For my wife Elise and I's wedding my grandparents gave us a new armchair from our Target registry and it was missing a screw when we assembled it. But it didn't seem to be a very important screw and it's holding up just fine. It's not the most comfortable chair, but it's as comfortable and a whole heck of a lot better looking than our old living room furniture.
So the first thing we did when we returned from our honeymoon was order the matching sofa from Target.com. $400 for a full-size sofa was a steal, even with a $100 shipping charge. I now realize that $500 would have been better spent on someone that trains birds of prey to train a very large hawk to peck my eyeballs out and build nests in their sockets.
The shipping method for this full-sized sofa was listed online as "Target Ground" which was a sigh of relief for me, because I was horrified of the prospect that a single UPS man would have to deliver such a large thing up three flights of stairs to our apartment. We ordered the couch on February 16th and it had an estimated delivery of February 22nd through February 27th. On February 27th it arrived by "Target Ground" which it turns out, is really just code for UPS. Code for a single UPS man delivering two packages as big as him up three flights of stairs.
He said "I don't know why these companies think we're furniture delivery men."
I totally agreed with him.
Had I known the $100 delivery was going to be that awkward, I probably just would've gone to a real furniture store with real delivery to begin with.
When I ripped open the boxes, it was apparent that the largest piece of the couch was still missing. That would be the entire back of it.
It arrived the next day, a day after the last day of the projected window of arrival. The same UPS man. He said, "There's the REST OF IT," and sounded a lot less jokey than the day before. This package was indeed larger than the two previous and it was also ripped open all over. Thankfully, nothing inside was damaged.
Nothing was damaged, but it certainly was missing the bag of hardware and all four legs. We finally had our brand new couch and now screws to put it together! No legs for it to stand on.
Elise was freaking out, but it was no big deal, I thought. I would call Target and they would get us the replacement parts shipped out overnight. The first Target customer service rep we talked to was extremely helpful and went on a search to find their supplier of the couch before saying that he would contact them and put in a parts order for us and hanging up.
An hour later we got a message from him saying that the parts order "wouldn't go through" and that our only option was to exchange the entire couch for a new one.
The thought that their only solution to a bag of missing screws was to have our giant pieces of couch picked back up by UPS and then three more giant boxes of couch delivered by UPS enraged me. Not to mention the fact that the packaging of our original couch was in no condition to be repackaged for a UPS return. I don't exactly have 7 foot couch boxes lying around, either.
Thus began the last month of my dealings with Target's customer service. Half a dozen phone calls and a whole dozen emails to them and the company that first person said was their supplier and we are absolutely nowhere. $500 out and pieces of couch all over our living room for an entire month now!
Finally though I was given a second option...
I'm sorry for any inconvenience you've experienced with this situation.
Yes, the "Metropolitan Upholstered Sofa - Chocolate" may be returned to a Target Store.
We will issue a full refund for most items returned in new condition
within 90 days of shipment, with the original packaging and accessories. If you no longer have the original box, the store should still be able to accept the return in most cases.
The store associate will issue the refund back to the original payment method (credit card or GiftCard).
However, our stores aren't set up to refund shipping or Gift Wrap charges. So after you return the item at Store, please contact us so that we can refund you for the associated shipping charges.
They WANT us to return the couch to a Target store over getting on the phone and getting me a few small parts! They want us to drop a bunch of pieces of couch, out of box, in their customer service department!
Now this is hilarious and will, it seems as of now, be our final solution to this stupid mess... but it's not easily done at the moment, as this sucker certainly won't fit in our little car. Thinking about how I have to put so much thought into just getting this stupid couch to their store to probably cause a scene with the store's customer service people really, really set me off.
This is why I've now decided that until I can get this thing into a store, I'll just keep writing emails to Target. I no longer believe that they can be of any help whatsoever, but writing them increasingly more off the wall letters brings me at least some satisfaction over the whole thing.
This is the letter I wrote to them yesterday...
Hello! I would like a full refund for this couch, including the cost of shipping, as I am DONE dealing with your company! Maybe you can see from my MANY previous emails or possibly notations from all of the calls my wife and I have made to customer service that our lovely couch that we purchased with money we received as a gift for our wedding... that we purchased to match the matching chair that my grandmother bought us for our wedding (and is in fine condition, but useless as it does not have a matching couch to compliment it and never will it seems)... our lovely couch came missing all of the hardware and legs to actually put it together. Returning such a massive thing seems absurd and returning through the mail is simply impossible as UPS will not ship anything out of box and I wouldn't know how to begin to find a box big enough for this six foot couch. Returning it in store is what I truly would love to do, as it would be hilarious and I would film it for my own enjoyment (sending a copy to your corporate headquarters, of course... so that you can see how I tell every customer that looks at my wife and I and our massive pieces of couch about our experiences with it) but returning in store would require the rental of a truck, as this thing could nowhere near fit into our compact car. It is ALMOST worth me biting the bullet and paying for that truck rental, but I've decided the best option for me at this point is to throw the pieces of the couch into a lake. I think you would also agree that that is my best option, dear Target, as you have not offered any better. Please refund all of my money for this purchase, I will draw you a map to the lake that I will throw the couch into and we can make our return.
I received this from Target in response...
I'm sorry for the problem with your order. Well be happy to help you out with this return. UPS will pick up the "Metropolitan Upholstered Sofa - Chocolate" and when we get it back, we'll refund you the cost of your order. The request for pick up has been issued to the shipping address.
We can't confirm the exact pick-up time or date with UPS. They should make the first attempt within the next 5-7 business days.
Here's what you need to do to get your order ready for pickup:
-The driver will bring the return label, so you don't need to put one on the package.
-Put the item back in its original packaging.
-If you're not sure that you'll be home when UPS comes,
remember to leave the package where they can find it.
To which I replied with this...
This does not resolve my issue, but instead creates a whole different issue to deal with! A UPS man coming to my door when I have stated in every email that I DO NOT have the original packaging, as the original packaging was quite damaged and dirty and I did not want to drag it in and onto my carpet, so I cut the couch out of it outside. I cannot find any kind of packaging large enough to house a six foot couch. I did, however, like the part of the email where it said I could leave the package where he could see it if I was not home. I could leave this package on the MOON and he could see it, as it is taking up quite a lot of space amongst our apartment and has been for one month now. You see all I wanted were the missing pieces that should have come with my couch, but I guess that isn't possible, so I will just have to buy a hacksaw and saw this couch into tiny, tiny pieces and then eat each and every piece to finally remove it from my life, one bite at a time.
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