Bridges To Recovery - Dr. Jeff Ball WARNING: BEWARE: They are just after your $$$ not Mental health. Not Licensed for Mental Health Pacific Palisades California

Does anyone know if this is the same Dr. Jeff Ball at PCH treatment. Anyone tracking this? http://www.pchtreatment.com/

When i went here the admissions process was very comforting, and convincing, however what I was about to experience was the complete opposite.

I actually went to tour the facility before entering, so I really feel duped by their marketing! When I when to look at the facility I was greeted by a former (so she says) addict named Lauren, who smoked the entire time I was there and only had wonderful things to say about their treatment program. I asked her specifically, "how many people leave before the 30 days is up?"

She looked me in the eye and said, "0." this turned out to be a complete and total lie, because once I entered the program i watched 2 people run away within the first week and over the course of 6 weeks I saw only 3 people successfully complete their treatment. They emotionally beat the crap out of you... as if this is supposed to stop someone from taking drugs and then if you decide you do not want to follow their aftercare plan, which consists of living in an all women's facility for criminals just released from jail they literally kick you out of the program!!

It is ridiculous!! The first week and half they leave you alone, then they start hampering you and everyone in your family about you staying longer. Once they get you to commit to a longer stay, and you pay (everything is paid in advance) then they lose interest. At that point they could care less about you or your recovery and they want you out so that they can get a new admit and another $40,000. My therapist, Melissa, who actually is not even a psychologist, was just as deceptive as Lauren in Admissions and the owner Julie. Melissa was the type of person who you felt you could pour your heart out to, however in the end everything you say and do becomes fair game for group discussion. There is absolutely ZERO confidentiality. By the way, if you have gone to their website, you have probably seen pretty pictures of women doing yoga on the beach, etc...well, ladies be ware because those pictures are definitely NOT from the Orchid Drug Rehab in Florida... the housing is located in Palm Springs, FL, right in the middle of a complete drug infested prostitution zone. Three doors down, there is a shady motel that has crack heads and other freaks wandering around at ALL hours of the day and night. They do not even provide food at this place!

Ladies, save your money and look for a place that cares, because at The Orchid Recovery Center you are just another addict...there is no compassion, understanding or flexibility with their program. Quite frankly, for $20,000/month (no insurance), I think those things should come standard. Be ware of this AWFUL drug rehab center in Florida... there are horrible and should not be allowed to conduct business. The therapists are abusive and do not care about the well being of the addict. The treatment center is run by a women who is never even there and has no clue what goes on day to day in the treatment. .

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. 2No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. 3Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. 4The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his liquor drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. 5The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. 6Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

30:7We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. 8This is the first step in recovery. 9The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

10We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. 11We know that no real alcoholic ever recovered control. 12All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. 13We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. 14Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.

30:15We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. 16Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of

our kind like other men. 31:1We have tried every imaginable remedy. 2In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by still worse relapse. 3Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. 4Science may one day accomplish this, but it evidently hasn't done so yet.

5Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. 6By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore non-alcoholic. 7If anyone, who is showing inability to control his drinking, can do the right-about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. 8Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!

9Here are some of the methods we have tried: drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums-we could increase the list ad infinitum.

31:10We do not like to brand any individual as an alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. 11Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. 12Try to drink and stop abruptly. 13Try it

more than once.32:1It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. 2It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.

3Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers most of us could have stopped drinking. 4But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time. 5We have heard of a few instances where people, who showed definite signs of alcoholism, were able to stop for a long period because of an overpowering desire to do so. 6Here is one.

7A man of thirty was doing a great deal of spree drinking. 8He was very nervous in the morning after these bouts and quieted himself with more liquor. 9He was ambitious in business, but saw that he would get nowhere if he drank at all. 32:10Once he started, he had no control whatever. 11He made up his mind that until he had been successful in business and had retired, he would not touch another drop. 12An exceptional man, he remained bone dry for twenty-five years, and retired at the age of fifty-five, after a successful and happy business career. 13Then he fell victim to a belief which practically every alcoholic has-that his long period of sobriety and self-discipline had qualified him to drink as other men. 14Out came his carpet slippers and a bottle. 15In two months he was in a hospital, puzzled and humiliated. 16He tried to regulate his drinking for a while, making several trips to the hospital meantime. 17Then, gathering all his forces, he attempted to stop altogether and found he could not. 18Every means of solving his problem which

money could buy was at his disposal. 33:1Every attempt failed. 2Though a robust man at retirement, he went to pieces quickly, and was dead within four years.

3This case contains a powerful lesson. 4Most of us have believed that if we remained sober for a long stretch, we could thereafter drink normally. 5But here is a man who at fifty-five years found he was just where he had left off at thirty. 6We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again: "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." 7Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. 8If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol.

9Young people may be encouraged by this man's experience to think that they can stop, as he did, on their own will power. 10We doubt if many of them can do it, because none will really want to stop, and hardly one of them, because of the peculiar mental twist already acquired, will find he can win out. 11Several of our crowd, men of thirty-five or less, had been drinking only a few years, but they found themselves as helpless as those who had been drinking twenty years.

12To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time, nor take the quantities some of us have. 13This is particularly true of women. 14Potential feminine alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years. 15Certain drinkers, who would be greatly insulted if called alcoholics, are astonished at their inability to stop. 16We, who are familiar with the symptoms, see large numbers of potential alcoholics among young

people everywhere. 34:1But try and get them to see it!

34:2As we look back, we feel we had gone on drinking many years beyond the point where we could quit on our will power. 3If anyone questions whether he has entered this dangerous area, let him try leaving liquor alone for one year. 4If he is a real alcoholic and very far advanced, there is scant chance of success. 5In the early days of our drinking we occasionally remained sober for a year or more, becoming serious drinkers again later. 6Though you may be able to stop for a considerable period, you may yet be a potential alcoholic. 7We think few, to whom this book will appeal, can stay dry anything like a year. 8Some will be drunk the day after making their resolutions; most of them within a few weeks.

9For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether. 10We are assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop. 11Whether such a person can quit upon a non-spiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not. 12Many of us felt that we had plenty of character. 13There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. 14Yet we found it impossible. 15This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it - this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.

34:16How then shall we help our readers determine, to their own satisfaction, whether they are one of us? 17The experiment of quitting for a period of time will be helpful, but we think we can render an even greater service to alcoholic sufferers, and perhaps to the medical

fraternity. 35:1So we shall describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem.

2What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time the desperate experiment of the first drink? 3Friends, who have reasoned with him after a spree which has brought him to the point of divorce or bankruptcy, are mystified when he walks directly into a saloon. 4Why does he? 5Of what is he thinking?

6Our first example is a friend we shall call Jim. 7This man has a charming wife and family. 8He inherited a lucrative automobile agency. 35:9He had a commendable world war record. 10He is a good salesman. 11Everybody likes him. 12He is an intelligent man, normal so far as we can see, except for a nervous disposition. 13He did no drinking until he was thirty-five. 14In a few years he became so violent when intoxicated that he had to be committed. 15On leaving the asylum, he came into contact with us.

16We told him what we knew of alcoholism and the answer we had found. 17He made a beginning. 18His family was re-assembled, and he began to work as a salesman for the business he had lost through drinking. 19All went well for a time, but he failed to enlarge his spiritual life. 20To his consternation, he found himself drunk half a dozen times in rapid succession. 21On each of these occasions we worked with him, reviewing carefully what had happened. 22He agreed he was a real alcoholic and in serious condition. 23He knew he faced another trip to the asylum if he kept on. 24Moreover, he could lose his family for whom he had deep affection.

36:1Yet he got drunk again. 2We asked him to tell us exactly how it happened. 3This is his story: "I came to work on Tuesday morning. 4I remember I felt irritated that I had to be a salesman for a concern I once owned. 5I had a few words with the boss, but nothing serious. 6Then I decided to drive into the country and see one of my prospects for a car. 7On the way I felt hungry so I stopped at a roadside place where they have a bar. 8I had no intention of drinking. 9I just thought I would get a sandwich. 36:10I also had the notion that I might find a customer for a car at this place, which was familiar, for I had been going to it for years. 11I had eaten there many times during the months I was sober. 12I sat down at a table and ordered a sandwich and a glass of milk. 13Still no thought of drinking. 14I ordered another sandwich and decided to have another glass of milk.

15"Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if I were to put an ounce of whiskey in my milk, it couldn't hurt me on a full stomach. 16I ordered a whiskey and poured it into the milk. 17I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart, but felt reassured, as I was taking the whiskey on a full stomach. 18The experiment went so well that I ordered another whiskey and poured it into more milk. 19That didn't seem to bother me so I tried another."

20Thus started one more journey to the asylum for Jim. 21Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. 22He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. 23Yet all reasons for not drinking were

easily pushed aside in favor of the foolisb idea be could take wbiskey if only be mixed it with milk?

37:1Whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain insanity. 2How can such a lack of proportion, of the ability to think straight, be called anything else?

37:3You may think this an extreme case. 4To us it is not far-fetched, for this kind of thinking has been characteristic of every single one of us. 5We have sometimes reflected more than Jim did upon the consequences. 6But there was always the curious mental phenomenon, that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. 7Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. 8The insane idea won out. 9Next day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have happened.

10In some circumstances we have gone out deliberately to get drunk, feeling ourselves justified by nervousness, anger, worry, depression, jealousy or the like. 11But even in this type of beginning we are obliged to admit that our justification for a spree was insanely insufficient in the light of what always happened. 12We now see that when we began to drink deliberately, instead of casually, there was little serious or effective thought during the period of premeditation of what the terrific consequences might be.

13Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible with respect to the first drink as that of an individual with a passion, say, for jay-walking. 14He gets a thrill out of skipping in front of fast-moving vehicles. 15He enjoys himself a few years in spite of friendly warnings. 37:16Up to this point you would label him as a foolish

chap having q***r ideas of fun. 38:1Luck then deserts him and he is slightly injured several times in succession. 2You would, expect him, if he were normal, to cut it out. 3Presently he is hit again and this time has a fractured skull. 4Within a week after leaving the hospital a fast-moving trolley car breaks his arm. 5He tells you he has decided to stop jay-walking for good, but in a few weeks he breaks both legs.

6On through the years this conduct continues, accompanied by his continual promises to be careful or to keep off the streets altogether. 7Finally, he can no longer work, his wife gets a divorce, he is held up to ridicule. 8He tries every known means to get the jay-walking idea out of his head. 9He shuts himself up in an asylum, hoping to mend his ways. 10But the day he comes out he races in front of a fire engine, which breaks his back. 11Such a man would be crazy, wouldn't he?

12You may think our illustration is too ridiculous. 13But is it? 14We, who have been through the wringer, have to admit if we substituted alcoholism for jay-walking, the illustration would fit us exactly. 15However intelligent we may have been in other respects, where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely insane. 16It's strong language-but isn't it true?

17Some of you are thinking: "Yes, what you tell us is true, but it doesn't fully apply. 18We admit we have some of these symptoms, but we have not gone to the extremes you fellows did, nor are we likely to, for we understand ourselves so well after what you have told us that such things cannot happen again. 19We have not lost everything in life through drinking and we

certainly do not intend to. 39:1Thanks for the information."

2That may be true of certain non-alcoholic people who, though drinking foolishly and heavily at the present time, are able to stop or moderate, because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as ours were. 39:3But the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking an the basis of self-knowledge. 4This is a point we wish to emphasize and re-emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience. 5Let us take another illustration.

6Fred is partner in a well known accounting firm. 7His income is good, he has a fine home, is happily married and the father of promising children of college age. 8He is so attractive a personality that he makes friends with everyone. 9If ever there was a successful business man, it is Fred. 10To all appearance he is a stable, well balanced individual. 11Yet, he is alcoholic. 12We first saw Fred about a year ago in a hospital where he had gone to recover from a bad case of litters. 13It was his first experience of this kind, and he was much ashamed of it. 14Far from admitting he was an alcoholic, he told himself he came to the hospital to rest his nerves. 15The doctor intimated strongly that he might be worse than he realized. 16For a few days he was depressed about his condition. 17He made up his mind to quit drinking altogether. 18It never occurred to him that perhaps he could not do so, in spite of his character and standing. 39:19Fred would not believe himself an alcoholic, much less accept a spiritual remedy for his problem. 20We told him what

we knew about alcoholism. 40:1He was interested and conceded that he had some of the symptoms, but he was a long way from admitting that he could do nothing about it himself. 2He was positive that this humiliating experience, plus the knowledge he had acquired, would keep him sober the rest of his life. 3Self-knowledge would fix it.

4We heard no more of Fred for a while. 5One day we were told that he was back in the hospital. 6This time he was quite shaky. 7He soon indicated he was anxious to see us. 8The story he told is most instructive for here was a chap absolutely convinced he had to stop drinking, who had no excuse for drinking, who exhibited splendid judgment and determination in all his other concerns, yet was flat on his back nevertheless.

9Let him tell you about it: "I was much impressed with what you fellows said about alcoholism, but I frankly did not believe it would be possible for me to drink again. 10I somewhat appreciated your ideas about the subtle insanity which precedes the first drink, but I was confident it could not happen to me after what I had learned. 11I reasoned I was not so far advanced as most of you fellows, that I had been usually successful in licking my other personal problems, that I would therefore be successful where you men failed. 12 I felt I had every right to be self-confident, that it would be only a matter of exercising my will power and keeping on guard.

40:13"In this frame of mind, I went about my business and for a time all was well. 14I had no trouble refusing drinks, and began to wonder if I had not been making too hard work of a simple matter. 15One day I went to Washington to present some accounting evidence to

a government bureau. 41:1I had been out of town before during this particular dry spell, so there was nothing new about that. 2Physically, I felt fine. 3Neither did I have any pressing problems or worries. 4My business came off well, I was pleased and knew my partners would be too. 5It; was the end of a perfect day, not a cloud on the horizon

6"I went to my hotel and leisurely dressed for dinner. 7As I crossed the threshold of the dining room, the thought came to mind it would be nice to have a couple of cocktails witb dinner. 8That was all. 9Nothing more. 10I ordered a cocktail and my meal. 11Then I ordered another cocktail. 12After dinner I decided to take a walk. 13When I returned to the hotel it struck me a highball would be fine before going to bed, so I stepped into the bar and had one. 14I remember having several more that night and plenty next morning. 15I have a shadowy recollection of being in an airplane bound for New York, of finding a friendly taxicab driver at the landing field instead of my wife. 16The driver escorted me about for several days. 17I know little of where I went, or what I said and did. 18Then came the hospital with unbearable mental and physical suffering.

19"As soon as I regained my ability to think, I went carefully over that evening in Washington. 20Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against that first drink. 21 This time I had not thought of the consequences at all. 22I had commenced to drink as carelessly as though the cocktails were ginger ale. 23I now remembered what my alcoholic friends had told me, how they prophesied that if I had an alcoholic mind, the time and place would come-I would drink

again. 42:1They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. 42:2Well, just that did happen and more, for what I had learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all. 3I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. 4I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots. 5I had never been able to understand people who said that a problem had them hopelessly defeated. 6I knew then. 7It was a crushing blow.

8"Two of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous came to see me. 9They grinned, which I didn't like so much, and then asked me if I thought myself alcoholic and if I were really licked this time. 10I had to concede both propositions. 11They piled on me heaps of evidence to the effect that an alcoholic mentality, such as I had exhibited in Washington, was a hopeless condition. 12They cited cases out of their own experience by the dozen. 13This process snuffed out the last flicker of conviction that I could do the job myself.

14"Then they outlined the spiritual answer and program of action which a hundred of them had followed successfully. 15Though I had been only a nominal churchman, their proposals were not, intellectually, hard to swallow. 42:16But the program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. 17It meant I would have to throw several lifelong conceptions out of the window. 18That was not easy. 19But the moment I made up my mind to go through with the process, I had the curious feeling that my alcoholic condition was relieved, as in fact it proved to be.

20"Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems. 21I have since

been brought into a way of living infinitely more satisfying and, I hope, more useful than the life I lived before. 43:1My old manner of life was by no means a bad one, but I would not exchange its best moments for the worst I have now. 2I would not go back to it even if I could."

3Fred's story speaks for itself. 4We hope it strikes home to thousands like him. 5He had felt only the first nip of the wringer. 6Most alcoholics have to be pretty badly mangled before they really commence to solve their problems.

43:7Many doctors and psychiatrists agree with our conclusions. 8One of these men, staff member of a world renowned hospital, recently made this statement to some of us: "What you say about the general hopelessness of the average alcoholic's plight is, in my opinion, correct. 9As to two of you men, whose stories I have heard, there is no doubt in my mind that you were 100% hopeless, apart from Divine help. 10Had you offered yourselves as patients at this hospital, I would not have taken you, if I had been able to avoid it. 11People like you are too heartbreaking. 12Though not a religious person, I have profound respect for the spiritual approach in such cases as yours. 13For most cases, there is virtually no other solution."

14Once more: the alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. 15Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. 16His defense must come from a higher Power.We, of ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, know one hundred men who were once just as hopeless as Bill. 2All have recovered. 3They have solved the drink problem.
4We are average Americans. 5All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. 6We are people who normally would not mix. 7But there exists among us a fellowship, friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. 8We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain's table. 9Unlike the feelings of the ship's passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. 10The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. 11But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.

17:12The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. 13We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. 14This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer alcoholism.


18:1An illness of this sort-and we have come to believe it an illness-involves those about us in a way no other human sickness can. 2If a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt. 3But not so with the alcoholic illness, for with it there goes annihilation of all the things worth while in life. 4It engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferer's. 5It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents-anyone can increase the list.

6We hope this volume will inform and comfort those who are, or who may be affected. 7There are many.

8Highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his situation without reserve. 9Strangely enough, wives, parents and intimate friends usually find us even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and the doctor.

10But the ex-alcoholic who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. 11Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.

18:12That the man who is making the approach has had the same difficulty, that he obviously knows what he is talking about, that his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer, that he has no attitude of holier than thou, nothing whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful; that there are no fees to pay, no axes to grind, no people to please, no lectures to be endured-these are the conditions

we found most effective. 19:1After such an approach many take up their beds and walk again.

2None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. 3We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. 4A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs. 5All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. 6A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all of their time to the work.

7If we keep on the way we are going there is little doubt that much good will result, but the surface of the problem would hardly be scratched. 8Those of us who live in large cities are overcome by the reflection that close by hundreds are dropping into oblivion every day. 9Many could recover if they had the opportunity we have enjoyed. 10How then shall we present that which has been so freely given us?

11We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. 12We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. 13This should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem.

14Of necessity there will have to be discussion of matters medical, psychiatric, social, and religious. 15We are aware that these matters are, from their very nature, controversial. 16Nothing would please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for contention or argument. 17We shall do our utmost to achieve that ideal. 18Most of us sense that real tolerance of other people's shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us


more useful to others. 20:1Our very lives, as ex-alcoholics, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.

2You may already have asked yourself why it is that all of us became so very ill from drinking. 3Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why, in the face of expert opinion to the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body. 4If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking-"What do I have to do?"

20:5It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. 6We shall tell you what we have done. 7Before going into a detailed discussion, it may be well to summarize some points as we see them.

8How many times people have said to us: "I can take it or leave it alone. 9Why can't he?" 10"Why don't you drink like a gentleman or quit?" 11"That fellow can't handle his liquor." 12"Why don't you try beer and wine?" 13"Lay off the hard stuff." 14"His will power must be weak." 15"He could stop if he wanted to." 16"She's such a sweet girl; I should think he'd stop for her." 17"The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again."

18Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. 19Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. 20We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours.

21Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. 22They can take it or leave it alone.

23Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. 24He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair


him physically and mentally. 21:1It may cause him to die a few years before his time. 21:2If a sufficiently strong reason-ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor-becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.

3But what about the real alcoholic? 4He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.

5Here is the fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. 6He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. 7He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. 8He is seldom mildly intoxicated. 9He is always more or less insanely drunk. 10His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. 11He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. 12Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. 13He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. 14He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect is incredibly dishonest and selfish. 15He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. 16He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. 21:17He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around. 18Yet early next


morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before. 22:1If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the wastepipe. 2As matters grow worse; he begins to use a combination of high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. 3Then comes the day when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. 4Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some sedative with which to taper off. 5Then he begins to appear at hospitals and sanitariums.

6This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. 7But this description should identify him roughly.

8Why does he behave like this? 9If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? 10Why can't he stay on the water wagon? 11What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?

12Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. 13Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. 14We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. 15We cannot answer the riddle.

16We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men. 22:17We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes, it virtually impossible for him to


stop. 23:1The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm that.

2These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. 3Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. 4If you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. 5Sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility, but none of them really make sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking bout creates. 6They sound like the philosophy of the man who, having a headache, beat himself on the head with a hammer so that he couldn't feel the ache. 7If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become irritated and refuse to talk.

8Once in a while he may tell the truth. 9And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have. 10Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. 11But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. 12Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. 13There is the obsession that somehow, some day, they will beat the game. 14But they often suspect they are down for the count.

23:15How true this is, few realize. 16In a vague way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal, but everybody hopefully waits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will.

17The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day will seldom arrive. 18He has lost


control. 24:1At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. 2This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.

3The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. 4Our so-called will power becomes practically non-existent. 5We are unable at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. 6We are without defense against the first drink.

24:7The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. 8If these thoughts occur, they are hazy, and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. 9There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

10The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" 11Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. 12How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" 13Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink." 14Or "What's the use anyhow?"

15When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die, or go permanently insane. 16These stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics


throughout history. 25:1But for the grace of God, there would have been one hundred more convincing demonstrations. 2So many want to stop, but cannot.

25:3There is a solution. 4Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. 5But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. 6When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. 7We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence, of which we had not even dreamed.

8The great fact is just this, and nothing less: that we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences, which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows, and toward God's universe. 9The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. 10He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.

25:11If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. 12We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: one was to go on to .the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. 13This


we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort.

26:1A certain American business man had ability, good sense, and high character. 2For years he had floundered from one sanitarium to another. 3He had consulted the best known American psychiatrists. 4Then he had gone to Europe, placing himself in the care of a celebrated physician who prescribed for him. 5Though experience had made him skeptical; he finished his treatment with unusual confidence. 6His physical and mental condition were unusually good. 7Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs, that relapse was unthinkable. 8Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time. 9More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall.

26:10So he returned to this doctor, whom he admired, and asked him point-blank why he could not recover. 11He wished above all things to regain self-control. 12He seemed quite rational and well-balanced with respect to other problems. 13Yet he had no control whatever over alcohol. 14Why was this?

15He begged the doctor to tell him the whole truth, and he got it. 16In the doctor's judgment he was utterly hopeless; he could never regain his position in society and he would have to place himself under lock and key, or hire a bodyguard if he expected to live long. 17That was a great physician's opinion.

18But this man still lives, and is a free man. 19He does not need a bodyguard, nor is he confined. 20He can go anywhere on this earth where other free men may go


without disaster, provided he remains willing to maintain a certain simple attitude.

27:1Some of our alcoholic readers may think they can do without spiritual help. 2Let us tell you the rest of the conversation our friend had with his doctor.

3The doctor said: "You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. 4I have never seen one single case recover, where that state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you." 5Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang.

6He said to the doctor, "Is there no exception?"

7Yes," replied the doctor, "there is. 8Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. 27:9Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. 10To me these occurrences are phenomena. 11They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. 12Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly east to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. 13In fact, I have been trying to produce some such emotional rearrangement within you. 14With many individuals the methods which I employed are successful, but I have never been successful with an alcoholic of your description."

15Upon hearing this, our friend was somewhat relieved, for he reflected that, after all, he was a good church member. 16This hope, however, was destroyed by the doctor's telling him that his religious convictions were very good, but that in his case they did not spell the necessary vital spiritual experience.

28:1Here was the terrible dilemma in which our friend found himself when he had the extraordinary experience, which as we have already told you, made him a free man.

2We, in our turn, sought the same escape, with all the desperation of drowning men. 3What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. 4A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design for living" that really works.

28:5The distinguished American psychologist, William James, in his book "Varieties of Religious Experience", indicates a multitude of ways in which men have discovered God. 6We have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired. 7If what we have learned, and felt, and seen, means anything at all, it means that all of us, whatever our race, creed, or color, are the children of a living Creator with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try. 8Those having religious affiliations will find here nothing disturbing to their beliefs or ceremonies. 9There is no friction among us over such matters.

10We think it no concern of ours what religious bodies our members identify themselves with as individuals. 11This should be an entirely personal affair which each one decides for himself in the light of past associations, or his present choice. 12Not all of us have joined religious bodies, but most of us favor such memberships.

13In the following chapter, there appears an explanation of alcoholism as we understand it, then a chapter addressed to the agnostic. 14Many who once were in this class are now among our members; surprisingly


enough, we find such convictions no great obstacle to a spiritual experience.

29:1Further on clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered. 2These are followed by more than a score of personal experiences.

3Each individual, in the personal stories, describes in his own language, and from his own point of view the way he established his relationship with God. 4These give a fair cross section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has actually happened in their lives.

5We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. 6Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women, desperately in need, will see these pages, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that they will be persuaded to say, "Yes, I am one of them too; I must have this thing."HOW can you prove these rediculous accusations? On Monday July 3, 2006 I found Alternative Treatment International Inc.
on the Internet, hoping to get help with my depression and alcohol
problems. I called and spoke with the owner, Dr. Meyers on the phone.
He said that it was very important for me to come in as soon as
possible. He convinced me that his facility could help me, but I had to
put down a $2,000 deposit right away to hold my place because they only
had a few openings. The total cost of the program was $11,500.



I checked in to Alternative Treatment International Inc. or A.T.I. on
Thursday morning July 13th at 10:00 a.m. I was feeling very depressed
and tired when I checked in. Dr. Meyers greeted me, he is the person I
spoke with on the telephone and I had confided to him about the reason
why I wanted to be there. I was then introduced to numerous people that
were in a rush and wanting me to sign forms. I then asked in between
signing forms, if I could lye down. They allowed me to lye on a wicker
sofa in the Meditation Room. I was not feeling well in a physical way.
I was tired and severely depressed. I signed forms, dazed and confused,
in and out of napping that afternoon.



I met my Therapist, Charles. I deeply told him so much about why I
was there and so desperately wanted to resolve my deep issues. He
seemed very easy and calm to talk to. I later then met my assigned
Psycho- Therapist named Lind Lu.



That afternoon, we (The Group) were loaded into a 10-passenger van
and taken to Mac Alpine Place Apartments. This was the living quarters
for the facility. It is about a 10-minute drive from A.T.I. It takes
about 10-15 minutes to load and unload everyone to each apartment,
because the Technicians have to unlock and let everyone into their
units. The technicians, are employees of A.T.I. who drive you from
destination to destination. They also give medication to each client,
supposedly on a schedule.



On the way down to the van, I had to carry my luggage that I had
brought down a flight of stairs. A few other patients helped me. I
brought one large suitcase and two small carry-ons, along with several
tote size bags, and a queen sized Temporpedic Mattress Topper. The
Internet pictures had shown queen-size beds in every room, so I thought
I would make my 28-day stay comfortable, like my home. When I had spoke
to Dr. Meyers on the phone, he said I could bring anything to make
myself comfortable. I reconfirmed this conversation by e-mail, and he
replied Anything but drugs or alcohol and pets. I was told that I
would have help carrying all of my things since the elevators were
broken that day.



Being tired and on edge, I shouted out, to a very tall and thin member
of the Group, Please be careful, I have sensitive items, like my
lap-top or I-pod) in there! He was dragging my luggage, step by step,
on the weight of itself. I later become to know this person as Shawn.



As I arrived at the apartment, I was disappointed to see that there was
a very small twin bed in my room. I asked the Technician where the bed
was that was shown to me on the Internet, and she said, They should
change that so it doesn't seem better than it actually is.



I then met Denise, one of the technicians. She searched all my
belongings and counted each item. At this time I discovered my suitcase
that Shawn carried was ruined.



We all piled backed into the van and headed to the grocery store. They
allotted us $70 to buy our food for a week. I notified the technician
that I had only $60 in my envelope. She handed another $10 to me. I was
familiar with the Publix grocery store food chain, so my shopping was
completed within a half hour.



We all headed back to the apartment after sorting out our groceries and
returning to our own units. After meeting Chrissy, my roommate, I went
to bed. I was feeling very tired and lonely.



I woke up the next morning abruptly hearing a male voice in the
apartment yelling what I thought sounded like Meditation! He knocked
on my bedroom door and asked again, and I replied No thanks. I fell
back asleep for about an hour. I was under the assumption that we
started our day at 10 :00 a.m., so that we would be leaving the
apartment at 9:45. I wasn't notified of the schedule and hurried to
gather my things for the day.



Within 24 hours of checking in, I started to feel ill, including:
symptoms of diarrhea, nausea, stomach cramping and vomiting. That day,
I made sure the staff aware of my condition. I was looked over quickly,
but I did not have my temperature checked, medical recommendations or
medication given to me. I kept asking for medication for my diarrhea
but they did not have anything on hand. We had to wait till we dropped
everyone off before I could go to the pharmacy. Finally, around 7:00
p.m., I was taken to the store and I purchased my own medication. I
went to bed feeling even worse. I hardly slept that evening. I was
feeling very feverish and the diarrhea was unbearable.



The following day I had to accompany the Group to the beach for the
day. My symptoms continued and were getting much worse. They told me I
had to go with them whether I was sick or not. The staff kept
commenting on how they thought I had withdrawal symptoms. I informed
them they were not symptoms from alcohol, that I was really sick. I had
to sit out in the sun with a fever and diarrhea all day.



I kept pleading all day with the different technicians on staff to
check my temperature. They said that they were not allowed.



After a long day at the beach we returned to the apartments. I was
feeling very ill at his time. I was told I had to accompany the Group
again to Congo River Crazy Golf that evening.



When we arrived there, I immediately got out of the van and headed to
the restroom. I was dizzy and nauseas. I let Robert, one of the
technicians, be aware of my condition. He said he had no idea of any of
my symptoms.



I asked if I could get my temperature checked. They staff denied me and
said all they could do is take me to the Walk-In Clinic. I went to a
Clinic with a member of the staff and it was closed.



They said they could take me to the hospital, but I thought maybe I
would take my temperature and monitor myself before I were to make my
own decision. I thought I could try to tuff it out till the next
morning and then go to the Dr's Walk-In Clinic.



I purchased a thermometer from a drug store after pleading with
technician several times. My temperature was 101 degrees. I took some
Tylenol Cold Liquid hoping my fever would come down. I went to bed at
10:00 p.m.



I woke up at 2:00 a.m. with a temperature of 102.7 degrees. I took a
cold shower and checked it again. It was 103.1 degrees. I called a
staff member to take me to the emergency room. They said they only had
one technician on staff so I would have to go on my own.



I called the technician again. He called a cab for me after I told him
how I was feeling. He also said that I was probably going through
withdrawal symptoms.



I arrived at the emergency room at around 3:15 a.m. on July 16th, 2006.
I was treated immediately with an I.V. and had blood work done by the
attending physician.



They diagnosed me with a bacteria infection. The Dr. on staff wrote me
a prescription for an antibiotic called Ciprofloxacin to be taken twice
a day for 10 days.



The next morning, Denise threatened to have me discharged from the
program for my behavior. She said that I shouldn't have checked in
there until I De-Toxed. She said I acted rudely to the other clients. I
told her I was sorry, that I just wanted to rest and I was very ill. I
had only had 5-6 hours of sleep within the past few days. She asked if
I had more paperwork form the hospital. I showed her everything I
received. She waited the entire morning and half of the afternoon to
take me to the pharmacy to get my prescription filled.



The following week the Directors reprimanded me for my actions that I
had taken to relieve my sickness. They said I broke the rules by
leaving and going to the hospital. I asked them what was the procedure
that they had in place for illness. They said You're supposed to be
de-toxed before you're here. I explained to them how seriously ill I
was and they still thought I was having withdrawal symptoms. They
wanted to see more paperwork from the hospital.



I gave them the copy of what the Dr. at the hospital gave me and they
kept insisting that there should have been other forms. They were under
the assumption that I was holding back information. I told them that
the hospital would take a few days to receive the test back on what
type of bacteria strain I had.



They had me apologize to the Group for my behavior. I was very sick
and tired and I will admit I was a bit bitchy. I felt that I was
treated unfairly, but I did as they requested.



Later that week the hospital gave me my results of my bacteria. It was
Salmonella bacteria. I was later called by the Health Department and
they notified me in how serious the illness was.



No one apologized to me or seemed to care too much.



I continued with my treatment and therapy for the next week. I felt like I was on the right track to my road to recovery.



One of the other Therapists named Susan told me how she thought I was
opening up and how she thought I was progressing with the Group. I
wished she were my Therapist. I really liked her.



Over my few weeks there, I saw Charles twice and Linda Lu twice for
private counseling. It seemed to me like everyone else was getting more
private sessions. They said we would have counseling everyday.



That week we also met with an ordanified Monk named Bhanty. He was very
interesting and peaceful. I took copious note from his visit.



We had a few other guest speakers that were interesting. There was a
Nutritionist, Chiropractor and a Hypto-Thereapist that were also very
informative.



On Friday July 28th, 2006 the Directors again in a meeting approached
me again, including the Program Director Marsha, Charles, Susan and
Linda. Dr. Meyers was not at this meeting either. Apparently I had said
something to one of the other clients to upset her. The Directors felt
that I was insensitive and that none of the other clients wanted me
there. I was completely in disbelief because most of the clients were
very nice to me.



How could this be? This place was about spirituality and peace.



The problem was apparently an over dramatized event that had happened
the evening before. Denise, the same technician that threatened me
before, on our way to pick up my prescription for Nexium, screamed me
at. She told me to apologize to Ann for a comment I had made earlier
that evening. I had asked Ann in the Van if she realized how loud she
was talking in my ear while we were in the van. I told Denise I would
talk to Ann and settle it with her on my own. Denise told me that she
thought I acted like a Prima Donna and nobody there wanted me there.
I told her she needed to calm down and let me work out my own issues.
She was furiously screaming at the top of her lungs at me. She
threatened to get me removed from the program again. I told her that I
was going to file a complaint against her. She then turned around
denying me to go to the pharmacy to get my Nexium prescription.



I left a message on the main phone number voice mail for Dr. Meyers to
call me. I was threatened again by Denise to be discharged from the
program and I needed to talk with someone. I did not receive a response.



I later saw Ann by the pool area and told her I was sorry if I had hurt her feelings. She said she had no problem with me.



I was feeling confused about my choice of this program. I felt like nobody wanted me there and they wanted to get rid of me.



While I was being reprimanded again, we had a conference call with my
boyfriend to make him aware of what was happening. They said they would
give me a Second Chance and see how the weekend would work out.



Later that day, we had a group session so that everyone could reflect
his or her feelings on what had happened. To my surprise, a few clients
were upset with me.



One of the Therapist, Susan, stood by me and approached the Group by
saying, We are all adults here, if anyone has a problem with Kelly,
say it now.



Ann said I did hurt her feelings. I asked her Why didn't you say anything when I asked you? She replied Your right Kelly.



From there another client named Paige screamed said she was tired of my
negativity too. I told her I never knew of her anger towards me because
I had only met her two days prior. She was apparently upset by the
event that happened between Ann and I. In the conversation, I brought
up our teachings of what Bhanty the monk had told us the day earlier
about peace and calmness. I told her that maybe she has ill feelings
toward herself that is why she is directing them someone else. That,
someone else was I. She left the room and said she was going to leave
the program.



This created an open chain of events for everyone to open up. Shawn
said he had listened to my negative comments as well and was there to
concentrate on himself. I replied, I am here to work on myself as
well. Why didn't you tell me your feelings? I was feeling singled
out.



I said Isn't that why we are all here? If you all can't cope with me,
how are you going to cope with the world when you are finished with the
program?



Then another client Rachel spoke, she said, Your perception is not our
reality. I said my perception is what I feel and I am here to resolve
my own issues.



I was learning a lot about other people's feelings. Isn't that why I
was there? So that I can work through my problems, not be patronized
for them?



I felt alone and confused. Everyone was so nice to me before. I had
even cooked for the Group several times and thought I bonded with
everyone. Even though one of the times I was suppose to be reimbursed
by everyone equally and it did not happen, I didn't complain.



I had money missing from my purse and didn't say anything. I thought it was my own fault for trusting others.



I observed the others closely that weekend while taking notes on some of their comments and behavior.



These are some of the things I wrote down in my notepad.



Shelia: It isn't fair how the technicians let Rick and Rachel do things together and not him and I



Ann: They are never on time to pick us up!



Becky: That technician is really creepy! He should be turned in for sexual harassment!



My observance: One of the clients named Sarah gave her phone number to
some guy that was playing guitar at a restaurant on the beach that day.
The technicians were aware of it. That was supposedly breaking the
rules.



Also, over the weekend, despite what everyone had said about me, I
tried desperately to make it up to him or her. When my boyfriend
visited, he downloaded music on Rachel's I-pod because Sarah had
previously erased all her music weeks before.



On Monday morning July 24th, I apparently it didn't live up to their guidelines.



They said that I had broken a rule by having my boyfriend assist me in
fixing my laptop in the living quarters. My roommate had her boyfriend
in our place the week before, so I thought it was okay. They also told
my boyfriend that they made him aware that there were not to be
visitors in the apartments. This is not true. He told Marsha on the
conference call that she was lying and she did not have any reply.



My Psycho-Therapist Linda Lu did a check- out 10-minute session on me. She said that people might be scared of my energy.



I checked into A.T.I. to receive help with my addictions and emotional
problems. It is recognized as a Non- 12 Step Program. They are supposed
to promote peace, good energy and wellness. I felt the opposite fr

When i went here the admissions process was very comforting, and convincing, however what I was about to experience was the complete opposite.

I actually went to tour the facility before entering, so I really feel duped by their marketing! When I when to look at the facility I was greeted by a former (so she says) addict named Lauren, who smoked the entire time I was there and only had wonderful things to say about their treatment program. I asked her specifically, "how many people leave before the 30 days is up?"

She looked me in the eye and said, "0." this turned out to be a complete and total lie, because once I entered the program i watched 2 people run away within the first week and over the course of 6 weeks I saw only 3 people successfully complete their treatment. They emotionally beat the crap out of you... as if this is supposed to stop someone from taking drugs and then if you decide you do not want to follow their aftercare plan, which consists of living in an all women's facility for criminals just released from jail they literally kick you out of the program!!

It is ridiculous!! The first week and half they leave you alone, then they start hampering you and everyone in your family about you staying longer. Once they get you to commit to a longer stay, and you pay (everything is paid in advance) then they lose interest. At that point they could care less about you or your recovery and they want you out so that they can get a new admit and another $40,000. My therapist, Melissa, who actually is not even a psychologist, was just as deceptive as Lauren in Admissions and the owner Julie. Melissa was the type of person who you felt you could pour your heart out to, however in the end everything you say and do becomes fair game for group discussion. There is absolutely ZERO confidentiality. By the way, if you have gone to their website, you have probably seen pretty pictures of women doing yoga on the beach, etc...well, ladies be ware because those pictures are definitely NOT from the Orchid Drug Rehab in Florida... the housing is located in Palm Springs, FL, right in the middle of a complete drug infested prostitution zone. Three doors down, there is a shady motel that has crack heads and other freaks wandering around at ALL hours of the day and night. They do not even provide food at this place!

Ladies, save your money and look for a place that cares, because at The Orchid Recovery Center you are just another addict...there is no compassion, understanding or flexibility with their program. Quite frankly, for $20,000/month (no insurance), I think those things should come standard. Be ware of this AWFUL drug rehab center in Florida... there are horrible and should not be allowed to conduct business. The therapists are abusive and do not care about the well being of the addict. The treatment center is run by a women who is never even there and has no clue what goes on day to day in the treatment. .

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. 2No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. 3Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. 4The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his liquor drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. 5The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. 6Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

30:7We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. 8This is the first step in recovery. 9The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

10We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. 11We know that no real alcoholic ever recovered control. 12All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. 13We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. 14Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.

30:15We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. 16Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of

our kind like other men. 31:1We have tried every imaginable remedy. 2In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by still worse relapse. 3Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. 4Science may one day accomplish this, but it evidently hasn't done so yet.

5Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. 6By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore non-alcoholic. 7If anyone, who is showing inability to control his drinking, can do the right-about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. 8Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!

9Here are some of the methods we have tried: drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums-we could increase the list ad infinitum.

31:10We do not like to brand any individual as an alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. 11Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. 12Try to drink and stop abruptly. 13Try it

more than once.32:1It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. 2It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.

3Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers most of us could have stopped drinking. 4But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time. 5We have heard of a few instances where people, who showed definite signs of alcoholism, were able to stop for a long period because of an overpowering desire to do so. 6Here is one.

7A man of thirty was doing a great deal of spree drinking. 8He was very nervous in the morning after these bouts and quieted himself with more liquor. 9He was ambitious in business, but saw that he would get nowhere if he drank at all. 32:10Once he started, he had no control whatever. 11He made up his mind that until he had been successful in business and had retired, he would not touch another drop. 12An exceptional man, he remained bone dry for twenty-five years, and retired at the age of fifty-five, after a successful and happy business career. 13Then he fell victim to a belief which practically every alcoholic has-that his long period of sobriety and self-discipline had qualified him to drink as other men. 14Out came his carpet slippers and a bottle. 15In two months he was in a hospital, puzzled and humiliated. 16He tried to regulate his drinking for a while, making several trips to the hospital meantime. 17Then, gathering all his forces, he attempted to stop altogether and found he could not. 18Every means of solving his problem which

money could buy was at his disposal. 33:1Every attempt failed. 2Though a robust man at retirement, he went to pieces quickly, and was dead within four years.

3This case contains a powerful lesson. 4Most of us have believed that if we remained sober for a long stretch, we could thereafter drink normally. 5But here is a man who at fifty-five years found he was just where he had left off at thirty. 6We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again: "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." 7Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. 8If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol.

9Young people may be encouraged by this man's experience to think that they can stop, as he did, on their own will power. 10We doubt if many of them can do it, because none will really want to stop, and hardly one of them, because of the peculiar mental twist already acquired, will find he can win out. 11Several of our crowd, men of thirty-five or less, had been drinking only a few years, but they found themselves as helpless as those who had been drinking twenty years.

12To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time, nor take the quantities some of us have. 13This is particularly true of women. 14Potential feminine alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years. 15Certain drinkers, who would be greatly insulted if called alcoholics, are astonished at their inability to stop. 16We, who are familiar with the symptoms, see large numbers of potential alcoholics among young

people everywhere. 34:1But try and get them to see it!

34:2As we look back, we feel we had gone on drinking many years beyond the point where we could quit on our will power. 3If anyone questions whether he has entered this dangerous area, let him try leaving liquor alone for one year. 4If he is a real alcoholic and very far advanced, there is scant chance of success. 5In the early days of our drinking we occasionally remained sober for a year or more, becoming serious drinkers again later. 6Though you may be able to stop for a considerable period, you may yet be a potential alcoholic. 7We think few, to whom this book will appeal, can stay dry anything like a year. 8Some will be drunk the day after making their resolutions; most of them within a few weeks.

9For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether. 10We are assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop. 11Whether such a person can quit upon a non-spiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not. 12Many of us felt that we had plenty of character. 13There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. 14Yet we found it impossible. 15This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it - this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.

34:16How then shall we help our readers determine, to their own satisfaction, whether they are one of us? 17The experiment of quitting for a period of time will be helpful, but we think we can render an even greater service to alcoholic sufferers, and perhaps to the medical

fraternity. 35:1So we shall describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem.

2What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time the desperate experiment of the first drink? 3Friends, who have reasoned with him after a spree which has brought him to the point of divorce or bankruptcy, are mystified when he walks directly into a saloon. 4Why does he? 5Of what is he thinking?

6Our first example is a friend we shall call Jim. 7This man has a charming wife and family. 8He inherited a lucrative automobile agency. 35:9He had a commendable world war record. 10He is a good salesman. 11Everybody likes him. 12He is an intelligent man, normal so far as we can see, except for a nervous disposition. 13He did no drinking until he was thirty-five. 14In a few years he became so violent when intoxicated that he had to be committed. 15On leaving the asylum, he came into contact with us.

16We told him what we knew of alcoholism and the answer we had found. 17He made a beginning. 18His family was re-assembled, and he began to work as a salesman for the business he had lost through drinking. 19All went well for a time, but he failed to enlarge his spiritual life. 20To his consternation, he found himself drunk half a dozen times in rapid succession. 21On each of these occasions we worked with him, reviewing carefully what had happened. 22He agreed he was a real alcoholic and in serious condition. 23He knew he faced another trip to the asylum if he kept on. 24Moreover, he could lose his family for whom he had deep affection.

36:1Yet he got drunk again. 2We asked him to tell us exactly how it happened. 3This is his story: "I came to work on Tuesday morning. 4I remember I felt irritated that I had to be a salesman for a concern I once owned. 5I had a few words with the boss, but nothing serious. 6Then I decided to drive into the country and see one of my prospects for a car. 7On the way I felt hungry so I stopped at a roadside place where they have a bar. 8I had no intention of drinking. 9I just thought I would get a sandwich. 36:10I also had the notion that I might find a customer for a car at this place, which was familiar, for I had been going to it for years. 11I had eaten there many times during the months I was sober. 12I sat down at a table and ordered a sandwich and a glass of milk. 13Still no thought of drinking. 14I ordered another sandwich and decided to have another glass of milk.

15"Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if I were to put an ounce of whiskey in my milk, it couldn't hurt me on a full stomach. 16I ordered a whiskey and poured it into the milk. 17I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart, but felt reassured, as I was taking the whiskey on a full stomach. 18The experiment went so well that I ordered another whiskey and poured it into more milk. 19That didn't seem to bother me so I tried another."

20Thus started one more journey to the asylum for Jim. 21Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. 22He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. 23Yet all reasons for not drinking were

easily pushed aside in favor of the foolisb idea be could take wbiskey if only be mixed it with milk?

37:1Whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain insanity. 2How can such a lack of proportion, of the ability to think straight, be called anything else?

37:3You may think this an extreme case. 4To us it is not far-fetched, for this kind of thinking has been characteristic of every single one of us. 5We have sometimes reflected more than Jim did upon the consequences. 6But there was always the curious mental phenomenon, that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. 7Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. 8The insane idea won out. 9Next day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have happened.

10In some circumstances we have gone out deliberately to get drunk, feeling ourselves justified by nervousness, anger, worry, depression, jealousy or the like. 11But even in this type of beginning we are obliged to admit that our justification for a spree was insanely insufficient in the light of what always happened. 12We now see that when we began to drink deliberately, instead of casually, there was little serious or effective thought during the period of premeditation of what the terrific consequences might be.

13Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible with respect to the first drink as that of an individual with a passion, say, for jay-walking. 14He gets a thrill out of skipping in front of fast-moving vehicles. 15He enjoys himself a few years in spite of friendly warnings. 37:16Up to this point you would label him as a foolish

chap having q***r ideas of fun. 38:1Luck then deserts him and he is slightly injured several times in succession. 2You would, expect him, if he were normal, to cut it out. 3Presently he is hit again and this time has a fractured skull. 4Within a week after leaving the hospital a fast-moving trolley car breaks his arm. 5He tells you he has decided to stop jay-walking for good, but in a few weeks he breaks both legs.

6On through the years this conduct continues, accompanied by his continual promises to be careful or to keep off the streets altogether. 7Finally, he can no longer work, his wife gets a divorce, he is held up to ridicule. 8He tries every known means to get the jay-walking idea out of his head. 9He shuts himself up in an asylum, hoping to mend his ways. 10But the day he comes out he races in front of a fire engine, which breaks his back. 11Such a man would be crazy, wouldn't he?

12You may think our illustration is too ridiculous. 13But is it? 14We, who have been through the wringer, have to admit if we substituted alcoholism for jay-walking, the illustration would fit us exactly. 15However intelligent we may have been in other respects, where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely insane. 16It's strong language-but isn't it true?

17Some of you are thinking: "Yes, what you tell us is true, but it doesn't fully apply. 18We admit we have some of these symptoms, but we have not gone to the extremes you fellows did, nor are we likely to, for we understand ourselves so well after what you have told us that such things cannot happen again. 19We have not lost everything in life through drinking and we

certainly do not intend to. 39:1Thanks for the information."

2That may be true of certain non-alcoholic people who, though drinking foolishly and heavily at the present time, are able to stop or moderate, because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as ours were. 39:3But the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking an the basis of self-knowledge. 4This is a point we wish to emphasize and re-emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience. 5Let us take another illustration.

6Fred is partner in a well known accounting firm. 7His income is good, he has a fine home, is happily married and the father of promising children of college age. 8He is so attractive a personality that he makes friends with everyone. 9If ever there was a successful business man, it is Fred. 10To all appearance he is a stable, well balanced individual. 11Yet, he is alcoholic. 12We first saw Fred about a year ago in a hospital where he had gone to recover from a bad case of litters. 13It was his first experience of this kind, and he was much ashamed of it. 14Far from admitting he was an alcoholic, he told himself he came to the hospital to rest his nerves. 15The doctor intimated strongly that he might be worse than he realized. 16For a few days he was depressed about his condition. 17He made up his mind to quit drinking altogether. 18It never occurred to him that perhaps he could not do so, in spite of his character and standing. 39:19Fred would not believe himself an alcoholic, much less accept a spiritual remedy for his problem. 20We told him what

we knew about alcoholism. 40:1He was interested and conceded that he had some of the symptoms, but he was a long way from admitting that he could do nothing about it himself. 2He was positive that this humiliating experience, plus the knowledge he had acquired, would keep him sober the rest of his life. 3Self-knowledge would fix it.

4We heard no more of Fred for a while. 5One day we were told that he was back in the hospital. 6This time he was quite shaky. 7He soon indicated he was anxious to see us. 8The story he told is most instructive for here was a chap absolutely convinced he had to stop drinking, who had no excuse for drinking, who exhibited splendid judgment and determination in all his other concerns, yet was flat on his back nevertheless.

9Let him tell you about it: "I was much impressed with what you fellows said about alcoholism, but I frankly did not believe it would be possible for me to drink again. 10I somewhat appreciated your ideas about the subtle insanity which precedes the first drink, but I was confident it could not happen to me after what I had learned. 11I reasoned I was not so far advanced as most of you fellows, that I had been usually successful in licking my other personal problems, that I would therefore be successful where you men failed. 12 I felt I had every right to be self-confident, that it would be only a matter of exercising my will power and keeping on guard.

40:13"In this frame of mind, I went about my business and for a time all was well. 14I had no trouble refusing drinks, and began to wonder if I had not been making too hard work of a simple matter. 15One day I went to Washington to present some accounting evidence to

a government bureau. 41:1I had been out of town before during this particular dry spell, so there was nothing new about that. 2Physically, I felt fine. 3Neither did I have any pressing problems or worries. 4My business came off well, I was pleased and knew my partners would be too. 5It; was the end of a perfect day, not a cloud on the horizon

6"I went to my hotel and leisurely dressed for dinner. 7As I crossed the threshold of the dining room, the thought came to mind it would be nice to have a couple of cocktails witb dinner. 8That was all. 9Nothing more. 10I ordered a cocktail and my meal. 11Then I ordered another cocktail. 12After dinner I decided to take a walk. 13When I returned to the hotel it struck me a highball would be fine before going to bed, so I stepped into the bar and had one. 14I remember having several more that night and plenty next morning. 15I have a shadowy recollection of being in an airplane bound for New York, of finding a friendly taxicab driver at the landing field instead of my wife. 16The driver escorted me about for several days. 17I know little of where I went, or what I said and did. 18Then came the hospital with unbearable mental and physical suffering.

19"As soon as I regained my ability to think, I went carefully over that evening in Washington. 20Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against that first drink. 21 This time I had not thought of the consequences at all. 22I had commenced to drink as carelessly as though the cocktails were ginger ale. 23I now remembered what my alcoholic friends had told me, how they prophesied that if I had an alcoholic mind, the time and place would come-I would drink

again. 42:1They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. 42:2Well, just that did happen and more, for what I had learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all. 3I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. 4I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots. 5I had never been able to understand people who said that a problem had them hopelessly defeated. 6I knew then. 7It was a crushing blow.

8"Two of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous came to see me. 9They grinned, which I didn't like so much, and then asked me if I thought myself alcoholic and if I were really licked this time. 10I had to concede both propositions. 11They piled on me heaps of evidence to the effect that an alcoholic mentality, such as I had exhibited in Washington, was a hopeless condition. 12They cited cases out of their own experience by the dozen. 13This process snuffed out the last flicker of conviction that I could do the job myself.

14"Then they outlined the spiritual answer and program of action which a hundred of them had followed successfully. 15Though I had been only a nominal churchman, their proposals were not, intellectually, hard to swallow. 42:16But the program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. 17It meant I would have to throw several lifelong conceptions out of the window. 18That was not easy. 19But the moment I made up my mind to go through with the process, I had the curious feeling that my alcoholic condition was relieved, as in fact it proved to be.

20"Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems. 21I have since

been brought into a way of living infinitely more satisfying and, I hope, more useful than the life I lived before. 43:1My old manner of life was by no means a bad one, but I would not exchange its best moments for the worst I have now. 2I would not go back to it even if I could."

3Fred's story speaks for itself. 4We hope it strikes home to thousands like him. 5He had felt only the first nip of the wringer. 6Most alcoholics have to be pretty badly mangled before they really commence to solve their problems.

43:7Many doctors and psychiatrists agree with our conclusions. 8One of these men, staff member of a world renowned hospital, recently made this statement to some of us: "What you say about the general hopelessness of the average alcoholic's plight is, in my opinion, correct. 9As to two of you men, whose stories I have heard, there is no doubt in my mind that you were 100% hopeless, apart from Divine help. 10Had you offered yourselves as patients at this hospital, I would not have taken you, if I had been able to avoid it. 11People like you are too heartbreaking. 12Though not a religious person, I have profound respect for the spiritual approach in such cases as yours. 13For most cases, there is virtually no other solution."

14Once more: the alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. 15Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. 16His defense must come from a higher Power.We, of ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, know one hundred men who were once just as hopeless as Bill. 2All have recovered. 3They have solved the drink problem.
4We are average Americans. 5All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. 6We are people who normally would not mix. 7But there exists among us a fellowship, friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. 8We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain's table. 9Unlike the feelings of the ship's passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. 10The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. 11But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.

17:12The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. 13We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. 14This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer alcoholism.


18:1An illness of this sort-and we have come to believe it an illness-involves those about us in a way no other human sickness can. 2If a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt. 3But not so with the alcoholic illness, for with it there goes annihilation of all the things worth while in life. 4It engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferer's. 5It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents-anyone can increase the list.

6We hope this volume will inform and comfort those who are, or who may be affected. 7There are many.

8Highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his situation without reserve. 9Strangely enough, wives, parents and intimate friends usually find us even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and the doctor.

10But the ex-alcoholic who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. 11Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.

18:12That the man who is making the approach has had the same difficulty, that he obviously knows what he is talking about, that his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer, that he has no attitude of holier than thou, nothing whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful; that there are no fees to pay, no axes to grind, no people to please, no lectures to be endured-these are the conditions

we found most effective. 19:1After such an approach many take up their beds and walk again.

2None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. 3We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. 4A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs. 5All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. 6A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all of their time to the work.

7If we keep on the way we are going there is little doubt that much good will result, but the surface of the problem would hardly be scratched. 8Those of us who live in large cities are overcome by the reflection that close by hundreds are dropping into oblivion every day. 9Many could recover if they had the opportunity we have enjoyed. 10How then shall we present that which has been so freely given us?

11We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. 12We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. 13This should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem.

14Of necessity there will have to be discussion of matters medical, psychiatric, social, and religious. 15We are aware that these matters are, from their very nature, controversial. 16Nothing would please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for contention or argument. 17We shall do our utmost to achieve that ideal. 18Most of us sense that real tolerance of other people's shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us


more useful to others. 20:1Our very lives, as ex-alcoholics, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.

2You may already have asked yourself why it is that all of us became so very ill from drinking. 3Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why, in the face of expert opinion to the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body. 4If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking-"What do I have to do?"

20:5It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. 6We shall tell you what we have done. 7Before going into a detailed discussion, it may be well to summarize some points as we see them.

8How many times people have said to us: "I can take it or leave it alone. 9Why can't he?" 10"Why don't you drink like a gentleman or quit?" 11"That fellow can't handle his liquor." 12"Why don't you try beer and wine?" 13"Lay off the hard stuff." 14"His will power must be weak." 15"He could stop if he wanted to." 16"She's such a sweet girl; I should think he'd stop for her." 17"The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again."

18Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. 19Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. 20We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours.

21Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. 22They can take it or leave it alone.

23Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. 24He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair


him physically and mentally. 21:1It may cause him to die a few years before his time. 21:2If a sufficiently strong reason-ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor-becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.

3But what about the real alcoholic? 4He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.

5Here is the fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. 6He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. 7He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. 8He is seldom mildly intoxicated. 9He is always more or less insanely drunk. 10His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. 11He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. 12Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. 13He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. 14He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect is incredibly dishonest and selfish. 15He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. 16He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. 21:17He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around. 18Yet early next


morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before. 22:1If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the wastepipe. 2As matters grow worse; he begins to use a combination of high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. 3Then comes the day when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. 4Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some sedative with which to taper off. 5Then he begins to appear at hospitals and sanitariums.

6This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. 7But this description should identify him roughly.

8Why does he behave like this? 9If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? 10Why can't he stay on the water wagon? 11What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?

12Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. 13Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. 14We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. 15We cannot answer the riddle.

16We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men. 22:17We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes, it virtually impossible for him to


stop. 23:1The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm that.

2These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. 3Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. 4If you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. 5Sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility, but none of them really make sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking bout creates. 6They sound like the philosophy of the man who, having a headache, beat himself on the head with a hammer so that he couldn't feel the ache. 7If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become irritated and refuse to talk.

8Once in a while he may tell the truth. 9And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have. 10Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. 11But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. 12Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. 13There is the obsession that somehow, some day, they will beat the game. 14But they often suspect they are down for the count.

23:15How true this is, few realize. 16In a vague way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal, but everybody hopefully waits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will.

17The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day will seldom arrive. 18He has lost


control. 24:1At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. 2This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.

3The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. 4Our so-called will power becomes practically non-existent. 5We are unable at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. 6We are without defense against the first drink.

24:7The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. 8If these thoughts occur, they are hazy, and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. 9There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

10The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" 11Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. 12How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" 13Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink." 14Or "What's the use anyhow?"

15When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die, or go permanently insane. 16These stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics


throughout history. 25:1But for the grace of God, there would have been one hundred more convincing demonstrations. 2So many want to stop, but cannot.

25:3There is a solution. 4Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. 5But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. 6When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. 7We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence, of which we had not even dreamed.

8The great fact is just this, and nothing less: that we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences, which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows, and toward God's universe. 9The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. 10He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.

25:11If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. 12We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: one was to go on to .the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. 13This


we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort.

26:1A certain American business man had ability, good sense, and high character. 2For years he had floundered from one sanitarium to another. 3He had consulted the best known American psychiatrists. 4Then he had gone to Europe, placing himself in the care of a celebrated physician who prescribed for him. 5Though experience had made him skeptical; he finished his treatment with unusual confidence. 6His physical and mental condition were unusually good. 7Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs, that relapse was unthinkable. 8Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time. 9More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall.

26:10So he returned to this doctor, whom he admired, and asked him point-blank why he could not recover. 11He wished above all things to regain self-control. 12He seemed quite rational and well-balanced with respect to other problems. 13Yet he had no control whatever over alcohol. 14Why was this?

15He begged the doctor to tell him the whole truth, and he got it. 16In the doctor's judgment he was utterly hopeless; he could never regain his position in society and he would have to place himself under lock and key, or hire a bodyguard if he expected to live long. 17That was a great physician's opinion.

18But this man still lives, and is a free man. 19He does not need a bodyguard, nor is he confined. 20He can go anywhere on this earth where other free men may go


without disaster, provided he remains willing to maintain a certain simple attitude.

27:1Some of our alcoholic readers may think they can do without spiritual help. 2Let us tell you the rest of the conversation our friend had with his doctor.

3The doctor said: "You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. 4I have never seen one single case recover, where that state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you." 5Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang.

6He said to the doctor, "Is there no exception?"

7Yes," replied the doctor, "there is. 8Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. 27:9Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. 10To me these occurrences are phenomena. 11They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. 12Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly east to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. 13In fact, I have been trying to produce some such emotional rearrangement within you. 14With many individuals the methods which I employed are successful, but I have never been successful with an alcoholic of your description."

15Upon hearing this, our friend was somewhat relieved, for he reflected that, after all, he was a good church member. 16This hope, however, was destroyed by the doctor's telling him that his religious convictions were very good, but that in his case they did not spell the necessary vital spiritual experience.

28:1Here was the terrible dilemma in which our friend found himself when he had the extraordinary experience, which as we have already told you, made him a free man.

2We, in our turn, sought the same escape, with all the desperation of drowning men. 3What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. 4A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design for living" that really works.

28:5The distinguished American psychologist, William James, in his book "Varieties of Religious Experience", indicates a multitude of ways in which men have discovered God. 6We have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired. 7If what we have learned, and felt, and seen, means anything at all, it means that all of us, whatever our race, creed, or color, are the children of a living Creator with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try. 8Those having religious affiliations will find here nothing disturbing to their beliefs or ceremonies. 9There is no friction among us over such matters.

10We think it no concern of ours what religious bodies our members identify themselves with as individuals. 11This should be an entirely personal affair which each one decides for himself in the light of past associations, or his present choice. 12Not all of us have joined religious bodies, but most of us favor such memberships.

13In the following chapter, there appears an explanation of alcoholism as we understand it, then a chapter addressed to the agnostic. 14Many who once were in this class are now among our members; surprisingly


enough, we find such convictions no great obstacle to a spiritual experience.

29:1Further on clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered. 2These are followed by more than a score of personal experiences.

3Each individual, in the personal stories, describes in his own language, and from his own point of view the way he established his relationship with God. 4These give a fair cross section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has actually happened in their lives.

5We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. 6Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women, desperately in need, will see these pages, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that they will be persuaded to say, "Yes, I am one of them too; I must have this thing."HOW can you prove these rediculous accusations? On Monday July 3, 2006 I found Alternative Treatment International Inc.
on the Internet, hoping to get help with my depression and alcohol
problems. I called and spoke with the owner, Dr. Meyers on the phone.
He said that it was very important for me to come in as soon as
possible. He convinced me that his facility could help me, but I had to
put down a $2,000 deposit right away to hold my place because they only
had a few openings. The total cost of the program was $11,500.



I checked in to Alternative Treatment International Inc. or A.T.I. on
Thursday morning July 13th at 10:00 a.m. I was feeling very depressed
and tired when I checked in. Dr. Meyers greeted me, he is the person I
spoke with on the telephone and I had confided to him about the reason
why I wanted to be there. I was then introduced to numerous people that
were in a rush and wanting me to sign forms. I then asked in between
signing forms, if I could lye down. They allowed me to lye on a wicker
sofa in the Meditation Room. I was not feeling well in a physical way.
I was tired and severely depressed. I signed forms, dazed and confused,
in and out of napping that afternoon.



I met my Therapist, Charles. I deeply told him so much about why I
was there and so desperately wanted to resolve my deep issues. He
seemed very easy and calm to talk to. I later then met my assigned
Psycho- Therapist named Lind Lu.



That afternoon, we (The Group) were loaded into a 10-passenger van
and taken to Mac Alpine Place Apartments. This was the living quarters
for the facility. It is about a 10-minute drive from A.T.I. It takes
about 10-15 minutes to load and unload everyone to each apartment,
because the Technicians have to unlock and let everyone into their
units. The technicians, are employees of A.T.I. who drive you from
destination to destination. They also give medication to each client,
supposedly on a schedule.



On the way down to the van, I had to carry my luggage that I had
brought down a flight of stairs. A few other patients helped me. I
brought one large suitcase and two small carry-ons, along with several
tote size bags, and a queen sized Temporpedic Mattress Topper. The
Internet pictures had shown queen-size beds in every room, so I thought
I would make my 28-day stay comfortable, like my home. When I had spoke
to Dr. Meyers on the phone, he said I could bring anything to make
myself comfortable. I reconfirmed this conversation by e-mail, and he
replied Anything but drugs or alcohol and pets. I was told that I
would have help carrying all of my things since the elevators were
broken that day.



Being tired and on edge, I shouted out, to a very tall and thin member
of the Group, Please be careful, I have sensitive items, like my
lap-top or I-pod) in there! He was dragging my luggage, step by step,
on the weight of itself. I later become to know this person as Shawn.



As I arrived at the apartment, I was disappointed to see that there was
a very small twin bed in my room. I asked the Technician where the bed
was that was shown to me on the Internet, and she said, They should
change that so it doesn't seem better than it actually is.



I then met Denise, one of the technicians. She searched all my
belongings and counted each item. At this time I discovered my suitcase
that Shawn carried was ruined.



We all piled backed into the van and headed to the grocery store. They
allotted us $70 to buy our food for a week. I notified the technician
that I had only $60 in my envelope. She handed another $10 to me. I was
familiar with the Publix grocery store food chain, so my shopping was
completed within a half hour.



We all headed back to the apartment after sorting out our groceries and
returning to our own units. After meeting Chrissy, my roommate, I went
to bed. I was feeling very tired and lonely.



I woke up the next morning abruptly hearing a male voice in the
apartment yelling what I thought sounded like Meditation! He knocked
on my bedroom door and asked again, and I replied No thanks. I fell
back asleep for about an hour. I was under the assumption that we
started our day at 10 :00 a.m., so that we would be leaving the
apartment at 9:45. I wasn't notified of the schedule and hurried to
gather my things for the day.



Within 24 hours of checking in, I started to feel ill, including:
symptoms of diarrhea, nausea, stomach cramping and vomiting. That day,
I made sure the staff aware of my condition. I was looked over quickly,
but I did not have my temperature checked, medical recommendations or
medication given to me. I kept asking for medication for my diarrhea
but they did not have anything on hand. We had to wait till we dropped
everyone off before I could go to the pharmacy. Finally, around 7:00
p.m., I was taken to the store and I purchased my own medication. I
went to bed feeling even worse. I hardly slept that evening. I was
feeling very feverish and the diarrhea was unbearable.



The following day I had to accompany the Group to the beach for the
day. My symptoms continued and were getting much worse. They told me I
had to go with them whether I was sick or not. The staff kept
commenting on how they thought I had withdrawal symptoms. I informed
them they were not symptoms from alcohol, that I was really sick. I had
to sit out in the sun with a fever and diarrhea all day.



I kept pleading all day with the different technicians on staff to
check my temperature. They said that they were not allowed.



After a long day at the beach we returned to the apartments. I was
feeling very ill at his time. I was told I had to accompany the Group
again to Congo River Crazy Golf that evening.



When we arrived there, I immediately got out of the van and headed to
the restroom. I was dizzy and nauseas. I let Robert, one of the
technicians, be aware of my condition. He said he had no idea of any of
my symptoms.



I asked if I could get my temperature checked. They staff denied me and
said all they could do is take me to the Walk-In Clinic. I went to a
Clinic with a member of the staff and it was closed.



They said they could take me to the hospital, but I thought maybe I
would take my temperature and monitor myself before I were to make my
own decision. I thought I could try to tuff it out till the next
morning and then go to the Dr's Walk-In Clinic.



I purchased a thermometer from a drug store after pleading with
technician several times. My temperature was 101 degrees. I took some
Tylenol Cold Liquid hoping my fever would come down. I went to bed at
10:00 p.m.



I woke up at 2:00 a.m. with a temperature of 102.7 degrees. I took a
cold shower and checked it again. It was 103.1 degrees. I called a
staff member to take me to the emergency room. They said they only had
one technician on staff so I would have to go on my own.



I called the technician again. He called a cab for me after I told him
how I was feeling. He also said that I was probably going through
withdrawal symptoms.



I arrived at the emergency room at around 3:15 a.m. on July 16th, 2006.
I was treated immediately with an I.V. and had blood work done by the
attending physician.



They diagnosed me with a bacteria infection. The Dr. on staff wrote me
a prescription for an antibiotic called Ciprofloxacin to be taken twice
a day for 10 days.



The next morning, Denise threatened to have me discharged from the
program for my behavior. She said that I shouldn't have checked in
there until I De-Toxed. She said I acted rudely to the other clients. I
told her I was sorry, that I just wanted to rest and I was very ill. I
had only had 5-6 hours of sleep within the past few days. She asked if
I had more paperwork form the hospital. I showed her everything I
received. She waited the entire morning and half of the afternoon to
take me to the pharmacy to get my prescription filled.



The following week the Directors reprimanded me for my actions that I
had taken to relieve my sickness. They said I broke the rules by
leaving and going to the hospital. I asked them what was the procedure
that they had in place for illness. They said You're supposed to be
de-toxed before you're here. I explained to them how seriously ill I
was and they still thought I was having withdrawal symptoms. They
wanted to see more paperwork from the hospital.



I gave them the copy of what the Dr. at the hospital gave me and they
kept insisting that there should have been other forms. They were under
the assumption that I was holding back information. I told them that
the hospital would take a few days to receive the test back on what
type of bacteria strain I had.



They had me apologize to the Group for my behavior. I was very sick
and tired and I will admit I was a bit bitchy. I felt that I was
treated unfairly, but I did as they requested.



Later that week the hospital gave me my results of my bacteria. It was
Salmonella bacteria. I was later called by the Health Department and
they notified me in how serious the illness was.



No one apologized to me or seemed to care too much.



I continued with my treatment and therapy for the next week. I felt like I was on the right track to my road to recovery.



One of the other Therapists named Susan told me how she thought I was
opening up and how she thought I was progressing with the Group. I
wished she were my Therapist. I really liked her.



Over my few weeks there, I saw Charles twice and Linda Lu twice for
private counseling. It seemed to me like everyone else was getting more
private sessions. They said we would have counseling everyday.



That week we also met with an ordanified Monk named Bhanty. He was very
interesting and peaceful. I took copious note from his visit.



We had a few other guest speakers that were interesting. There was a
Nutritionist, Chiropractor and a Hypto-Thereapist that were also very
informative.



On Friday July 28th, 2006 the Directors again in a meeting approached
me again, including the Program Director Marsha, Charles, Susan and
Linda. Dr. Meyers was not at this meeting either. Apparently I had said
something to one of the other clients to upset her. The Directors felt
that I was insensitive and that none of the other clients wanted me
there. I was completely in disbelief because most of the clients were
very nice to me.



How could this be? This place was about spirituality and peace.



The problem was apparently an over dramatized event that had happened
the evening before. Denise, the same technician that threatened me
before, on our way to pick up my prescription for Nexium, screamed me
at. She told me to apologize to Ann for a comment I had made earlier
that evening. I had asked Ann in the Van if she realized how loud she
was talking in my ear while we were in the van. I told Denise I would
talk to Ann and settle it with her on my own. Denise told me that she
thought I acted like a Prima Donna and nobody there wanted me there.
I told her she needed to calm down and let me work out my own issues.
She was furiously screaming at the top of her lungs at me. She
threatened to get me removed from the program again. I told her that I
was going to file a complaint against her. She then turned around
denying me to go to the pharmacy to get my Nexium prescription.



I left a message on the main phone number voice mail for Dr. Meyers to
call me. I was threatened again by Denise to be discharged from the
program and I needed to talk with someone. I did not receive a response.



I later saw Ann by the pool area and told her I was sorry if I had hurt her feelings. She said she had no problem with me.



I was feeling confused about my choice of this program. I felt like nobody wanted me there and they wanted to get rid of me.



While I was being reprimanded again, we had a conference call with my
boyfriend to make him aware of what was happening. They said they would
give me a Second Chance and see how the weekend would work out.



Later that day, we had a group session so that everyone could reflect
his or her feelings on what had happened. To my surprise, a few clients
were upset with me.



One of the Therapist, Susan, stood by me and approached the Group by
saying, We are all adults here, if anyone has a problem with Kelly,
say it now.



Ann said I did hurt her feelings. I asked her Why didn't you say anything when I asked you? She replied Your right Kelly.



From there another client named Paige screamed said she was tired of my
negativity too. I told her I never knew of her anger towards me because
I had only met her two days prior. She was apparently upset by the
event that happened between Ann and I. In the conversation, I brought
up our teachings of what Bhanty the monk had told us the day earlier
about peace and calmness. I told her that maybe she has ill feelings
toward herself that is why she is directing them someone else. That,
someone else was I. She left the room and said she was going to leave
the program.



This created an open chain of events for everyone to open up. Shawn
said he had listened to my negative comments as well and was there to
concentrate on himself. I replied, I am here to work on myself as
well. Why didn't you tell me your feelings? I was feeling singled
out.



I said Isn't that why we are all here? If you all can't cope with me,
how are you going to cope with the world when you are finished with the
program?



Then another client Rachel spoke, she said, Your perception is not our
reality. I said my perception is what I feel and I am here to resolve
my own issues.



I was learning a lot about other people's feelings. Isn't that why I
was there? So that I can work through my problems, not be patronized
for them?



I felt alone and confused. Everyone was so nice to me before. I had
even cooked for the Group several times and thought I bonded with
everyone. Even though one of the times I was suppose to be reimbursed
by everyone equally and it did not happen, I didn't complain.



I had money missing from my purse and didn't say anything. I thought it was my own fault for trusting others.



I observed the others closely that weekend while taking notes on some of their comments and behavior.



These are some of the things I wrote down in my notepad.



Shelia: It isn't fair how the technicians let Rick and Rachel do things together and not him and I



Ann: They are never on time to pick us up!



Becky: That technician is really creepy! He should be turned in for sexual harassment!



My observance: One of the clients named Sarah gave her phone number to
some guy that was playing guitar at a restaurant on the beach that day.
The technicians were aware of it. That was supposedly breaking the
rules.



Also, over the weekend, despite what everyone had said about me, I
tried desperately to make it up to him or her. When my boyfriend
visited, he downloaded music on Rachel's I-pod because Sarah had
previously erased all her music weeks before.



On Monday morning July 24th, I apparently it didn't live up to their guidelines.



They said that I had broken a rule by having my boyfriend assist me in
fixing my laptop in the living quarters. My roommate had her boyfriend
in our place the week before, so I thought it was okay. They also told
my boyfriend that they made him aware that there were not to be
visitors in the apartments. This is not true. He told Marsha on the
conference call that she was lying and she did not have any reply.



My Psycho-Therapist Linda Lu did a check- out 10-minute session on me. She said that people might be scared of my energy.



I checked into A.T.I. to receive help with my addictions and emotional
problems. It is recognized as a Non- 12 Step Program. They are supposed
to promote peace, good energy and wellness. I felt the opposite fr

When i went here the admissions process was very comforting, and convincing, however what I was about to experience was the complete opposite.

I actually went to tour the facility before entering, so I really feel duped by their marketing! When I when to look at the facility I was greeted by a former (so she says) addict named Lauren, who smoked the entire time I was there and only had wonderful things to say about their treatment program. I asked her specifically, "how many people leave before the 30 days is up?"

She looked me in the eye and said, "0." this turned out to be a complete and total lie, because once I entered the program i watched 2 people run away within the first week and over the course of 6 weeks I saw only 3 people successfully complete their treatment. They emotionally beat the crap out of you... as if this is supposed to stop someone from taking drugs and then if you decide you do not want to follow their aftercare plan, which consists of living in an all women's facility for criminals just released from jail they literally kick you out of the program!!

It is ridiculous!! The first week and half they leave you alone, then they start hampering you and everyone in your family about you staying longer. Once they get you to commit to a longer stay, and you pay (everything is paid in advance) then they lose interest. At that point they could care less about you or your recovery and they want you out so that they can get a new admit and another $40,000. My therapist, Melissa, who actually is not even a psychologist, was just as deceptive as Lauren in Admissions and the owner Julie. Melissa was the type of person who you felt you could pour your heart out to, however in the end everything you say and do becomes fair game for group discussion. There is absolutely ZERO confidentiality. By the way, if you have gone to their website, you have probably seen pretty pictures of women doing yoga on the beach, etc...well, ladies be ware because those pictures are definitely NOT from the Orchid Drug Rehab in Florida... the housing is located in Palm Springs, FL, right in the middle of a complete drug infested prostitution zone. Three doors down, there is a shady motel that has crack heads and other freaks wandering around at ALL hours of the day and night. They do not even provide food at this place!

Ladies, save your money and look for a place that cares, because at The Orchid Recovery Center you are just another addict...there is no compassion, understanding or flexibility with their program. Quite frankly, for $20,000/month (no insurance), I think those things should come standard. Be ware of this AWFUL drug rehab center in Florida... there are horrible and should not be allowed to conduct business. The therapists are abusive and do not care about the well being of the addict. The treatment center is run by a women who is never even there and has no clue what goes on day to day in the treatment. .

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. 2No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. 3Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. 4The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his liquor drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. 5The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. 6Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

30:7We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. 8This is the first step in recovery. 9The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

10We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. 11We know that no real alcoholic ever recovered control. 12All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. 13We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. 14Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.

30:15We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. 16Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of

our kind like other men. 31:1We have tried every imaginable remedy. 2In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by still worse relapse. 3Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. 4Science may one day accomplish this, but it evidently hasn't done so yet.

5Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. 6By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore non-alcoholic. 7If anyone, who is showing inability to control his drinking, can do the right-about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. 8Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!

9Here are some of the methods we have tried: drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums-we could increase the list ad infinitum.

31:10We do not like to brand any individual as an alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. 11Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. 12Try to drink and stop abruptly. 13Try it

more than once.32:1It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. 2It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.

3Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers most of us could have stopped drinking. 4But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time. 5We have heard of a few instances where people, who showed definite signs of alcoholism, were able to stop for a long period because of an overpowering desire to do so. 6Here is one.

7A man of thirty was doing a great deal of spree drinking. 8He was very nervous in the morning after these bouts and quieted himself with more liquor. 9He was ambitious in business, but saw that he would get nowhere if he drank at all. 32:10Once he started, he had no control whatever. 11He made up his mind that until he had been successful in business and had retired, he would not touch another drop. 12An exceptional man, he remained bone dry for twenty-five years, and retired at the age of fifty-five, after a successful and happy business career. 13Then he fell victim to a belief which practically every alcoholic has-that his long period of sobriety and self-discipline had qualified him to drink as other men. 14Out came his carpet slippers and a bottle. 15In two months he was in a hospital, puzzled and humiliated. 16He tried to regulate his drinking for a while, making several trips to the hospital meantime. 17Then, gathering all his forces, he attempted to stop altogether and found he could not. 18Every means of solving his problem which

money could buy was at his disposal. 33:1Every attempt failed. 2Though a robust man at retirement, he went to pieces quickly, and was dead within four years.

3This case contains a powerful lesson. 4Most of us have believed that if we remained sober for a long stretch, we could thereafter drink normally. 5But here is a man who at fifty-five years found he was just where he had left off at thirty. 6We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again: "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." 7Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. 8If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol.

9Young people may be encouraged by this man's experience to think that they can stop, as he did, on their own will power. 10We doubt if many of them can do it, because none will really want to stop, and hardly one of them, because of the peculiar mental twist already acquired, will find he can win out. 11Several of our crowd, men of thirty-five or less, had been drinking only a few years, but they found themselves as helpless as those who had been drinking twenty years.

12To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time, nor take the quantities some of us have. 13This is particularly true of women. 14Potential feminine alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years. 15Certain drinkers, who would be greatly insulted if called alcoholics, are astonished at their inability to stop. 16We, who are familiar with the symptoms, see large numbers of potential alcoholics among young

people everywhere. 34:1But try and get them to see it!

34:2As we look back, we feel we had gone on drinking many years beyond the point where we could quit on our will power. 3If anyone questions whether he has entered this dangerous area, let him try leaving liquor alone for one year. 4If he is a real alcoholic and very far advanced, there is scant chance of success. 5In the early days of our drinking we occasionally remained sober for a year or more, becoming serious drinkers again later. 6Though you may be able to stop for a considerable period, you may yet be a potential alcoholic. 7We think few, to whom this book will appeal, can stay dry anything like a year. 8Some will be drunk the day after making their resolutions; most of them within a few weeks.

9For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether. 10We are assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop. 11Whether such a person can quit upon a non-spiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not. 12Many of us felt that we had plenty of character. 13There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. 14Yet we found it impossible. 15This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it - this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.

34:16How then shall we help our readers determine, to their own satisfaction, whether they are one of us? 17The experiment of quitting for a period of time will be helpful, but we think we can render an even greater service to alcoholic sufferers, and perhaps to the medical

fraternity. 35:1So we shall describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem.

2What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time the desperate experiment of the first drink? 3Friends, who have reasoned with him after a spree which has brought him to the point of divorce or bankruptcy, are mystified when he walks directly into a saloon. 4Why does he? 5Of what is he thinking?

6Our first example is a friend we shall call Jim. 7This man has a charming wife and family. 8He inherited a lucrative automobile agency. 35:9He had a commendable world war record. 10He is a good salesman. 11Everybody likes him. 12He is an intelligent man, normal so far as we can see, except for a nervous disposition. 13He did no drinking until he was thirty-five. 14In a few years he became so violent when intoxicated that he had to be committed. 15On leaving the asylum, he came into contact with us.

16We told him what we knew of alcoholism and the answer we had found. 17He made a beginning. 18His family was re-assembled, and he began to work as a salesman for the business he had lost through drinking. 19All went well for a time, but he failed to enlarge his spiritual life. 20To his consternation, he found himself drunk half a dozen times in rapid succession. 21On each of these occasions we worked with him, reviewing carefully what had happened. 22He agreed he was a real alcoholic and in serious condition. 23He knew he faced another trip to the asylum if he kept on. 24Moreover, he could lose his family for whom he had deep affection.

36:1Yet he got drunk again. 2We asked him to tell us exactly how it happened. 3This is his story: "I came to work on Tuesday morning. 4I remember I felt irritated that I had to be a salesman for a concern I once owned. 5I had a few words with the boss, but nothing serious. 6Then I decided to drive into the country and see one of my prospects for a car. 7On the way I felt hungry so I stopped at a roadside place where they have a bar. 8I had no intention of drinking. 9I just thought I would get a sandwich. 36:10I also had the notion that I might find a customer for a car at this place, which was familiar, for I had been going to it for years. 11I had eaten there many times during the months I was sober. 12I sat down at a table and ordered a sandwich and a glass of milk. 13Still no thought of drinking. 14I ordered another sandwich and decided to have another glass of milk.

15"Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if I were to put an ounce of whiskey in my milk, it couldn't hurt me on a full stomach. 16I ordered a whiskey and poured it into the milk. 17I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart, but felt reassured, as I was taking the whiskey on a full stomach. 18The experiment went so well that I ordered another whiskey and poured it into more milk. 19That didn't seem to bother me so I tried another."

20Thus started one more journey to the asylum for Jim. 21Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. 22He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. 23Yet all reasons for not drinking were

easily pushed aside in favor of the foolisb idea be could take wbiskey if only be mixed it with milk?

37:1Whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain insanity. 2How can such a lack of proportion, of the ability to think straight, be called anything else?

37:3You may think this an extreme case. 4To us it is not far-fetched, for this kind of thinking has been characteristic of every single one of us. 5We have sometimes reflected more than Jim did upon the consequences. 6But there was always the curious mental phenomenon, that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. 7Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. 8The insane idea won out. 9Next day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have happened.

10In some circumstances we have gone out deliberately to get drunk, feeling ourselves justified by nervousness, anger, worry, depression, jealousy or the like. 11But even in this type of beginning we are obliged to admit that our justification for a spree was insanely insufficient in the light of what always happened. 12We now see that when we began to drink deliberately, instead of casually, there was little serious or effective thought during the period of premeditation of what the terrific consequences might be.

13Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible with respect to the first drink as that of an individual with a passion, say, for jay-walking. 14He gets a thrill out of skipping in front of fast-moving vehicles. 15He enjoys himself a few years in spite of friendly warnings. 37:16Up to this point you would label him as a foolish

chap having q***r ideas of fun. 38:1Luck then deserts him and he is slightly injured several times in succession. 2You would, expect him, if he were normal, to cut it out. 3Presently he is hit again and this time has a fractured skull. 4Within a week after leaving the hospital a fast-moving trolley car breaks his arm. 5He tells you he has decided to stop jay-walking for good, but in a few weeks he breaks both legs.

6On through the years this conduct continues, accompanied by his continual promises to be careful or to keep off the streets altogether. 7Finally, he can no longer work, his wife gets a divorce, he is held up to ridicule. 8He tries every known means to get the jay-walking idea out of his head. 9He shuts himself up in an asylum, hoping to mend his ways. 10But the day he comes out he races in front of a fire engine, which breaks his back. 11Such a man would be crazy, wouldn't he?

12You may think our illustration is too ridiculous. 13But is it? 14We, who have been through the wringer, have to admit if we substituted alcoholism for jay-walking, the illustration would fit us exactly. 15However intelligent we may have been in other respects, where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely insane. 16It's strong language-but isn't it true?

17Some of you are thinking: "Yes, what you tell us is true, but it doesn't fully apply. 18We admit we have some of these symptoms, but we have not gone to the extremes you fellows did, nor are we likely to, for we understand ourselves so well after what you have told us that such things cannot happen again. 19We have not lost everything in life through drinking and we

certainly do not intend to. 39:1Thanks for the information."

2That may be true of certain non-alcoholic people who, though drinking foolishly and heavily at the present time, are able to stop or moderate, because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as ours were. 39:3But the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking an the basis of self-knowledge. 4This is a point we wish to emphasize and re-emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience. 5Let us take another illustration.

6Fred is partner in a well known accounting firm. 7His income is good, he has a fine home, is happily married and the father of promising children of college age. 8He is so attractive a personality that he makes friends with everyone. 9If ever there was a successful business man, it is Fred. 10To all appearance he is a stable, well balanced individual. 11Yet, he is alcoholic. 12We first saw Fred about a year ago in a hospital where he had gone to recover from a bad case of litters. 13It was his first experience of this kind, and he was much ashamed of it. 14Far from admitting he was an alcoholic, he told himself he came to the hospital to rest his nerves. 15The doctor intimated strongly that he might be worse than he realized. 16For a few days he was depressed about his condition. 17He made up his mind to quit drinking altogether. 18It never occurred to him that perhaps he could not do so, in spite of his character and standing. 39:19Fred would not believe himself an alcoholic, much less accept a spiritual remedy for his problem. 20We told him what

we knew about alcoholism. 40:1He was interested and conceded that he had some of the symptoms, but he was a long way from admitting that he could do nothing about it himself. 2He was positive that this humiliating experience, plus the knowledge he had acquired, would keep him sober the rest of his life. 3Self-knowledge would fix it.

4We heard no more of Fred for a while. 5One day we were told that he was back in the hospital. 6This time he was quite shaky. 7He soon indicated he was anxious to see us. 8The story he told is most instructive for here was a chap absolutely convinced he had to stop drinking, who had no excuse for drinking, who exhibited splendid judgment and determination in all his other concerns, yet was flat on his back nevertheless.

9Let him tell you about it: "I was much impressed with what you fellows said about alcoholism, but I frankly did not believe it would be possible for me to drink again. 10I somewhat appreciated your ideas about the subtle insanity which precedes the first drink, but I was confident it could not happen to me after what I had learned. 11I reasoned I was not so far advanced as most of you fellows, that I had been usually successful in licking my other personal problems, that I would therefore be successful where you men failed. 12 I felt I had every right to be self-confident, that it would be only a matter of exercising my will power and keeping on guard.

40:13"In this frame of mind, I went about my business and for a time all was well. 14I had no trouble refusing drinks, and began to wonder if I had not been making too hard work of a simple matter. 15One day I went to Washington to present some accounting evidence to

a government bureau. 41:1I had been out of town before during this particular dry spell, so there was nothing new about that. 2Physically, I felt fine. 3Neither did I have any pressing problems or worries. 4My business came off well, I was pleased and knew my partners would be too. 5It; was the end of a perfect day, not a cloud on the horizon

6"I went to my hotel and leisurely dressed for dinner. 7As I crossed the threshold of the dining room, the thought came to mind it would be nice to have a couple of cocktails witb dinner. 8That was all. 9Nothing more. 10I ordered a cocktail and my meal. 11Then I ordered another cocktail. 12After dinner I decided to take a walk. 13When I returned to the hotel it struck me a highball would be fine before going to bed, so I stepped into the bar and had one. 14I remember having several more that night and plenty next morning. 15I have a shadowy recollection of being in an airplane bound for New York, of finding a friendly taxicab driver at the landing field instead of my wife. 16The driver escorted me about for several days. 17I know little of where I went, or what I said and did. 18Then came the hospital with unbearable mental and physical suffering.

19"As soon as I regained my ability to think, I went carefully over that evening in Washington. 20Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against that first drink. 21 This time I had not thought of the consequences at all. 22I had commenced to drink as carelessly as though the cocktails were ginger ale. 23I now remembered what my alcoholic friends had told me, how they prophesied that if I had an alcoholic mind, the time and place would come-I would drink

again. 42:1They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. 42:2Well, just that did happen and more, for what I had learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all. 3I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. 4I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots. 5I had never been able to understand people who said that a problem had them hopelessly defeated. 6I knew then. 7It was a crushing blow.

8"Two of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous came to see me. 9They grinned, which I didn't like so much, and then asked me if I thought myself alcoholic and if I were really licked this time. 10I had to concede both propositions. 11They piled on me heaps of evidence to the effect that an alcoholic mentality, such as I had exhibited in Washington, was a hopeless condition. 12They cited cases out of their own experience by the dozen. 13This process snuffed out the last flicker of conviction that I could do the job myself.

14"Then they outlined the spiritual answer and program of action which a hundred of them had followed successfully. 15Though I had been only a nominal churchman, their proposals were not, intellectually, hard to swallow. 42:16But the program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. 17It meant I would have to throw several lifelong conceptions out of the window. 18That was not easy. 19But the moment I made up my mind to go through with the process, I had the curious feeling that my alcoholic condition was relieved, as in fact it proved to be.

20"Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems. 21I have since

been brought into a way of living infinitely more satisfying and, I hope, more useful than the life I lived before. 43:1My old manner of life was by no means a bad one, but I would not exchange its best moments for the worst I have now. 2I would not go back to it even if I could."

3Fred's story speaks for itself. 4We hope it strikes home to thousands like him. 5He had felt only the first nip of the wringer. 6Most alcoholics have to be pretty badly mangled before they really commence to solve their problems.

43:7Many doctors and psychiatrists agree with our conclusions. 8One of these men, staff member of a world renowned hospital, recently made this statement to some of us: "What you say about the general hopelessness of the average alcoholic's plight is, in my opinion, correct. 9As to two of you men, whose stories I have heard, there is no doubt in my mind that you were 100% hopeless, apart from Divine help. 10Had you offered yourselves as patients at this hospital, I would not have taken you, if I had been able to avoid it. 11People like you are too heartbreaking. 12Though not a religious person, I have profound respect for the spiritual approach in such cases as yours. 13For most cases, there is virtually no other solution."

14Once more: the alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. 15Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. 16His defense must come from a higher Power.We, of ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, know one hundred men who were once just as hopeless as Bill. 2All have recovered. 3They have solved the drink problem.
4We are average Americans. 5All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. 6We are people who normally would not mix. 7But there exists among us a fellowship, friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. 8We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain's table. 9Unlike the feelings of the ship's passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. 10The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. 11But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.

17:12The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. 13We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. 14This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer alcoholism.


18:1An illness of this sort-and we have come to believe it an illness-involves those about us in a way no other human sickness can. 2If a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt. 3But not so with the alcoholic illness, for with it there goes annihilation of all the things worth while in life. 4It engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferer's. 5It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents-anyone can increase the list.

6We hope this volume will inform and comfort those who are, or who may be affected. 7There are many.

8Highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his situation without reserve. 9Strangely enough, wives, parents and intimate friends usually find us even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and the doctor.

10But the ex-alcoholic who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. 11Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.

18:12That the man who is making the approach has had the same difficulty, that he obviously knows what he is talking about, that his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer, that he has no attitude of holier than thou, nothing whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful; that there are no fees to pay, no axes to grind, no people to please, no lectures to be endured-these are the conditions

we found most effective. 19:1After such an approach many take up their beds and walk again.

2None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. 3We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. 4A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs. 5All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. 6A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all of their time to the work.

7If we keep on the way we are going there is little doubt that much good will result, but the surface of the problem would hardly be scratched. 8Those of us who live in large cities are overcome by the reflection that close by hundreds are dropping into oblivion every day. 9Many could recover if they had the opportunity we have enjoyed. 10How then shall we present that which has been so freely given us?

11We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. 12We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. 13This should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem.

14Of necessity there will have to be discussion of matters medical, psychiatric, social, and religious. 15We are aware that these matters are, from their very nature, controversial. 16Nothing would please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for contention or argument. 17We shall do our utmost to achieve that ideal. 18Most of us sense that real tolerance of other people's shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us


more useful to others. 20:1Our very lives, as ex-alcoholics, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.

2You may already have asked yourself why it is that all of us became so very ill from drinking. 3Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why, in the face of expert opinion to the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body. 4If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking-"What do I have to do?"

20:5It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. 6We shall tell you what we have done. 7Before going into a detailed discussion, it may be well to summarize some points as we see them.

8How many times people have said to us: "I can take it or leave it alone. 9Why can't he?" 10"Why don't you drink like a gentleman or quit?" 11"That fellow can't handle his liquor." 12"Why don't you try beer and wine?" 13"Lay off the hard stuff." 14"His will power must be weak." 15"He could stop if he wanted to." 16"She's such a sweet girl; I should think he'd stop for her." 17"The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again."

18Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. 19Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. 20We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours.

21Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. 22They can take it or leave it alone.

23Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. 24He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair


him physically and mentally. 21:1It may cause him to die a few years before his time. 21:2If a sufficiently strong reason-ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor-becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.

3But what about the real alcoholic? 4He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.

5Here is the fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. 6He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. 7He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. 8He is seldom mildly intoxicated. 9He is always more or less insanely drunk. 10His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. 11He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. 12Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. 13He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. 14He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect is incredibly dishonest and selfish. 15He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. 16He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. 21:17He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around. 18Yet early next


morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before. 22:1If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the wastepipe. 2As matters grow worse; he begins to use a combination of high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. 3Then comes the day when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. 4Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some sedative with which to taper off. 5Then he begins to appear at hospitals and sanitariums.

6This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. 7But this description should identify him roughly.

8Why does he behave like this? 9If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? 10Why can't he stay on the water wagon? 11What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?

12Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. 13Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. 14We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. 15We cannot answer the riddle.

16We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men. 22:17We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes, it virtually impossible for him to


stop. 23:1The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm that.

2These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. 3Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. 4If you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. 5Sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility, but none of them really make sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking bout creates. 6They sound like the philosophy of the man who, having a headache, beat himself on the head with a hammer so that he couldn't feel the ache. 7If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become irritated and refuse to talk.

8Once in a while he may tell the truth. 9And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have. 10Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. 11But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. 12Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. 13There is the obsession that somehow, some day, they will beat the game. 14But they often suspect they are down for the count.

23:15How true this is, few realize. 16In a vague way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal, but everybody hopefully waits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will.

17The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day will seldom arrive. 18He has lost


control. 24:1At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. 2This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.

3The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. 4Our so-called will power becomes practically non-existent. 5We are unable at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. 6We are without defense against the first drink.

24:7The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. 8If these thoughts occur, they are hazy, and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. 9There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

10The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" 11Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. 12How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" 13Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink." 14Or "What's the use anyhow?"

15When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die, or go permanently insane. 16These stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics


throughout history. 25:1But for the grace of God, there would have been one hundred more convincing demonstrations. 2So many want to stop, but cannot.

25:3There is a solution. 4Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. 5But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. 6When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. 7We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence, of which we had not even dreamed.

8The great fact is just this, and nothing less: that we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences, which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows, and toward God's universe. 9The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. 10He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.

25:11If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. 12We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: one was to go on to .the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. 13This


we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort.

26:1A certain American business man had ability, good sense, and high character. 2For years he had floundered from one sanitarium to another. 3He had consulted the best known American psychiatrists. 4Then he had gone to Europe, placing himself in the care of a celebrated physician who prescribed for him. 5Though experience had made him skeptical; he finished his treatment with unusual confidence. 6His physical and mental condition were unusually good. 7Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs, that relapse was unthinkable. 8Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time. 9More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall.

26:10So he returned to this doctor, whom he admired, and asked him point-blank why he could not recover. 11He wished above all things to regain self-control. 12He seemed quite rational and well-balanced with respect to other problems. 13Yet he had no control whatever over alcohol. 14Why was this?

15He begged the doctor to tell him the whole truth, and he got it. 16In the doctor's judgment he was utterly hopeless; he could never regain his position in society and he would have to place himself under lock and key, or hire a bodyguard if he expected to live long. 17That was a great physician's opinion.

18But this man still lives, and is a free man. 19He does not need a bodyguard, nor is he confined. 20He can go anywhere on this earth where other free men may go


without disaster, provided he remains willing to maintain a certain simple attitude.

27:1Some of our alcoholic readers may think they can do without spiritual help. 2Let us tell you the rest of the conversation our friend had with his doctor.

3The doctor said: "You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. 4I have never seen one single case recover, where that state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you." 5Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang.

6He said to the doctor, "Is there no exception?"

7Yes," replied the doctor, "there is. 8Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. 27:9Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. 10To me these occurrences are phenomena. 11They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. 12Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly east to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. 13In fact, I have been trying to produce some such emotional rearrangement within you. 14With many individuals the methods which I employed are successful, but I have never been successful with an alcoholic of your description."

15Upon hearing this, our friend was somewhat relieved, for he reflected that, after all, he was a good church member. 16This hope, however, was destroyed by the doctor's telling him that his religious convictions were very good, but that in his case they did not spell the necessary vital spiritual experience.

28:1Here was the terrible dilemma in which our friend found himself when he had the extraordinary experience, which as we have already told you, made him a free man.

2We, in our turn, sought the same escape, with all the desperation of drowning men. 3What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. 4A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design for living" that really works.

28:5The distinguished American psychologist, William James, in his book "Varieties of Religious Experience", indicates a multitude of ways in which men have discovered God. 6We have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired. 7If what we have learned, and felt, and seen, means anything at all, it means that all of us, whatever our race, creed, or color, are the children of a living Creator with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try. 8Those having religious affiliations will find here nothing disturbing to their beliefs or ceremonies. 9There is no friction among us over such matters.

10We think it no concern of ours what religious bodies our members identify themselves with as individuals. 11This should be an entirely personal affair which each one decides for himself in the light of past associations, or his present choice. 12Not all of us have joined religious bodies, but most of us favor such memberships.

13In the following chapter, there appears an explanation of alcoholism as we understand it, then a chapter addressed to the agnostic. 14Many who once were in this class are now among our members; surprisingly


enough, we find such convictions no great obstacle to a spiritual experience.

29:1Further on clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered. 2These are followed by more than a score of personal experiences.

3Each individual, in the personal stories, describes in his own language, and from his own point of view the way he established his relationship with God. 4These give a fair cross section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has actually happened in their lives.

5We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. 6Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women, desperately in need, will see these pages, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that they will be persuaded to say, "Yes, I am one of them too; I must have this thing."HOW can you prove these rediculous accusations? On Monday July 3, 2006 I found Alternative Treatment International Inc.
on the Internet, hoping to get help with my depression and alcohol
problems. I called and spoke with the owner, Dr. Meyers on the phone.
He said that it was very important for me to come in as soon as
possible. He convinced me that his facility could help me, but I had to
put down a $2,000 deposit right away to hold my place because they only
had a few openings. The total cost of the program was $11,500.



I checked in to Alternative Treatment International Inc. or A.T.I. on
Thursday morning July 13th at 10:00 a.m. I was feeling very depressed
and tired when I checked in. Dr. Meyers greeted me, he is the person I
spoke with on the telephone and I had confided to him about the reason
why I wanted to be there. I was then introduced to numerous people that
were in a rush and wanting me to sign forms. I then asked in between
signing forms, if I could lye down. They allowed me to lye on a wicker
sofa in the Meditation Room. I was not feeling well in a physical way.
I was tired and severely depressed. I signed forms, dazed and confused,
in and out of napping that afternoon.



I met my Therapist, Charles. I deeply told him so much about why I
was there and so desperately wanted to resolve my deep issues. He
seemed very easy and calm to talk to. I later then met my assigned
Psycho- Therapist named Lind Lu.



That afternoon, we (The Group) were loaded into a 10-passenger van
and taken to Mac Alpine Place Apartments. This was the living quarters
for the facility. It is about a 10-minute drive from A.T.I. It takes
about 10-15 minutes to load and unload everyone to each apartment,
because the Technicians have to unlock and let everyone into their
units. The technicians, are employees of A.T.I. who drive you from
destination to destination. They also give medication to each client,
supposedly on a schedule.



On the way down to the van, I had to carry my luggage that I had
brought down a flight of stairs. A few other patients helped me. I
brought one large suitcase and two small carry-ons, along with several
tote size bags, and a queen sized Temporpedic Mattress Topper. The
Internet pictures had shown queen-size beds in every room, so I thought
I would make my 28-day stay comfortable, like my home. When I had spoke
to Dr. Meyers on the phone, he said I could bring anything to make
myself comfortable. I reconfirmed this conversation by e-mail, and he
replied Anything but drugs or alcohol and pets. I was told that I
would have help carrying all of my things since the elevators were
broken that day.



Being tired and on edge, I shouted out, to a very tall and thin member
of the Group, Please be careful, I have sensitive items, like my
lap-top or I-pod) in there! He was dragging my luggage, step by step,
on the weight of itself. I later become to know this person as Shawn.



As I arrived at the apartment, I was disappointed to see that there was
a very small twin bed in my room. I asked the Technician where the bed
was that was shown to me on the Internet, and she said, They should
change that so it doesn't seem better than it actually is.



I then met Denise, one of the technicians. She searched all my
belongings and counted each item. At this time I discovered my suitcase
that Shawn carried was ruined.



We all piled backed into the van and headed to the grocery store. They
allotted us $70 to buy our food for a week. I notified the technician
that I had only $60 in my envelope. She handed another $10 to me. I was
familiar with the Publix grocery store food chain, so my shopping was
completed within a half hour.



We all headed back to the apartment after sorting out our groceries and
returning to our own units. After meeting Chrissy, my roommate, I went
to bed. I was feeling very tired and lonely.



I woke up the next morning abruptly hearing a male voice in the
apartment yelling what I thought sounded like Meditation! He knocked
on my bedroom door and asked again, and I replied No thanks. I fell
back asleep for about an hour. I was under the assumption that we
started our day at 10 :00 a.m., so that we would be leaving the
apartment at 9:45. I wasn't notified of the schedule and hurried to
gather my things for the day.



Within 24 hours of checking in, I started to feel ill, including:
symptoms of diarrhea, nausea, stomach cramping and vomiting. That day,
I made sure the staff aware of my condition. I was looked over quickly,
but I did not have my temperature checked, medical recommendations or
medication given to me. I kept asking for medication for my diarrhea
but they did not have anything on hand. We had to wait till we dropped
everyone off before I could go to the pharmacy. Finally, around 7:00
p.m., I was taken to the store and I purchased my own medication. I
went to bed feeling even worse. I hardly slept that evening. I was
feeling very feverish and the diarrhea was unbearable.



The following day I had to accompany the Group to the beach for the
day. My symptoms continued and were getting much worse. They told me I
had to go with them whether I was sick or not. The staff kept
commenting on how they thought I had withdrawal symptoms. I informed
them they were not symptoms from alcohol, that I was really sick. I had
to sit out in the sun with a fever and diarrhea all day.



I kept pleading all day with the different technicians on staff to
check my temperature. They said that they were not allowed.



After a long day at the beach we returned to the apartments. I was
feeling very ill at his time. I was told I had to accompany the Group
again to Congo River Crazy Golf that evening.



When we arrived there, I immediately got out of the van and headed to
the restroom. I was dizzy and nauseas. I let Robert, one of the
technicians, be aware of my condition. He said he had no idea of any of
my symptoms.



I asked if I could get my temperature checked. They staff denied me and
said all they could do is take me to the Walk-In Clinic. I went to a
Clinic with a member of the staff and it was closed.



They said they could take me to the hospital, but I thought maybe I
would take my temperature and monitor myself before I were to make my
own decision. I thought I could try to tuff it out till the next
morning and then go to the Dr's Walk-In Clinic.



I purchased a thermometer from a drug store after pleading with
technician several times. My temperature was 101 degrees. I took some
Tylenol Cold Liquid hoping my fever would come down. I went to bed at
10:00 p.m.



I woke up at 2:00 a.m. with a temperature of 102.7 degrees. I took a
cold shower and checked it again. It was 103.1 degrees. I called a
staff member to take me to the emergency room. They said they only had
one technician on staff so I would have to go on my own.



I called the technician again. He called a cab for me after I told him
how I was feeling. He also said that I was probably going through
withdrawal symptoms.



I arrived at the emergency room at around 3:15 a.m. on July 16th, 2006.
I was treated immediately with an I.V. and had blood work done by the
attending physician.



They diagnosed me with a bacteria infection. The Dr. on staff wrote me
a prescription for an antibiotic called Ciprofloxacin to be taken twice
a day for 10 days.



The next morning, Denise threatened to have me discharged from the
program for my behavior. She said that I shouldn't have checked in
there until I De-Toxed. She said I acted rudely to the other clients. I
told her I was sorry, that I just wanted to rest and I was very ill. I
had only had 5-6 hours of sleep within the past few days. She asked if
I had more paperwork form the hospital. I showed her everything I
received. She waited the entire morning and half of the afternoon to
take me to the pharmacy to get my prescription filled.



The following week the Directors reprimanded me for my actions that I
had taken to relieve my sickness. They said I broke the rules by
leaving and going to the hospital. I asked them what was the procedure
that they had in place for illness. They said You're supposed to be
de-toxed before you're here. I explained to them how seriously ill I
was and they still thought I was having withdrawal symptoms. They
wanted to see more paperwork from the hospital.



I gave them the copy of what the Dr. at the hospital gave me and they
kept insisting that there should have been other forms. They were under
the assumption that I was holding back information. I told them that
the hospital would take a few days to receive the test back on what
type of bacteria strain I had.



They had me apologize to the Group for my behavior. I was very sick
and tired and I will admit I was a bit bitchy. I felt that I was
treated unfairly, but I did as they requested.



Later that week the hospital gave me my results of my bacteria. It was
Salmonella bacteria. I was later called by the Health Department and
they notified me in how serious the illness was.



No one apologized to me or seemed to care too much.



I continued with my treatment and therapy for the next week. I felt like I was on the right track to my road to recovery.



One of the other Therapists named Susan told me how she thought I was
opening up and how she thought I was progressing with the Group. I
wished she were my Therapist. I really liked her.



Over my few weeks there, I saw Charles twice and Linda Lu twice for
private counseling. It seemed to me like everyone else was getting more
private sessions. They said we would have counseling everyday.



That week we also met with an ordanified Monk named Bhanty. He was very
interesting and peaceful. I took copious note from his visit.



We had a few other guest speakers that were interesting. There was a
Nutritionist, Chiropractor and a Hypto-Thereapist that were also very
informative.



On Friday July 28th, 2006 the Directors again in a meeting approached
me again, including the Program Director Marsha, Charles, Susan and
Linda. Dr. Meyers was not at this meeting either. Apparently I had said
something to one of the other clients to upset her. The Directors felt
that I was insensitive and that none of the other clients wanted me
there. I was completely in disbelief because most of the clients were
very nice to me.



How could this be? This place was about spirituality and peace.



The problem was apparently an over dramatized event that had happened
the evening before. Denise, the same technician that threatened me
before, on our way to pick up my prescription for Nexium, screamed me
at. She told me to apologize to Ann for a comment I had made earlier
that evening. I had asked Ann in the Van if she realized how loud she
was talking in my ear while we were in the van. I told Denise I would
talk to Ann and settle it with her on my own. Denise told me that she
thought I acted like a Prima Donna and nobody there wanted me there.
I told her she needed to calm down and let me work out my own issues.
She was furiously screaming at the top of her lungs at me. She
threatened to get me removed from the program again. I told her that I
was going to file a complaint against her. She then turned around
denying me to go to the pharmacy to get my Nexium prescription.



I left a message on the main phone number voice mail for Dr. Meyers to
call me. I was threatened again by Denise to be discharged from the
program and I needed to talk with someone. I did not receive a response.



I later saw Ann by the pool area and told her I was sorry if I had hurt her feelings. She said she had no problem with me.



I was feeling confused about my choice of this program. I felt like nobody wanted me there and they wanted to get rid of me.



While I was being reprimanded again, we had a conference call with my
boyfriend to make him aware of what was happening. They said they would
give me a Second Chance and see how the weekend would work out.



Later that day, we had a group session so that everyone could reflect
his or her feelings on what had happened. To my surprise, a few clients
were upset with me.



One of the Therapist, Susan, stood by me and approached the Group by
saying, We are all adults here, if anyone has a problem with Kelly,
say it now.



Ann said I did hurt her feelings. I asked her Why didn't you say anything when I asked you? She replied Your right Kelly.



From there another client named Paige screamed said she was tired of my
negativity too. I told her I never knew of her anger towards me because
I had only met her two days prior. She was apparently upset by the
event that happened between Ann and I. In the conversation, I brought
up our teachings of what Bhanty the monk had told us the day earlier
about peace and calmness. I told her that maybe she has ill feelings
toward herself that is why she is directing them someone else. That,
someone else was I. She left the room and said she was going to leave
the program.



This created an open chain of events for everyone to open up. Shawn
said he had listened to my negative comments as well and was there to
concentrate on himself. I replied, I am here to work on myself as
well. Why didn't you tell me your feelings? I was feeling singled
out.



I said Isn't that why we are all here? If you all can't cope with me,
how are you going to cope with the world when you are finished with the
program?



Then another client Rachel spoke, she said, Your perception is not our
reality. I said my perception is what I feel and I am here to resolve
my own issues.



I was learning a lot about other people's feelings. Isn't that why I
was there? So that I can work through my problems, not be patronized
for them?



I felt alone and confused. Everyone was so nice to me before. I had
even cooked for the Group several times and thought I bonded with
everyone. Even though one of the times I was suppose to be reimbursed
by everyone equally and it did not happen, I didn't complain.



I had money missing from my purse and didn't say anything. I thought it was my own fault for trusting others.



I observed the others closely that weekend while taking notes on some of their comments and behavior.



These are some of the things I wrote down in my notepad.



Shelia: It isn't fair how the technicians let Rick and Rachel do things together and not him and I



Ann: They are never on time to pick us up!



Becky: That technician is really creepy! He should be turned in for sexual harassment!



My observance: One of the clients named Sarah gave her phone number to
some guy that was playing guitar at a restaurant on the beach that day.
The technicians were aware of it. That was supposedly breaking the
rules.



Also, over the weekend, despite what everyone had said about me, I
tried desperately to make it up to him or her. When my boyfriend
visited, he downloaded music on Rachel's I-pod because Sarah had
previously erased all her music weeks before.



On Monday morning July 24th, I apparently it didn't live up to their guidelines.



They said that I had broken a rule by having my boyfriend assist me in
fixing my laptop in the living quarters. My roommate had her boyfriend
in our place the week before, so I thought it was okay. They also told
my boyfriend that they made him aware that there were not to be
visitors in the apartments. This is not true. He told Marsha on the
conference call that she was lying and she did not have any reply.



My Psycho-Therapist Linda Lu did a check- out 10-minute session on me. She said that people might be scared of my energy.



I checked into A.T.I. to receive help with my addictions and emotional
problems. It is recognized as a Non- 12 Step Program. They are supposed
to promote peace, good energy and wellness. I felt the opposite

On Monday July 3, 2006 I found Alternative Treatment International Inc. on the Internet, hoping to get help with my depression and alcohol problems. I called and spoke with the owner, Dr. Meyers on the phone. He said that it was very important for me to come in as soon as possible. He convinced me that his facility could help me, but I had to put down a $2,000 deposit right away to hold my place because they only had a few openings. The total cost of the program was $11,500.

I checked in to Alternative Treatment International Inc. or A.T.I. on Thursday morning July 13th at 10:00 a.m. I was feeling very depressed and tired when I checked in. Dr. Meyers greeted me, he is the person I spoke with on the telephone and I had confided to him about the reason why I wanted to be there. I was then introduced to numerous people that were in a rush and wanting me to sign forms. I then asked in between signing forms, if I could lye down. They allowed me to lye on a wicker sofa in the Meditation Room. I was not feeling well in a physical way. I was tired and severely depressed. I signed forms, dazed and confused, in and out of napping that afternoon.

I met my Therapist, Charles. I deeply told him so much about why I was there and so desperately wanted to resolve my deep issues. He seemed very easy and calm to talk to. I later then met my assigned Psycho- Therapist named Lind Lu.

That afternoon, we (The Group) were loaded into a 10-passenger van and taken to Mac Alpine Place Apartments. This was the living quarters for the facility. It is about a 10-minute drive from A.T.I. It takes about 10-15 minutes to load and unload everyone to each apartment, because the Technicians have to unlock and let everyone into their units. The technicians, are employees of A.T.I. who drive you from destination to destination. They also give medication to each client, supposedly on a schedule.

On the way down to the van, I had to carry my luggage that I had brought down a flight of stairs. A few other patients helped me. I brought one large suitcase and two small carry-ons, along with several tote size bags, and a queen sized Temporpedic Mattress Topper. The Internet pictures had shown queen-size beds in every room, so I thought I would make my 28-day stay comfortable, like my home. When I had spoke to Dr. Meyers on the phone, he said I could bring anything to make myself comfortable. I reconfirmed this conversation by e-mail, and he replied Anything but drugs or alcohol and pets. I was told that I would have help carrying all of my things since the elevators were broken that day.

Being tired and on edge, I shouted out, to a very tall and thin member of the Group, Please be careful, I have sensitive items, like my lap-top or I-pod) in there! He was dragging my luggage, step by step, on the weight of itself. I later become to know this person as Shawn.

As I arrived at the apartment, I was disappointed to see that there was a very small twin bed in my room. I asked the Technician where the bed was that was shown to me on the Internet, and she said, They should change that so it doesn't seem better than it actually is.

I then met Denise, one of the technicians. She searched all my belongings and counted each item. At this time I discovered my suitcase that Shawn carried was ruined.

We all piled backed into the van and headed to the grocery store. They allotted us $70 to buy our food for a week. I notified the technician that I had only $60 in my envelope. She handed another $10 to me. I was familiar with the Publix grocery store food chain, so my shopping was completed within a half hour.

We all headed back to the apartment after sorting out our groceries and returning to our own units. After meeting Chrissy, my roommate, I went to bed. I was feeling very tired and lonely.

I woke up the next morning abruptly hearing a male voice in the apartment yelling what I thought sounded like Meditation! He knocked on my bedroom door and asked again, and I replied No thanks. I fell back asleep for about an hour. I was under the assumption that we started our day at 10 :00 a.m., so that we would be leaving the apartment at 9:45. I wasn't notified of the schedule and hurried to gather my things for the day.

Within 24 hours of checking in, I started to feel ill, including: symptoms of diarrhea, nausea, stomach cramping and vomiting. That day, I made sure the staff aware of my condition. I was looked over quickly, but I did not have my temperature checked, medical recommendations or medication given to me. I kept asking for medication for my diarrhea but they did not have anything on hand. We had to wait till we dropped everyone off before I could go to the pharmacy. Finally, around 7:00 p.m., I was taken to the store and I purchased my own medication. I went to bed feeling even worse. I hardly slept that evening. I was feeling very feverish and the diarrhea was unbearable.

The following day I had to accompany the Group to the beach for the day. My symptoms continued and were getting much worse. They told me I had to go with them whether I was sick or not. The staff kept commenting on how they thought I had withdrawal symptoms. I informed them they were not symptoms from alcohol, that I was really sick. I had to sit out in the sun with a fever and diarrhea all day.

I kept pleading all day with the different technicians on staff to check my temperature. They said that they were not allowed.

After a long day at the beach we returned to the apartments. I was feeling very ill at his time. I was told I had to accompany the Group again to Congo River Crazy Golf that evening.

When we arrived there, I immediately got out of the van and headed to the restroom. I was dizzy and nauseas. I let Robert, one of the technicians, be aware of my condition. He said he had no idea of any of my symptoms.

I asked if I could get my temperature checked. They staff denied me and said all they could do is take me to the Walk-In Clinic. I went to a Clinic with a member of the staff and it was closed.

They said they could take me to the hospital, but I thought maybe I would take my temperature and monitor myself before I were to make my own decision. I thought I could try to tuff it out till the next morning and then go to the Dr's Walk-In Clinic.

I purchased a thermometer from a drug store after pleading with technician several times. My temperature was 101 degrees. I took some Tylenol Cold Liquid hoping my fever would come down. I went to bed at 10:00 p.m.

I woke up at 2:00 a.m. with a temperature of 102.7 degrees. I took a cold shower and checked it again. It was 103.1 degrees. I called a staff member to take me to the emergency room. They said they only had one technician on staff so I would have to go on my own.

I called the technician again. He called a cab for me after I told him how I was feeling. He also said that I was probably going through withdrawal symptoms.

I arrived at the emergency room at around 3:15 a.m. on July 16th, 2006. I was treated immediately with an I.V. and had blood work done by the attending physician.

They diagnosed me with a bacteria infection. The Dr. on staff wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic called Ciprofloxacin to be taken twice a day for 10 days.

The next morning, Denise threatened to have me discharged from the program for my behavior. She said that I shouldn't have checked in there until I De-Toxed. She said I acted rudely to the other clients. I told her I was sorry, that I just wanted to rest and I was very ill. I had only had 5-6 hours of sleep within the past few days. She asked if I had more paperwork form the hospital. I showed her everything I received. She waited the entire morning and half of the afternoon to take me to the pharmacy to get my prescription filled.

The following week the Directors reprimanded me for my actions that I had taken to relieve my sickness. They said I broke the rules by leaving and going to the hospital. I asked them what was the procedure that they had in place for illness. They said You're supposed to be de-toxed before you're here. I explained to them how seriously ill I was and they still thought I was having withdrawal symptoms. They wanted to see more paperwork from the hospital.

I gave them the copy of what the Dr. at the hospital gave me and they kept insisting that there should have been other forms. They were under the assumption that I was holding back information. I told them that the hospital would take a few days to receive the test back on what type of bacteria strain I had.

They had me apologize to the Group for my behavior. I was very sick and tired and I will admit I was a bit bitchy. I felt that I was treated unfairly, but I did as they requested.

Later that week the hospital gave me my results of my bacteria. It was Salmonella bacteria. I was later called by the Health Department and they notified me in how serious the illness was.

No one apologized to me or seemed to care too much.

I continued with my treatment and therapy for the next week. I felt like I was on the right track to my road to recovery.

One of the other Therapists named Susan told me how she thought I was opening up and how she thought I was progressing with the Group. I wished she were my Therapist. I really liked her.

Over my few weeks there, I saw Charles twice and Linda Lu twice for private counseling. It seemed to me like everyone else was getting more private sessions. They said we would have counseling everyday.

That week we also met with an ordanified Monk named Bhanty. He was very interesting and peaceful. I took copious note from his visit.

We had a few other guest speakers that were interesting. There was a Nutritionist, Chiropractor and a Hypto-Thereapist that were also very informative.

On Friday July 28th, 2006 the Directors again in a meeting approached me again, including the Program Director Marsha, Charles, Susan and Linda. Dr. Meyers was not at this meeting either. Apparently I had said something to one of the other clients to upset her. The Directors felt that I was insensitive and that none of the other clients wanted me there. I was completely in disbelief because most of the clients were very nice to me.

How could this be? This place was about spirituality and peace.

The problem was apparently an over dramatized event that had happened the evening before. Denise, the same technician that threatened me before, on our way to pick up my prescription for Nexium, screamed me at. She told me to apologize to Ann for a comment I had made earlier that evening. I had asked Ann in the Van if she realized how loud she was talking in my ear while we were in the van. I told Denise I would talk to Ann and settle it with her on my own. Denise told me that she thought I acted like a Prima Donna and nobody there wanted me there. I told her she needed to calm down and let me work out my own issues. She was furiously screaming at the top of her lungs at me. She threatened to get me removed from the program again. I told her that I was going to file a complaint against her. She then turned around denying me to go to the pharmacy to get my Nexium prescription.

I left a message on the main phone number voice mail for Dr. Meyers to call me. I was threatened again by Denise to be discharged from the program and I needed to talk with someone. I did not receive a response.

I later saw Ann by the pool area and told her I was sorry if I had hurt her feelings. She said she had no problem with me.

I was feeling confused about my choice of this program. I felt like nobody wanted me there and they wanted to get rid of me.

While I was being reprimanded again, we had a conference call with my boyfriend to make him aware of what was happening. They said they would give me a Second Chance and see how the weekend would work out.

Later that day, we had a group session so that everyone could reflect his or her feelings on what had happened. To my surprise, a few clients were upset with me.

One of the Therapist, Susan, stood by me and approached the Group by saying, We are all adults here, if anyone has a problem with Kelly, say it now.

Ann said I did hurt her feelings. I asked her Why didn't you say anything when I asked you? She replied Your right Kelly.

From there another client named Paige screamed said she was tired of my negativity too. I told her I never knew of her anger towards me because I had only met her two days prior. She was apparently upset by the event that happened between Ann and I. In the conversation, I brought up our teachings of what Bhanty the monk had told us the day earlier about peace and calmness. I told her that maybe she has ill feelings toward herself that is why she is directing them someone else. That, someone else was I. She left the room and said she was going to leave the program.

This created an open chain of events for everyone to open up. Shawn said he had listened to my negative comments as well and was there to concentrate on himself. I replied, I am here to work on myself as well. Why didn't you tell me your feelings? I was feeling singled out.

I said Isn't that why we are all here? If you all can't cope with me, how are you going to cope with the world when you are finished with the program?

Then another client Rachel spoke, she said, Your perception is not our reality. I said my perception is what I feel and I am here to resolve my own issues.

I was learning a lot about other people's feelings. Isn't that why I was there? So that I can work through my problems, not be patronized for them?

I felt alone and confused. Everyone was so nice to me before. I had even cooked for the Group several times and thought I bonded with everyone. Even though one of the times I was suppose to be reimbursed by everyone equally and it did not happen, I didn't complain.

I had money missing from my purse and didn't say anything. I thought it was my own fault for trusting others.

I observed the others closely that weekend while taking notes on some of their comments and behavior.

These are some of the things I wrote down in my notepad.

Shelia: It isn't fair how the technicians let Rick and Rachel do things together and not him and I

Ann: They are never on time to pick us up!

Becky: That technician is really creepy! He should be turned in for sexual harassment!

My observance: One of the clients named Sarah gave her phone number to some guy that was playing guitar at a restaurant on the beach that day. The technicians were aware of it. That was supposedly breaking the rules.

Also, over the weekend, despite what everyone had said about me, I tried desperately to make it up to him or her. When my boyfriend visited, he downloaded music on Rachel's I-pod because Sarah had previously erased all her music weeks before.

On Monday morning July 24th, I apparently it didn't live up to their guidelines.

They said that I had broken a rule by having my boyfriend assist me in fixing my laptop in the living quarters. My roommate had her boyfriend in our place the week before, so I thought it was okay. They also told my boyfriend that they made him aware that there were not to be visitors in the apartments. This is not true. He told Marsha on the conference call that she was lying and she did not have any reply.

My Psycho-Therapist Linda Lu did a check- out 10-minute session on me. She said that people might be scared of my energy.

I checked into A.T.I. to receive help with my addictions and emotional problems. It is recognized as a Non- 12 Step Program. They are supposed to promote peace, good energy and wellness. I felt the opposite from some of the staff and the technicians.

I never received information or education on alcoholism or addiction while I was there.

In completion of the program, I was suppose to have an after treatment plan set up for me. Because I was discharged early, I didn't have notice to have any therapy or support group arranged.

On Monday morning July 31st, they asked me to voluntarily leave and I would not. So they asked me to leave on my 19th day of treatment. I was supposed to be there for a 28-day treatment.

I have recently relapsed and I am experiencing greater depression than before I checked in to their program. I am now struggling to overcome this unfortunate decision and continue my life. I have attended A.A. for the first time in my life to aid with my own recovery.

They had no real ground for discharging me. I did not drink or use drugs while I was in there. A few of the clients were emotionally more instable than I and could not get along with me. I do not think anyone should be kicked out of rehab for this. If people are that sensitive, they should be in a sanitarium or some type of other facility.

They wanted me out of there so they could get another victim in them rip them off.

I haven't benefited very much from their program and certainly do not think I should have to pay the full amount.

The owner, Dr. Meyers, would not listen to us or return our phone calls. He is an arrogant and rude businessman that I feel is in the business for profit and not for compassion like they say they are.

I am in process of looking to try and retrieve a partial refund.

I feel they broke their contract with me and did not deliver what they promised to do. In summary, I feel I should not pay for the entire treatment. I did not receive the full commitment from them because:

1. They denied me medical attention for my illnesses twice
2. Constantly tried to get me to leave the program instead of helping me.
3. They never addressed root of alcoholism addiction.
4. Didn't have living quarters as promised.
5. They created self- doubt in myself more so then when I checked in.
6. They did not set up any after care program for me.

Global Warming, as we think we know it, doesn't exist. And I am not the only one trying to make people open up their eyes and see the truth. But few listen, despite the fact that I was one of the first Canadian Ph.Ds. in Climatology and I have an extensive background in climatology, especially the reconstruction of past climates and the impact of climate change on human history and the human condition. Few listen, even though I have a Ph.D, (Doctor of Science) from the University of London, England and was a climatology professor at the University of Winnipeg. For some reason (actually for many), the World is not listening. Here is why.

What would happen if tomorrow we were told that, after all, the Earth is flat? It would probably be the most important piece of news in the media and would generate a lot of debate. So why is it that when scientists who have studied the Global Warming phenomenon for years say that humans are not the cause nobody listens? Why does no one acknowledge that the Emperor has no clothes on?

Believe it or not, Global Warming is not due to human contribution of Carbon Dioxide (CO2). This in fact is the greatest deception in the history of science. We are wasting time, energy and trillions of dollars while creating unnecessary fear and consternation over an issue with no scientific justification. For example, Environment Canada brags about spending $3.7 billion in the last five years dealing with climate change almost all on propaganda trying to defend an indefensible scientific position while at the same time closing weather stations and failing to meet legislated pollution targets.

No sensible person seeks conflict, especially with governments, but if we don't pursue the truth, we are lost as individuals and as a society. That is why I insist on saying that there is no evidence that we are, or could ever cause global climate change. And, recently, Yuri A. Izrael, Vice President of the United Nations sponsored Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) confirmed this statement. So how has the world come to believe that something is wrong?

Maybe for the same reason we believed, 30 years ago, that global cooling was the biggest threat: a matter of faith. "It is a cold fact: the Global Cooling presents humankind with the most important social, political, and adaptive challenge we have had to deal with for ten thousand years. Your stake in the decisions we make concerning it is of ultimate importance; the survival of ourselves, our children, our species," wrote Lowell Ponte in 1976.

I was as opposed to the threats of impending doom global cooling engendered as I am to the threats made about Global Warming. Let me stress I am not denying the phenomenon has occurred. The world has warmed since 1680, the nadir of a cool period called the Little Ice Age (LIA) that has generally continued to the present. These climate changes are well within natural variability and explained quite easily by changes in the sun. But there is nothing unusual going on.

Since I obtained my doctorate in climatology from the University of London, Queen Mary College, England my career has spanned two climate cycles. Temperatures declined from 1940 to 1980 and in the early 1970's global cooling became the consensus. This proves that consensus is not a scientific fact. By the 1990's temperatures appeared to have reversed and Global Warming became the consensus. It appears I'll witness another cycle before retiring, as the major mechanisms and the global temperature trends now indicate a cooling.

No doubt passive acceptance yields less stress, fewer personal attacks and makes career progress easier. What I have experienced in my personal life during the last years makes me understand why most people choose not to speak out; job security and fear of reprisals. Even in University, where free speech and challenge to prevailing wisdoms are supposedly encouraged, academics remain silent.

I once received a three page letter that my lawyer defined as libellous, from an academic colleague, saying I had no right to say what I was saying, especially in public lectures. Sadly, my experience is that universities are the most dogmatic and oppressive places in our society. This becomes progressively worse as they receive more and more funding from governments that demand a particular viewpoint.

In another instance, I was accused by Canadian environmentalist David Suzuki of being paid by oil companies. That is a lie. Apparently he thinks if the fossil fuel companies pay you have an agenda. So if Greenpeace, Sierra Club or governments pay there is no agenda and only truth and enlightenment?

Personal attacks are difficult and shouldn't occur in a debate in a civilized society. I can only consider them from what they imply. They usually indicate a person or group is losing the debate. In this case, they also indicate how political the entire Global Warming debate has become. Both underline the lack of or even contradictory nature of the evidence.

I am not alone in this journey against the prevalent myth. Several well-known names have also raised their voices. Michael Crichton, the scientist, writer and filmmaker is one of them. In his latest book, "State of Fear" he takes time to explain, often in surprising detail, the flawed science behind Global Warming and other imagined environmental crises.

Another cry in the wildenerness is Richard Lindzen's. He is an atmospheric physicist and a professor of meteorology at MIT, renowned for his research in dynamic meteorology - especially atmospheric waves. He is also a member of the National Academy of Sciences and has held positions at the University of Chicago, Harvard University and MIT. Linzen frequently speaks out against the notion that significant Global Warming is caused by humans. Yet nobody seems to listen.

I think it may be because most people don't understand the scientific method which Thomas Kuhn so skilfully and briefly set out in his book "The Structure of Scientific Revolutions." A scientist makes certain assumptions and then produces a theory which is only as valid as the assumptions. The theory of Global Warming assumes that CO2 is an atmospheric greenhouse gas and as it increases temperatures rise. It was then theorized that since humans were producing more CO2 than before, the temperature would inevitably rise. The theory was accepted before testing had started, and effectively became a law.

As Lindzen said many years ago: "the consensus was reached before the research had even begun." Now, any scientist who dares to question the prevailing wisdom is marginalized and called a sceptic, when in fact they are simply being good scientists. This has reached frightening levels with these scientists now being called climate change denier with all the holocaust connotations of that word. The normal scientific method is effectively being thwarted.

Meanwhile, politicians are being listened to, even though most of them have no knowledge or understanding of science, especially the science of climate and climate change. Hence, they are in no position to question a policy on climate change when it threatens the entire planet. Moreover, using fear and creating hysteria makes it very difficult to make calm rational decisions about issues needing attention.

Until you have challenged the prevailing wisdom you have no idea how nasty people can be. Until you have re-examined any issue in an attempt to find out all the information, you cannot know how much misinformation exists in the supposed age of information.

I was greatly influenced several years ago by Aaron Wildavsky's book "Yes, but is it true?" The author taught political science at a New York University and realized how science was being influenced by and apparently misused by politics. He gave his graduate students an assignment to pursue the science behind a policy generated by a highly publicised environmental concern. To his and their surprise they found there was little scientific evidence, consensus and justification for the policy. You only realize the extent to which Wildavsky's findings occur when you ask the question he posed. Wildavsky's students did it in the safety of academia and with the excuse that it was an assignment. I have learned it is a difficult question to ask in the real world, however I firmly believe it is the most important question to ask if we are to advance in the right direction.

Two rosy-cheeked children stand at the top of a long hill as the glow of the winter sunset lights up the snow covered country-side.  "It's time to go home" says my sister.  She is the eldest.  After one more exhilarating trip on the sled, we plod homeward through the deep snow.  The light from an oil lamp shines from an upstairs window of our home.  We stamp the snow from our boots and rush in to the warmth of the coal stove which is supposed to heat up­stairs as well.  "Hello dearies," calls Mother from above, "get your wet things off." 

"Where's Father?" I ask, having gotten a whiff of sausage cooking through the kitchen door and thinking of supper. 

"He went down to the swamp," replies Mother. "He should be home soon." 

Father is an Episcopal minister and his work takes him over long drives on bad roads.  His parishioners are limited in number, but his friends are many, for to him race, creed, or social position make no difference. It is not long before he drives up in the old buggy. Both he and old Maud are glad to get home. The drive was long and cold but he was thankful for the hot bricks which some thoughtful person had given him for his feet.  Soon supper is on the table.  Father says grace, which delays my attack on the buckwheat cakes and sausage. What an appetite!

A big setter lies asleep near the stove. He begins to make q***r sounds and his feet twitch.  What is he after in his dreams?  More cakes and sausage. At last I am filled. Father goes to his study to write some let­ters.  Mother plays the piano and we sing.  Father finishes his letters and we all join in several exciting games of Parcheesi.  Then Father is persuaded to read aloud some more of "The Rose and the Ring."

    Bed-time comes.  I climb to my room in the attic. It is cold so there is no delay. I crawl under a pile of blankets and blow out the candle. The wind is rising and howls around the house. But I am safe and warm. I fall into a dreamless sleep. 

I am in church. Father is delivering his sermon. A wasp is crawling up the back of the lady in front of me. I wonder if it will reach her neck.  Shucks!  It has flown away. h*o, hum, maybe the watermelons are ripe in Mr. Jones patch. That's an idea! Benny will know, but Mr. Jones will not know what happened to some of them, if they are. At last! The message has been delivered. 

"Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works-."  I hunt for my nickel to drop in the plate so that mine will be seen. 

Father comes forward in the chancel of the church. "The peace of God which passes all understanding, keep your hearts and minds-." Hooray!  Just a hymn and then church will be over until next week!

I am in another fellow's room at college.  "Fresh­man," said he to me, "do you ever take a drink?"  I hesitated.  Father had never directly spoken to me about drinking and he never drank any, so far as I knew. Mother hated liquor and feared a drunken man.  Her brother had been a drinker and had died in a state hospital for the insane. But his life was unmentionable, so far as I was concerned. I had never had a drink but I had seen enough merriment in the boys who were drinking to be interested.  I would never be like the village drunkard at home.  How a lot of people de­spised him!  Just a weakling! 

"Well," said the older boy, "Do you?" 

"Once in a while," I lied. I could not let him think I was a sissy. 

    He poured out two drinks. "Here's looking at you," said he. I gulped it down and choked. I didn't like it, but I would not say so. No, never!  A mellow glow stole over me.  Say!  This wasn't so bad after all. In fact, it was darn good.  Sure I'd have another.  The glow increased.  Other boys came in.  My tongue loosened.  Everyone laughed loudly.  I was witty.  I had no inferiorities.  Why, I wasn't even ashamed of my skinny legs! This was the real thing! 

A haze filled the room. The electric light began to move.  Then two bulbs appeared.  The faces of the other boys grew dim. How sick I felt. I staggered to the bathroom.  Shouldn't have drunk so much or so fast. But I knew how to handle it now. I'd drink like a gentleman after this.

 And so I met John Barleycorn.  The grand fellow who at my call made me "a hale fellow, well met," who gave me such a fine voice, as we sang "Hail, hail, the gang's all here," and "Sweet Adeline," who gave me freedom from fear and feelings of inferiority.  Good old John! He was my pal, all right. 

Final exams of my senior year and I may somehow graduate. I would never have tried, but Mother counts on it so. A case of measles saved me from being kicked out during my Sophomore year.  Bells, bells, bells! Class, library, laboratory!  Am I tired! 

But the end is in sight. My last and an easy one. I gaze at the board with its questions. Can't remember the answer to the first.  Ill try the second.  No soap there. Say this is getting serious!  I don't seem to remember anything.  I concentrate on one of the questions. I don't seem to be able to keep my mind on what I am doing. I get uneasy. If I don't get started soon, won't have time to finish. No use. I can't think. 

Oh!  An idea,  I leave the room, which the honor system allows.  I go to my room.  I pour out half a tumbler of grain alcohol and fill it with ginger ale. Oh, boy! Now back to the exam. My pen moves rapidly. I know enough of the answers to get by.  Good old John Barleycorn!  He can certainly be depended on. What a wonderful power he has over the mind!  He has given me my diploma! 

Underweight!  How I hate that word.  Three attempts to enlist in the service, and three failures because of being skinny. True, I have recently recovered from pneumonia and have an alibi, but my friends are in the war, or going, and I am not.  To hell with it all!  I visit a friend who is awaiting orders. The atmosphere of "eat, drink, and be merry" prevails and I absorb it. I drink a lot every night.  I can hold a lot now, more than the others.

I am examined for the draft and pass the physical exam. What a dirty deal!  Drafted!  The shame of it. I am to go to camp on November  13th. The Armistice is signed on the 11th and the draft is called off. Never in the service!  The war leaves me with a pair of blankets, a toilet kit, a sweater knit by my sister, and a still greater inferiority. 

It is ten o'clock of a Saturday night. I am working hard on the books of a subsidiary company of a large corporation.  I have had experience in selling, collecting, and accounting, and am on my way up the ladder. 

Then the crack-up. Cotton struck the skids and col­lections went cold.  A twenty three million dollar surplus wiped out. Offices closed up and workers discharged.  I, and the books of my division have been transferred to the head office. I have no assistance and am working nights, Saturdays and Sundays. My salary has been cut. My wife and new baby are fortunately staying with relatives. What a life!  I feel exhausted. The doctor has told me that if I don't give up inside work, I'll have tuberculosis. But what am I to do?  I have a family to support and have no time to be looking for another job.

Oh, well. I reach for the bottle which I just got from George, the elevator boy. 

I am a traveling salesman. The day is over and busi­ness has been not so good. I'11 go to bed. I wish I were home with the family and not in this dingy hotel. 

Well-well-look who's here!  Good old Charlie! It's great to see him. How's the boy? A drink?  You bet your life!  We buy a gallon of "corn" because it is so cheap. Yet I am fairly steady when I go to bed. 

Morning comes. I feel horribly. A little drink will put me on my feet.  But it takes others to keep me there. 

I see some prospects. I am too miserable to care if they give me an order or not. My breath would knock out a mule, I learn from a friend. Back at the hotel and more to drink.  I come to early in the morning.  My mind is fairly clear, but inwardly I am undergoing torture.  My nerves are screaming in agony. I go to the drug store and it is not open. I wait. Minutes are interminable.  Will the store never open?  At last!  I hurry in.  The druggist fixes me up a bromide.  I go back to the hotel and lie down.  I wait.  I am going crazy.  The bromides have no effect.  I get a doctor. He gives me a hypodermic. Blessed peace! 

And I blame this experience on the quality of the liquor.

I am a real estate salesman. "What is the price of that house," I ask the head of the firm I work for. He names me a price.  Then he says, "That is what the builders are asking, but we will add on $500.00 and split it, if you can close the deal."  The prospect signs the contract for the full amount.  My boss buys the property and sells to the prospect.  I get my commission and $250.00 extra and everything is Jake. But is it? Something is sour. So let's have a drink! 

I become a teacher in a boy's school. I am happy in my work. I like the boys and we have lots of fun, in class and out. 

An unhappy mother comes to me about her boy, for she knows I am fond of him.  They expected him to get high marks and he has not the ability to do it. So he altered his report card through fear of his father. And his dishonesty has been discovered.  Why are there so many foolish parents, and why is there so much unhappiness in these homes? 

The doctors bills are heavy and the bank account is low.  My wife's parents come to our assistance.  I am filled with hurt pride and self-pity.  I seem to get no sympathy for my illness and have no appreciation of the love behind the gift. 

I call the boot-legger and fill up my charred keg. But I do not wait for the charred keg to work.  I get drunk.  My wife is extremely unhappy.  Her father comes to sit with me. He never says an unkind word. He is a real friend but I do not appreciate him. 

We are staying with my wife's father. Her mother is in critical condition at a hospital. The wind is moan­ing in the pine trees. I cannot sleep. I must get myself together. I sneak down stairs and get a bottle of whiskey from the cellaret. I pour drinks down my throat. My father-in-law appears. "Have a drink?" I ask. He makes no reply, and hardly seems to see me. His wife dies that night.

Mother has been dying of cancer for a long time. She is near the end and now in a hospital. I have been drinking a lot, but never get drunk. Mother must never know. I see her about to go. 

I return to the hotel where I am staying and get gin from the bell-boy. I drink and go to bed; I take a few the next morning and go see my mother once more. I cannot stand it. I go back to the hotel and get more gin. I drink steadily. I come to at three in the morn­ing. The indescribable torture has me again. I turn on the light. I must get out of the room or I shall jump out of the window.  I walk miles.  No use.  I go to the hospital, where I have made friends with the night superintendent. She puts me to bed and gives me a hypodermic. Oh, wonderful peace! 

Mother and Father die the same year. What is life all about anyway?  The world is crazy. Read the news­papers. Everything is a racket. Education is a racket. Medicine is a racket. Religion is a racket. How could there be a loving God who would allow so much suffering and sorrow?  Bah!  Don't talk to me about religion.  For what were my children ever born?  I wish I were dead!

I am at the hospital to see my wife. We have another child. But she is not glad to see me. I have been drinking while the baby was arriving. Her father stays with her. 

My parents estates are settled at last.  I have some money.  I'll try farming. It will be a good life.  I'll farm on a large scale and make a good thing of it. But the deluge descends. Lack of judgment, bad management, a hurricane, and the depression create debts in ever-increasing number.  But the stills are operating throughout the country-side. 

It is a cold, bleak day in November. I have fought hard to stop drinking. Each battle has ended in defeat. I tell my wife I cannot stop drinking. She begs me to go to a hospital for alcoholics which has been recom­mended. I say I will go. She makes the arrangements, but I will not go. I'll do it all myself. This time I'm off of it for good. I'll just take a few beers now and then. 

It is the last day of the following October, a dark, rainy morning. I come to in a pile of hay in a barn. I look for liquor and can't find any. I wander to a stable and drink five bottles of beer. I must get some liquor.  Suddenly I feel hopeless, unable to go on. I go home. My wife is in the living room. She had looked for me last evening after I left the car and wondered off into' last evening after I left the car and wandered off into' the night.  She had looked for me this morning. She has reached the end of her rope. There is no use trying any more, for there is nothing to try. "Don't say any­thing," I say to her. "I am going to do something."

Four alcoholics play bridge in a smoke-filled room. Anything to get my mind from myself. The game is over and the other three leave. I start to clean up the debris.  One man comes back, closing the door behind him. 

He looks at me. "You think you are hopeless, don't you?" he asks. 

"I know it," I reply.

"Well, you're not," says the man.  "There are men on the streets of New York today who were worse than you, and they don't drink anymore." "What are you doing here then?" I ask. 

"I went out of here nine days ago saying that I was going to be honest, and I wasn't." he answers. 

A fanatic, I thought to myself, but I was polite. "What is it? I inquire.

Then he asks me if I believe in a power greater than myself, whether I call that power God, Allah, Confucius, Prime Cause, Divine Mind, or any other name. I told him that I believe in electricity and other forces of nature, but as for a God, if there is one, He has never done anything for me. Then he asks me if I am willing to right all the wrongs I have ever done to anyone, no matter how wrong I thought they were. Am I willing to be honest with myself about myself and tell someone about myself, and am I willing to think of other people and of their needs instead of myself; to get rid of the drink problem?

"Then all of your troubles are over" says the man and leaves the room. The man is in bad mental shape certainly. I pick up a book and try to read, but cannot concentrate. I get in bed and turn out the light. But I cannot sleep. Suddenly a thought comes. Can all the worthwhile people I have known be wrong about God? Then I find myself thinking about myself, and a few things that I had wanted to forget. I begin to see I am not the person I had thought myself, that I had judged myself by comparing myself to others, and always to my own advantage. It is a shock. 

Then comes a thought that is like A Voice.  "Who are you to say there is no God?" It rings in my head, I can't get rid of it. 

I get out of bed and go to the man's room.  He is reading. "I must ask you a question, I say to the man. "How does prayer fit into this thing?" 

"Well," he answers, "you've probably tried praying like I have.  When you've been in a jam you've said, 'God, please do this or that' and if it turned out your way that was the last of it and if it didn't you've said 'There isn't any God' or 'He doesn't do anything forme'. Is that right?"

      "Yes" I reply. 

"That isn't the way" he continued.  "The thing I do is to say 'God here I am and here are all my troubles. I've made a mess of things and can't do anything about it. You take me, and all my troubles, and do anything you want with me.' Does that answer your question?" 

"Yes, it does" I answer. I return to bed. It doesn't make sense. Suddenly I feel a wave of utter hopeless­ness sweep over me. I am in the bottom of hell. And there a tremendous hope is born. It might be true. 

I tumble out of bed onto my knees.  I know not what I say. But slowly a great peace comes to me. I feel lifted up. I believe in God. I crawl back into bed and sleep like a child. 

Some men and women come to visit my friend of the night before. He invites me to meet them. They are a joyous crowd. I have never seen people that joyous before. We talk. I tell them of the Peace, and that I believe in God. I think of my wife. I must write her. One girl suggests that I phone her. What a wonderful idea. 

My wife hears my voice and knows I have found the answer to life. She comes to New York. I get out of the hospital and we visit some of these new-found friends. What a glorious time we have! 

I am home again. I have lost the fellowship. Those that understand me are far away. The same old problems and worries surround me. Members of my family annoy me. Nothing seems to be working out right. I am blue and unhappy. Maybe a drink-l put on my hat and dash off in the car.

 Get into the lives of other people, is one thing the fel­lows in New York had said.  I go to see a man I had been asked to visit and tell him my story. I feel much better!  I have forgotten about a drink. 

I am on a train, headed for a city.  I have left my wife at home, sick, and I have been unkind to her in leaving.  I am very unhappy.  Maybe a few drinks when I get to the city will help. A great fear seizes me. I talk to the stranger in the seat with me. The fear and the insane idea is taken away. 

Things are not going so well at home. I am learning that I cannot have my own way as I used to. I blame my wife and children. Anger possesses me, anger such as I have never felt before.  I will not stand for it.  I pack my bag and leave.  I stay with understanding friends. 

I see where I have been wrong in some respects.  I do not feel angry any more. I return home and say I am sorry for my wrong. I am quiet again. But I have not seen yet that I should do some constructive acts of love without expecting any return.  I shall learn this after some more explosions.

I am blue again.  I want to sell the place and move away. I want to get where I can find some alcoholics to help, and where I can have some fellowship.  A man calls me on the phone. Will I take a young fellow who has been drinking for two weeks to live with me? Soon I have others who are alcoholics and some who have other problems.

 I begin to play God. I feel that I can fix them all. I do not fix anyone, but I am getting part of a tremendous education and I have made some new friends. 

Nothing is right. Finances are in bad shape. I must find a way to make some money. The family seems to think of nothing but spending.  People annoy me.  I try to read. I try to pray. Gloom surrounds me. Why has God left me? I mope around the house. I will not go out and I will not enter into anything. What is the matter?  I cannot understand. I will not be that way. 

I'11 get drunk!  It is a cold-blooded idea. It is pre­meditated.  I fix up a little apartment over the garage with books and drinking water. I am going to town to get some liquor and food. I shall not drink until I get back to the apartment. Then I shall lock myself in and read. And as I read, I shall take little drinks at long in­tervals. I shall get myself "mellow" and stay that way. 

I get in the car and drive off.  Halfway down the driveway a thought strikes me. I'11 be honest anyway. 1'11 tell my wife what I am going to do. I back up to the door and go into the house.  I call my wife into a room where we can talk privately.  I tell her quietly what I intend to do.  She says nothing. She does not get excited. She maintains a perfect calm.

When I am through speaking, the whole idea has become absurd. Not a trace of fear is in me. I laugh at the insanity of it. We talk of other things. Strength has come from weakness. 

I cannot see the cause of this temptation now.  But I am to learn later that it began with the desire for my own material success becoming greater than the interest in the welfare of my fellow man. I learn more of that foundation stone of character, which is honesty. 1 learn that when we act upon the highest conception of hon­esty which is given us, our sense of honesty becomes more acute. 

I learn that honesty is truth, and the truth shall make us free! 

Sensuality, drunkenness, and worldliness satisfy a man for a time, but their power is a decreasing one.  God produces harmony in those who receive His Spirit and follow Its dictates. 

Today as I become more harmonized within, I be­come more in tune with all of God's wonderful creation. The singing of the birds, the sighing of the wind, the patter of raindrops, the roll of thunder, the laughter of happy children,

This place is mind f---ing at its finest. The owners and employees are not adequately educated to deal with the problems they advertise they expertise in. Not only do they claim to be specialists in treating alcohol and drug additions, but they also have vested interest in dealing with sexual addtions,gambling, eating disorders, pain management due to surgery, and according to their words quoted in the South Fl. Business Journal, they also specialize in anxiety, depression, bipolar disorders, and hurricane relief. As a client, you are mixed in with people who have all these types of additions and disorders, and everyone participates in the same schedule, no matter what their problem. There is plenty of negative talk about the consequences of your addition/behaviors, like death or insanity, but coping skills after your departure from this "safe haven" are not taught. This is why they have as high suicide rate of their former clients. (while I was there, in June 2009, a young man killed himself after only two weeks of leaving G & G.. They estimate that there is at least 8 client suicides a year that are reported).

There are constant NA and AA meetings throughout the day, accompanied by the staff counseling meetings,from approximately 7 am to 9:30 pm daily.. The majority of personnel are recovering addicts and have no business counseling their "clients." These employees also illegally disburse prescribed medications, not possessing a license to do so, and frequently make errors in doing so resulting in many "clients" having to be hospitalized.

The living accomodations, an outdated motel in a questional part of North Miami are outdated and unsanitary. There is a sewage problem which results in an odor permiating the facility, a problem with sand fleas (bed bugs), inadequate electrical supply, and fire hazards. The food is not organic nor is it prepared by chefs, as is advertised. You are fed from styrofoam containers with plastic forks and knives. Hardly indicative of a "holistic
" facility. You are made to listen to an eerie tune which is piped throughout the intercom system that one owner, John Giordano claims to have subliminal messages. You are constantly being sold on "Phase II" of your program which is over and above your initial 28 days, which they will personally finance for you. They will also send a representative to your home, no matter how far, to conduct an intervention on your troubled loved one and personally escort them back to G & G. Although they claim to be wheelchair accessible they are not. Each morning you are given a vitamin/amino acid drink, to supposedly balance your brain chemistry (the personnel who is passing it out has no idea what's in these concotions, but strongly advise you to drink it - let me remind you that everyone's nutrtional needs are different as well as everyone's brain chemistry).

Your privacy and dignity are stripped. Employees constantly rummage through your belongings in your absence, and enter your room about 6 times during your sleep time, if you are fortunate to be able to sleep.

Detox, Highpoint, is a joke. You are not detoxed there, just changed to a medication similar to what you were on. You are told you would be in the detox facility for 7 - 10 days, but it is simply a holding facility for Holistics, until they have a bed for you which usually takes 2 to 5 days. I arrived at Highpoint on Saturday and was at at Holistics on Tuesday. Holistics claims they are not affiliated with Highpoint, but funny how their chief psychiatrist, Dr. Stephen Kahn, lists this address as his place of practice, not Holistics .Holistics is where your detoxification occurs, when you are cold turkeyed from all of your medications. Many clients become so ill that they are hospitalized and/or sent back to the detox center.

I am am 54 professional woman/mother who was told I would be with others similar to myself. The average age of the clients is 18-25, most with sever drug problems and a few sexual addicts thrown in the mix. My habit was wine, 2 to 4 glasses daily. I was also on a small dosage of Klonopin, a popular prescibed anti-anxiety drug as I was diagnosed with anxiety-panic disorder as a teenager. I should have never been taken off this medication at all, especially as abrubtly as I was. I became deathly ill due to a drug interaction from medications prescribed by their psychiatrist. I was not hospitalized, as I should have been, but just led to bed by a staff member who told me I was suffering from an anxiety attack, which I was not.

My entire experience lasted only 11 days, for which my insurance and I paid approximately $27,000.00 I will fight for the reimbursement, As for my drinking problem, I was scared straight, but I am again on anti-anxiety medication. Don't let this happen to you. Oh yes, one of the owners is a convicted fellon. Read all about it -http://neuro.law.cornell.edu/nyctap/search/display.html?terms=fines&url+nyctap/195_0309.htm. He is underhanded, uncompassionate and after your money. This is really worth your search, it was a "family" business, if you know what I mean.

Lastly, you should know that G & G has 100's of search engines and domain names, leading to the same sales office. Just google any addiction, disorder, or behavioral problem, and you'll find G & G Holistics.

I spent over 50 thousand dollars trying to get my son the help he needed with his addiction after this company mislead me into believing they were a christian organization. My son relapsed while in their supervision which by the way was very laxed. Their sale tactics are misleading and their services a very low in quality. they recently let go of the only counselor worth the money that they had. their leadership is very evasive when someone in distress is trying to get in touch with them.

after my son's first relapse, they convince me to pay another 10thousand dollars for the same terrible program and then they sent him to their Transitional program which by the way was a big frat house with parties going on all the time. no supervison. their dual diagnosis claim is a fraud and they do not actually provide on site medical or psychiatric care, they contract professionals who only come in once a week not like hey promised on the phone. I spoke to many other parents while visiting my son who were equally upset for being ripped off by this company. I hope others read this report before throwing their money away Pacific Hills Treatment Center
is a major rip off.

The so-called "counselor" is working on her BS degree, however she does not even have her Associate degree yet! Well, then I'm working on my PhD! At lease I HAVE my Associate's degree!

These people think they can extend clients when they call in sick to an appointment because they claim you called too late. When I produced my telephone records to prove I called in on time, they ignored it and told me to come to two more meetings!! Vicki said "What's the big deal? It's only two more meetings!" I guess when you drive a Mercedes like she does, $50.00 is not a big deal, but it is to me!

How many others are they ripping off and telling them they need to make more meetings? They are falsifying records and making $50.00 each time they do it!
My advise to everyone who goes here...KEEP TRACK YOU YOUR MEETINGS AND WHEN YOU CALL IN SICK BECAUSE THEY WILL SCREW WITH YOU AND YOUR MONEY!

I was employed by the W.P.B. Treatment Center, a Methadone clinic from October of 2004 until February of 2007. I am 63 years old. In January, I gave the Program Director a copy of my appointments at the VA Medical Center where they had just diagnosed me with Neuropathy. Since I got off work at 2 PM, the majority of my appointments were made after 2 PM.

Shortly thereafter, I got a horrible evaluation from the P.D. She also wrote me up and in the past I had all good evaluations and never had a write-up. So, I felt like she was starting her attempt to fire me. I wrote a letter to the CEO of the company in Orlando, Mark Gallagher. Never heard a word from him. Then I wrote to the Regional Director and she called and said she would be in our office in a few weeks.

I therefore come under the title of a "whistle-blower" and from what I understand, you are not supposed to be fired if you file a complaint of being treated unfairly. Keep in mind, I was the oldest employee there in terms of age and service. People came in and out of there left and right. I had 73 patients, more than anyone else, did intakes twice per week, did the ordering of all the forms, and a host of other duties. They said my charts were not up to date. No one's charts were up to date since we did not have enough time to do them.

The Regional Director, Sandy Nicodemus, came to our offices and met with me for about 5 minutes and fired me. I got a lawyer who filed an age discrimination complaint against Colonial. Since that time, I heard from a patient that the Program Director admitted to him that I'd still be there if it hadn't been for the R.D. The Regional Director called her up after I sent out my letter to her and the CEO and told her, "Fire the b*****d!" In the meantime, she also fired the Program Director. This woman is out of her mind. The company also doesn't care because employees come and go, but at least I cared enough to stay and was concerned about not being able to get another job at my age. I have been unemployed since February and am now a month behind in my mortgage.

Hopefully my lawyer will be able to deal with these animals more effectively than me.

Coastal Harbour has notoriously for the last twenty years been horrible about paying their bills. They love to contract new work but when it's time to pay the bill.... The accounts payable
girl is NEVER working.

Years ago, I worked for an automotive bodyshop. We painted two new vans for Coastal Harbour. The morning the vans were to be delivered to Coastal Harbour, I happened to see in the newspaper that Coastal Harbour was going bankrupt. So, when the director calls me and asks could they make payments on the paintjobs, I had to say no. He then accused me of being SHORT with him.

That was fifteen years ago. Now, We own a construction company. We have sunk THOUSANDS into materials for Coastal Harbour. We were told a year ago, the Accounts Payable girl only cuts checks on Wednesday. Then it rolls into Thursday, because she never got them out on Wednesday. Now, It's Thursday...and She didn't get TIME to write our check.

Thanks Coastal Harbour, We will go hungry tonight, due to your "policies". Next time you want to contract a new job, your work will be provided with the same enthusiasm in which you pay your bills.

HOW can you prove these rediculous accusations? On Monday July 3, 2006 I found Alternative Treatment International Inc. on the Internet, hoping to get help with my depression and alcohol problems. I called and spoke with the owner, Dr. Meyers on the phone. He said that it was very important for me to come in as soon as possible. He convinced me that his facility could help me, but I had to put down a $2,000 deposit right away to hold my place because they only had a few openings. The total cost of the program was $11,500.

I checked in to Alternative Treatment International Inc. or A.T.I. on Thursday morning July 13th at 10:00 a.m. I was feeling very depressed and tired when I checked in. Dr. Meyers greeted me, he is the person I spoke with on the telephone and I had confided to him about the reason why I wanted to be there. I was then introduced to numerous people that were in a rush and wanting me to sign forms. I then asked in between signing forms, if I could lye down. They allowed me to lye on a wicker sofa in the Meditation Room. I was not feeling well in a physical way. I was tired and severely depressed. I signed forms, dazed and confused, in and out of napping that afternoon.

I met my Therapist, Charles. I deeply told him so much about why I was there and so desperately wanted to resolve my deep issues. He seemed very easy and calm to talk to. I later then met my assigned Psycho- Therapist named Lind Lu.

That afternoon, we (The Group) were loaded into a 10-passenger van and taken to Mac Alpine Place Apartments. This was the living quarters for the facility. It is about a 10-minute drive from A.T.I. It takes about 10-15 minutes to load and unload everyone to each apartment, because the Technicians have to unlock and let everyone into their units. The technicians, are employees of A.T.I. who drive you from destination to destination. They also give medication to each client, supposedly on a schedule.

On the way down to the van, I had to carry my luggage that I had brought down a flight of stairs. A few other patients helped me. I brought one large suitcase and two small carry-ons, along with several tote size bags, and a queen sized Temporpedic Mattress Topper. The Internet pictures had shown queen-size beds in every room, so I thought I would make my 28-day stay comfortable, like my home. When I had spoke to Dr. Meyers on the phone, he said I could bring anything to make myself comfortable. I reconfirmed this conversation by e-mail, and he replied Anything but drugs or alcohol and pets. I was told that I would have help carrying all of my things since the elevators were broken that day.

Being tired and on edge, I shouted out, to a very tall and thin member of the Group, Please be careful, I have sensitive items, like my lap-top or I-pod) in there! He was dragging my luggage, step by step, on the weight of itself. I later become to know this person as Shawn.

As I arrived at the apartment, I was disappointed to see that there was a very small twin bed in my room. I asked the Technician where the bed was that was shown to me on the Internet, and she said, They should change that so it doesn't seem better than it actually is.

I then met Denise, one of the technicians. She searched all my belongings and counted each item. At this time I discovered my suitcase that Shawn carried was ruined.

We all piled backed into the van and headed to the grocery store. They allotted us $70 to buy our food for a week. I notified the technician that I had only $60 in my envelope. She handed another $10 to me. I was familiar with the Publix grocery store food chain, so my shopping was completed within a half hour.

We all headed back to the apartment after sorting out our groceries and returning to our own units. After meeting Chrissy, my roommate, I went to bed. I was feeling very tired and lonely.

I woke up the next morning abruptly hearing a male voice in the apartment yelling what I thought sounded like Meditation! He knocked on my bedroom door and asked again, and I replied No thanks. I fell back asleep for about an hour. I was under the assumption that we started our day at 10 :00 a.m., so that we would be leaving the apartment at 9:45. I wasn't notified of the schedule and hurried to gather my things for the day.

Within 24 hours of checking in, I started to feel ill, including: symptoms of diarrhea, nausea, stomach cramping and vomiting. That day, I made sure the staff aware of my condition. I was looked over quickly, but I did not have my temperature checked, medical recommendations or medication given to me. I kept asking for medication for my diarrhea but they did not have anything on hand. We had to wait till we dropped everyone off before I could go to the pharmacy. Finally, around 7:00 p.m., I was taken to the store and I purchased my own medication. I went to bed feeling even worse. I hardly slept that evening. I was feeling very feverish and the diarrhea was unbearable.

The following day I had to accompany the Group to the beach for the day. My symptoms continued and were getting much worse. They told me I had to go with them whether I was sick or not. The staff kept commenting on how they thought I had withdrawal symptoms. I informed them they were not symptoms from alcohol, that I was really sick. I had to sit out in the sun with a fever and diarrhea all day.

I kept pleading all day with the different technicians on staff to check my temperature. They said that they were not allowed.

After a long day at the beach we returned to the apartments. I was feeling very ill at his time. I was told I had to accompany the Group again to Congo River Crazy Golf that evening.

When we arrived there, I immediately got out of the van and headed to the restroom. I was dizzy and nauseas. I let Robert, one of the technicians, be aware of my condition. He said he had no idea of any of my symptoms.

I asked if I could get my temperature checked. They staff denied me and said all they could do is take me to the Walk-In Clinic. I went to a Clinic with a member of the staff and it was closed.

They said they could take me to the hospital, but I thought maybe I would take my temperature and monitor myself before I were to make my own decision. I thought I could try to tuff it out till the next morning and then go to the Dr's Walk-In Clinic.

I purchased a thermometer from a drug store after pleading with technician several times. My temperature was 101 degrees. I took some Tylenol Cold Liquid hoping my fever would come down. I went to bed at 10:00 p.m.

I woke up at 2:00 a.m. with a temperature of 102.7 degrees. I took a cold shower and checked it again. It was 103.1 degrees. I called a staff member to take me to the emergency room. They said they only had one technician on staff so I would have to go on my own.

I called the technician again. He called a cab for me after I told him how I was feeling. He also said that I was probably going through withdrawal symptoms.

I arrived at the emergency room at around 3:15 a.m. on July 16th, 2006. I was treated immediately with an I.V. and had blood work done by the attending physician.

They diagnosed me with a bacteria infection. The Dr. on staff wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic called Ciprofloxacin to be taken twice a day for 10 days.

The next morning, Denise threatened to have me discharged from the program for my behavior. She said that I shouldn't have checked in there until I De-Toxed. She said I acted rudely to the other clients. I told her I was sorry, that I just wanted to rest and I was very ill. I had only had 5-6 hours of sleep within the past few days. She asked if I had more paperwork form the hospital. I showed her everything I received. She waited the entire morning and half of the afternoon to take me to the pharmacy to get my prescription filled.

The following week the Directors reprimanded me for my actions that I had taken to relieve my sickness. They said I broke the rules by leaving and going to the hospital. I asked them what was the procedure that they had in place for illness. They said You're supposed to be de-toxed before you're here. I explained to them how seriously ill I was and they still thought I was having withdrawal symptoms. They wanted to see more paperwork from the hospital.

I gave them the copy of what the Dr. at the hospital gave me and they kept insisting that there should have been other forms. They were under the assumption that I was holding back information. I told them that the hospital would take a few days to receive the test back on what type of bacteria strain I had.

They had me apologize to the Group for my behavior. I was very sick and tired and I will admit I was a bit bitchy. I felt that I was treated unfairly, but I did as they requested.

Later that week the hospital gave me my results of my bacteria. It was Salmonella bacteria. I was later called by the Health Department and they notified me in how serious the illness was.

No one apologized to me or seemed to care too much.

I continued with my treatment and therapy for the next week. I felt like I was on the right track to my road to recovery.

One of the other Therapists named Susan told me how she thought I was opening up and how she thought I was progressing with the Group. I wished she were my Therapist. I really liked her.

Over my few weeks there, I saw Charles twice and Linda Lu twice for private counseling. It seemed to me like everyone else was getting more private sessions. They said we would have counseling everyday.

That week we also met with an ordanified Monk named Bhanty. He was very interesting and peaceful. I took copious note from his visit.

We had a few other guest speakers that were interesting. There was a Nutritionist, Chiropractor and a Hypto-Thereapist that were also very informative.

On Friday July 28th, 2006 the Directors again in a meeting approached me again, including the Program Director Marsha, Charles, Susan and Linda. Dr. Meyers was not at this meeting either. Apparently I had said something to one of the other clients to upset her. The Directors felt that I was insensitive and that none of the other clients wanted me there. I was completely in disbelief because most of the clients were very nice to me.

How could this be? This place was about spirituality and peace.

The problem was apparently an over dramatized event that had happened the evening before. Denise, the same technician that threatened me before, on our way to pick up my prescription for Nexium, screamed me at. She told me to apologize to Ann for a comment I had made earlier that evening. I had asked Ann in the Van if she realized how loud she was talking in my ear while we were in the van. I told Denise I would talk to Ann and settle it with her on my own. Denise told me that she thought I acted like a Prima Donna and nobody there wanted me there. I told her she needed to calm down and let me work out my own issues. She was furiously screaming at the top of her lungs at me. She threatened to get me removed from the program again. I told her that I was going to file a complaint against her. She then turned around denying me to go to the pharmacy to get my Nexium prescription.

I left a message on the main phone number voice mail for Dr. Meyers to call me. I was threatened again by Denise to be discharged from the program and I needed to talk with someone. I did not receive a response.

I later saw Ann by the pool area and told her I was sorry if I had hurt her feelings. She said she had no problem with me.

I was feeling confused about my choice of this program. I felt like nobody wanted me there and they wanted to get rid of me.

While I was being reprimanded again, we had a conference call with my boyfriend to make him aware of what was happening. They said they would give me a Second Chance and see how the weekend would work out.

Later that day, we had a group session so that everyone could reflect his or her feelings on what had happened. To my surprise, a few clients were upset with me.

One of the Therapist, Susan, stood by me and approached the Group by saying, We are all adults here, if anyone has a problem with Kelly, say it now.

Ann said I did hurt her feelings. I asked her Why didn't you say anything when I asked you? She replied Your right Kelly.

From there another client named Paige screamed said she was tired of my negativity too. I told her I never knew of her anger towards me because I had only met her two days prior. She was apparently upset by the event that happened between Ann and I. In the conversation, I brought up our teachings of what Bhanty the monk had told us the day earlier about peace and calmness. I told her that maybe she has ill feelings toward herself that is why she is directing them someone else. That, someone else was I. She left the room and said she was going to leave the program.

This created an open chain of events for everyone to open up. Shawn said he had listened to my negative comments as well and was there to concentrate on himself. I replied, I am here to work on myself as well. Why didn't you tell me your feelings? I was feeling singled out.

I said Isn't that why we are all here? If you all can't cope with me, how are you going to cope with the world when you are finished with the program?

Then another client Rachel spoke, she said, Your perception is not our reality. I said my perception is what I feel and I am here to resolve my own issues.

I was learning a lot about other people's feelings. Isn't that why I was there? So that I can work through my problems, not be patronized for them?

I felt alone and confused. Everyone was so nice to me before. I had even cooked for the Group several times and thought I bonded with everyone. Even though one of the times I was suppose to be reimbursed by everyone equally and it did not happen, I didn't complain.

I had money missing from my purse and didn't say anything. I thought it was my own fault for trusting others.

I observed the others closely that weekend while taking notes on some of their comments and behavior.

These are some of the things I wrote down in my notepad.

Shelia: It isn't fair how the technicians let Rick and Rachel do things together and not him and I

Ann: They are never on time to pick us up!

Becky: That technician is really creepy! He should be turned in for sexual harassment!

My observance: One of the clients named Sarah gave her phone number to some guy that was playing guitar at a restaurant on the beach that day. The technicians were aware of it. That was supposedly breaking the rules.

Also, over the weekend, despite what everyone had said about me, I tried desperately to make it up to him or her. When my boyfriend visited, he downloaded music on Rachel's I-pod because Sarah had previously erased all her music weeks before.

On Monday morning July 24th, I apparently it didn't live up to their guidelines.

They said that I had broken a rule by having my boyfriend assist me in fixing my laptop in the living quarters. My roommate had her boyfriend in our place the week before, so I thought it was okay. They also told my boyfriend that they made him aware that there were not to be visitors in the apartments. This is not true. He told Marsha on the conference call that she was lying and she did not have any reply.

My Psycho-Therapist Linda Lu did a check- out 10-minute session on me. She said that people might be scared of my energy.

I checked into A.T.I. to receive help with my addictions and emotional problems. It is recognized as a Non- 12 Step Program. They are supposed to promote peace, good energy and wellness. I felt the opposite from some of the staff and the technicians.

I never received information or education on alcoholism or addiction while I was there.

In completion of the program, I was suppose to have an after treatment plan set up for me. Because I was discharged early, I didn't have notice to have any therapy or support group arranged.

On Monday morning July 31st, they asked me to voluntarily leave and I would not. So they asked me to leave on my 19th day of treatment. I was supposed to be there for a 28-day treatment.

I have recently relapsed and I am experiencing greater depression than before I checked in to their program. I am now struggling to overcome this unfortunate decision and continue my life. I have attended A.A. for the first time in my life to aid with my own recovery.

They had no real ground for discharging me. I did not drink or use drugs while I was in there. A few of the clients were emotionally more instable than I and could not get along with me. I do not think anyone should be kicked out of rehab for this. If people are that sensitive, they should be in a sanitarium or some type of other facility.

They wanted me out of there so they could get another victim in them rip them off.

I haven't benefited very much from their program and certainly do not think I should have to pay the full amount.

The owner, Dr. Meyers, would not listen to us or return our phone calls. He is an arrogant and rude businessman that I feel is in the business for profit and not for compassion like they say they are.

I am in process of looking to try and retrieve a partial refund.

I feel they broke their contract with me and did not deliver what they promised to do. In summary, I feel I should not pay for the entire treatment. I did not receive the full commitment from them because:

1. They denied me medical attention for my illnesses twice
2. Constantly tried to get me to leave the program instead of helping me.
3. They never addressed root of alcoholism addiction.
4. Didn't have living quarters as promised.
5. They created self- doubt in myself more so then when I checked in.
6. They did not set up any after care program for me.

Sincerely,

Jacqueline
Orlando, Florida
U.S.A.

HOW can you prove these rediculous accusations? On Monday July 3, 2006 I found Alternative Treatment International Inc. on the Internet, hoping to get help with my depression and alcohol problems. I called and spoke with the owner, Dr. Meyers on the phone. He said that it was very important for me to come in as soon as possible. He convinced me that his facility could help me, but I had to put down a $2,000 deposit right away to hold my place because they only had a few openings. The total cost of the program was $11,500.

I checked in to Alternative Treatment International Inc. or A.T.I. on Thursday morning July 13th at 10:00 a.m. I was feeling very depressed and tired when I checked in. Dr. Meyers greeted me, he is the person I spoke with on the telephone and I had confided to him about the reason why I wanted to be there. I was then introduced to numerous people that were in a rush and wanting me to sign forms. I then asked in between signing forms, if I could lye down. They allowed me to lye on a wicker sofa in the Meditation Room. I was not feeling well in a physical way. I was tired and severely depressed. I signed forms, dazed and confused, in and out of napping that afternoon.

I met my Therapist, Charles. I deeply told him so much about why I was there and so desperately wanted to resolve my deep issues. He seemed very easy and calm to talk to. I later then met my assigned Psycho- Therapist named Lind Lu.

That afternoon, we (The Group) were loaded into a 10-passenger van and taken to Mac Alpine Place Apartments. This was the living quarters for the facility. It is about a 10-minute drive from A.T.I. It takes about 10-15 minutes to load and unload everyone to each apartment, because the Technicians have to unlock and let everyone into their units. The technicians, are employees of A.T.I. who drive you from destination to destination. They also give medication to each client, supposedly on a schedule.

On the way down to the van, I had to carry my luggage that I had brought down a flight of stairs. A few other patients helped me. I brought one large suitcase and two small carry-ons, along with several tote size bags, and a queen sized Temporpedic Mattress Topper. The Internet pictures had shown queen-size beds in every room, so I thought I would make my 28-day stay comfortable, like my home. When I had spoke to Dr. Meyers on the phone, he said I could bring anything to make myself comfortable. I reconfirmed this conversation by e-mail, and he replied Anything but drugs or alcohol and pets. I was told that I would have help carrying all of my things since the elevators were broken that day.

Being tired and on edge, I shouted out, to a very tall and thin member of the Group, Please be careful, I have sensitive items, like my lap-top or I-pod) in there! He was dragging my luggage, step by step, on the weight of itself. I later become to know this person as Shawn.

As I arrived at the apartment, I was disappointed to see that there was a very small twin bed in my room. I asked the Technician where the bed was that was shown to me on the Internet, and she said, They should change that so it doesn't seem better than it actually is.

I then met Denise, one of the technicians. She searched all my belongings and counted each item. At this time I discovered my suitcase that Shawn carried was ruined.

We all piled backed into the van and headed to the grocery store. They allotted us $70 to buy our food for a week. I notified the technician that I had only $60 in my envelope. She handed another $10 to me. I was familiar with the Publix grocery store food chain, so my shopping was completed within a half hour.

We all headed back to the apartment after sorting out our groceries and returning to our own units. After meeting Chrissy, my roommate, I went to bed. I was feeling very tired and lonely.

I woke up the next morning abruptly hearing a male voice in the apartment yelling what I thought sounded like Meditation! He knocked on my bedroom door and asked again, and I replied No thanks. I fell back asleep for about an hour. I was under the assumption that we started our day at 10 :00 a.m., so that we would be leaving the apartment at 9:45. I wasn't notified of the schedule and hurried to gather my things for the day.

Within 24 hours of checking in, I started to feel ill, including: symptoms of diarrhea, nausea, stomach cramping and vomiting. That day, I made sure the staff aware of my condition. I was looked over quickly, but I did not have my temperature checked, medical recommendations or medication given to me. I kept asking for medication for my diarrhea but they did not have anything on hand. We had to wait till we dropped everyone off before I could go to the pharmacy. Finally, around 7:00 p.m., I was taken to the store and I purchased my own medication. I went to bed feeling even worse. I hardly slept that evening. I was feeling very feverish and the diarrhea was unbearable.

The following day I had to accompany the Group to the beach for the day. My symptoms continued and were getting much worse. They told me I had to go with them whether I was sick or not. The staff kept commenting on how they thought I had withdrawal symptoms. I informed them they were not symptoms from alcohol, that I was really sick. I had to sit out in the sun with a fever and diarrhea all day.

I kept pleading all day with the different technicians on staff to check my temperature. They said that they were not allowed.

After a long day at the beach we returned to the apartments. I was feeling very ill at his time. I was told I had to accompany the Group again to Congo River Crazy Golf that evening.

When we arrived there, I immediately got out of the van and headed to the restroom. I was dizzy and nauseas. I let Robert, one of the technicians, be aware of my condition. He said he had no idea of any of my symptoms.

I asked if I could get my temperature checked. They staff denied me and said all they could do is take me to the Walk-In Clinic. I went to a Clinic with a member of the staff and it was closed.

They said they could take me to the hospital, but I thought maybe I would take my temperature and monitor myself before I were to make my own decision. I thought I could try to tuff it out till the next morning and then go to the Dr's Walk-In Clinic.

I purchased a thermometer from a drug store after pleading with technician several times. My temperature was 101 degrees. I took some Tylenol Cold Liquid hoping my fever would come down. I went to bed at 10:00 p.m.

I woke up at 2:00 a.m. with a temperature of 102.7 degrees. I took a cold shower and checked it again. It was 103.1 degrees. I called a staff member to take me to the emergency room. They said they only had one technician on staff so I would have to go on my own.

I called the technician again. He called a cab for me after I told him how I was feeling. He also said that I was probably going through withdrawal symptoms.

I arrived at the emergency room at around 3:15 a.m. on July 16th, 2006. I was treated immediately with an I.V. and had blood work done by the attending physician.

They diagnosed me with a bacteria infection. The Dr. on staff wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic called Ciprofloxacin to be taken twice a day for 10 days.

The next morning, Denise threatened to have me discharged from the program for my behavior. She said that I shouldn't have checked in there until I De-Toxed. She said I acted rudely to the other clients. I told her I was sorry, that I just wanted to rest and I was very ill. I had only had 5-6 hours of sleep within the past few days. She asked if I had more paperwork form the hospital. I showed her everything I received. She waited the entire morning and half of the afternoon to take me to the pharmacy to get my prescription filled.

The following week the Directors reprimanded me for my actions that I had taken to relieve my sickness. They said I broke the rules by leaving and going to the hospital. I asked them what was the procedure that they had in place for illness. They said You're supposed to be de-toxed before you're here. I explained to them how seriously ill I was and they still thought I was having withdrawal symptoms. They wanted to see more paperwork from the hospital.

I gave them the copy of what the Dr. at the hospital gave me and they kept insisting that there should have been other forms. They were under the assumption that I was holding back information. I told them that the hospital would take a few days to receive the test back on what type of bacteria strain I had.

They had me apologize to the Group for my behavior. I was very sick and tired and I will admit I was a bit bitchy. I felt that I was treated unfairly, but I did as they requested.

Later that week the hospital gave me my results of my bacteria. It was Salmonella bacteria. I was later called by the Health Department and they notified me in how serious the illness was.

No one apologized to me or seemed to care too much.

I continued with my treatment and therapy for the next week. I felt like I was on the right track to my road to recovery.

One of the other Therapists named Susan told me how she thought I was opening up and how she thought I was progressing with the Group. I wished she were my Therapist. I really liked her.

Over my few weeks there, I saw Charles twice and Linda Lu twice for private counseling. It seemed to me like everyone else was getting more private sessions. They said we would have counseling everyday.

That week we also met with an ordanified Monk named Bhanty. He was very interesting and peaceful. I took copious note from his visit.

We had a few other guest speakers that were interesting. There was a Nutritionist, Chiropractor and a Hypto-Thereapist that were also very informative.

On Friday July 28th, 2006 the Directors again in a meeting approached me again, including the Program Director Marsha, Charles, Susan and Linda. Dr. Meyers was not at this meeting either. Apparently I had said something to one of the other clients to upset her. The Directors felt that I was insensitive and that none of the other clients wanted me there. I was completely in disbelief because most of the clients were very nice to me.

How could this be? This place was about spirituality and peace.

The problem was apparently an over dramatized event that had happened the evening before. Denise, the same technician that threatened me before, on our way to pick up my prescription for Nexium, screamed me at. She told me to apologize to Ann for a comment I had made earlier that evening. I had asked Ann in the Van if she realized how loud she was talking in my ear while we were in the van. I told Denise I would talk to Ann and settle it with her on my own. Denise told me that she thought I acted like a Prima Donna and nobody there wanted me there. I told her she needed to calm down and let me work out my own issues. She was furiously screaming at the top of her lungs at me. She threatened to get me removed from the program again. I told her that I was going to file a complaint against her. She then turned around denying me to go to the pharmacy to get my Nexium prescription.

I left a message on the main phone number voice mail for Dr. Meyers to call me. I was threatened again by Denise to be discharged from the program and I needed to talk with someone. I did not receive a response.

I later saw Ann by the pool area and told her I was sorry if I had hurt her feelings. She said she had no problem with me.

I was feeling confused about my choice of this program. I felt like nobody wanted me there and they wanted to get rid of me.

While I was being reprimanded again, we had a conference call with my boyfriend to make him aware of what was happening. They said they would give me a Second Chance and see how the weekend would work out.

Later that day, we had a group session so that everyone could reflect his or her feelings on what had happened. To my surprise, a few clients were upset with me.

One of the Therapist, Susan, stood by me and approached the Group by saying, We are all adults here, if anyone has a problem with Kelly, say it now.

Ann said I did hurt her feelings. I asked her Why didn't you say anything when I asked you? She replied Your right Kelly.

From there another client named Paige screamed said she was tired of my negativity too. I told her I never knew of her anger towards me because I had only met her two days prior. She was apparently upset by the event that happened between Ann and I. In the conversation, I brought up our teachings of what Bhanty the monk had told us the day earlier about peace and calmness. I told her that maybe she has ill feelings toward herself that is why she is directing them someone else. That, someone else was I. She left the room and said she was going to leave the program.

This created an open chain of events for everyone to open up. Shawn said he had listened to my negative comments as well and was there to concentrate on himself. I replied, I am here to work on myself as well. Why didn't you tell me your feelings? I was feeling singled out.

I said Isn't that why we are all here? If you all can't cope with me, how are you going to cope with the world when you are finished with the program?

Then another client Rachel spoke, she said, Your perception is not our reality. I said my perception is what I feel and I am here to resolve my own issues.

I was learning a lot about other people's feelings. Isn't that why I was there? So that I can work through my problems, not be patronized for them?

I felt alone and confused. Everyone was so nice to me before. I had even cooked for the Group several times and thought I bonded with everyone. Even though one of the times I was suppose to be reimbursed by everyone equally and it did not happen, I didn't complain.

I had money missing from my purse and didn't say anything. I thought it was my own fault for trusting others.

I observed the others closely that weekend while taking notes on some of their comments and behavior.

These are some of the things I wrote down in my notepad.

Shelia: It isn't fair how the technicians let Rick and Rachel do things together and not him and I

Ann: They are never on time to pick us up!

Becky: That technician is really creepy! He should be turned in for sexual harassment!

My observance: One of the clients named Sarah gave her phone number to some guy that was playing guitar at a restaurant on the beach that day. The technicians were aware of it. That was supposedly breaking the rules.

Also, over the weekend, despite what everyone had said about me, I tried desperately to make it up to him or her. When my boyfriend visited, he downloaded music on Rachel's I-pod because Sarah had previously erased all her music weeks before.

On Monday morning July 24th, I apparently it didn't live up to their guidelines.

They said that I had broken a rule by having my boyfriend assist me in fixing my laptop in the living quarters. My roommate had her boyfriend in our place the week before, so I thought it was okay. They also told my boyfriend that they made him aware that there were not to be visitors in the apartments. This is not true. He told Marsha on the conference call that she was lying and she did not have any reply.

My Psycho-Therapist Linda Lu did a check- out 10-minute session on me. She said that people might be scared of my energy.

I checked into A.T.I. to receive help with my addictions and emotional problems. It is recognized as a Non- 12 Step Program. They are supposed to promote peace, good energy and wellness. I felt the opposite from some of the staff and the technicians.

I never received information or education on alcoholism or addiction while I was there.

In completion of the program, I was suppose to have an after treatment plan set up for me. Because I was discharged early, I didn't have notice to have any therapy or support group arranged.

On Monday morning July 31st, they asked me to voluntarily leave and I would not. So they asked me to leave on my 19th day of treatment. I was supposed to be there for a 28-day treatment.

I have recently relapsed and I am experiencing greater depression than before I checked in to their program. I am now struggling to overcome this unfortunate decision and continue my life. I have attended A.A. for the first time in my life to aid with my own recovery.

They had no real ground for discharging me. I did not drink or use drugs while I was in there. A few of the clients were emotionally more instable than I and could not get along with me. I do not think anyone should be kicked out of rehab for this. If people are that sensitive, they should be in a sanitarium or some type of other facility.

They wanted me out of there so they could get another victim in them rip them off.

I haven't benefited very much from their program and certainly do not think I should have to pay the full amount.

The owner, Dr. Meyers, would not listen to us or return our phone calls. He is an arrogant and rude businessman that I feel is in the business for profit and not for compassion like they say they are.

I am in process of looking to try and retrieve a partial refund.

I feel they broke their contract with me and did not deliver what they promised to do. In summary, I feel I should not pay for the entire treatment. I did not receive the full commitment from them because:

1. They denied me medical attention for my illnesses twice
2. Constantly tried to get me to leave the program instead of helping me.
3. They never addressed root of alcoholism addiction.
4. Didn't have living quarters as promised.
5. They created self- doubt in myself more so then when I checked in.
6. They did not set up any after care program for me.

Sincerely,

Jacqueline
Orlando, Florida
U.S.A.

As the Executive and Clinical Director of Bridges To Recovery, I feel compelled to respond to this dishonest, malicious, and libelous post. To avoid any violation of confidentiality, I cannot respond with any specifics to the slanderous statements. Our attorneys are in the process of discovery in the interest of pursuing legal action against this individual. However, I can respond generally about our program and to the specific dishonest allegations.

Bridges to Recovery is a high end residential treatment facility for those suffering from psychological problems. We are fully LICENSED by the State of California for Residential Treatment. All of our professional staff are fully licensed and/or Board Certified. I am licensed as a Clinical Psychologist in the State of California (I am not a medical doctor, and have never represented myself as such). We are fully licensed to dispense medications. Our individual therapists are all at the PhD level, most trained formally as psychoanalysts and trained at UCLA and/or the Institute of Contemporary Psychoanalysis (a few trained on the East coast in New York). Most have 15 to 25 years of clinical experience. For an individual to disparage their qualifications is very dishonest, and slanderous at least, as all are clearly listed on our website (www.bridgestorecovery.com)

As for a refund policy, we do have a non-refundable assessment/deposit fee. This is verbally explained to each potential patient, provided in writing prior to admission, and then described in our Entrance Agreement that is signed by the potential patient and/or their financier. To act as though this was a surprise is also very dishonest, and perhaps libelous, as this has been fully disclosed prior to admission. Many similar residential treatment facilities do not provide ANY refund. We try to be fair and as accommodating as possible to every situation where there is a termination of treatment prior to the initial date of discharge. In most cases, there is some significant refund.

We are a very expensive facility to operate, and our cost of residency is comparable with hospital costs. We do provide a service that is an alternative to psych hospitalization (which can be a traumatizing experience of it's own). We do provide a quality of care that I feel is unmatched in the industry, and I would feel very comfortable saying that there is not a clinical staff at any similar residential treatment facility that can compare to ours in terms of their qualifications or their dedication. I am incredibly proud of our program. We are blessed to do what we do and our commitment to the world of psychological treatment is to continue to raise the standard of care by offering state of the art psychotherapy services, as well as a synergistic holistic approach to treatment. Furthermore, we are opening a transitional program and outpatient clinic to continue to provide an appropriate level of care to those who complete our residential program or who don't need such a high level of care. Our ultimate goal is to provide more and more affordable programs, as well as scholarships to our existing programs.

Thank you for the opportunity to respond and to let other potential patients and family members know about what we provide at our facility. I would welcome anyone wanting more information to call our intake line (1-877-7BRIDGE), where we can provide further information, connect you with one of our professional staff, or set up a tour for you or your loved one to visit our facility. Our mission is to help as many people suffering from emotional distress as we can.

Jeff Ball, Ph.D.
Executive and Clinical Director
Bridges to Recovery
Clin Asst Professor, UCLA-NPI