you are not.
You have issues darling and you should concentrate on working through them not on where your husband's child support is spent. I dare to say that your real problem is that you are not in control of this situation, merely a bystander. Once again, I don't feel a bit of sympathy towards YOU.
Sincerely,
I want to thank RipOff Report for providing others the opportunity to vent and express their opinions.
Thanks to those of you giving your support and understanding. David A, the bill collector who found his address in Troutdale and the cost of his house... I already found that info on my own through public records and turned him in - I told CSE and they took him to court. I appreciate your efforts - thank you!
For those of you trying to collect persistence is the key. Donald had hired 2 attorneys to fight paying support but lost and now pays support. His hiring lawyers shoots down his 'I am too poor to pay' whining. The money he paid those attorneys could have gone to me for the arrears of $58,000 he still owes me.
The state of Oregon dropped the ball and didn't run his SS# through the IRS before issuing him a license to own and operate a barber shop called The Barber Ship in Troutdale. He now owns a business despite owning me $58,000. I still have to call every month to make sure he has paid and when he doesn't I contact my connection at the Federal office of child support, then his case worker. She quickly calls him and he comes in to make a payment. If I wasn't so vigilant about it he would get away without paying because no one is keeping track except me. For instance, he paid a partial payment in Jan & Feb and never paid for March so he owes a full month payment but DOR-CSE didn't do anything. I keep on top of it because my Fed CSE contact says as soon as he doesn't pay he will start procedures to revoke his Drivers License, Barber License, and his facility license.
He doesn't want to talk to our daughter and never sends her a birthday card or gifts. As you can imagine I am frustrated that he can own a business owing me as much as he does. I have been making great efforts to start my own business and am sacrificing to finish school and am having difficulty paying the tuition that the financial aid doesn't cover. The sad part is my 15 year old daughter has to sacrifice too. She wants to join the swim team, play Lacrosse, and join Model UN all which require fees I can't afford. She was able to participate in Model UN and Lacrosse last year via a scholarship program, but this year the sport fees were increased to $150 per sport. Please say prayers that we can get enough of the scholarships so she doesn't have to choose which one she participates in. She may have to sacrifice more than necessary.
I feel sorry for some of the more ignorant people who are bashing me for trying to give my daughter what she deserves. I don't encourage anyone to stay in abusive relationships 'for the children'. The only people going to 'hell' are the people who believe in it and they are already living the hell now. It is obvious many of you are brainwashed by your cult-like religions. Anyone that concerned with what others think and are willing to sacrifice you and your children's quality of life is miserable and deserve to be but their children do not. Feeling & Teaching hate is wrong and hurts only the person hating!!! [Read Don Miguel Ruiz & Wayne Dyer books~ change the way you think and change your life. Only you are stopping yourself from experiencing joy.] That goes for moms badmouthing dads and dads badmouthing moms. For those of you saying ignorant things like let her go live with her father and I am only out for money you are showing your ignorance to everyone and it will be forever in print for everyone to see. I understand that many of you are having bad experiences but don't project your experiences and judgments on me based on what your ex is doing to you. Maybe venting here is not enough and your need professional psych services.
I actually feel sorry for Donald. He is missing the opportunity to know his incredibly wonderful daughter. I am so proud of her that I shed tears at times for him because he is missing it. I don't hate him and none of you should. I would appreciate your attempts to help him to do the right thing though. Encourage others especially in his area to view the this site. Peer pressure may encourage him to pay up. I tried to contact the editor of the local paper but got no response. Maybe you will have more luck getting the editor to read this site and do an article. What choice do I have trying this option, the Government won't do their job.
My daughter doesn't hate her father; I never told her she should...she disrespects him because he hasn't earned her respect. I can't even get her to call him now after he lied to her more than once.
We are all responsible for ourselves and the choices we make. I am happy with who I am, where I am going, and the choices I have made. I have given my daughter values, morals and compassion & a conscience that her father is incapable of giving her. She has self-respect and that money can't buy.
Again thank you ED and thank all of those who empathize with me and share your support.
pOWERS IN oREGON SINCE 2001 WITH A BUSINESS LICENSE FOR A BARBERSHOP
cONNIE, i HAVE BEEN READING THIS CASE OF YOURS FOR A LONGTIME.
Tim in Lincoln, Nebraska, U.S.A. responded to Connie last January with a Rebuttal Consumer Comment
Submitted: 1/9/2004 2:11:51 PM Modified: 1/12/2004 11:02:47 PM
Titled: BEYOND THE HYPERBOLE
Quoting Tim's post:
My comments are directed to nobody in particular and everybody in general.
6. Connie asked for readers of this board to help locate her ex. Whatever motives she has, either real or perceived, have nothing to do with the fact that Donald is ducking his responsibility to a human being he helped create.
I'm a retired Private Detective. With only a modicum of effort I was able to determine that Mr. Powers is not working as a licensed barber in Idaho, Washington or Oregon. Nor is he operating a barber shop in any of those states.
Additionally, he is not registered with the Secretary of State as any type of corporation or sole proprietor.
The phone number and address for Mr. Powers given by the custodial parent at the beginning of this thread are not listed anywhere. Most likely they are bogus.
There is no listing for a Donald Powers in Troutdale, OR. There is a listing in a nearby town for a Donald R. Powers, and I have forwarded this information to Connie.
ACTUALLY THERE Are LISTINGS FOR DONALD SINCE 2001 in OREGON. iT DOESN'T TAKE A ReTIRED PRIVATE DETECTIVE TO GO ONLINE AND RESEARCH dONALD AND lORRAINE (NEW WIFE i PRESUME) BUSINESS RECORDS AND COSMETOLOGY LICENSES IN oREGON. tHEY'VE BEEN THERE SINCE AT LEAST 2001:
http://egov.sos.state.or.us/br/pkg_web_name_srch_inq.show_detl?p_be_rsn=870066&p_srce=BR_INQ&p_print=FALSE
THE BARBER SHIP EN CUR 12-12-2001
Please read before ordering Copies.
New Search Printer Friendly Summary History
Image Date Action Transaction Date Effective Date Status Name/Agent Change Dissolved By
12-24-2003 FAILURE TO RENEW 12-13-2003 SYS
07-05-2002 AMENDMENT OF REGISTRATION 07-05-2002 FI
12-12-2001 APPLICATION FOR REGISTRATION 12-12-2001 FI Representative
Counties Filed
Multnomah
usiness Name Search
Data 09-16-2004 17:06
Registry Nbr Entity Type Entity Status Jurisdiction Registry Date Duration Date Renewal Date
051404-96 ABN INA 12-12-2001 12-12-2003
Entity Name THE BARBER SHIP
Foreign Name
Affidavit? N
New Search Printer Friendly Associated Names
Type PPB PRINCIPAL PLACE OF BUSINESS
Addr 1 247 E HISTORIC COLUMBIA RIVER HWY
Addr 2
CSZ TROUTDALE OR 97060 Country UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
The Authorized Representative address is the mailing address for this business.
Type REP AUTHORIZED REPRESENTATIVE Start Date 12-12-2001 Resign Date
Name REED POWERS
Addr 1 2462 SE BEAVER CREEK LN
Addr 2
CSZ TROUTDALE OR 97060 Country UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Type REG REGISTRANT
Name LORRAINE POWERS
Addr 1 2462 SE BEAVER CREEK LN
Addr 2
CSZ TROUTDALE OR 97060 Country UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Type REG REGISTRANT
Name REED POWERS
Addr 1 2462 SE BEAVER CREEK LN
Addr 2
CSZ TROUTDALE OR 97060 Country UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
New Search Printer Friendly Name History
Business Entity Name Name Type Name Status Start Date End Date
THE BARBER SHIP EN CUR 12-12-2001
Please read before ordering Copies.
New Search Printer Friendly Summary History
Image Date Action Transaction Date Effective Date Status Name/Agent Change Dissolved By
12-24-2003 FAILURE TO RENEW 12-13-2003 SYS
07-05-2002 AMENDMENT OF REGISTRATION 07-05-2002 FI
12-12-2001 APPLICATION FOR REGISTRATION 12-12-2001 FI Representative
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There is info on Lorraine Powers and Donald in Troutdale:
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Last Name First Name Category Status City Zip
POWERS DONALD Cosmetology Active TROUTDALE 97060
POWERS DONALD Cosmetology Active TROUTDALE 97060
POWERS LORRAINE Cosmetology Active TROUTDALE 97060
Name: POWERS, DONALD, R.
City: TROUTDALE State: OR Zip: 97060
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ID Type Issue Date Status Expire Date
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0103984569 Facility 05/28/2003 Active 05/31/2004 None
0103984569 Facility 05/28/2003 Active 05/31/2004 None
Name: POWERS, DONALD, R.
City: TROUTDALE State: OR Zip: 97060
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ID Type Services Issue Date Status Expire Date
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Action
0101130825 Practitioner Barber 06/28/2000 Active 06/30/2004 None
You have no idea from the day you get married that your relationship won't last
I totally agree with Misty on EVERYTHING she said in her rebuttle. I just came across this situation by accident but became interested in what everyone was saying. Similar to what Misty said: You have no idea from the day you get married that your relationship won't last. If you do know that, and you get married anyway, your not too bright are you? Monika, no offense to you because I do not know you or your situation, but I think you are being completely ignorant in this situation. You say that people should stay together if they have kids because divorce 'destroys' thier lives? I currently have a friend whose parents and staying together strictly because of her and she is miserable. She hates her life and wishes her parents would stop faking it and get a divorce. She knows neither of them are truly happy and watching them 'pretend' is making her life suck. If you believe everything that you wrote I think you shouldn't have kids, and if you do I almost feel bad. You obviously don't think about a child's real feelings if put in that situation. I'm not trying to be rude but seriously, this woman is trying to get money from her ex-husband who is helping out in no way to raise their daughter, she has a right to be upset. I'm sure you would be too if placed in the same situation. Plus, not to get personal but, your current husband was a divorcee...if his ex-wife 'won' (which there is no winning in a divorce, everyone loses) she obviously divorced him for a reason, not just because she was bored one day. And if they were legally divorced because he wasnt able to sign the papers on time, what makes you think he even wanted the divorce and still isn't in love with her? Just a thought, not necessarily a correct thought but nevertheless..
Submitted: 10/2/2004 5:14:31 AM
Modified: 10/2/2004 5:17:35 PM
Terrie
Monterey Bay, CaliforniaU.S.A.
Paralegal and I have paid and recieved support
I am a paralegal and I see the Family Law system as working against familys and not in the best interest of the children. The courts base their interferrence into private matters or civil law is on the pretense that it is in the best interest of the children . When in fact this buisness benifits the attorneys ,judges and all government employees who run the show in our courts.It was set up to lower the costs of welfare which most of the cases were cases of women who became pregnant and were not married. This welfare system gave benifits to children the average age of 16 to have babies.The system gave free medical care, food stamps, and cash on a monthly basis.The system seemed to give rewards to women who had more children, for the cash, and food stamps would increase with a certificate of pregnacy.They were allowed to collect benifits as long as they had a child age 5 or under.Not much was done to find these fathers for the law required paternity tests if the parties were not married and the suspected fathers did not have to obey a request for a test. They could be compelled by a court order and this is where the attorney's come in and laws are changed. The welfare system has made alot of reforms and now requires parents of children who become pregnant responsible and can now order support on unmarried fathers with a signature from the mother.There is a 2 year limit for benifits and child care, and job training are part of the package.The problem was created by government to an extent , for it paid children to have children, and did not hold anyone accountable except the tax payer.Now we have the child support system this system employs many occupations and the federal government pays a ton of money to these agencies every year with different hoops to jump though to win even more money. This comes at a high cost to us the tax
payor. All under the guise of the best interest of the children.This agency bases its success on how much money it can collect. They get to keep part of the money if they can create large arrears onto parents. They have contests with each other it is a sad thing the parents in this country allow it by signing up for there free service.It decides who wins and who loses. It looks at people as either a payor or a payee.It gives the children to one party and the other party gets the bill. If the bill is not paid they will go to prison.The party who wins the children also gets free legal representation and the other party is _______.The party who wins the children has all the control for if they decide not to honor the visitation they are not held accountable and if they are it costs the paying party not less than $1000.00 to bring it to court which the other party will have there free attorney for protection. The paying party has to pay this support but is not allowed to deduct it as an expense from his taxes and the payee does not have to claim it as income.The amount of money ordered to pay is not compared to what the costs are for raising a child it is based on the husbands and wifes income but you will rarely see the parent with the children having to show the court how they have contributed to the cost of rearing the children or how the money in support was spent. If the payor becomes ill or layed off and cannot pay support and because of the loss of the job or injury cannot afford to get an attorney to request a downward modification he falls behind quickly. Then the support agency quickly adds interest as high as 10% in CA that accrues monthly. Now the payor is faced with having to pay a large sum of money or be arrested and held up to 6 months in jail.The payments are getting larger for they do not stop if party is imprisioned. This forces payors to go into hiding .This has been the cause of many men taking their own lives. These agencies then plaster Deadbeat Dads pictures on the internet like the ten most wanted low lifes of the world which maybe some of them are . But some have just been caught in an unfair legal system and being punished for being poor. Has anyone known of a family put in jail because they were poor? They have radio commericals with the little girl saying where's my daddy ? Who do you think pays for this crap? I do not see how this is in the best interest of the children. I have seen what is working with familys and in the courts and that is parents not using the free 'help' . Parents that decide to take this power out of the governments hands and do what is right is what is working. The best interest of the child is to have a mother and a father in their life on a regular basis. It is not their fault you two idiots could not get along. The money is the problem. How many people do you know that will pay for something they never get? How does anyone feel about being placed in a position that you have to pay to see your children? These parents who have the children in their care can forgive the other parents debt and start to share the children. No one should go to jail for a debt and with the interest the courts add on it is a debtors prison.Parents who have contact with there children will take care of their needs and do not need the government to make a winner or loser within the family. The parents will benifit by sharing the children if a mother needs to go back to school or a parent needs care for the children after school think about it 2 parents to make sure your children are cared for. Have rules to this shared program set up from the beginning. Stop punishing a parent by charging them a fee for not having them in their life anymore on a daily basis. This is unfair and a punishment for it is unfairly awarded along with free legal representation to one party.Parents stop letting the government split your family apart. We do not need government to make decisions about how we raise our children. They have no buisness interferring and causing such harm to all divorced parents. They should promote shared parenting but then there would be no money in this now would there? What parent wants to be seperated from their children and why wouldn't a parent feel this treatment unfair?Let the children have both parents.It is a proven fact children become much better people if both parents are in their lives.Do what is right give equal time to your children share them do not award money to either parent, why should anyone get paid for this. Can you hire a mother or father to take your place? Its time to take our family back from the destructful actions of the government. Parents do what is best forgive these debts and arrange to share your children. Live close to one another have a plan mom days dad nights and switch weekends , holidays ect. Share every other month and take turns claiming them on taxes. Grow up ! Why should we allow our fathers to become criminals for a money judgment.Parents stop fighting with each other forgive the debt and share the children . You say its not about the money or is it? Money is the problem . Anyone need help to make an agreement to do this I will charge $40.00 for a stipulation to present to the court along with a shared plan for the parents.tskymom@aol.com
straight forward assessment of our wonderful predicament of child raising
Thanks Terrie!
Thanks for such a straight forward assessment of our wonderful predicament of child raising in America.
It is hippocritical to condemn then make an appeal to make a profit for yourself
Terri, I am the person who started this search for 'Reed' Powers. I know you must have been talking in general to parents and not specifically to me because there is NO WAY you are calling me an 'idiot' for not getting along with Donald or 'Reed' as he prefers to be called now. My daughter is better off not having her father around (HIS CHOICE by the way). He became violent and after growing up in a violent home I know that is not good for any child. I agree with most of what you said...people should remain civil and share responsibility for the kids. Mr. Powers however found an older woman to take care of him so he would not have to work...he intentionally abandoned his responsibility. (Let me mention now that while I was home caring for my infant daughter he was getting a co-worker pregnant and he abandonded her too) How do you suppose women are supposed to support their kids alone with little to no education? You are assuming that all women are independently wealthy. I did go to college after my divorce and I still could not earn a living. I am recently finishing a trade school so I can earn more $$ than my degree can make me.
Are you actually saying that if your childs father becomes violent or just chooses to spread his seed elsewhere leaving a trail of offspring that it is OK? He should not be held responsible? What is the woman who only gets 2 years of GOV support and or can barely support herself supposed to tell her children? What does she tell her landlord? My daughter wants to go to college!!!
I think it is hypocritical to be so judgemental, bash the government (which deserve it) then make a pitch to make a profit from the situation.
I do believe that parents who decide not to stay together should agree to disagree. If the relationship isn't working then move on but you are still parenting partners. Stop playing games and trying to get even. You are only hurting your children. Some people are not mature enough to be parents.
Submitted: 10/6/2004 9:33:49 PM
Modified: 10/6/2004 11:10:03 PMTerrie
Monterey Bay CA, CaliforniaU.S.A.
Not for profit, You have no right to decide for your child if the father should be in the child's life
I was not addressing you in particular. I do not beleive you really think I am making a profit for offering a stipulation and plan for parents for $40.00 but you have had free legal representation so I will forgive your ignorance here. As for what I expect women to do like the co worker who became pregnant by your husband.
I expect woman to be more responsible for who they choose to have children with. I also do not think it is your right after you make a wrong choice of man to have babies with that you have a right to say it is best for your daughter not to have her father in her life. He was good enough to marry and have a child with now because you two idiots cannot get along is how I put it in my last correspondence, your daughter should go without a father.
Do you ever put yourself in the position of going to jail or paying alarge sum of money in order to see your child. Do you know why you have to search for the x without the help of the support agency? Because they want him to get more and more in debt for the longer it takes to collect the bigger the piece of the pie they will get. If you have a statute of limitations in your state they may become active in the year before the statute barrs some of the judgments, but don't hold your breath.
I am saying here you have no more rights then he does to be a part of your child's life and you could be on the side he is if the court ruled differently. No one has the right to take other people rights from them . The States are in it for the money they recieve from the Federal Government . Do you know California has to cut 10.6 billion from there budget that pays for support services . They used to be open on Saturday now they have to let over 300 attorney's go along with alot of other staff.
California did not meet the guidlines the Fed's set up they failed to accomplish an out of state program that worked within the time alotted. So they have been fined.Do you know they pay the Fed Gov debt first then themselves then the parents? Where do you think this money is going to come from? They have to have the deadbeat dad .
They need the bad guy even though it is a fact only 5% of fathers that can pay do not 5%!!!!!! 95% of fathers pay and they are guests told when they can visit their children.Why don't you look at the truth this man has to come up with a very large amount of money or he goes to jail right? Can he just stroll on over your house and visit his child? Does he really have a choice in seeing his child ?
What would it be like if the government fined us or took our children from us because we did not have enough saved for college in an account for them or took our children because we could not afford health insurance.Government is destroying family's for they make criminals of the fathers in this country and showing our children that fathers are bad if they don't pay mom and beleive they should go to jail.
Ask a child what they would rather have ? Dad back in their life or pay you ? What about the dad's who can't pay that's the real reason support is not paid, is it fair they have to hide in fear of imprisionment? Of all the fathers last year that could have qualified for a downward support only 6% were actually awarded the modification. Its a conflict of interest for the money collected goes back to the Judges in pensions and perks.
You have no right to decide for your child if the father should be in the child's life and only if he is a danger to the child should it be prevented. Have you heard of anyone who is married and unable to work be arrested for they did not send the kids to camp or buy them ice cream? Do you see people going to jail for not paying their Visa Card? What if the government started checking married couples to see if they were providing for their child as well as they did the year before?
Again, placing value as to child's happiness if one's children are not financially happy is ignorant. With a visitation interference rate approaching 77% and a divorce rate over 52%, the government and judiciary are destroying families at an unprecedented rate. This is how you make your profits. Delay until the interest rates of 10% are added and this doubles the principal of support ordered . Pass laws (no put laws in place) such as no statute of limitations on child support arrears, (which only applies to two other crimes that of murder and rape). In act laws of no retro modification and no interest removed after order becomes due is now a judgment. Where is justice and fairness at work here, when the governments own laws are in themself criminal.
One has the constitutional right to be lazy and slothful if they want. Most custodial parents do this every day. The courts cannot force people to work to pay support, especially if they cannot prove that the children will be put on the welfare dole. Because, of the onerous and fictitious child support guidelines established, 66% of all non custodial parents are unable to pay support.
If judges sentence people to jail for contempt of court for failure to pay support, it is an unconstitutional abrogation of their oaths of office, unconstitutional imprisonment for debt, and since child support is a civil matter (or derives out of a civil matter where non custodial parents are never read their rights or given their rights that a civil child support matter could be unlawfully converted into a criminal matter), there is no probable cause pursuant to the Fourth Amendment (or any sworn affidavit in support of a Warrant under the Warrants Clause of the Fourth Amendment) to arrest/seize someone and jail them for civil, commercial child support debts.
I am not saying Iyou shold withhold support I am saying Non custodial parents have a legitimate right to withhold financial support if they are being unlawfully deprived of seeing theirchildren for no cause. Parents have a fundamental liberty interest to the care, custody and nurture of their children. If a custodial parent is interfering with those fundamental rights, the custodial parent is committing a crime, perpetrating a fraud and committing child abuse against the child. Non custodial parents in some states have the right to go to court and terminate or suspend child support for visitation interference. The U.S. Supreme Court has also held that since parents have the fundamental right to the care, custody and nurture of their children and reciprocal duty to financially and emotionally support them also, this doctrine of reciprocals, prohibits the imposition of financial support if a parent is denied access to their children without justification.
To state parents have no right to exercise visitation if they haven't done so for years or if a support obligation is foisted on them is erroneous and ignorant. The right to parenting is a fundamental right, especially so if the other parent breaks the marriage up (over 70% of all marriages are ended by the women, so they can become custodial parents) and deprives the non custodial parent of access to the children. Visitation is a limited form of custody. If a parent wishes to exercise it, and their is no justification to stop it, that parent is entitled to their fundamental rights.
IX: Everyone has a right to challenge the amount of child support paid because it is artificially inflated, is incorrectly awarded by the state, and is derived from unconstitutional Soviet family law, in direct derogation of our republican form of government. Child support (financial) and divorce is communism, and anathema to our way of life. Equal custody (barring a clear and convincing showing of abuse) is the constitutional norm. However, the judiciary of this country, do to abuse of power and its own financial interests, keeps children from non custodial parents. This is anti-American and an act of terrorism.
Furthermore, child support has been calculated in an ad hoc fashion, was never properly legislated in all 50 states and was hurriedly put in place so as not to lose federal reimbursement incentive funding to the states. Child support awards are maintained at ever higher rates to get more 'up front' federal reimbursement funding which then goes to state treasuries and is disseminated to judicial and state employee pension funds - hence, creating a financial and unconstitutional conflict of interest. This Country should promote family's to work together and share the children when the marriage fails .Use child support as an action a punishment for parents who chose not to be a part of the children's life don't court order it.
Everyone has a right to their children.
Terrie, you have no right to judge or criticize
Terrie, Mr. Powers was great as long as things went his way and he thought he had me isolated and could control me and after he realized that was not the case he resorted to violence to bully me. That makes him the idiot not me. If I had stayed and took the physical and emotional abuse, let him cheat, and let my daughter think it was ok to live like that then I would be the idiot. No, I would not and obviously did not put myself in a position to go to jail or pay large sums of money, otherwise my daughter would be in CPS care and I would be in jail for abandonement. When I worked in a Child Protective service office a client went to jail for allowing her boyfriend to abuse her children..it is called 'failure to protect'. The point is I did porotect and he did put himself in that position but the government did not prosecute him for abuse or abandonment and he is free to live a 'phat' life as he likes to call it anyway. VERY FEW MEN GO TO JAIL FOR NON-SUPPORT. SO that blows that point.
I agree the system the government has set up is wrong..it allows parents to abandon their child and then set themselves up to make a profit with no regard for the child's quality of life. The only reason for the condition of the economy and poor quality of life for some and not for others is the profit factor. Afterall it is easier to get a young adult to join the military and do their dirty work if they grew up in poverty and were promised travel, adventure and education if they grew up with no hope now isn't it.
But before you start calling me an idiot and tell me I have no rights to decide what is best for my child you should read everything I have said on this site.
Mr. Powers did not show his true colors until after she was born. He even had his commanding officer fooled. He gave up his rights when he SLAPPED her in the FACE when she was 12 months old and then would not provide ANY support until his commanding officer made him bring in a money order weekly to make sure I got the $.
You were the one to make this about visitation anyway for me it was all about support and quality of life for my daughter. What do you think entitles him to visitation? His slapping her in the face (yes I have a witness), his violence forcing us into hiding in a military abuse shelter, or the time when she had her 9th birthday party at a pool near the homeless shelter we had to live in because we had no support. This man is a pathological liar who drops his sperm and runs, He has 3 children with 3 mothers that I know of (who knows how many women he got pregnant cheating on his new wife) and HE doesn't support any of them and HE doesn't make any effort to see any of them.
You are incredibly judgemental, cold hearted and ignorant. I do think what you have proposed is important...people should come to an agreement even if it is just to agree to disagree yet be civil. For you to suggest that I have no more rights to be apart of my child's life is ridiculous. If I didn't care for her who should have?? He didn't want anything to do with her and abused and abandonded her long before I 'refused him visitation'. He cancelled plans to visit and says I refused him because the visitation was not on his terms. For example he wanted me to put my 14 month old on a plane from CA to HI. Even when she was 3,4, 5, 6... it would have been an emotional trauma for her to get on a plane alone and watch me walk away, fly for 6 hours and live with a stranger for 3 months. He even refused to visit her at HER request when she was 9 because he didn't agree to letting her get to know him slowly until she felt safe and willing to go alone with him after not seeing her for 8 years. He insisted that she come to him and his wife and stay for 3 months during the summer. He knew I had her best emotional interest in mind and would noever agree to something so absurd. No compromise just 'his way or the highway'.
You have no right to judge me or my decisions without the whole story or to generalize about any other parents story. Yes there are many emotionally immature parents out there who have no right to bring children into this world but once they are here that is not even a factor. Only the best interest of the child is. I am doing the best I can for my daughter and I am just trying to vent because he refuses to talk to me and to get some assistance to give her the quality of life that she deserves. You need to re-read this entire page and get off your condescending high horse. If you can't help me -- go away. You obviously have not been in a position similar to ours, you probably don't even have children or haven't had to raise them alone. If you were 'fortunate' enough to be born with a trust fund, well that would make sense of your comments. If you want another cause to take up besides your worthy trashing of the Government who manipulates the people this country for their profit and has no concern for children then what about how they enable poverty so that they can lie & brainwash young children to join the military and do their dirty work so they can profit without getting blood on their hands. Rant about the manipulation of the ecomomy and the fact that they encourage sexual expoitation through media so all these children are having babies.
If men (and women) weren't allowed to abandon their children forcing the custodial parent to go to work full-time or more in some cases(more taxes for the gov) leaving no one to supervise and guide children during the most critical years of development then they would not have the opportunity or desire to have sex and have babies so young. Kids feel that they need some one to love them...they just want attention. Custodial parents care and love their children but are not around enough and are exhausted and still broke when they are. Mr. Powers chose not to consider his daughters feelings or needs. My daughter feels loved and has self-worth but she would not if I hadn't had self-worth myself. Parents have to make sacrifices and some just are too selfish to do that.
I don't expect, and no other custodial parent does either, the absent parent to pay 100% of the cost of raising the child like so many ignorant idiots have suggested in earlier rebuttals. We are just asking for help...we didn't bring these children in to the world alone. I went to college and I worked by butt off, sacrificing more than I should have had to give her food, clothing and shelter let alone little extras that 2 parent household children get. There were rough times between jobs and I could have finished college and got a better paying job sooner if he had paid support. Instead like you said the Government let me sit on welfare- living in poverty. I am where I am in life now because of the effort I put forth not because anyone , including the government helped me...if anything I felt abused and battered and held down because of the goverments lack of regard for me and my daughter. I felt like the prisoner while he led his 'phat' life.
My daughter is now on a Model United Nations team, trying to resolve human rights issues for other countries she will not be another statistic of teen pregnancy, high school drop out, drug addict..... So I am a survivor and did not get sucked in to the plot of the US adminstration to take over the world by misinforming and terrifying us and getting us to do their dirty work. My daughter will not be their puppet, their slave. My daughter will not allow herself to be abused. My daugher will be a positive member of society.
I also suggest that you or anyone agreeing with you take up your cause somewhere else and keep any further comments to yourself. The parents who come to this site and vent are in similarly stressful situations trying to raise their children with little or no help.
If the absent parent were willing to come to an agreement they would not have abandoned (physically, emotionally, and financially) their children in the first place. I know dads struggling to paying support, or raising children alone with no help from the mother. Not all fathers are selfish but the ones who are have walked away from the rights they had. Calling those of us that did the best we could and suggesting that we could somehow control the actions of the absent parent will get you no where. So please put your energies toward causing change in the way the goverment dictates the quality of life for the people they supposedly represent.
Yes you have the right to rebuttal but it will only result in causing more stress and inflaming anger in those who are in my situation. I doubt that anyone reading this site can get their ex to cooperate or if they could that they appreciate your attitude enough to contact you for help. I know when my ex and I went to mediation he was very unwilling to compromise. If they chose to your contact info is in your orginal rebuttal.
Opening my eyes
I am thankful for the people who have made responses to this subject. I too am a dead beat dad. I am about 24,000 in the hole. But that is about to change. I am recieving a settlement for a injury I have incurred a few yrs ago. This accident is the main reason that I am in this bad of arrears to begin with. I plan to repay my ex wife for all back child support willingly, but also plan to treat my girls, the new hubbies daughter and the ex and the new hubby to a trip to Disney World this winter and make a deposit in a college fund for each of my two precious girls. It has been only in the past month that the girls finally made contact with me and wanted me to come up to Pennsylvania to participate in a function with them. They are now coming to the age that they can see and ask for me to be around. Needless to say I sold my personal items and would have sold my soul as to not dissapoint them. We now talk on the phone at least 3 times a week. I sold plasma and did a paid test trial for a mouthwash/toothpaste that blistered the inside of my mouth to have a little extra to spend on them. I got along very well with the ex and the new hubby. He was a fellow fire fighter in a adjacent town's fire company and we fought many fires together. I am a disabled veteran and a cancer survivor and a diabetic and soon to fulfill my responsibilities as a father and a man. Listening to all the entries and how it hurts the kids more than the ex spouse, opened my eyes. I am now invited to attend my oldest daughters high school graduation this summer and my younger daughters middle school graduation. They are planning to come to Florida this summer as well. Thank you all for the inputs even though they wheren't intended to me, it should open the eyes of any father that even the slightest bit loves their kids. To be truthful, the new hubby was the catalist that helped this along. He told my ex,'that no matter what,he is their father'. Referring to me.
The trip to Disney is a plan to show everybody a little something they havent seen and a chance to completly reconnect with my girls. I hope that other dads that have fallen behind in support, have a chance to make amends and recreate a relationship with their kids. No matter what the reason for default, please keep in contact and be honest about the reasons why. It will be easier in the long run!!!!!
Submitted: 10/9/2004 7:10:59 AM
Modified: 10/9/2004 8:01:08 AM
Terrie
Monterey Bay, CaliforniaU.S.A.
Parents have Rights
Connie,
I forgot to address your comments about things you feel I should busy myself with Add ro my cause referring to unfairness of the government like brainwashing a child into joining the service and the sexual content on tv that encourages girls to have babies. The government does not force or trick or hide the fact that they will give you an exchange of education which is a money value in exchange for service which is a service to defend this Country. If you are that stupid that you are not aware of the fact when you sign on the line to give service to the military in exchange for education (a money value) that this is a contract of blood. If you do not understand this I hope they forgive you of your duty for we really do not want people that stupid defending our Country. I as a mother of a young marine who was against my son joining this fraction of government made sure he knew that this contact was one of blood , and no education was worth his life . I also impressed to him my contempt for this war for I believed it to be a lie to the American people.
He is an American and he has that right to make these decisions himself if he so chooses .He is there right now as we speak and I am not happy about it one bit. But it was young men before him that gave their life in order for these personal freedoms we have in this Country. Rights like the right to turn off the tv if Jerry Springer is on for I disagree that TV promotes bad behavior .
Parents who fail to teach their children by example and failure to instill a strong tie to God is what causes immorality not TV. Once again don't feel you have to defend yourself to my comments they are just my feelings on the matter. You seem to think I am anti government I am not I am anti lies and anti unfairness and equality no matter where it comes from. These things you mentioned are personal choices and I have nothing against having free will to make these choices.
From a kid's point of view
I am 'the kid'. I went through this divorce with my parents. I know better than any of you how it is being a daughter of a deadbeat dad.
I also know the damage caused by people thinking they know what is best. Too many of you are so closed minded it would be best to stay out of discussion until you can recognize the bias you bring to the 'table'.
It is difficult to remain silent when I read so many nasty comments. 'Just for the money' or 'you should have known better' or those who quote law when in fact they have no idea what they are talking about.
I KNOW the laws; in part, they were affected by intrigues of my parents divorce. Custodal rights, crossing state lines, non reported earnings, division of property, and parental kidnapping.
My parents were respectable, financially secure, and goal oriented. Until my mother could no longer take the physical and mental abuse. She was also concerned for me. I too endured the abuse.
Only close family members knew of our family life, and saddly they did nothing for fear of my father.
My father was a talented pilot, belonged to the CPA and later an advisor for local EAA. He built four planes (EAA) and restored two antique planes. All successfully fly. He even holds a patent.
One of the few good memories I have are the weekends we went flying.
During these times, we would arrive at various airports usually for a 'Fly-in'. Dad enjoyed being with other flyers and it was one of the very few times he was in good humor.
These trips and time spent working on his planes hold the good memories and is the reason I enjoy flying today. But it would be a long time before I could have that enjoyment.
When I learned my mother had filed, I was relieved because I believed we could have a normal life if he could no longer keep us afraid or bring so much pain. Just what was normal?
The day after my father received the notice of divorce proceedings,we were forced, by my father's declaration to harm my mother and me, to flee our home.
While we stayed with a relative, 'just a few days', my father made his plans to 'get even'.
Within a week, my father had packed and shipped all our belongings: clothing, furniture, household items etc., to his family home out of state.
Before he left the house, he pulled up the carpet, damaged the plumbing, disconnected electricity, and more.
That same day, (before we learned what he did), he asked to take my brother and sister (I wasn't there) for ice cream. He took them two states away to his hometown.
That same night, my father had a friend steal my mother's car. He assumed without transportation she could not work.
It would be almost a year before the supreme court of his state would hear the appeal to return my brother and sister. The appeal was based on the original or “first" court ordered custody hearing, from our home state.
Never was one cent of child support paid.
I went to work at 14 (they thought I was 16), and willingly took as much responsibility for my siblings as my mother allowed because she worked two and three jobs.
Do I need to express how angry we were when we watched our mother struggle to meet ends? The hours mother had to spend away from us can never be restored.
I can say, without hesitation or guilt, my father's financial neglect and parental neglect hindered our development and cheated us from so many things. My college plans were replaced with full-time work to help my family.
Why didn't my father pay any child support? 1.) He cleaned out bank accounts, transferred property ownership, including rental real estate, to various family members; left his job and the state to avoid responsibility. Neither we, or the authorities could find him.
2.) He no longer reported his earnings – working cash only jobs, and self-employed most of the time.
But the main reason - He was convinced if he made things difficult for my mother, she would return. As he said, “I was going to show her".
What we saw, and what he later claimed, will never restore affection for him. As my sister says, “I don't have a father, he died when I was two."
There are no excuses to explain or to resolve a parent's neglect for their child. Do not misunderstand the law establishing child support. It has nothing to do with visitation, or money hungry ex's. It has to do with providing for the needs of the child(ren).
Having sex, intercourse, or making love can result, no matter the % of a birth control device, in the creation of a child. I have a saying, 'If you can't afford it, keep it zipped.'
The responsibility for a child does not begin at birth, or when they start school, it starts at the time of conception.
To this day my, almost 80 years old, father does not think he did anything wrong when he deserated us. According to him, 'None of this would have happened if she...'. No dad, you have to accept the responsiblity for your actions.
My father is dying. He has multiple types of cancer and will not be here much longer. A while back I found him and I have made my reconcilation with him; but, do not be mistaken, I have not given him absolution for his neglect and abuse. Only God.
My younger siblings want nothing to do with him. We are all a witness to his decisions.
A deadbeat parent is a deadbeat parent.
a father that doesnt evn care about her he should be beaten
I think most of you completly miss the point there is a little girl out threr that has an ass for a father that doesnt evn care about her he should be beaten. hope the mother is doing her best to take care of the girl.
Submitted: 10/10/2004 11:33:00 AM
Modified: 10/10/2004 8:22:37 PMTerrie
Monterey Bay, CaliforniaU.S.A.
LOVE IS A RIGHT OF ITS OWN
In respone to the child of divorce.The problem is the law. The man should have been charged with vandalism for the damage to the home and theft for removing property, and assault for harming his family, and kidnaping for taking the children. These are crimes that are punishable by law and the law somewhat excuses them because this is a family matter. The law does try and deal with this through the domestic violence laws. This family needed help way before the mother decided to leave . The mother should of had him arrested the very first time he assaulted her . He would of been removed from the home and would have been ordered to get help with his problems .This would give this family a chance if this man received treatment .He would early in the marriage been given a chance to save his family. Women do not want to send there husbands to jail and make family life worse. The law should offer help in other ways where a child could even ask for this help. The facts are this man had a problem that was not addressed. It did not offer him a way to save his marriage and children . The point is even though this man was a terrible husband and father does not mean the laws should be set up as all fathers are in this group and take the rights from all fathers away.
To take your children from you even from a man like the one described above is not right. The law is set that one parent has to be removed from children they saw everyday to now visitation of every other weekend. Then if the other parent decides not to allow the other parent this (which is about 77% this happens) it will cost a lot of money to get a court to change it. The facts are the law does little about the visitation of the children.
The law should promote sharing children and have rules set in place that if daily sharing the parties have to agree to live within so many miles of one another, and the child attend one school. The rules should also be set that each parent offer a safe place in which the children are shared. Parents should not be allowed partners that are live ins unless they marry. Rules that sharing cannot take place out of state until the child is of a certain age. A mediator should be assigned to work out arrangements that become a problem and this mediator should do random checks and give the parents an chance to correct any problems the mediator finds them before it is reported to the court. The child should be able to call the mediator. This gives jobs to all those child support workers out there. The well being of the child should be the concern of the court.. If either parent becomes violent or does not cooperate with the sharing or somehow places the children in harm way or the children are harmed in a parents care , then the courts should decide if the sharing should continue. The parent who causes the sharing to end then should be ordered to pay support and be reduced to visitation.
This way both parents are given the chance to be a part of the child's life and the parents actions will decide if they lose that right.
This arrangement may have even worked with the case mentioned above. The child would have been able to continue flying with his father. The father may have changed in order to be in his children's life, the fact is the father should have been given the opportunity to try. People should not lose rights because of divorce and the fact is both parents have the same rights to their children. In this country rights are taken away when the party has done something to cause this right to be removed. To stop loving a spouse does not stop the love for your children. Love is a right in its own.
Child support, I am glad I fought
It Has been a while sence, I have wrote anything. My daughter is now 18. She went to vivsit her father. She was not impressed. He said to her I have a few things to say to your mother... She cut him off and said to him. I am not goingto discuss this with you. I am tired of you taking your hatered out on me for my mother. She told him it is her choice to come and see if he has changed. She told him it doesn't look like it. She took his phone number, walk away and still hasn't called him back. I don't know what he said to her on their visit. But she asked me is it true I will go to hell, if I don't want anything to do with him? I told her know that God lets us pick for our selfs on our life. That she can choose what she wants. As for loosing her and getting her back, I am glad I fought. Also she was a trooper on my 2 years of chemo, which the court at one time said I was to ill.My daughter is a wonderful person, even though He had her messed up at one time. Now she has friends who still come and talk of the parents. Troubles, she talks with them to comfort the pain. I thank those food banks, charities and resources. The people of the usa that donate to help others. Also after I got her back I still never asked for a dime from him. I worked two jobs, taking her with me till she was 14. Taking care of my health. I sometimes wonder if she had never came back, if my body would have had the spirit to fight. She an herself as a person is worth being here. No matter how much pain, I went through. She wants to be an advocate for childrens rights. I can't wait to see her to start. Because my daughter knows the truth of what can happen. Right now she is helping a freind who has a mother who is not a prime choice. So everyone it not just men it can be women also. I don't know where the courts think that because the person is a female that they will be a good parent. Because this freind of my daughters is always coming for refuge. Even the police bring her here to my home to stay.
A lot of laws don't work Terrie...
But if a parent is ordered to pay support and refuses to, that isn't love. Maybe some just want to see their kids more. But do you honestly think refusing to pay support will help them to do that? Do you think the dude dressing up like Batman and making a public nuisance of himself over in England is going to help his case? Just because they're not enforcing all the laws the should be, it won't generally help anyone's case to break the laws that we have.
Submitted: 10/11/2004 12:46:23 PM
Modified: 10/11/2004 10:25:19 PMTerrie
Monterey, CaliforniaU.S.A.
Dressing up like batman isn't enough
I think the guy dressing up like batman shows how desperate these fathers are and what they will do to get the court's attention.
Do you realize that the father is being taken out of the family on purpose! This causes the families involved to use the court system that it in itself creates future business for itself! In civil law cases divorce and child support make up over half of the cases in the system .
Do you know what kind of money is being generated here? Do you realize how many people are employed?
This is all generated from the Federal Government, do you think they do anything in our best interest? This is what supports our courts child support and drunk drivers. Why are you considered drunk after two drinks ? Now if you are pulled over and do not blow enough to be charged with drunk driving you will be given a urine test and if a metabolite of any substance in found you will be charged with driving on drugs. There is 300 over the counter meds that will give a positive test for this. You see they don't have many people drinking and driving anymore they need this revenue back in the courts. So now it is no longer the drunk that is the problem it is people on drugs. So they change some wording in the laws and now they are allowed to charge even larger fines and longer classes. You are fined over $2000.00, your license is taken , your ordered classes to take at a cost of 600-800 more, and a weekend in jail in which you get the bill for. You may have taken a cold tablet and this will cause a positive test but to defend yourself cost 10,000. They use the bad person as the reason for there abuses, they are doing society a favor. They changed the law where it no longer states under the influence. They now have their revenue back in the system..
As for child support they have to have a bad guy here for same reason. This way only the bad guy will protest the guilty party . No one questions this why are we allowing government to interfere in family business. In both of these actions the party accused have there basic due process of law rights removed. This is a guaranteed win for the courts. Also by removing the father , the bread winner from the family and by taking his rights away , kick him out of his home and reduce his relationship with your children to being a visitor now, and on top of it pay for this arrangement. Now you are going to get a reaction and usually not a pleasant one at that. Then this reaction gives the custodial parent and the child agency reason to keep them away from their children.
Now child support is allowed to accept donations. The District attorney asked Domino's Pizza for such a donation in which they agreed to . The agency donated free products. What were not told was they were the sponsor to the contest described below. The fathers rights group members sent tons of e mail and phone calls to Domino's and expressed their promise to boycott there products if they did not withdraw.. They withdrew for they said they were not told they were suppling the prizes for this contest ,a contest that targeted divorced fathers in general where dead beat dads happen only 5 % of the time. contest was inappropriate for children to par take. See the contest explanation:
The District Attorney Cox of Michigan took his campaign to a new low by announcing a contest to encourage custodial mothers to have their children draw billboard designs critical of non custodial fathers who have allegedly not paid child support. According to the contest's rules:
1. 'Entries must be original submissions produced by the child him/herself. The Attorney General encourages parent involvement in discussing the issue and assisting in crafting the message and visual representation but the production of the image must be from the child alone. Entries must be electronic or hand-crafted visual representations that clearly convey the message of encouraging the payment of child support.' (Emphasis added).
In other words, custodial mothers are encouraged to coach their children to make designs critical of non custodial parents behind on child support. And it doesn't take much imagination to figure out which non custodial father many mothers will be encouraging their children to denounce. In family law that's called 'Parental Alienation.' Many divorce decrees specifically instruct parents not to denigrate or badmouth the other parent in the presence of the children, and here the top law enforcement official in the state of Michigan is holding a contest which encourages parents to do this!
Now dressing up like batman doesn't seem to be enough does it. Isn't it bad enough we are allowing our children to lose their lives in a war that is based on a lie? We are there for weapons of mass destruction and we are in danger of terrorists. We are the terroist See in plane site WAKE UP PEOPLE SEE WHAT IS GOING ON The government is hitting us below the belt and we are allowing it .It starts with destoying the family. What laws are set in place that realy help us? We are government slaves we pay more that 60% of all our wages to the government figure it out people take our country back from the evil that presides over all of us.The child support is only one issue but it is where it starts.
From the child's view
Terrie, (California) I appreciate your response; in addition, I want to clear up any confusion or misunderstanding regarding my family's and many other's situation. You make an excellent suggestion with regard to laws aiding families in keeping them whole, in spite of a spouse being arrested jeopardizing the family structure. Spouse needs to be recognized as more than “husband" and it needs to be noted, only in more recent years, are paramours included in new laws.
Let me address a couple of points from your response. In particular, I want to respond with sharing a specific event in which the laws were pertinent.
You are correct to assume that there are laws addressing the violations, however it should be realized that laws, in general, are designed “after-the-fact" and any Law is open to interpretation.
Although I noted my father is almost 80, and I was at least 14 when I began working, a direct result of his neglect to provide child support, I should have established a time frame - four decades ago - to explain why vandalism, theft, and other laws were not a part of recourse at that time.
One point that hit a nerve, was the suggestion my mother was responsible or should have had the authorities arrest my father for assault, and so on. The ability and unfortunately, the unwillingness to arrest a spouse for abuse is truly a more recent exigency.
Too often, the decision to arrest was left to the official at the time. As with many laws, domestic laws were created after-the-fact. Not until one-to-many had died.
It wasn't too long ago, the abused spouse and the children knew not to contact the “authorities" for help, much less tell anyone, for fear of reprisal. Awareness of danger regarding domestic conflicts has only been taken seriously, by all authorities, in the past 20 – 25 years. Only then as a result of lawsuits against law enforcement agencies that clearly contributed to the death or severe disability of one they were to protect.
Social Service Organizations were predominately accountable to the poorly formed “family court" systems engaged in the care of abandoned, neglected and abused children. Abandoned, neglected and abused spouses found opportunity for help to be mostly, unknown. Of course, any law begins as a pebble in a pond, slowly the ripples move outward to touch more and more of the pond's water.
Wait! The one occasion when the “authorities" or the local law enforcement was called, it did not occur, at all, as you might expect. Early one evening, I was caring for my baby sister while my father was on a tirade (my mother had recently taken a part-time job and was not home), I responded very quietly, to my father, “But your mother does that." In return I was punched in the face, knocked to the ground and kicked. Opening my eyes, I saw my father had gone to the laundry room. He was going for the belt.
I am unaware how, but I fled to a neighbor's home. I didn't know how much she knew, but she was a close friend to my mother and I needed help. Later I realized I had chosen, in that quick second, I would not be hit by him-again.
I am sure you concluded my neighbor or I called the police. Nope, my father called. He told the “Chief" a good friend of his that I had become belligerent and ran away. I cared for this neighbor's horse and dad figured if “Joann" was home, then I would hide in the barn.
When the Chief arrived Joann told him the situation and called my mother at work so he could talk with her. I hid in her pantry because I knew the only way my dad could get the Chief to come personally was to lie.
My mother spoke with the Chief over the phone and said she would leave and take me home. He agreed and Joann tried to get me to come out of the pantry to wait for my mother. I knew my dad, and I knew this would not acceptable to him.
It wasn't. Soon the Chief returned, and explained my father would let me come home, but if I didn't then he (the Chief), would have to “arrest you and you will go to juvenile detention. You don't want that do you?" A kid does not soon forget those words.
As for his agreement with my mother? “I don't want her to be worried about you. But, I have to follow the law." The Law. What law, whose law, and interpretation of law are, in a phrase, in the eye of the beholder.
Sadly, today's laws are still based on interpretation. The idiom, “Can't beat a dead horse", describes attitudes of child support. What I mean is, society has become numb to the cries of single mothers abandoned by their spouses and paramours. Oh, please do not attempt to lay blame with one or the other.
It is one thing to marry, to make a commitment, then the couple's marriage, actually their “institution" of marriage to break-down, no matter the reason(s); it is quite another when two people “play house" and their offspring are real, live babies; not plastic dolls.
Too many men and women have created a new “family" format in recent years. One that places lust before common sense. New terminology attempting to justify a woman's independence is nothing more than rhetoric.
To suggest a child does not need a father, a male equal to a female, is redundant, at best, and ignorant at worse.
In the same manner, attempts to reason the do' or don't for child support have been lost in that rhetoric. So the father, unfortunately the majority case, finds a way to weasel of his commitment, to ignore his obligation to the child (ren) he brought into the world, his ability to walk away, only desecrates the concept of family.
Addition: Just a few hours ago, I learned my father has been hospitalized; probably for the last time.
I visited with him about 10 days ago. I did not expect the response I had. The man who had scared me as a little girl, and continued to intimidate me years after, sat before me as a withered, pale and confused person.
I looked into his deep blue eyes, now cloudy with sickness and age, trying to find the father I needed, but I found my father. A self-made man who threw away his life – his family – just to prove a point.
I looked into the soul of a man who was creative, intelligent, and strong, and I saw the angry frustration of one who set aside his teachings of values, ethics, and moralities to save a buck under the umbrella of ‘getting even'.
During the five-hour drive home I spent most of the time in tears. After all these years the pain should be gone. I should have reconciled, some time ago, that my father had abandoned my sister, my brother and me for so many reasons he could not keep them all straight (sic).
He justified his behavior with one reason and another, always complaining and degrading my mother as he established her as the reason he “had" to leave us.
During this last visit, he attempted, once again, to address the issue as he excused his lack of commitment, to lay blame on my mother. The moment I opened my mouth to stop him, he seem to realize he had failed in justifying his actions.
This time, unlike each visit in the past, he stop without my needed to remind him to unless he wanted me to leave. He was too weary. It seemed he had finally given up.
I will leave tomorrow to see him. Long ago I managed to forgive him, but I continue to struggle to find a resolution.
It does not matter if your husband's “ex" upsets you because she demands support for the children they created, and please do not claim “they" are getting alimony – that went out with the need to marry before getting pregnant.
Don't like the deal or the arrangement? Get a lawyer.
Anyone who marries a “father" knows responsibility comes with their deal. Once a parent, always a parent. Do they expect the child to “go away" and leave the new couple in bliss? GET REAL.
If the new partner is not willing to place their “loved one's" children ahead of everything else, they are in denial (sic). New spouses or paramours are selfish to ever think they will, much less, should take first-place in the new arrangement.
Hey, even Hillary knows a mother can't do it on her own – well, at least she attempted to educate the world with her book.
Our society continually ignores the responsibility of our children, our future, for instant gratification. Society can only fool itself for so long until the damage created by its laziness and selfishness bites back.
There is no justification when a parent neglects or abandons their child.
A deadbeat parent is a deadbeat parent
victims and deserving of all our compassion.
Well said. I've dealt with a father who walked out myself, as well as an ex who walked out. Both were assigned CS *after* they walked and neither paid it. But I'm sure in some people's eyes, they are victims and deserving of all our compassion.
From the child's view
Terrie, (California) I appreciate your response; in addition, I want to clear up any confusion or misunderstanding regarding my family's and many other's situation. You make an excellent suggestion with regard to laws aiding families in keeping them whole, in spite of a spouse being arrested jeopardizing the family structure. Spouse needs to be recognized as more than “husband" and it needs to be noted, only in more recent years, are paramours included in new laws.
Let me address a couple of points from your response. In particular, I want to respond with sharing a specific event in which the laws were pertinent.
You are correct to assume that there are laws addressing the violations, however it should be realized that laws, in general, are designed “after-the-fact" and any Law is open to interpretation.
Although I noted my father is almost 80, and I was at least 14 when I began working, a direct result of his neglect to provide child support, I should have established a time frame - four decades ago - to explain why vandalism, theft, and other laws were not a part of recourse at that time.
One point that hit a nerve, was the suggestion my mother was responsible or should have had the authorities arrest my father for assault, and so on. The ability and unfortunately, the unwillingness to arrest a spouse for abuse is truly a more recent exigency.
Too often, the decision to arrest was left to the official at the time. As with many laws, domestic laws were created after-the-fact. Not until one-to-many had died.
It wasn't too long ago, the abused spouse and the children knew not to contact the “authorities" for help, much less tell anyone, for fear of reprisal. Awareness of danger regarding domestic conflicts has only been taken seriously, by all authorities, in the past 20 – 25 years. Only then as a result of lawsuits against law enforcement agencies that clearly contributed to the death or severe disability of one they were to protect.
Social Service Organizations were predominately accountable to the poorly formed “family court" systems engaged in the care of abandoned, neglected and abused children. Abandoned, neglected and abused spouses found opportunity for help to be mostly, unknown. Of course, any law begins as a pebble in a pond, slowly the ripples move outward to touch more and more of the pond's water.
Wait! The one occasion when the “authorities" or the local law enforcement was called, it did not occur, at all, as you might expect. Early one evening, I was caring for my baby sister while my father was on a tirade (my mother had recently taken a part-time job and was not home), I responded very quietly, to my father, “But your mother does that." In return I was punched in the face, knocked to the ground and kicked. Opening my eyes, I saw my father had gone to the laundry room. He was going for the belt.
I am unaware how, but I fled to a neighbor's home. I didn't know how much she knew, but she was a close friend to my mother and I needed help. Later I realized I had chosen, in that quick second, I would not be hit by him-again.
I am sure you concluded my neighbor or I called the police. Nope, my father called. He told the “Chief" a good friend of his that I had become belligerent and ran away.
I cared for this neighbor's horse and dad figured if “Joann" was home, then I would hide in the barn.
When the Chief arrived Joann told him the situation and called my mother at work so he could talk with her. I hid in her pantry because I knew the only way my dad could get the Chief to come personally was to lie.
My mother spoke with the Chief over the phone and said she would leave and take me home. He agreed and Joann tried to get me to come out of the pantry to wait for my mother. I knew my dad, and I knew this would not acceptable to him.
It wasn't. Soon the Chief returned, and explained my father would let me come home, but if I didn't then he (the Chief), would have to “arrest you and you will go to juvenile detention. You don't want that do you?" A kid does not soon forget those words.
As for his agreement with my mother? “I don't want her to be worried about you. But, I have to follow the law." The Law. What law, whose law, and interpretation of law are, in a phrase, in the eye of the beholder.
Sadly, today's laws are still based on interpretation. The idiom, “Can't beat a dead horse", describes attitudes of child support. What I mean is, society has become numb to the cries of single mothers abandoned by their spouses and paramours. Oh, please do not attempt to lay blame with one or the other.
It is one thing to marry, to make a commitment, then the couple's marriage, actually their “institution" of marriage to break-down, no matter the reason(s); it is quite another when two people “play house" and their offspring are real, live babies; not plastic dolls.
Too many men and women have created a new “family" format in recent years. One that places lust before common sense. New terminology attempting to justify a woman's independence is nothing more than rhetoric.
To suggest a child does not need a father, a male equal to a female, is redundant, at best, and ignorant at worse.
In the same manner, attempts to reason the do' or don't for child support have been lost in that rhetoric. So the father, unfortunately the majority case, finds a way to weasel of his commitment, to ignore his obligation to the child (ren) he brought into the world, his ability to walk away, only desecrates the concept of family.
Addition: Just a few hours ago, I learned my father has been hospitalized; probably for the last time.
I visited with him about 10 days ago. I did not expect the response I had. The man who had scared me as a little girl, and continued to intimidate me years after, sat before me as a withered, pale and confused person.
I looked into his deep blue eyes, now cloudy with sickness and age, trying to find the father I needed, but I found my father. A self-made man who threw away his life – his family – just to prove a point.
I looked into the soul of a man who was creative, intelligent, and strong, and I saw the angry frustration of one who set aside his teachings of values, ethics, and moralities to save a buck under the umbrella of ‘getting even'.
During the five-hour drive home I spent most of the time in tears. After all these years the pain should be gone. I should have reconciled, some time ago, that my father had abandoned my sister, my brother and me for so many reasons he could not keep them all straight (sic).
He justified his behavior with one reason and another, always complaining and degrading my mother as he established her as the reason he “had" to leave us.
During this last visit, he attempted, once again, to address the issue as he excused his lack of commitment, to lay blame on my mother. The moment I opened my mouth to stop him, he seem to realize he had failed in justifying his actions.
This time, unlike each visit in the past, he stop without my needed to remind him to unless he wanted me to leave. He was too weary. It seemed he had finally given up.
I will leave tomorrow to see him. Long ago I managed to forgive him, but I continue to struggle to find a resolution.
It does not matter if your husband's “ex" upsets you because she demands support for the children they created, and please do not claim “they" are getting alimony – that went out with the need to marry before getting pregnant.
Don't like the deal or the arrangement? Get a lawyer.
Anyone who marries a “father" knows responsibility comes with their deal. Once a parent, always a parent. Do they expect the child to “go away" and leave the new couple in bliss? GET REAL.
If the new partner is not willing to place their “loved one's" children ahead of everything else, they are in denial (sic). New spouses or paramours are selfish to ever think they will, much less, should take first-place in the new arrangement.
Hey, even Hillary knows a mother can't do it on her own – well, at least she attempted to educate the world with her book.
Our society continually ignores the responsibility of our children, our future, for instant gratification. Society can only fool itself for so long until the damage created by its laziness and selfishness bites back.
There is no justification when a parent neglects or abandons their child.
A deadbeat parent is a deadbeat parent
Re: From a child's view
I know of your heartache, I still wait for an apology. Out of what I was treated like as a child, I just wanted to take my baby and go away. After two abusive thumpings, I figured well I am not staying where I am Clearly not wanted! I raised her holding down jobs. For 6 yrs. Then he decides to get in a panty twist. Go to court they give her to him cause he is healthy and has more money than I. (before I got ill, I made alot more than he) He abused her for 5 yrs. The whole time I am fighting. Selling my house, horses and cars. Got to the point of freezing and going hungry. I know where most of it went. In the goverenments pocket. I paid $856.00 amonth child support those 5 yrs. also. He has 4 kids by this other woman. My daughter told me when I sent a box of stuff to her, it went to the others. Greed is what it is called. I have her back now for 7 yrs. With lots of counseling still out of pocket. I do get child support. I don't even ask. I won't either. I figure if you really want someone out of your life. You don't have nothing to do with them. Don't even say a prayer. Now that my daughter has seen the papers and pulled records, (she is 18 now) still at home. She wishes she never had met him. She says she will never have kids. It is sad. Believe me CPS was called several times and they left her there. That why at the beginning of theis forum, I said for her to let him go. Rebounds suck. I have brotherrs who also go through hell, cause of thier ex's. I had one brother who was handing money over to his ex, without a copy of paying. She took him to court anyways. He ended up paying all of it all over again. Because she was not honest with the courts. My brother even ended up paying back DSHS all the money she got from them also. She never reported the hundreds of dollars she got from my brother either. His ex got a slap on the hand. He looked at jail, for no support. Witnesses that he gave her money doesn't count either. This is why I don't believe it when someone whines they can make it with no child support. Sorry for being long winded.
RE: Jeff....Opening your eyes
Jeff...
I was just curious as to whether or not you were a deadbeat dad just financially...or did you not see your children as well? It sounds in your post as though you had nothing to do with them financially or emotionally. If so, I wondered why you weren't a part of their lives til now...aside from the money not being available?
The reason I ask is simply because my ex always used the excuse that he never had any money as to why he did not see or spend time with our daughter. Then when the money WAS there, he still did not spend the time with her. He never thought about how his absence might someday have a huge affect on her life, which now, at 15 years old, it HAS had a great affect on her life. He has just quietly disappeared somewhere & has chosen not to be in her life. Very sad.
Anyway, although you appear to have good intentions by treating everyone to a trip to Disney World etc., the TIME you have lost with your children can never be replaced. No amount of money or trips, or material things can ever make up for that.
I see two totaly separate issues here
The only issue that matters here is that a parent ordered to pay support for their child isn't paying it and they should, there is no excuse for it, I am a custodial father that receives none of the court ordered support that my children deserve, if there is anything I can do I would be glad to help.
Now the other issue I see here is that even if you were receiving support it sems you would be every bit as spitefull toward your Ex and his spouse. You need to get over it and move on (spiritualy).
Your own words are contradictory and serve to highlight the fact that you want more that money and I feel that you are need to admit (to yourself) that you are harming yourself and your child in holding all this hate inside.
You should do everything you can to collect this money for you and your daughter, but the childs relationship with her father is out of your hands so just stay out of it, thats what I do with my Ex, I have an attitude that she will all ways be their mother so I don't get involved in pushing her away from them or giving gilt trips when she doesn't visit them.
Deadbeat or not????
Response to Cori:
I admit that I am a financial deadbeat and there was no excuse for it. Where there is a will there is a way!! I should not have let my illnesses get in the way of my childrens financial needs. But the other part of the subject you questioned, seeing or doing things with them is a whole other ball of wax. After I had moved from Pennsylvania to Florida, due to lack of work, I paid child support for 2 1/2 yrs prior to my injuries and disability. This of which I am still fighting with the V.A. to get upgraded beyong 205 dollars a month. The onset of increased knee deterioration has only been within the last 5 yrs. This is the time of severely reduced income and child support wained. At that time my ex was living with her parents in the extra room that I had built off the side of their mobile home for them. As the child support became more of a issue, the ex mother in law became more of a wedge in the relationship. The children where small and where not allowed to answer the phone. I would call and the ex mother in law would say they wherent home and to call back next week. I could hear the kids laughing and playing in the background and I was never told to them that I had called to talk to them. I had sent Christmas presents and I was told to not send them again, and that they would be destroyed and sent back. What I did send, I found out later was relabled and given from somebody else. Then my ex moved and never gave me a address or phone number. Child support enforcement in PA. would not tell me either. I had to file for a court hearing to get this information and child visitation rights. This was never addressed at the railroad divorce. All toll about $2500.00 in costs to do this. More than I had and would have at one time. It has only been the past year that my kids have wanted to talk to me now that they are old enough to have a say so. It is not that I didnt want to be in their lives, it is because others butted in and made it impossible to do so. I have to make up for lost time and find a way to explain myself without discrediting their mother or grandmother in the process. They will make their own decisions about all that.At least , if I can pay what I owe, help them with education, and give them some good memories to restart on things might be better than before, as well as be able to finish off the child support for the rest of the required time. so, as you can see sometimes deadbeat isn't always the fathers fault. The ex's family and the ex herself can be just as at fault as the labled dad. Only true information and time for the children to make their own judgments will then my predicament be understood. In all actuality, the first child really isnt mine, but she calls me daddy and that all that counts. She will never be told any different by me!!!! Question answered???????
RESPONSE TO JEFF....
Yes, Jeff....your question was answered. Thank you for your response. I appreciate your explanation regarding your situation & wish you well with your children. I hope one day they are able to understand your circumstances.
Unfortunately, my 2 daughters both had deadbeat fathers that just simply chose not to be in their lives. I still have yet to figure out why! They are wonderful girls that just wanted their dads to be a part of their existence. It wasn't really even about the money. It appeared to be more about not wanting the responsibility of fatherhood
In one of my earlier rebuttals, (single mom who doesn't get child support), I posted a poem that my eldest daughter, who is now 30, wrote to her father before his death a year & a half ago. I had hoped that even if one 'deadbeat dad' read it, they might understand the pain that their children will endure by not being a part of their lives. Unfortunately, it was too late for my daughter who never really got to know her father.
Very poor choice on his part! My best to you & your children.
To Those Of You Who Are Not In Our Shoes...
First to 'Miss Dictate to Other's Monika'. Sometimes divorce is the best thing for the children. After I got married my now ex began to drink more and more because of the new people he made friends with who drank a lot and soon became physically and verbally abusive...in front of the children!!! Are you so ignorant as to condone this type of behavior in a man and tell the woman she should 'stay together because of the effects divorce has on children'? I'm sure no one wants to get divorce but sometimes there is not a way to make ammends and stay together and in a lot of situations it is better for the children to not be raised in unhealthy marriages. If the parents are not happy do you really beleive the children will be happy...NO! Chidlren are resilient and actually cope very well if they are emotionally supported by other family members. I grew up in an intact family, not believing in divorce, knowing VERY few families who had been through divorce. My decision to divorce my ex was the best possible thing I ever have done for my children because I saved them from the pain of what their father did, they would have been his next victims eventually and I did not want my children growing up to learn that it is okay and normal to physically abuse the ones you supposedly love!!! I too have read all the books, been to workshops, worked with children of divorced families, yada, yada, yada!!! My children are happy well adjusted children who rarely get to see or talk to their somewhat dead-beat dad because he has made the decision to be what he not to be in their lives. Why should the children suffer because of dead beat parents? A-lot of single mothers struggle everyday to provide for their children and when the other parent doesn't provide with his part of the financial obligation that alone can be devastating to the children. This mother who posted and is trying to locate this true dead beat is not wasting her time, she is doing this in all fairness to her daughter and because she loves her daughter and wants her to have a better life. To this woman...my ex lives in Oregon, has played the game of not paying atleast half of 7 years now, has remarried and brought another child in to this world when he can't even be bothered to truly help support the two he already has, has not worked for 5 years but now all of a sudden has a job which he thought he could hide but I have my ways to find things out. Oregon State Support Enforcement does a pretty good job and if you have filed with the state you live in for support you can bring Oregon in to the picture since he lives there. They do revoke driver's licenses...they did this to my ex, they do throw them in jail for no less than 6 months and you may be able to get them to attach the house owned only in his new wifes name as it is community property and they can file a lien on the home which would make it impossible to sell since they like to 'run' so much. Oregon can order him to gain verifiable employment also. Report him to the local police department in the town he lives in, try everything! Just be VERY persistant, don't let the frustration get to you and DON'T EVER GIVE UP...THIS IS FOR AND ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER BEING ABLE TO HAVE THE LIFE SHE DESERVES. There is not an excuse out there for dead beat parents who chose not to pay child support for their children...not one! God Bless you and in your search for justice upon this dead beat man. Remember, we all answer in the end, his time will come!
Submitted: 12/13/2004 11:53:05 PM
Modified: 12/13/2004 11:52:01 PMCATHERINE
Cuthbert, GeorgiaU.S.A.
I am so happy that my family isn't like these
I read these letters with a lot of sadness for all of the people involved. My parents divorced when I was 20 and my youngest brother was 8. While they were together, they fought (verbally),constantly. But when they decided to divorce, a miracle happened! They quit fighting. Since then it has been obvious to everyone that their concern has been for their children. It's now been 28 years since their divorce. I just spoke to my Dad earlier tonight; we were making plans for our family Christmas celebration. He had just spoken to my Mother about who was cooking the turkey for Christmas....Yes, we ALL eat together on holidays! When my maternal grandmother died 5 years ago, my Dad took over making sure there was food and sleeping arrangements and Easter baskets for the kids (it was Easter weekend). Remember, this was his ex-mother-in-law. And yes, my mother has remarried and he attends our celbrations also. My father's long-time companion also attended until her recent death.
I write this to say that IT CAN BE DONE. It just takes two adults (note I said two) WHO LOVE THEIR CHILDREN MORE THAN THEY DISLIKE EACH OTHER. And yes, my father never missed a child support payment. In fact, my mother said he never decreased the amount as the number of minor children decreased. He told her that was to make up for the increase in the cost of living.
Children need to be taken care of
I am a step mom , my husband was injured and unable to pay support for a bit that did not matter to the Prosecutors office in the county where we lived , at the time there was no money coming in they wanted to put him in jail. As soon as the Workmens checks were going to start we asked that child support with arrears be taken out. Which they did not do , and we thought they were then we got notice to go to court. By this time my husband was on his way back to work and having child support again taken out of his check on his own accord. Then the court decided it was ok for her to uproot the child from her father and her paternal grandparents becuase the mom lied in court sayiong she had no family in indiana. All the time we continue to make sure child support is paid so that beautiful little girl will have clothes, school supplies and the things she needs. but the one thing she needs she is lacking a relationship with her dad. He has wrote her but gets no response asks to see her is told NO and is told she is not there when he calls. The man who owes all this child support needs to pay up NOW or when she grows up they will still get the money from him if he ever does get a real job. This girl is going to hate her dad for not taking care of her at all and putting a burden on her mom. SUPPORT KIDS Now all debeat parents. Not just men but women to are responsible for bringing kids into the world and refusing to pay child support. My brother in laws exwife owed 50,000 do oyu know what she did to keep from paying , she went on a government check and the courts told him sorry you will not see a dime now, but she now wants to see him now that she doesn't have to pay it, but did not want anything to do with him before. This si not fair to kids. Stand up and pay if you cant be with them, then do what you can to help them and if you dont want to then get fixed so it will not be a problem again in the future. SUpport YOUR KIDS.
No longer Proud to be an American
When is everyone going to wake up here!!Our government has been bribing all the states to create State collection agencies and they have created the deadbeat dad for their own profit and reasons of inacting laws in which takes our constiutional laws from us. Don't get me wrong there are parents who do not support their children but this is only about 5% of the population. The government has no buisness giving a child to one parent and taking the child from another. If the parents do not get along it does not mean one parent must give up thir right to be in the childs life everyday like before the divorce and no one should have to pay to see a child . No one should go to jail because you cannot pay. The deadbeats the States claim are not deadbeats at all they have became injured or layed off and have been unable to pay . Does the government interfer in a married family if a party loses their job or becomes sick or injured? Do they tell them they had better go to work or go to jail. The married parent and unmarried parent have the same rights as to government interference.The government should not be representing one party for money payments but not the other for visitation. This is discrimatory and un equal law. The government has a conflic of interest and should not be involved at all for they are making a profit. They are straight out lying when they say they do not make money. The government does not involve itself if there is not a buck to be made. Do you know LA county alone passes over 200 million dollars a years through their accounts just for child support? They rip off the mother for payments all the time finally some one sued the DA of LA for 25 million was just sitting in an accout not being paid to the mothers . They do not have the best interest of children in mind when they inact laws and change codes and statutes. They do this to deny the common citizen the right of due process of law and to make it easier for them to take property from the people they claim to be representing. A parent denied access to his/her children, without justification or court process, by the other parent is not their fault. It is the fault of the government courts for interfering with fundamental rights. Studies show that custodial parents interfere with visitation 77% of the time, and after 5 years non custodial parents are usually completely cut off from their children as a result of alienation and brainwashing. The government courts refuse to enforce this part of the divorce settlement , judgment/order, thereby nullifying child support obligations as well. There is a doctrine of reciprocals. Parents have the fundamental liberty interest in the care, custody and nurture of their children, and with that comes a reciprocal duty of financial and emotional child support. However, if the fundamental right is denied or deprived for whatever reason, there is no duty. The system does not address the emotional support of the child ,only the financial. This can not be considered in the best interest of the child. The courts are not applying the law equally and fairly in regards to both parents rights, in turn this deny's the child of their fundamental right to have both parents in their lives .The best interest in not just a financial interest, the emotional well being of the child is the definition of best interest, for to be poor does not necessary mean unhappy. To reward a parent with money value when they are depriving not only the party who is giving the money it is depriving the child. The courts are not just promoting this behavior, they are actually demanding this criminal act to occur. Don't we all have the right to raise our children without government interference.
Further, the Courts have a financial conflict of interest in the awarding, collection and enforcement of child support and cannot sit in judgment therefore (see, U.S. Supreme Court cases of Tumey v. Ohio, Gibson v. Berryhill, Ward v. Monroeville). The Georgia and Tennessee appellate and supreme courts are currently addressing these unconstitutional actions by family court judges. One who has not paid child support, other than for being a 'deadbeat dad' (which according to all studies occurs in only 5% of all cases), cannot be held criminally liable for owing child support. Every U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals that has addressed the issue has found that child support is a common commercial and civil debt obligation. We don't criminalize people for owing debts such as owing car loans, credit card loans, mortgages, student loans, etc. Since the federal courts are calling child support a civil debt there can be no criminality involved. Otherwise, the First, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Ninth, Tenth, Thirteenth and Fourteenth Amendments to the Constitution for the United States of America are severely implicated. Violations of these Amendments, would constitute a violation of the judicial oaths of office, thus causing judges, lawyers, and child support enforcement government bureaucrats, and other related government officials to commit official misconduct, treason and other high crimes and misdemeanors. This would lead to government abuse and oppression - in other words, it would be terrorism by government against its own people.
'The statist notion that government may supercede parental authority in order to ensure bureaucratically or judicially determined 'best interests' of children has been rejected as repugnant to American traditions. Judges and state officials are ill-equipped to second guess parents and are.
Parents fundemental right to their children should not be compromised by the courts and interference should be a last resort,unless of course the parent is physicaly harmful to the child. Government should not interfer interfer with our God given right to raise and care for our children as we see fit.
This is a big scam on the american public and the american public is so stupid to go along with it. They do not even realize what is going on around them. Our government blew up the twin towers trying to save the american dollar because we have gone into dept so badly . This destruction of the towers (they inploded)and the penagon ( the whole in the building smaller then the plane) all banking laws have changed because of this . The computers at the pentagon where all destroyed in this area and there was a trillion dollar transaction that took place during this destruction , this is why the change in banking laws no longer getting a copy of your checks. Think about it people! Look what the patriot act is doing do you know senators are signing bills they are not allowed to see!!! Hello! Why in the hell are we in a war?? This child support was the start of it all the code for this act of child support is US Code 666.Look it up read it ! It is to place a one world system in place to tract us all to link ss# with Dr license # and to connect state to state and country to country all in one system. This is the truth Wake up people go to in plane site on the internet look what our government is doing . The american people had better stop and take a look around why do other countries hate us? Why is it it costs over 100,00.00 to send a child to school? Could it be because the majority of people cannot afford this and our young will volenteer for the service? Or is it to manage a slave when it has no education?
We are a country that spends the most for education but have the least to show for it. Why are we still using fossil fuel? Why is oil prices changing daily when we have plenty of oil all around the world? Why are we the only country suffering from obesity? Couls it be the drugs being put in our food products maybe? Mad cow is caused by feeding animal products to animals now who does this? Has anyone discovered a cure for any disease's is the last 10 or 15 years and doesn't anyone think this is odd? Why is the cost of drugs so high for the senoirs in this Country ? Is it just a fluke the medications the older folk are taking have become so very expensive . That is in this Country only anyway. Could it be the drug companies do not find cures for disease becuase it is not profitable? Could the price of medications for seniors have anything to do with the fact they are collecting SSI payments? Is it possible they more than likely go without their medication because of its cost? Does the government profit if people die close to the age of retirement? There are many more questions to be asked like Why all the hurricanes in Florida? Does Harp have anything to do with this ? How come we have not heard of all the missing and dead in Florida?
The child support issue was and is the beginning of a far much worse future for us all and we had better pull our heads out of the sand and take back this Country that once based its laws on Gods laws..For the answers to these questions should be a concern for each and every one of us.Signed No Longer Proud to be an American
single mom 2
Connie,
I have read this entire post. man there are so many people that have to add their thoughts on the matter and they have never been thru what you or many other single moms (or dads) have been through. What's up with that ?? I have not gone thru what you have as far as the deadbeat dad,
I am raising my son alone,without no child support so I can relate to you and wish sometimes that I could get help from someone but, his dad lives out of the country....No laws for this one :-)
I just wanted to say keep doing what you are doing. He has a responsibilty to help you take care of her.
Now onto Monika. after all your stupid entries I had to just say a few things...
Monika I want to say that you are a hypocrite. You say your are against divorce ?? then why did you divorce in the 1st place... because you have no children, does that make you smarter? You think that it is ok for YOU to get out a bad marriage but tell others they need to stay in one for the sake of the children ?? You are only thinking about yourself. I hope that when you do ever have children you quit being so selfish, because they should ALWAYS be first. You make NO SENSE. These people who divorce do it for what ever the reason maybe, 1) it's none of your buisness and 2) the obviously love their children enough to get them into a better enviroment..
Now , as far a divorce goes. I to am against it FOR MYSELF ONLY, I only want to be married once. So I guess that's why I never married ( as of yet ) You or I have no right to judge others. I do have a child.( yes out of wedlock... oh my gosh.. I'm sure you'll have something to say about that too....) but guess what your opinion means nothing to me. I thought about it before I did it, I wanted a baby. I may not be rich , but I am rich with love enough to be mother and father for my son ( plus a whole group of friends and family that are there for all the love and support we both need ) I get NO CHILD SUPPORT at all. As a matter of fact his father lives in Costa Rica. But I made this choice to do it on my own, something I will never regret. No matter how tough it may get. But this was MY decision. Alot of women (or men) do not get to make that choice. Unfortunately it is made for them.
The people who get married make a child together well, the plan on taking care of that child together.. but then something happens and the marriage is dissolved,( mind you ...oh sorry you do already know this... people do not get married and expect to get divorced !! )
Anyway, that does not mean that now one or the other parent has the right to stop supporting the child. they both decided to have the child so they both need to support him/her finicially and emotionally. Period.
Ya, sure alot (to many) take advantage of this system we have. But, Connie just wants him to live up to his obligation and since he is not she wants to find him to keep him accountable for his part of bringing this child into this world. Who are you to add your 2 cents when you don't even know all the facts. hey I don't even know all the facts but from what I see she is NOT looking for your sympathy or criticism she just wants what she feels her daughter is entiteled to, SO SHE IS ASKING HELP TO HELP FIND HIM NOT YOUR blah,blah,blah ON HOW RIGHTIOUS YOU ARE !!!
So get off your high horse, quit bitching about your husbands ex... because they are HIS KIDS.
Sounds like you just add fuel to her fire.
Why don't you start your own thread so people can feel sorry for you.. I sure do.
For all those single moms and dads who read this:
Never ever give up. If you are really sincere in getting money for your children never give up. But don't go as so far to hurt your child in the process. I know how hard it is, I work my butt of and there is never enough money, but there will always be enough love in my heart for my son and who could ask for more.
To many people have said to me... when they are young it goes so quickly. Let the kids be kids and enjoy childhood. I know you need money for the basics food/shelter/health ins ect... but as far as other things go use you imagination and you will get much further than what the money would get you.
Good Luck Connie and anyone else who is in a bad situation.
Donald 'Reed' Powers stopped paying support AGAIN! ..Help! Attorneys won't take my case without a $3,000 retainer!
I so appreciate your comments. I really needed to hear it. I just want everyone to know that Donald 'Reed' Powers stopped paying support AGAIN! Because he has not paid Nov-Feb support ($2,300ish) I cannot pay my rent. My unemployment ran out in Oct 2004...he paid Oct's payment in Nov. I had to apply for Transitional Assistance and Food Stamps and they aren't even going to give me what he is supposed to pay.
So for those of you who have comments to make about women on welfare...screw off! Most women on welfare are so because the fathers of their children abandon their responsibility and it is the US Government who rolls out the red carpet for them to walk away