David Bryan Bass DEAD BEAT "DAD" Rocky Mount North Carolina

Unfortunately Megan, if the noncustodial parent can give a reasonable (or unreasonable depending on the case) he/she can have a designated person named to pick up/drop off the child for visitation. My ex had his mother and father named. That is why I always told his girlfriend, who later became wife #2, and mistress who later became wife #3, that they were not allowed to pick up our child. He made a claim that his work prevented his being there which was baloney because he was off work three hours prior to the pickup time. Furthermore, he lived and worked within 10 to 15 minutes from anywhere I would be at with our child. It was total malarky but it was in the order. Going against the order leaves you open for contempt of court. Frequent contempt charges can lead to losing custody. Not a good thing.

Contacting the probation officer is a great idea! He/she has to keep updated records on home address and place of employment. Supoena the probation officer if necessary to get the information. Definitely follow the ones that pick up the child. Take a video camera or photograph camera. Keep those records current and detailed. When you take the warrant for service out, list other known addresses. I had as high as six listed once when going after my ex. The officers knew our case very well. My ex was a courthouse joke for the longest time. He came in one time proud as a peacock with his pregnant wife (not his kid) and his pregnant girlfriend (was his kid + was married to his best friend). Who does such things like this? I knew he wasn't the most intelligent man on the planet but geez! His attorney was furious with him that day.

You have an order for him to pay child support...he has an order for visitation??? If he is the one with the visitation order then why are you letting your child go with someone else??? If he has a visitation order and wants to see his child then he needs to be the one to pick his child up. Tell whoever it is that comes to get the kid that they are no longer allowed to pick this child up...He has visitation...let him come get his own child. Tell him to grow up and be a man...stop hiding behind his family. I'd be willing to bet that you will NOT be violating the visitation order by refusing to let you child go with someone other the "dad" (and I use that term loosely). After the first time you refuse to let your child go with someone else, if he really wants to see him then he'll get off his butt and come get him.

You have an order for him to pay child support...he has an order for visitation??? If he is the one with the visitation order then why are you letting your child go with someone else??? If he has a visitation order and wants to see his child then he needs to be the one to pick his child up. Tell whoever it is that comes to get the kid that they are no longer allowed to pick this child up...He has visitation...let him come get his own child. Tell him to grow up and be a man...stop hiding behind his family. I'd be willing to bet that you will NOT be violating the visitation order by refusing to let you child go with someone other the "dad" (and I use that term loosely). After the first time you refuse to let your child go with someone else, if he really wants to see him then he'll get off his butt and come get him.

You have an order for him to pay child support...he has an order for visitation??? If he is the one with the visitation order then why are you letting your child go with someone else??? If he has a visitation order and wants to see his child then he needs to be the one to pick his child up. Tell whoever it is that comes to get the kid that they are no longer allowed to pick this child up...He has visitation...let him come get his own child. Tell him to grow up and be a man...stop hiding behind his family. I'd be willing to bet that you will NOT be violating the visitation order by refusing to let you child go with someone other the "dad" (and I use that term loosely). After the first time you refuse to let your child go with someone else, if he really wants to see him then he'll get off his butt and come get him.

You have an order for him to pay child support...he has an order for visitation??? If he is the one with the visitation order then why are you letting your child go with someone else??? If he has a visitation order and wants to see his child then he needs to be the one to pick his child up. Tell whoever it is that comes to get the kid that they are no longer allowed to pick this child up...He has visitation...let him come get his own child. Tell him to grow up and be a man...stop hiding behind his family. I'd be willing to bet that you will NOT be violating the visitation order by refusing to let you child go with someone other the "dad" (and I use that term loosely). After the first time you refuse to let your child go with someone else, if he really wants to see him then he'll get off his butt and come get him.

As for not being able to find him and the drop off point being the police station, if he sends someone else to pick up the child, after they take your child, FOLLOW THEM. Find out where they are going. If you have a cell phone call the cops to come meet you when you get to the location they are taking the child because he's likely at this location.

He can then be served. Is it possible for someone at the support enforcement agency to keep in contact with his probation officer? FInd out when he is meeting with this guy. Or get the cops involved further.

I'll bet there's a way that the cops can get the probation officer to let them know when the creep is there or when he'll be there so he can be served. Also, I believe people on probation and parole are required to let their officer know their place of employment.

See if the enforcement people or the cops can get it. If it turns out he isnt working there anymore, he's in violation of his parole or probation and they'll arrest his a*s.

Janice:

After living the nightmare you are currently living, I can feel your pain. There are a number of things you can do to turn the tables. These worked for me and today, my child is a well-adjusted, happy, teenager with plans for college soon.

First things first. Start socking away money for a great attorney. It can be done because I did it. Get recommendations. Use the free or low-cost initial consultations. Ask for a child custody sheet. It is a list of things to save and get while going through the process. It is actually for child custody but there are great ideas for other problems too.

Keep a journal! Video the exchanges. Keep meticulous notes on who is picking up, dropping off, with whom did they show up, and what state was the child in when you got him/her. Record it all. Keep a microcassette recorder in your pocket. Use it. In NC, it is admissable in court.

If your child's father or court-designated person does not show up, don't send the child. Video or take pictures of who came. Mark dates. Let them know why you are not releasing your child. Bring your court order with you to the police department. If the cops get involved, show them the order. Tell them that person is not authorized to take your child. Make them show identification. If they can't show ID, they do not get the child. If they are not designated, they do not get the child. Ask the officer to sign your journal where you state who was there. Most will do this without complaint when a child is involved. Be nice. Be courteous. Don't lose your temper no matter how difficult it is to stay calm. Cry if you need to. Officers are sympathetic most of the time.

If the ex takes you to court, bring all your documentation. Make sure it is dated, timed, and signed by you stating it is a journal listing in good standing. An attorney down the road will love you for it. Keep a log of your cassette tapes, dated/stamped photos, and other reports.

Sooner or later, your ex will do one of two things. He will either take you to court, where you will have proof of what is happening or he will stop coming or sending someone altogether. Either way, you get what you want. Him to either take responsibility or stop coming around.

My ex gave up completely. It has been 5+ years since he has exercised his right to visitation. Our daughter refused to go with him when she was 12 years old. A judge stood by her decision and reasoning. She could refuse. It has been over five years since we have received support too but that is a small price to pay. She is loved, well-adjusted, happy, and has a stepfather that loves her dearly. She even has our last name now instead of his so that is a major plus. It all worked out in the end.

I wish you the best and hope you find some relief. Keep at it. It will get better if you start working smart. Stay current on that journal. Also include what you do for the child and what you spend on the child. This helps later when support is readjusted. Keep up with events he misses or doesn't acknowledge. It helps when in front of a judge. Get to know your child's teachers too. They can be your best friends when it comes down to the wire.

Best of luck.

Samantha

I allow the visitation because there is a court order in place that says I have to. I have had two separate attorneys assist me in this matter and both have said that there was a case passed in the supreme court that separated child support and visitation into 2 different categories, meaning that just because one parent does not pay support it does not give the custodial parent the right to withhold visitation.

Trust me I hate sending my child over there. He sees and picks up things that you would think his own family would have sense enough not to teach him.

Because of the abusive nature of the relationship, our drop off point is the local police department and it says in the order that the father's paternal grandmother is to pick him up. The grandmother usually picks him up but most often some other family member drops him off, which is a violation of the court order. But what can I do? If I make a big scene it is very possible that I won't get my child back at all. It wouldn't be the first time they have refused to return him.

Last year, one of the three times that the father kept my child violating the court order the judge told me that he couldn't do anything about it and told us both that if either of us withheld the child from the other we run the substantial risk of losing our privileges and that would mean I would lose my primary physical custody of the child if I withhold him or the father would lose his right to visitation. Which doesn't seem fair. Seems like I should have at least 3 chances to take the law into my hands too, but I have a judge who's personal mission is to prove that father's are just as good parents as mothers. That I know can be true as is the case with my husband who has taken my child in and loved him like he was his own. But allowing someone with a long history of felony activity and domestic violence and drug/alcohol abuse isn't the poster child case for proving that point.

Really the justice system has not worked for me. I made a bad decision in beginning a relationship with the father. And because I chose to have a relationship with him, the court holds me accountable. It doesn't matter that I wised up and left or that the father has a wrap sheet a mile long and I have a squeaky clean record. It is a really messed up situation that I may could get some resolution to if I could find a decent attorney. So far I have hired 2 attorneys for an obscene amount of money and neither have done much for me. I have fired both of them and am trying to figure out the next step forward.

Why do you allow visitation? Why don't you not allow your child to go with the people that are picking up your child? You are supposed to allow him visitation? If you feel obligated to allow it or want to for the sake of your child only allow him to pick him up and have the authorities waiting.