I couldn't believe what happened to me when I saw Jack B Weinstein last week. I am not sure how I stumbled on to his website. He was local financial guy here in Redondo Beach so I thougt I would at least give him a call. That was where it all went down hill. the first ting that hit me was the smell in the office. It reeked in there like a port o potty after rock concert on a hot summer day. Then Jack jumps up out of his chair and asks me if I would like a cigarette? I couldn't believe it. Was this guy for real? Was the expecting the cig smoke was gonna knockdown that stench or make it stick the wall better? I declined the Lucky Strike non filter and sat down on the couch on his office. It was more like a pool lounge chair that had a cup holder.
The fist thing out of this guy's mouth, other than the spinach that seemed to fly off his teeth and hit my shirt unbeknownst to him, was "You know who I am, lady?""I replied, probably not the winner of the Listerine Challenge this year again. [continued below]....
....." I don't think he got it as he went right into his mantra about his financial knowledge and then it got right down to, "How much money do you have?"
I looked over his shoulder through the smoke stained glass outside towards the parking lot. I replied, "Hey, is that your babyshit yellow 2003 Pontiac Aztek with rims on it yours?"
He replied, "You obviously don't know dirtbox brown when you see it. But yes, she is sweet ain't she. We put a Hemi in it and and a thumpin' bass. You gotta come check this out." I do not know what possessed me to follow him out to the parking lot to see his stupid van but I figured my car was in the parking lot so it would make for a great escape route.
I should have known I was doomed when his license plate read A$$LICK. Before I could even get in my car this guy starts this jalopy up and starts romping on the gas pedal revving the engine up. He rolls his shirt sleeve up, puts his left bicep out the window and yells at me, "Don't that get ya all wet now?" He was serious.
I started running for my car when this idiot puts the van in gear and stomps on it. He tried to do a burnout or something but hit a parking light. I started my car and took off. I couldn't believe it but I thought he was starting to chase me in the van. Luckily he pulled off when we drove through the gay part of town. He parked at this place called the Portland Eagle. This is a well known watering hole for hairy bears and drag queens. I raced home to my husband and told him we were leaving the money in the bank. Do not go see this idiot