Ashley K Rudd Ashley Rudd Ashley had disappointed her father, by her abusive behavior. Seal Beach California

I always wanted to be a dad, but because of the family I was in, I was told that I would be just like my father was. He was a violent, abusive wife beater, child beater and threatening abusive individual, who would scream at the top of his lungs at you, while shaking your head by grabbing the hair until you were dizzy and wanted to die. Or he would pick you up by your ear, shake you violently and scream full blast at your face, for no reason whatsoever. He would beat us with whatever he could find, his hand, a belt, a board or even a hatchet. He would beat us for no reason and treated us like we were the worst vile things on earth. He would call us names that I can’t even repeat, and we would live in total fear of being abused, beaten and possibly even killed.

The violence was unrelenting and would not stop until we were of age or ran away. He hated that he had to support us financially and we literally wished we had a different father. He never did any of the things I would do with my kids, except camping. I thought I would die on so many occasions, that I was shocked that I made it to legal age. There was no peace, no love in our family, only fear, verbal and physical abuse from my father.

I had been dating a woman previously and we discussed what would happen if she got pregnant. I was just starting my company and I had no time to be a father. She claimed she was on birth control, but somehow got pregnant in spite of this. She told me I was going to be a father and she was going to keep the baby, turn me into the state and take everything that I had built with my business. It infuriated me because we had made other agreements, due to our ages and circumstances.

My daughter Ashley was born, under some pretty serious disagreements, between two people. I wasn’t there when she was born, due to all of the bad blood between myself and her mother. I was told that she had some heart birth defect and needed surgery, and still I wasn’t there. I couldn’t bring myself to the point of understanding that I was going to be a father. I said maybe it would be better if she didn’t survive, but she did.

I will forever regret that statement, but one would have to understand the position I found myself in. I was new in business with lots of stress and here I was fighting with this woman that had threatened everything that I had tried to build.

I tried to stay away from my daughter and her mother, and I was successful at this for the first couple of years. My mom had been babysitting Ashley and tried in vain to get me to see her, but I refused. Eventually I did see her and as a father, I did fall in love with her.

She was so beautiful and had this cute smile that would invite joy into your smile. I went to her birthday party and had a wonderful time with her. I picked her up and took her to the 7-11 to get some sweets.

At this time, I was dating another woman that would be my future wife. Ashley’s mother called me on my wedding day and stated that if I didn’t marry her, she would take my child and move to a different state and I wouldn’t be allowed to see her. I found other that she had indeed moved with Ashley to California and from now on my relationship with my daughter, would be limited, due to her living 750 miles away.

Her mother allowed me to talk with her on the phone so long as I provided money. I sent child support and gifts on and off. The relationship was distant and strained, as I had to get permission from her mother, just to speak to her.

As she grew older, I flew her up to my house for visits, to spend time with my wife and eventually my other daughter Chanel. We played games, slept outside, took her to Lagoon and swam in my pool. We went biking, skating, rollerblading, s****.>

I planned a luxury vacation for 2 weeks, one week in California at Disneyland and one week in Hawaii. Ashley was invited and we had so much fun. We traveled in luxury and even stayed in the Presidential Suite at the Waikiki Sheraton. I spent so much money on them that I thought I might go broke. They got anything and everything they wanted, costumes, princess dresses, stuffed animals, toys and even a character breakfast in a Disneyland hotel.

As Ashley grew, her mother would require that I provide her mother a ticket too, to travel to my home with Ashley. Here I was with my wife, my two daughters and this third wheel ex-girlfriend-mother, that required me to pay her way and stay with my family, just so I could see my daughter. It was a lot or coercion and financial manipulation, but if I didn’t do it, I couldn’t see Ashley.

I loved Ashley then and I love her now. As she grew older, I would call to talk to her and after maybe a minute she would say ”dad, I’m on my way out the door” or “dad, I can’t talk right now”, she was always too busy for me.

I would get Ashley for Christmas and sometimes her mother would require that she come with her, it was soooo awkward, you can’t imagine. But I was forced to put up with her mothers manipulation, so I could see my daughter and build a father-daughter relationship.

One Christmas, after I had spent thousands of dollars on the two girls and purchased everything on their lists, the day before Christmas, I went shopping and spent several thousand dollars more, just to make sure that Christmas morning would be spectacular. Not only did I help wrap the presents, I put up a new bed, a trampoline, a hockey table and other items together getting to bed at like 5 am. I was so excited that I let them wake up immediately after I just laid down, so they could see what Santa had brought them. They awoke and had a great Christmas even though her sister told me she didn’t get everything she wanted and made me cry.

Ashley would tell me that she wasn’t treated well at home and wanted to move to my house, but her mother would always say no. Then when Ashley was old enough to say yes, Ashley said no.

Ashley was graduating high school and asked me for a dress, I sent her money. She asked me to attend and I flew in for her big day. I took her to lunch and watched as she received her graduation diploma. I was so proud of her, for her personal achievements.

Ashley told me at around 18 she was moving out with a friend, I asked her friends name and she lied to me. She was in fact, moving in with a boyfriend, something she knew I would not approve of. That always hurt me because up to that point, I had always trusted her up to that time.

I saw her once in a while and we spoke once in a while on the phone. I told her that whatever she decided to be in in life, whether it be a waitress of a lawyer, I would support her so long as she was happy.

I went through a divorce and had Ashley visit me several times. It was difficult because my world was being forcefully turned upside down. I tried my best to have her and her sister Chanel, spend time with me, even typing a menu of 60 items that I could make them for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

During this time, I took Ashley and her sister Chanel on a trip to Las Vegas for 2 weeks. We stayed in a nice suite at the Mirage and upon arriving, I had the hotel place Siegfried and Roy gift baskets in the room for both of them. We saw the Siegfried and Roy show and ate at the finest restaurants. I took them both to the Stratosphere and they rode the rides with an all-day pass until they were worn out. Ashley continued to tease Chanel until she cried. This had been going on pretty much since they met. Chanel worshipped Ashley, but Ashley continued to bully Chanel, until she was in tears.

When Ashley was going to turn 21, Ashley asked me to take her to Las Vegas and teach her how to play poker. I made all of the arrangements. I booked a beautiful hotel room and arranged a flight for her. I called to make sure Ashley had the travel arrangements and was then told by Ashley that she decided to go with her friends instead. I still had to pay for the costs of the trip anyway.

Later on, when Ashley was talking about going to massage school, I listened to what she had to say. Now knowing the cost of school, I added “if you’re going to go to school, get a degree in something that will pay the bills”. Ashley got a little upset with me and went to massage school anyway.

Later, Ashley confided in me saying that the massage was difficult on her body and the income wasn’t what she expected. She then worked many different jobs including as a waitress and a barista at a coffee shop. It didn’t matter to me what she did, so long as she was happy.

She then told me she had went to Europe with a friend and sent me pictures of her trip. I was supportive knowing that she was happy and living her dreams. We lost touch for a while

We started talking and she called me while I was driving to my 2 week vacation. She talked continually for about 20 minutes and I listened intently on the problems she was describing to me, and all I said was “have you ever thought of doing this?” Ashley screamed at the top of her lungs at me “listen, I don’t want you to solve my problems, I just want you to listen!” I had just purchased my first smart phone and Immediately, I hung up. I don’t allow anyone to speak to me like that and especially abuse me. Ashley called me back still screaming and I hung up. We didn’t speak for a few years after this.

A few years later I put a post on my private Facebook page that I was terminal, just a joke really to see who and how my 5 friends would respond. My page was set to private, so only my 5 friends could see it. My high school sweetheart, having such a good heart and without my knowledge, reached out to Ashley and told her I was terminal and that she should see me immediately. Ashley agreed to come and see me and she flew in on her dime. I got a nice suite at a hotel in Nevada and I picked her up from the airport and drove twice 240 miles round trip, to pick her up. After eating dinner, I told her it was not true and that is was meant as sarcasm, but it had spread so fast that I couldn’t stop it. Ashley flipped out at dinner, threw a temper tantrum and started a big commotion, crying and yelling. To say I was embarrassed is an understatement. She had not changed, in fact she had become a narcissist.

We stayed at the Montego Bay hotel for 3-4 nights. When we were together in the restaurant, she flew off the handle and made a scene each time, crying and wailing. She played poker with me and even hit a Bad Beat Poker Jackpot at the Wendover Nugget for $30000 the next morning. She ended up going home with $1300 in winnings. I hoped we were on good terms again, but honestly, as happy as I was to see her arrive, I was just as happy to see her leave. She had absolutely no respect for me as a human being.

During this trip I had noticed she had taken up drinking and smoking, she spoke of partying and events in California like raves, I am familiar to what goes on there. The words she spoke were so vile and foul that I really didn’t want to hear it. I really felt let down, but I tried not to react to it.

As time went on, I became a reborn Christian. I was attending a local church and the pastor asked me about my life and I told him. He said maybe you should reach out to Ashley and make amends, god wants us to forgive and forget. I had major reservations about it, but I agreed to do it.

I did reach out to Ashley and at this time she was in her early 30’s. We agreed to meet in the church parking lot and I took her out for dinner to a nice buffet. I had purchased some gifts for her, it was close to the holidays. As I told Ashley how my life had changed while driving her to out to eat, she listened. When I was finished telling her the story, she was really rude to me and said she didn’t want to hear anything about it. She was on her phone most of the time we were together and I felt it falling apart before we even arrived. As we ate dinner and talked, she again started a big commotion and began crying and wailing, I was so ready to leave. She stopped on the way out to order a jack and coke and smoke a cigarette. Wow, was I ever let down. I was never so happy to drive her back, as I was that night.

She was living in Seal Beach and I was working in LA. I would call her ever so often just to check in and make sure she was ok. One day, on Cinco de Mayo, I told her that I was working very close to her home and if she wanted, we could meet up and play a little poker. Ashley came to the poker place and we talked. I asked if she was hungry and she said yes. We went to the small cafe to order a burrito and she exploded on me. She raised her voice and was arguing with me and crying. I told her there and then, Ashley, I’m not sure what is wrong with you, but it’s obvious that you need to go get some professional help, either counseling or psychiatric help. It’s not normal to explode over just having a normal conversation. We ended up going to their nice restaurant and I bought her the most expensive steak dinner, on the menu.

After that, we spoke once in a while and messaged each other on Facebook. She spoke to me in such a manner, that you would talk to a hated enemy or someone that you hated. She has so much hate for me and not only no respect, but total absolute disrespect. I told her that I don’t allow anyone to speak to me that way including her. It was then that Ashly unloaded on me saying “I had not been there for her, that I had not paid support for her, I had not provided for her and that all I did was check in every once in a while, that I was no good and she didn’t want me in her life”.

After this, I almost died because my blood pressure shot up to 230 at the hospital emergency room. I had a positive colon cancer test in December 2017 and it later turned out to be a false positive. I messaged Ashley on Facebook and got no response. After I had my colonoscopy, it was found to be a false positive and I was deemed healthy.

I would like to address Ashley’s accusations. Her mother told me that I was the her father, her mother was known to lie to me, no blood test was given, no DNA test was given, and yet I accepted Ashley as my own. To this day, I have no idea whether or not I am her biological father, but I have always treated as If I am.

I was never court ordered to provide for Ashley, yet provide I did. Ashley had her own room at my house, from the day she was born, until I sold it 10 years later. When I built my new house, she also had her own room and private marble bathroom, that I spent many thousands to furnish, including a beautiful canopy bed, a dresser and mattress set with lace linens, all just for her. She received presents on Christmas from the time she was 2 and paid for her and her mother to fly in and stay at not only my home, but our Deer Valley vacation home as well, over the most expensive time of the year, the Christmas holidays. It was costing $3500 per night on a trade I made with the owner of Deer Valley lodging I even paid for her mothers ski pass, all of both of their food and meal, all of their transportation, even wrecking my wifes new BMW 735i which i paid over $4000 to repair, to pick them up in a snowstorm and transport them to Deer Valley.

I maintained a life insurance policy that cost me $89 per month, listing Ashley as the beneficiary, in the amount of $450,000, for 10 years ($10680). I provided child support for her and my ex wife can vouch for this, since she was tasked with sending the checks. Many times I mailed gifts to Ashley for the holidays and I sent her money for her graduation dress.

I flew in to California to take her to dinner and see her graduate. I had to rent a car too do this. I took her on a 2 week vacation to Disneyland and Hawaii. We we went first class, staying in the Disneyland sister hotel where they were able to go early into Disneyland and also treated her to a character breakfast at their themed restaurant. Then we flew to Hawaii and stayed on the top floor of the beachfront Sheraton Waikiki hotel. I had upgraded us to the Presidential Suite. That trip alone cost me $18000 plus the hotel. She was ¼ of that but by the way she tells it, I treated her like a homeless person.

I took her to Disneyland a second time, we stayed at the Sheraton. I took her and her sister to Las Vegas for 2 weeks and when we arrived at the Mirage, they both received huge gift baskets from the Siegfried and Roy store worth $750 each. We stayed in a $500 per night beautiful suite and spent $400 on the dinner alone, on the first night. We ate out every meal at some of the most expensive restaurants, I paid for all of it including the transportation and flight for Ashley. I rented a car for us and I took them to see the Siegfried and Roy show and another show too. I spared no expense on her and even bought her and her sister all day ride passes at the Stratosphere, to ride to the top and all of the rides, including the roller coaster.

Ashley always had an unlimited season pass to Lagoon amusement park every year with the family, that I paid for. When she flew to see me in Wendover, I paid for her room and all of her meals. She has never paid for one thing when she was with me. I never did things on a budget. I paid for her to go camping when she came for the summer vacation, including driving 30 miles back to town for her forgotten tampons. Of course we stopped and got snacks on the way and all of it was paid by me. Every time I took her to dinner, I paid for all of it including not only the tip, but the transportation too.

I took her school shopping and paid for some new clothes for her as well, but all of this is forgotten by her. This is not to mention the countless hours I spent with Ashley, playing, gaming and living. I treated Ashley with love and respect. I never yelled, screamed, hit or disrespected her. I gave her not only my hard earned money, but my time and my love. What did I get in return? I’ll tell you what I got in return, complaining, loathing, hate, resistance, disrespect and pain.

As for only checking in with her, every time we spoke she was negative and distant. It was if I were speaking to someone I didn’t know, for the first time. When we were together, she was complaining and bitching most of the time. She was unappreciative of the things I did for her and spent her time on her phone, with someone else. She continually teased her sister until it made her trips with us, pretty much unbearable.

Later when I was divorced, she was just the same, all about Ashley, and nothing about me. I can’t recall her doing anything that benefited me. When I was younger than her, I was trying to help my mom and dad, not Ashley, it was all about her. She’s a narcissist in the worst way and can only think of herself. I was nothing but kind and loving to her her entire life and yet she has treated me with not only no respect, but total disrespect. She was so abusive towards her sister and myself, that I found it difficult to spend time with her.

Her bad habits are degrading to the way she was brought up and the vile foul words that come out of her mouth, tarnish the upbringing we demonstrated with her. Yes, I only checked in every few months in hope that she would come around, but she never did. I didn’t need more blow ups with someone so unstable. I would rather have zero contact with Ashley, than be treated the way Ashley has treated me. It’s not what you say, but how you say it. I don’t allow anyone to scream and abuse me, I have incurred enough of that growing up by my father.

Ashley blames me for all of her life’s problems and shows me so much disrespect, until Ashley seeks some serious professional help and makes some meaningful changes, with respect to how she views and treats me, I cannot see us maintaining any type of relationship. As her father, I will always have love for her and I wish her good luck, much success and best wishes!

One last thing for those reading this story, I was forced to learn a very valuable lesson, only it’s too late in my life to change If only someone had set down with me and explained this to me in detail, my life today, would be a much different.

Don’t sleep with anyone that you wouldn’t want to spend your entire life with. Unless you want to have children, don’t sleep with anyone including the one you married, without a condom. Don’t ever trust the word of the person you are sleeping with, married or unmarried. when push comes to shove, you will have no rights. Always request and carry our a DNA test. This alone could change your life and give you peace of mind..

I have accept my mistakes in my life, but it has been a very difficult life to endure. I was manipulated and held hostage by other persons, into doing what they wanted me to do, instead of living my life the way I wanted to.