It's long overdue that Buddy Merrill, who played guitar 20 years on the Lawrence Welk Show, got exposed for what he really was, a loser father, 3 time divorcee adulterer, into porn in the 70's, and a medicore guitarist. As his daughter, I suffered a great deal. My sister did not survive beyond the age of 35 and died destitute.
My father had me out of wedlock in 1960 and was pressured by his Catholic parents to marry my mother due to the unplanned preganancy. This was a very serious thing for that time period, especially for a t.v. celebrity my father was at the time. The LW Show was a hugely popular program for that era and my father would have been fired for his immoral activities had they been revealed. Instead I was covered up as his illegitimate child, and my parents hid for me for years that they really weren't in a real marriage. There was no wedding photos, no ceremony. It was my father's third marriage at the age of 26.
My father, as a traveling musician, fooled around on my mother as she attempted to play the role of a good one. She really did make an effort to be a good mother, but was broken hearted to learn my father was having affairs on her behind her back. This caused major fights in the middle of the night, one in which my mother pulled a gun on my father. These disturbing fights became a pattern for me to wake up to in the middle of the night and sometimes they were violent. It was just plain scarey. Yet, my parents didn't do the right thing and divorce, instead choosing to have another child.
As a child, I would go buy gifts for my parents to try and make things better for them. When they had fights, I'd do things like surprise my father by having his watch face repaired my mother had busted. I once bought my mother a 16 caret ivory pin after one of their fights. I had done chores around the house and garden as a child saving up my money as they wanted to teach me the value of working for my own things. I even once bought my own bike, but it got stolen at school and my parents didn't replace it leaving me with the loss.
My father used me as his daughter for his image, but never really was a father at all. I was used by my mother to clean her house at a young age, to do all kinds of chores, instead of their concentrating on helping me be a good student. My father got me in trouble for actually doing one of my art projects for me, people at school knew I couldn't have done it on my own. My father would never teach me how to do things, he would just do it for me, leaving with stunted learning abilities. He learned how to do the new math from my book, but I didn't. I was too emotionally traumatized by all their fights to have strong learning abilities.
I had asked to play the viola as a result of an elementary school music program and my parents gave in. When they learned I wasn't a prodigy, they shamed me for not performing at my lessons to their expectations. They wouldn't talk to me on the way home from the lesson they sat in on. They stopped my lessons and from thereon I had to pay for my own. I later learned the only reason why my parents allowed me to attend a music camp when I was 12, was for my father to try and get featured as an arranger for his favorite orchestral arrangement of Ben Hur. He never came to see me perform it with the music camp youth orchestra performance. He left me with the complaints from my fellow musicians that they hated to play his arrangement and criticized him for not arranging it well.
During recital performances at this camp, all my peers' parents would come to see their sons and daughter's perform. My parents had no interest in seeing my perform Mozart's concerto in front of an audience at this camp. I had no emotional support. I was just like this orphaned, abandoned kid who had some kind of mysterious support system to be able to play in a youth orchestra. I was just being used for my father's image with the Lawrence Welk band and nothing more. He used me in order to arrange for the orchestra. He used passive aggression to victimize me as his daughter on a continual basis.
What kind of a father would put his daughter through so much humiliation? It was continual, and he often used my angry, frustrated mother to sadistically abuse me. I was extremely burdened with her demands that I perform continual chores a husband was supposed to do for his wife. While my father was always away, I became the husband who did all the chores for the house property from sweeping out the garages, to pruning the bushes, to cleaning the grill, doing the nightly dishes, vacuuming the entire house each weekend. Yet I got no allowance in my teens. I paid for my own viola lessons and even clothes at that point. I cleaned other people's houses in the youth work program in order to get things I needed, like a moped I'd use to get to my jobs and school events.
When I won a scholarship to play at a U.S.C. music camp, my parents tried to block me from attending, wanting me to come on their vacation to Yosemite. I hated being with them, they were misreable to spend time with. You'd think they'd be happy for me. What happened? I wasn't allowed to stay alone a couple of days at my own house, they forced me to find a place to stay and didn't give me any money for food. I starved for a day prior to going to the music camp. The lady who let me stay with her was also going to the camp and actually resented my staying with her for free. She didn't feed me of course. I starved.
My parents did not wait for me to give me a ride home the day of my high school graduation. They left me to walk home by myself. I had won 3 awards in music in high school and my father was jealous of me. He left the Lawrence Welk Show in 1975, when I started high school and he was having a mid-life crisis, victimizing me as his daughter with his passive aggressive activity. He physically abused me at one point, placing both his fingers in my ears, sitting on top of my chest with his p***s in his pants near my face. He wouldn't get up and I had to struggle below him to get out of the position he had me in. For my 16th birthday, he held me down and spanked me on the floor one night. My peers got sports cars for their birthdays and I was getting sadistically abused by my father and mother who had no respect for me whatsoever no matter how hard I tried to please them.
I cleaned houses in our rich neighborhood and once bought a nice stereo system for my work. My mother got up from the dinner table one evening, out of the blue, and slammed it on the ground into pieces as an example of her irrational, abusive behavior. I told a friend at school the next day and she visited my room without my knowledge, to see if I was telling the truth. My father had taped it back together making it look like I had lied. They did see the piece of tape however and suspected said they believed me.
In 1973, I had witnessed my father's hard porn book in his bedroom drawer and showed it to the neighborhood kids who askd to see it. It had definitions of various sexual practics including sadism, masochism, vouyerism and there was child molestation showed in one of the photos, of a man introducing his p***s to a young female child. My father should have gone to prison for having child porn, but in the 70's, it wasn't a serious thing it is today.
The fruit of my parents' phoney image marriage resulted in my suffering many years as their daughter, only being able to make it this far in life because of my own volition and efforts they tried to destroy. I have had a few people help me along the way, but with very minimal help. I have worked and been on my own all of my life, never married.
After I graduated high school, the only thing my father ever did positive for me was co-sign for a car loan. That is really the only thing I can say that my father ever did positive in my life was help me to obtain a vehicle. I rarely visited my parents after I left, leaving my poor sister to fend for herself with the freaks of nature. I couldn't deal with the pain these people caused - they were such white trash losers. My mother eventually divorced my father in 1986 and began sleeping around proving she was really a w***e who wanted to be unleashed. She was a major embarassment to me as a mother.
I will never forgive these idiots for their behavior, abuse and the suffering they put me through with their failed marriage. I spoke last with Buddy Merrill in 1998 when he disclosed to me how happy he was and in the same conversation told me my sister had been gang raped 5 times, had HIV/AIDS and was a drug addict. She later died in 2001, destitute living in some ghost town waiting to die of what would be bacterial miningitis. She had had 5 children, all taken from her by the state.
My father was never a father to me, but an idiot who had serious character flaws that should have never allowed him to become a guitarist for Lawrence Welk. I'll never forget when he felt forced to present his daughters in the Christmas special segment, what he decided for us to play as instruments. Musical spoons. Here I had talent as a violist who played with youth orchestras, I could sing well, and he gave me these stupid spoons to slap on my body to play a rhythm on national television. More humiliation. I was continually used by this man without anything of any value given in return.
If anyone wants these parents, please let me know. I'd gladly you give them to you, along with my memories, pain and agony these white trash Neanderthals caused. I don't want their money in their Wills, I won't be going to their funerals. They are just disgraceful people who should have never been allowed to have children.
Bite me a*****e Buddy Merrill. You were a disgraceful father and your wife was nothing but a restrained w***e as a frustrated, angry mother. I'm embarassed you were ever my parents. If I could, I'd send you both to prison for your destructive parenting of me and my sister.
San Francisco, California