Man, I'd never thought I'd be doing something like this but after my three days in hell, I feel I have to get it off my chest. I'm from Minnesota (GO GOPHERS!) but came to Michigan with some buddies for the big Wolverine game. My friend Booker had tickets for us cause he goes there, but he still made us pay about 20 bucks, which is ok, I think. He could have ripped us off, I don't know what the going rate is. Anyway, the game was cool cause Michigan won, but it was way too hot and crowded in that stadium. Get a roof or air-conditioning or people with hoses or something. I thought I was gonna die! Everybody was drunk, including us, so I actually don't remember if it was the sun or just my medication that was making me so sweaty, but I do remember it was stupid.

And what an ordeal it was getting outta that stadium. I could have walked back to MINNESOTA before my buddies ever made it outta traffic. Time to build a new street, Ann Arbor, you lame-oes.

So, we go to a place called THE ARENA for beers and it's totally gaystore. Our waitress, Beth, greeted us by saying, 'Go Blue!'. There goes her tip, sorry Beth, but you can't buy me off with some jingoistic cheer. Why don't you just say, 'God Bless America, can I get you a patriotic cocktail?' What a dorkette.

So, the next day we go out looking for 'da ladies' but I don't have a right arm so sometimes girls don't go for me. Right away, we ran into a problem. Hordes, and hordes of stupid people were dancing, like right in the middle of the street. And it wasn't like kick-ass sexxed-up Kylie Minogue dancing, but rather Mississippi hoedowns and drunk bumblefuck Irish jigs. What is with you, Ann Arbor? Get your shit together! You close down streets and make us park super far away just so you can have 'SUNDAY FAMILY DANCE DAY' and ruin the good time of anybody who is between 8 and 60?!

Two stupid white kids were tapping on a wooden board, like they thought it was gonna make them cool. Yeah, sure you are nerds. I'll probably get laid more times than them this year and I don't even have a right arm. Then there were these Jamaican rastarians who were just beating drums. You could sooooooo tell that they were smoking the ganja. 'hey pass the herb, Marley!' LOL! LOL!! But anyways...

We left on Monday, not saying anything to Booker because he was so thrilled we hung out with him at his school for the first time. The car ride home took like forever but it was still better than hanging out around his dumb-boat campus. I'm never going back to Ann Arbor. If I do, I hope I'm blind or dead. 'Ann Arbor'? More like 'Ann ArBORING!'

GOPHERS RULE! 2COOL 2B 4GOTTEN! PEACE OUT reject farmers, -Jimmy

Jimmy
Minneapolis, Minnesota